Fave Xander quotes?

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#1 Lindsey Fan

Lindsey/Faith shipper
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What are some of your favorite Xander quotes? I have a lot but I narrowed it down to these:

Xander: "So, how goes the slaying?"
Buffy: "I killed something in a convent last night."
Xander: "In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us all about the killing, Buff."
Buffy: "Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Ooh! But I met a nun, and she let me try on her wimple."
Xander: "Okay, now we're back to frightening."
Xander: "Anya, you wanna help me with that thing?"
Anya: "Xander needs help with his thing!"
Xander: "There's so many things I remember. Seeing Dawn... hanging with her... listening to Buffy complain about her. Mostly that last one. How could it be that all those things never really happened?"
Giles: "Well, it takes some getting used to. The idea of a... bright fourteen-year-old actually being living energy thousands of years old."
Xander: "I'm guessing some kind of super-powerful in her raw form."
Giles: "People have killed, died for it... summoned armies to control the key."
Xander: "You know, uh... she kinda has a crush on me."
Giles: "Your point being?"
Xander: "Well nothing, no, uh... just saying, powerful being... big energy gal digging the Xan-man. Some guys are just cooler, you know?"
Willow: Are you okay?
Xander: Tip-top, really. If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it.

Xander:Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
Faith:Yeah. That was real manly how you shrieked and all.
Xander: I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.
 

Xander: "You know, uh... she kinda has a crush on me."
Giles: "Your point being?"
Xander: "Well nothing, no, uh... just saying, powerful being... big energy gal digging the Xan-man. Some guys are just cooler, you know?"
Click to expand...


Nice!! Giles actually showed a little sign of jealousy there. I think that Xander is the king of quotes! It'd take me all to day just to come up with nearly half of all the funny ones. Anyway, here's a couple from Pangs:

Spike : Oh, someone put a stake in me.
Xander : You got a lot of volunteers in here.

Spike : You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander : Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... Some of that made sense.
 
Can we narrow it down to say, Season 1? I digress so, here is my favs...

Xander: So, Buffy how did they slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: Sorry. I meant how did the "laying" go last night? Sorry...I didn't mean that either...

--Never Kill a Boy on the First Date


Oh man! It's Nazi Germany out here, and I have Playboys in my locker!

--Gingerbread

Xander: (sarcastically) This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my
friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?

--Lie to Me


Xander: (dripping with sarcasm) Ooo, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!

--The Dark Age

Xander: Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flying. Were there whores?
Buffy: He was alone.
Xander: Give it time.

--Dark Age

Xander: Hey! Angel's our friend. Except I don't like him!

--What's My Line II

Willow: (reading the monitor) 'Witches: Historic Roots to
Modern Practice.' Checked out by Alexander Harris.
Buffy: (reading also) 'The Pagan Rites', checked out by Alexander...
Xander: Alright, alright, it's not what you think.
Willow: You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?
Xander: Oh, well, uh, I-I guess it *is* what you think.

--The Witch

Xander: Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.

--The Witch

Mr. Whitmore: S-E-X. Sex. The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?
Xander: Yes! (raises his hand and nods) Mm-hm.
Mr. Whitmore: That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll.

--Bad Eggs


Amy: Oh, I don't know, Xander. Intent has to be pure with love spells.
Xander: Right. I intend revenge. Pure as the driven snow.

--Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

Xander: Well, would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? 'Cause I find that very comforting.

--- BBandB

Xander: Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas.

--Faith, Hope and Trick

Xander: Excuse me. Playboys. Can we turn the sympathy this way?

--Gingerbread

XANDER: (V.O.) What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4 times 5 is thirty. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked Women! Naked Buffy! Oh stop me!

--Earshot

SNYDER: Where are you heading?
XANDER: Well, I'm supposed to meet Tara and Willow. And possibly Buffy's mom.

--Restless

WILLOW: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids.
XANDER: (sitting, eating a donut). Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master...
Everyone gives him a strange look.
XANDER: ...bator.

--Buffy v. Dracula

XANDER: See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince...
Everyone gives him a strange look.
XANDER(con't): ...bator.

--Buffy v. Dracula

XANDER: (stopped talking Reinfeld-like)Where is he?? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?
BUFFY: He's gone.
XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!

Buffy v. Dracula
 
I like all the quotes that Xander says. I loved mostly his first season quotes. Fresh and new.
 
LoL

These are great. Xander is probably my second favourite character.
 
