Favorite funny quotes?

B

BeefChickenPie

Geek Trio wannabe
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Dec 27, 2002
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5. Potential
Andrew (to Dawn): Want to play Dragon Ball Z?

4. Innocence
Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man!
It's Cordelia! Remember? The, the 'We Hate Cordelia' club, of which you are the treasurer.

3. Earshot
Xander: What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me!
Buffy: God, Xander, is that ALL you think about?
Xander: Actually... Bye!

2. Hush
Anya: This isn't a relationship; you don't need me! All you care about is lots of orgasms.
Xander: OK, remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends; go on.

1. Entropy
Andrew Wow... Spike is so awesome.. Oh. And the girl is hot too.
 
Killed By Death

Cordy: "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."

my all time favourite Cordelia quote!
 
Basically ever piece of dialogue from "Something Blue." Now that is hillarious. And some lines in "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered."
 
"I Robot...You, Jane."

Giles: "Well, it's been nice talking to you -"
Jenny: "We were fighting."
Giles: "- and we must do it again sometime. Bye now."


"Welcome to the Hellmouth."

Willow: "We're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up."
Buffy: "How come?"
Willow: "He stole my Barbie. We were five."


"Phases."

Willow: "So I'd still if you'd still."
Oz: "I'd still. I'd very still."
Willow: "Okay. No biting, though."

Willow: "I like you. You're nice, and you're funny and you don't smoke, and okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either."
 
"Phases."

Willow: "So I'd still if you'd still."
Oz: "I'd still. I'd very still."
Willow: "Okay. No biting, though."

Willow: "I like you. You're nice, and you're funny and you don't smoke, and okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either."
Click to expand...

<SWOOOOOOON>

I have laundry to fold....I think I'll treat myself to Phases while I do it! 😀
 
Buffy- "I'm trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here, Do you understand that? Your gonna die! And the only hope you have of surviving is to get out of this pit right now and, MY GOD, COULD YOU HAVE A DORKIER OUTFIT?!---Lie To Me--

Xander- "That's it. This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like a man. And Hide!"--Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered--

Buffy- "Oh, Will! You're supposed to to use your powers for good!"--Ted--

Willow- "Don't warn the Tadpoles!"--What's My Line Pt.1--

Willow- "I'm a rebel"--School Hard--

Cordelia- "Darn, I have Cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew you were gonna be digging up dead people sooner; I would have canceled"--Some Asembly Required--

Cordy- "God, What is your childhood trauma?"--Welcome To Hellmouth--

Xander- "Is murder always a crime?"--WML pt.1--

and so many more! I'll have to write them later!
 
Here are a few of my faves:

"Hello! Gay Now!" ~ Willow in Triangle

"Spike : Oh, someone put a stake in me.

Xander : You got a lot of volunteers in here.

Spike : I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody indians.

Buffy : Uh, the preferred term--

Spike : You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story." ~ Pangs

"Snyder: (smiling hugely) Hey, gang! (puts his arms around the girls'
shoulders) This place is Fun City, huh? (laughs)

Buffy: Principal Snyder?

Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just a last name, like... (trying to be cool)
Barbarino.

He lets go of the girls and pumps his arms and fists around wildly.
Willow leans slightly away from him.

Snyder: Ooh! I'm so stoked!

Willow has no idea what to make of this. Snyder comes back down from his
outburst and lets out a breath.

Snyder: Hey, did you see Ms. Barton? I think she's wasted.

Snyder: I'm gonna have to put that in her next performance review
'cause... (smiles) 'cause I'm the principal! (laughs)" ~ Band Candy

"Whoa! There are some foxy ladies here tonight!" ~Snyder in Band Candy

"Buffy: (Excitedly) Spike and I are getting married!

Xander: (Baffled) How? What? How?

Giles: Three excellent questions." ~ Something Blue

That's just a few of them. Hope you all enjoyed them.

Cate
 
There's so many funny quotes. Andrew's "Wanna play Dragon Ball Z?" was of course hilarious, but here's two I really like:

"Willow.. gay me up! Let's gay!" -- Xander

"..dorkhead "
"Ooh.. dorkhead! You slash me with your words!" -- Xander and Cordy
 
Y'know, it's really hard to single out one quote, but this one makes me laugh. Xander, of course:

Xander: "When it's dark, and I'm all alone, and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think - "What would Buffy do?" You're my hero. Okay, sometimes when it's dark, and I'm all alone, I'd think, 'What is Buffy wearing?'"

Buffy: "Can that be one of those things you never, ever tell me about?"

--Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Freshman
 
Season One
Xander: 'So Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?'
Buffy: 'Xander!'
Xander: 'I mean, how'd the laying go last night? No,wait, I don't mean that either."-Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
'If the Apocalypse comes, beep me.' - Buffy -Never Kill A Boy On The First Date
'You're like textbook with arms. I know all this.' - Buffy-Welcome to the Hellmouth
'The Earth is doomed.' -Giles-Welcome To The Hellmouth
 
Basically everything that comes out of Xander's and Spike's mouth.
There is just too many to name.
 
I thought season two's episode Halloween was really funny especially Willow and Cordy.
Willow: 'Okay your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're a high school student and we'er your friends. Well, sort of.'
Cordelia: 'That's nice Willow. And you went mental when?'
 
my fave quotes are:
2x06: halloween:
"a demon, a demon"-buffy screams before hiding behind willow
"that's a car"-willow
"what does it want?"- buffy

2x21 or 2x22: becoming
"The whole earth may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big 'ho?
Well, let me take this opportunity to not care."-- buffy

3x20: the prom:
"Mr.Giles, i'd like your opinion.
the last thing i wuld want to do is to model bad behavior infront of impressinable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would...."-wes
"For God sakes man, she's 18. And you have the emotional maturety of a blueberry scone.
just have at it, and stop fluttering around"-Giles
"right the...." -wes

other quotes from here and there:

"You were looking at my neck." -Xander
"What?" -Angel
"You were checking out my neck, I saw that." -Xander
"No, I wasn't." -Angel
"Just keep your distance, pal." -Xander
"I wasn't looking at your neck." -Angel
"I told you to eat before we left."-Xander

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one."-Angel
"Could you not call me that?"-Xander
 
I have LOADS, probably too many, they're all Anya ones, so I'll just do two from Dopplegangland. Both Willow.

Willow: Im eating this banana now! Lunch time be damned!

She cracks me up, EVERYTIME I hear that! lol!
And, when they're outside the Bronze, Willow looks down, and says:

'Geez, look at those'

LMAO! I love Willow! lol!
 
Xander: You were looking at my neck.
Angel: What?
Xander: You were checking out my neck! I saw that!
Angel: No, I wasn't!
Xander: Just keep your distance, pal.
Angel: I wasn't looking at your neck!
Xander: I told you to eat before we l


Andrew: Want to play Dragon Ball Z?


Buffy-Bot: You are my best friend, you are gay


Angelus: Defy who? A big scary voice? Whoa! Hey, I got one of those, too. You wanna hear it?.You can kiss my vampire ass!.That do anything for ya?


Drugged vamp: Dude, whatever you're on...I'll give you the girl for a gram.


Besatmaster Angelus!
Angelus: Volume!
Beastmaster: I am not well pleased!
Angelus: I am not well deaf.


Angelus:Yeah, what're you gonna do, huh? Give me a migraine?


Angelus: Line!


Angelus: Why are people always riding off and leaving me? Am I a bad bloke"¦?


Angelus: Hey! Who's a guy gotta kill to get a drink around here?!


Angelus: And now my boy's in love"¦ all hearts and flowers. But doesn't it freak you out that she used to change your diapers? I mean, when you think about it, the first woman you boned is the closest thing you've ever had to a mother. Doing your mom and trying to kill your dad"¦ hmm, there should be a play.


Faith: Dude, you just rescued a puppy.
Angelus: I'm in hell. This is hell, and I'm in it.

Angelus: I have things to do,friends to kill


Angelus: Oh! Don't tell me! The rousing stiff upper lip speech. Rah-rah! Good over evil! Do what must be done! Hang in there, Kitten, it's almost Friday! Is that what the scraggly little ponce armed you with to fight the big bad bogeyman?

Angelus:In all my years, I never killed a famous person before. But with no witnesses, hey, who's going to believe me? Maybe we could take a picture. I know! We'll do it like we did back in the day. I'll keep your head on a stick as proof.... well... pike!


Angel: We'll get trought this. Vampire niker gang? They're the easy part. What i'm scared of is all the questions. Why is the sky blue? Why do people get sick? Why is there always pig's blood in the fridge? I don't have all the answers. Well, I for that last one...


Buffy: Actually I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. Likes it when I call him 'daddy'
Angel: Oh, your father,...it is your father, right?


Cordy:She's got the big puppy love. I mean, who wouldn't? You're handsome, and brave, and heroic, emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil and, lets face it, a eunuch.
Angel: Hey, how can you... I'm not a eunuch.
Cordy: Angel, it's just a figure of speech.
Angel: Find a better one.
 
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