everything going down the ...

[polexia]

toilet... thats how it feels right now. the last week has been so hard for me, having to deal with something that was hard for me to hear, and to deal with.. and to day the woman i rent my apt. from told me that she and her husband has to sell this apt, and the one they live in, cause they can't live where they live now... and i TOTALY love this place, i love it here. its perfect. i have a great view, great speace, great rooms, and *arrrrgh* now i have to move with in 2 months(give and take some days/weeks)

its so typical that stuff like this happens...

last monday my little brother told me that about a year or so ago, he was driving around on this motorway, for 6 hours, looking for a place to kill himself... and just the thought of that makes me cry.. i think about it constantly and i just can't stop crying over that, how close i have come t losing him without even knowing. i mena i knew he was i trouble but... that low. on the up side, now i know that all the times i dicided i was going to keep going was worth it... that i have a use and a purpose... i don't know, maybe taht sounds odd

on 11th of may 2002 my lil bro and older bro had a car accident, wher they crashed into a cable box going 160km/h down a road wher the limit is 60km/h. and the car was totaled, luckely they both were fien, and the other day it was 3 years ago... and my lil brother and lil sis, almost crashed in the exact same spot... my mom had driven past right after it happend and she had started crying.

i'm so sorry to be posting this here! but i just needed to tell someone, who doesn't know my brother, since i don't want anyone in his close groupe of fam and friends to know... but i'm just so.... right now everything is so sureal(sp?)
does anyone have any advice how to handle this.. like to calm dsown, and maybe even deal with it... or even some kind words?

hugs Polexia!!!

 

[Frenchy Faith]

Aww Pol, I'm sorry to hear that life's a bitch with you lately. *hugs* for ya. I'm not good at this so I don't really know what to say...
You know, a friend of mine was almost run over by a car once... she told me that for a moment after that she was like that's a bad day & things like that.. but finally she realized it actually wasn't since she was alive.
I know it's hard to see the great point when everything seems so f*cked up, but in what you say, I can see them sort of... your brothers and sisters are alive! That's wonderful, I mean, it is terrible that they were so close to death but in the end they are alive! Maybe they have great Guardian Angel, maybe it's chance, or luck... but the thing is they are with you still. Just maybe avoid the bad spot if it's possible.
I'm sorry about your house too... the only thing I can think of is that you may find an even greater house & meet great people in the new place you will live in. That's an occasion for discovery.. even though I know it's very very hard to leave beloved places.

Well, finally I had things to say... don't know if it'll cheer you up but I tried... here is another one to end this post & take care of yourself 🙂 :
:big:

 

[polexia]

thank you FF! 🙂 the hugs and warme thoughts herlped alot!!! 🙂 and you are right, they are alive. i haven't losted them 😀 and yeah it will prob leed me to something new and exiting, this whole thing with my house.

i belive in guardian angels, well my bother when he was in the crash 3 years ago, he got away from it with a cut in his head and a cut on his arm... he and our older brother was SO LUCKY(!!!).. my lil brother accualy told us that it felt like somone was holding him when it happend, like something was wraped around him when they crashed. i believe that. I do NOT doubt it. thank you once again Faithy, thank you.


🙂

 

[Xander]

I don't think there is a set way of handling this, no sure fire thing. You just have to try and carry on. By the sounds of it your brother isn't exactly having the best time either so show him that he can share his emotions and hes not the only one who is having problems (Im not trying to say he'll be thinking "Urgh, nobody knows what its like to hurt", just be there for him). While im not too close to my brothers I feel siblings can be one of the closest bonds you can have in life. Maybe do something small but nice, why don't you and him go out for the day, shopping or to the cinema or something?

 

[Joamna]

I'm really sorry for you. Sounds like you have a lot going on in your mind right now, and that is never easy. I kind of know how it is to be close to loosing someone, and the thought of that can sometimes almost make me paralyzed and it's so hard to avoid thinking about it, but the best thing is probably to think about that the person is alive, and try to be there and supporting that person, do something nice together.

Sorry about the apartment too, moving from places you love is never easy, but you never know, you might get somthing really good out of it, maybe you will move somewhere and get to know some really nice neighbours or something like that..

Of course you needed to tell someone, It can be nice to have someone from outside of your family and nearest friends to tell sometimes.

 

[polexia]

ash: thank you!! 🙂 my family is really screwed up.. but my siblings and i have some how managed to stay close, or accualy grow close. thank you for the advice, i think i'll try and do that, do something to gether with him, or have him come visit me( we don't live in the same town now though 🙁) he accualy started to see a psycologist last week, which i really think he needed, someone who is not personaly invoà¸ved in his life, and with the people or events that bothers him, i found that helpful as well, i started seeing a psycologist back in march, been super helpful... and you've been helpful. thanx a bunch ash!! ::heart::

Time: thank you! i try and talk to my brother and sister as often as i can, i call them and i MSN with them... i hope they feel it helps 🙂! yeah, it really is so bad with the apt. deal.. luckely my boyf came home after i posted this thread yesterday, and he made things alot better, he is kinda in shoke as well, but made sme calls to his parents and asked for advise, my mom called me and was very helpful and dad told me that he'd help with what we needed(moving, washing the apt etc...) so i feel a bit better about it..

yeah it really is nice to have someone , close frinds to tell.. the first person i talk to was my bestf... she was so suportyive, it was comforting! 🙂 talking about iyt like this aswell is also pretty comforting! so thank you!, time, ash and FF for the greta advice and kind words! you hav ehelped me a bunch!( :star0: )

 

[eponinethen]

Yea, I can't add much to what the other posters have said but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry polexia and I really hope things will get better and stuff... Well, of course they will, but you know what I mean... About your brother... I once found out that a very close friend of mine tried to kill herself, that was a couple of weeks after it happened but then I found out the same thing, about a year after, with another friend... I know what you feel like and that is not the most pleasant feeling, it's pretty horrible and it's so hard to just find out such stuff... Anyways, really, hugs and lots of thoughts from me too 🙂 ... / Epo

 

[Xin Rong]

I kind ofknow what your going through, my best friend rang me telling me she was going to kill herself and wantedto say goodbye, I felt so guilty about being so wrapped up in all the bad stuff in my life which meant I had ignored her problems but we made it through and managed to sort out all the crap in our lifes, and although we still have relatively depressing lives we know we can pull through and know in the end we ok. You just have to have faith and look to the future, at least thats what works for me and my friends.

Sorry for everything your going through, If i can do anything to help let me know or if you just need someone to talk to I'm here and I'm sure loads of others here will be there for you to.

 

[SpikedBuffy]

Wow, I'm sorry to read all the junk that's been happening to you lately, Polexia! Hopefully things work out for you!

Feel free to pm me if you need to talk! I'm a good listener. And also, keep ranting and expressing things to us! Hopefully we'll make you feel better.

 

[buffetofsporks]

Yeah, life can get pretty messed up sometimes. I've recently found out that three of my closest friends tried to commit suicide at one point or another. For me, it made me feel almost guilty. At that patricular time I was high on life. I have extremely high self-esteem, I'm relatively well-liked at school, and I have amazing friends. It made me think that I was the one in the wrong. I was sucking all the happy from people. But I soon realized that it had nothing to do with me, and I focused mainly on trying to get those individuals away from their dark places.

I'm especially sorry about your situation, but you have to remember to see the good in the situation. Fortunately, your whole family is still together. Luckily, you all can move on from this dire situation and maybe even grow from it. I wish you luck.