Willow: "Well, why don't we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens."
Giles: "I'd like to veto that."
Xander: "Second. It's called a blaster, Will, a word that tends to
discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the Orgazmater, I'd be the first to try your basic button press approach."

--This Year's Girl
 
Buffy v. Dracula had tons of Great Xander Quotes. His Reinfeld just cracks me up everytime I see it!!! I still don't why none of these people win awards....
 
"The more people who know, the more it cheapens it for the rest of us"
---Passion
"Check it out. They put cheese on round bread. It's gonna be big."
---Real Me
 
Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins, May all lesser cretins bow before me(Witch)

Xander:Oh dorkhead, you slash me with your words.(Whats my Line Part 2)

Xander:Can I be blind too?(Something Blue)

Xander: I've been saying for years the lunchlady's gonna do us all in with that mulligan stew, I mean what the hell is a mulligan?(Earshot)

Xander: And for the record, you were right, I'm a idiot. (Teachers Pet)

Xander: I don't know about you but i'm going to trade my cow in for some beans.(gingerbread)

Xander: I'm sorry my life or death situation isn't exciting enough for you!(The Zeppo)

Jack O'Toole: I like you.
Xander: Yay? (The Zeppo)
 
I love all his quotes but my favorites are...

I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away. (Even though he doesnt do that any more)

and

All the Buffy vs. Dracula quotes...
 
Xander: This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys.

Xander: Excuse me, but have you ever heard of knocking?
Jonathon: We're supposed to get some books. On Stalin.
Xander: Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?
Giles: This is a school library, Xander.
Xander: Since when?

Xander: And on the day the words "flimsy excuse" were redefined, we stood in awe and watched.

Xander: You were trying to stake yourself.
Spike: Fag off! It's no concern of yours.
Xander: Is too. For one thing that's my shirt your about to dust. For another, we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.
Willow: Xander!
Xander: What? He wants to die I want to help.
 
Xander is the funniest on this add I saw it had titles for everyone like "the slayer" and "the witch" and "the key" and guess wat xander got? Suprise, suprise "the smart-alec" he is the funniest!! here is one of my favourites:


Buffy-bot: Spikes mine, who's straddling spike
Buffy: Oh my god!
Xander: And so say all of us
Buffy-bot: Say look at you, you look just like me, were very pretty
Willow: two of them
Xander: Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy
Buffy: n o she's a robot, she acts just like that girlfriend-bot that warren guy got, you guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot?
Buffy-bot: Oh I don't think I'm a robot
Anya: She's very well done
Xander: Spike must have had her built so he could program her
Buffy: Oh god
Willow: Yikes! The things-

Spike: Oh it's you
Xander: I saw you in the cemetery with Buffy
Spike: Yea? I can't see that it is any businesses of yours
Xander: It is my business because Buffy is my friend, and she's gone through some stuff lately that well it's affected her and your taking advantage of her
Spike: She's upset about her mom and if she turns to me for comfort well I'm no going to deny it to her, I'm not a monster
Xander: Yes you are a monster, vampires are monsters, and they make monster movies about them
Spike: Well yea, you got me there.
Xander: (pushes him against the wall) Spike, Buffy has lots of friends and we love her very much and we'll do what ever it takes to protect her, now if that means killing you then well that'ss just a bonus


