Doppelgang
Always Believe
Hi, this is a first attempt at a fiction of this kind, the idea came from what people have said on here about being upset about the way Anya was killed off so abruptly, and I thought I'd try and write a story to give her a bit of a better send off, based on an idea I had for a context for the story.
Any criticism of stylistic points is welcome, and of any inconsistencies between the story and BTVS canon.
I'm going to post the first two chapters, then another two, and then there should be another two approximately although I havn't written them yet so I'll see how it goes, hope you enjoy reading it 🙂
Title: Final Moments
Pairing: Anya/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Other Characters: Olaf, D'hoffryn, Halfrek, Spike
Beta: none
Summary: Anya, in the highschool rubble at the end of season 7, is not dead, but trapped and struggling to get out, how will this struggle play out.
Notes: The basic concept is a what if, what if Anya was still alive for a few final moments on her own in the school? What would her thought processes have been, and what might have happened.
Having drifted in and out of consciousness several times, having made a few futile attempts to shout out for help but with no audible sounds being made over and above the clamour of falling debris around her, Anya made one last determined effort to focus her energy on her old reliable power of teleportation. She had chosen to leave the vengeance behind her, in favour of a life as a regular human being, and so she had had to forgo all the demon powers she once possessed: of granting wishes for vengeance, immortality, and of course let's not forget, teleportation. But she retained a memory of how to teleport, and so she focused all her energy on it for one last effort, one last attempt to get herself out from underneath the debris and the remains of sunnydale high school mark 2.
"Come on Aud", Anya said to herself, recalling past happy times when everything in her life fit together much more neatly and she knew what her role and place in this world was, "get your act together, you used to be able to teleport like it was nothing, nothing I say." "So I forfeited my powers, abandoned D'hoffryn and my demon heritage, it doesn't change what I am or what I'm capable of, don't look to the light, nothing but bunnies there I bet, visualise where you want to go and go there, it's really quite simple." So she squirmed and she struggled, she stared right ahead, she closed her eyes and imagined herself somewhere else. She blinked her eyes, she clicked her fingers, she tensed her whole body in anticipation, on the verge of giving up, when something strange happened, she found herself floating away effortlessly from the rubble, slowly at first and then speeding away seemingly racing through the ground.
At first she could distinguish details, but then it all became blurred and she started to become dizzy, the pain and unbearable heat were gone, only to be replaced by a feeling of vertigo and helplesness. She didn't know when it would stop but she was sure it would be one hell of a bump when it did, though she was surprised once more as things gradually slowed down to a stop and she found herself lying on a cold stony floor in a darkened place almost like a cave.
An initial gleeful feeling of success was soon cut short by the concern as to where she had found herself. She had teleported, but to where? certainly not to where she had been visualising. And something else didn't seem quite right, teleportation was normally a pretty much instantaneous deal, not an underground roller coaster ride. "Maybe not such a successful teleportation", Anya thought, "maybe I have died, floated away from my body, and I have come here to face judgment for my past".
Feelings of triumph turned to a feeling of frustration. "Is this the worst you can throw at me God?" Anya demanded, her voice echoing round the cave, "Emptiness, darkness, surely I deserve much more pain and anguish for all that I have done. I would expect much worse than this god, I demand an explanation. Give me something to fight against and I will prove to you that I am good now. Don't just leave me on my own like this, stranded, destitute, I have no energy to go any further, please put me out of my misery."
Then from the darkness, Anya heard a voice, "Oh Anyanka, do not be so hasty", said D'hoffryn "you are not in the prescence of god, you have not come to meet your final judgment, you have merely come home to your true family."
"D'hoffryn, is that you?", Anya queried suspiciously
"Yes it is I, Anyanka, we have grabbed you back in your moment of dire need, we responded to your call, and we now have grand plans for you in which there will be plenty of time to wreak vengeance on that god of the world up above who you were just cursing". "What did that god do for you Anyanka? He tempted you into dreams of love and happiness only to snatch them away from you. He tormented you, and frustrated your one and ownely human desire, to be loved. And then at the end of it all, he leaves you to be crushed and die, whilst your friends go away unscathed. Such a god must be taught a lesson, and that is what we are all about Anyanka, you can be a great example in our mission to show that god's justice is not justice at all, we should hand out justice ourselves, not leave it to beings that can quite happily leave us to die."
"But no, I don't want vengeance anymore, it was just frustration I was venting", insisted Anya "I fought alongside them right to the end, I still love Xander despite all that happened, I am glad to have helped them, I don't want to undo my good work and go back to my demon past. That is all long gone and I will not go back to it, so please just let me go, I did not call for your assistance I merely tried to teleport myself away from the wreck of the high school."
"Come on now Anyanka! We cannot just let you go, you have tarnished our demon name enough already, this is not a choice between being a demon again and just being a regular human, it is a choice between living and dying. Make your choice, pledge your allegiance to us for a 1000 years or we will place you back from where we grabbed you and you will have a mere matter of seconds left to live." D'hoffryn demanded.
"Okay then, I choose them." Anya asserted decisively
D'hoffryn was taken aback by this immediate assertive response, he thought for a second that maybe she had indeed changed as she said, but quickly composed himself, "As you wish Anyanka, but remember my warning to you when you asked me to undo your last wish as a vengeance demon - Be patient: from beneath you it devours - I will leave your fate in the hands of the god of that world above the ground now, and believe me when I say to you, they don't have a very nice future planned for you."
"Thankyou D'hoffryn, I will take my chances up there, something will come to my aid I am sure, I believe in myself now, I don't need to cling to you or anyone else. And anyway, a few seconds of trust and love up there is worth much more than a thousand years of distrust and vengeance down here."
"Very well, very well Anyanka, oh it is such a shame to lose one with such prospects and spirit as yourself, but it is done." Exclaimed D'hoffryn, and with these words he dissapeared in a burst of light, Anya was violently lifted away and back racing through the ground to the rubble remains of sunnydale high school. The darkness and emptiness were gone, replaced by blistering pain, heat and panic.
Anya, back trapped in the rubble of sunnydale high school tried to think fast, what to do, how to get out of here? It was too late to call for help, her friends had long gone. She focused once more trying to teleport herself merely a few feet, just so she could be standing and make an attempt to run for it. Heavy debris was falling all around her and she could be struck a final blow at any point.
But try as she may she couldn't do it, "Can't even teleport yourself a few lousy feet Anyanka, its no use" she muttered to herself. Just then she was struck once more by falling debris. She screamed out in pain, and in frustation at her helplesness, "maybe D'hoffryn was right", she thought, but she didn't think much longer because the pain was too much for her mind to bear and so she drifted out of consciousness once more.
(Flashback)
"Olaf", exclaimed Anya "What are you doing to the poor bunnies?", he was gathering them all up into a big wooden cage ready to take them away. "We were going to give them to the neighbours to spread goodwill".
"Oh Aud, that was a crazy idea, up there with your other crazy schemes, I am taking them away, they are a nuisance."
"But, we havn't even tried Olaf, it may have brought the whole community together."
"No it wouldn't my prescious Aud, it would have made them bloodthirsty for more gifts, and we would have ended up with nothing left to give them and be the laughing stock of the town"
"You and your wonderful social reputation", Anya bursted out in sarcasm, "Who cares if other people laught at us. What about your relations with Rannveig, what if everyone knew what you were up to, what would happen to your social reputation then?"
Anya continued as Olaf looked askance, "First you take my love for you for granted, now you are taking away the bunnies.."
"Bah", bellowed Olaf, "all you ever think about nowadays is bunnies Aud, we must move on to greater things, it is time to build a family"
"I'm not building a family with you, why don't you turn to Rannveig and her overly wide child-bearing hips."
"I may just do that Aud, but for now in either case I am taking away the bunnies"
"Fine, you do that, see if I care", Anya blurted out
"I will do it, and I am doing it. I am taking these bunnies far away where they can't distract you anymore. I will be back later on when you've had some time to calm down, my dear Aud", Olaf walked out with the bunnies quietly chuckling to himself.
Anya had no response to this, but she was furious inside. When he was gone she uttered to herself, "Curse that man, I'll give you greater things alright, I will make a troll of you yet, see if anyone gives a fig for your social reputation then." For a moment all was clear to Anya, she knew what she had to do, but it didn't stop her from falling to her knees to cry, "Oh, damn all the bunnies in the world, I will show them all I will", Anya moaned. She wiped her tears away from her eyes composed herself and stated with a cold certainty. "I do not need Olaf or any other man. I will show them, I will show them, I will show them" she repeated this like her own personal mantra, as the flashback faded away.