--Intervention--

Xander: How you doing? I know the feeling
Willow: I'm afraid I'm going to start to cry again.
Anya: Xander cried at the apartment, it was weird
Willow: Yea, it's a thing we do
Anya: What's going to happen?
Willow: Well I guess were going to meet them at the morgue
Tara: Giles said that he was going to go with Joyce and Buffy was going to the school to tell dawn.
Xander: God.
Tara: Do you know how to, how to get there?
Xander: Yea, It's at the hospital it's a wing; we do morgue time in the Scooby-gang.
Willow: I have to change
Xander: What else did Giles say?
Tara: Not a lot.
Xander: are they sure this was natural? I mean glory.
Tara: Giles was pretty sure that it wasn't her.
Xander: I mean, she says she was going to come after buffy's family.
Tara: I don't thin-
Xander: I mean we should be going after her, I mean she could have done it and covered her tracks
Willow: Why would she? She would want us to know.
Xander: I'll tell you what it is, It's the freaking doctors, I mean they just let her out you know, clean bill of health, dig a hole in your skull, here's a ban-aid, next!
Willow: Xander.
Xander: they should have checked her over, they should have had her in, we don't have enough monsters in this town the doctors gotta help them out.
Willow: Xander, I don't think it was, anyone, it just happened.
Xander: Things don't happen; I mean they don't just happen, somebody's I mean, somebody's got.
Willow: Ok lets go, come-on you and me, come-on.
Xander: You know I can't take you
Willow: Damn straight.
Anya: are we going to see the body?
Willow: What?
Anya: Are we going to be in the room with the dead body?
Willow: I dunno, no
Tara: But I guess we should take over patrolling and that
Xander: yea
Willow: oh yea
Tara: for however long
Willow: I can't wear this, I really should have the other, Joyce liked it so...
Tara: do you think you could have left it in the laundry room?
Willow: Maybe
Tara: I'll go check; uh I'll just be one minute
Xander: Were cool
Anya: Are they going to cut the body open?
Willow: Oh my god, will you just stop talking, just shut your mouth, please
Anya: What am I doing?
Willow: How can you act like that?
Anya: Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? Is that the helpful thing to do?
Xander: Guys.
Willow: The way you behave.
Anya: nobody will tell me
Willow: because it's not ok for you to be asking these things.
Anya: But I don't understand, I don't understand how this all happens how we go through this. I mean I knew her and then she's, there is just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it, and not be dead anymore it's stupid, it's mortal and stupid. And Xander's crying and not talking, and and I was having fruit punch and thought that Joyce will never have fruit punch, ever, and she will never have eggs or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no-one will explain to me, why??
Willow: We don't know how it works, why?

(Xander smashes his hands into the wall)

Xander: Sorry, sorry, some pint-up
Willow: xander, where did your hand go?
Xander: as I was saying, some frustration, and now I uh, appear to be stuck.
Anya: My god, Is your hand ok?
Xander: Pretty much, I'm really sorry.
Anya: You could have hit an electric, thing.
Xander: and once again, with the sorry
Willow: Did it make you feel better?
Xander: for a second there.
Willow: A whole second?
Xander: in my defense, some crappy wall-men ship.
Willow: Yea you can hear everything that happens next-door.
Tara: (walks in) Did I miss something?
Anya: Xander decided that he blames the wall.
Willow: Can you turn your wrist?
Xander: Hold on (brings his hand out covered in blood) It's ok (stares at his hand)

--The body--

Xander: 1962,
Julie: Yes
Xander: just you know, Impressing you with my knowledge of local history, or my knowledge of reading.
Julie: And you didn't even have to sound anything out.

Xander: (to anya) if we grow old together, remind me to skip the mid-year crises.
Willow: Come on you have to admit, it was kinda sexy.
Xander: Please stop saying that.

--where the wild thing are--

Xander: There's something you don't see everyday, unless your us

Xander: Ayn, how about you start being a bit less pregrative and a bit more inclusive, not us, just you
Anya: Fine! I'm going to make those fogies by things

Xander: and that's cool too, what ever you chose you've got my support just think me as"¦.as your "¦.. You know I'm searching for supportive things and I'm coming up all bras, so something slightly manly, think of me as that, seriously, what ever you need.

-- Tough Love--
 
I wont bother....it would take way too long!!! Let's just sum it up as....I love every word that comes out of him mouth!
 
He's had some d@mn good ones. I love all of the Buffy VS Dracula best but there was one no one mentioned. Sorry if it's not word for word but it was something like this...
"Sometimes I think of two girls doing a spell and then I go do a spell by myself."
 
XANDER~I'm feeling that you're not in the field trip spirit.
BUFFY~Well it...it's nothing.We did the same zoo trip at my old school every year.Same old,same old.
X~Buffy, this is not just about looking at a bunch of animals. This is about not being in class!
B~You know ,your right.Suddenly the animals look shiny and new.
X~Gotta have perspective.
~The pack~

XANDER~They're gonna make her dinner!
~?~

XANDER~There's a party in my eyesocket and everyones invited!Sometimes I shouldn't speak.
~Buffy's last episode~

XANDER~Hey that's my friend your talking about!
LARRY~Yeah?What are you going to do about it?
XANDER~I'm gonna do what any man would do about it.
Something...damn manly
~HALLOWEEN RAYNE~

XANDER~Can I be blind too?
also
XANDER~I know something...what do I know...think!
~SOMETHING BLUE~
 
Okay heres one...

Xander:Cordelia Chase everyone..Fameous for her line of hooker wear!
Cordy:Oh gee Xander!I could dress more like you.But wait...My father has a job!
Xander😀ont think I am gonna waste a perfectly good comeback on you!!!But its day will come...Oh yea!



I have alot more, but it isnt coming to me at the moment!
 
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