It was replaced by a scene with Anya sitting alone at night after her disastorous wedding, "I have been abandoned once again, my love has been taken for granted once again. A thousand years passes and I'm still here repeating the same pattern. Damn Xander he could have said something before, but he leaves it to the last second to cause me the most pain. I don't know now what I can do. I have tried being good, I have tried being bad, where else is there for me to go?"
(End of Flashback)
Anya was back in the high school, she shook her body and remembered where she was, it was really quite difficult to forget that intense pain. It then started to dawn on her, there really was no hope left, nothing left to cling to, why bother raising one last effort to teleport out of here. It wasn't worth it when all there was to life was the pain of other people letting you down, better just to let it all go.
Anya drifted off once more. This time something was different, the pain was gone, the weight and burden had been lifted from her. No more nightmares, no more anger, no more worry, just a peaceful feeling. As she drifted from her body she didn't feel like she was drifting away from the world, she felt like the world was drifting away from her: losing its significance, losing its burdens and pains as it drifted further away.
She felt calm and sure of herself, like she never had before, she thought for a second maybe this was it, she was going to that heaven that Buffy made such a big deal about. This second wasn't to last long for she was in fact in limbo, and an old friend was about to make her painfully aware of this fact.
Any criticism of stylistic points is welcome, and of any inconsistencies between the story and BTVS canon.
I'm going to post the first two chapters, then another two, and then there should be another two approximately although I havn't written them yet so I'll see how it goes, hope you enjoy reading it 🙂
Title: Final Moments
Pairing: Anya/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Other Characters: Olaf, D'hoffryn, Halfrek, Spike
Beta: none
Summary: Anya, in the highschool rubble at the end of season 7, is not dead, but trapped and struggling to get out, how will this struggle play out.
Notes: The basic concept is a what if, what if Anya was still alive for a few final moments on her own in the school? What would her thought processes have been, and what might have happened.
Chapter One
Having drifted in and out of consciousness several times, having made a few futile attempts to shout out for help but with no audible sounds being made over and above the clamour of falling debris around her, Anya made one last determined effort to focus her energy on her old reliable power of teleportation. She had chosen to leave the vengeance behind her, in favour of a life as a regular human being, and so she had had to forgo all the demon powers she once possessed: of granting wishes for vengeance, immortality, and of course let's not forget, teleportation. But she retained a memory of how to teleport, and so she focused all her energy on it for one last effort, one last attempt to get herself out from underneath the debris and the remains of sunnydale high school mark 2.
"Come on Aud", Anya said to herself, recalling past happy times when everything in her life fit together much more neatly and she knew what her role and place in this world was, "get your act together, you used to be able to teleport like it was nothing, nothing I say." "So I forfeited my powers, abandoned D'hoffryn and my demon heritage, it doesn't change what I am or what I'm capable of, don't look to the light, nothing but bunnies there I bet, visualise where you want to go and go there, it's really quite simple." So she squirmed and she struggled, she stared right ahead, she closed her eyes and imagined herself somewhere else. She blinked her eyes, she clicked her fingers, she tensed her whole body in anticipation, on the verge of giving up, when something strange happened, she found herself floating away effortlessly from the rubble, slowly at first and then speeding away seemingly racing through the ground.
At first she could distinguish details, but then it all became blurred and she started to become dizzy, the pain and unbearable heat were gone, only to be replaced by a feeling of vertigo and helplesness. She didn't know when it would stop but she was sure it would be one hell of a bump when it did, though she was surprised once more as things gradually slowed down to a stop and she found herself lying on a cold stony floor in a darkened place almost like a cave.
An initial gleeful feeling of success was soon cut short by the concern as to where she had found herself. She had teleported, but to where? certainly not to where she had been visualising. And something else didn't seem quite right, teleportation was normally a pretty much instantaneous deal, not an underground roller coaster ride. "Maybe not such a successful teleportation", Anya thought, "maybe I have died, floated away from my body, and I have come here to face judgment for my past".
Feelings of triumph turned to a feeling of frustration. "Is this the worst you can throw at me God?" Anya demanded, her voice echoing round the cave, "Emptiness, darkness, surely I deserve much more pain and anguish for all that I have done. I would expect much worse than this god, I demand an explanation. Give me something to fight against and I will prove to you that I am good now. Don't just leave me on my own like this, stranded, destitute, I have no energy to go any further, please put me out of my misery."
Then from the darkness, Anya heard a voice, "Oh Anyanka, do not be so hasty", said D'hoffryn "you are not in the prescence of god, you have not come to meet your final judgment, you have merely come home to your true family."
"D'hoffryn, is that you?", Anya queried suspiciously
"Yes it is I, Anyanka, we have grabbed you back in your moment of dire need, we responded to your call, and we now have grand plans for you in which there will be plenty of time to wreak vengeance on that god of the world up above who you were just cursing". "What did that god do for you Anyanka? He tempted you into dreams of love and happiness only to snatch them away from you. He tormented you, and frustrated your one and ownely human desire, to be loved. And then at the end of it all, he leaves you to be crushed and die, whilst your friends go away unscathed. Such a god must be taught a lesson, and that is what we are all about Anyanka, you can be a great example in our mission to show that god's justice is not justice at all, we should hand out justice ourselves, not leave it to beings that can quite happily leave us to die."
"But no, I don't want vengeance anymore, it was just frustration I was venting", insisted Anya "I fought alongside them right to the end, I still love Xander despite all that happened, I am glad to have helped them, I don't want to undo my good work and go back to my demon past. That is all long gone and I will not go back to it, so please just let me go, I did not call for your assistance I merely tried to teleport myself away from the wreck of the high school."
"Come on now Anyanka! We cannot just let you go, you have tarnished our demon name enough already, this is not a choice between being a demon again and just being a regular human, it is a choice between living and dying. Make your choice, pledge your allegiance to us for a 1000 years or we will place you back from where we grabbed you and you will have a mere matter of seconds left to live." D'hoffryn demanded.
"Okay then, I choose them." Anya asserted decisively
D'hoffryn was taken aback by this immediate assertive response, he thought for a second that maybe she had indeed changed as she said, but quickly composed himself, "As you wish Anyanka, but remember my warning to you when you asked me to undo your last wish as a vengeance demon - Be patient: from beneath you it devours - I will leave your fate in the hands of the god of that world above the ground now, and believe me when I say to you, they don't have a very nice future planned for you."
"Thankyou D'hoffryn, I will take my chances up there, something will come to my aid I am sure, I believe in myself now, I don't need to cling to you or anyone else. And anyway, a few seconds of trust and love up there is worth much more than a thousand years of distrust and vengeance down here."
"Very well, very well Anyanka, oh it is such a shame to lose one with such prospects and spirit as yourself, but it is done." Exclaimed D'hoffryn, and with these words he dissapeared in a burst of light, Anya was violently lifted away and back racing through the ground to the rubble remains of sunnydale high school. The darkness and emptiness were gone, replaced by blistering pain, heat and panic.
Chapter Two
Anya, back trapped in the rubble of sunnydale high school tried to think fast, what to do, how to get out of here? It was too late to call for help, her friends had long gone. She focused once more trying to teleport herself merely a few feet, just so she could be standing and make an attempt to run for it. Heavy debris was falling all around her and she could be struck a final blow at any point.
But try as she may she couldn't do it, "Can't even teleport yourself a few lousy feet Anyanka, its no use" she muttered to herself. Just then she was struck once more by falling debris. She screamed out in pain, and in frustation at her helplesness, "maybe D'hoffryn was right", she thought, but she didn't think much longer because the pain was too much for her mind to bear and so she drifted out of consciousness once more.
(Flashback)
"Olaf", exclaimed Anya "What are you doing to the poor bunnies?", he was gathering them all up into a big wooden cage ready to take them away. "We were going to give them to the neighbours to spread goodwill".
"Oh Aud, that was a crazy idea, up there with your other crazy schemes, I am taking them away, they are a nuisance."
"But, we havn't even tried Olaf, it may have brought the whole community together."
"No it wouldn't my prescious Aud, it would have made them bloodthirsty for more gifts, and we would have ended up with nothing left to give them and be the laughing stock of the town"
"You and your wonderful social reputation", Anya bursted out in sarcasm, "Who cares if other people laught at us. What about your relations with Rannveig, what if everyone knew what you were up to, what would happen to your social reputation then?"
Anya continued as Olaf looked askance, "First you take my love for you for granted, now you are taking away the bunnies.."
"Bah", bellowed Olaf, "all you ever think about nowadays is bunnies Aud, we must move on to greater things, it is time to build a family"
"I'm not building a family with you, why don't you turn to Rannveig and her overly wide child-bearing hips."
"I may just do that Aud, but for now in either case I am taking away the bunnies"
"Fine, you do that, see if I care", Anya blurted out
"I will do it, and I am doing it. I am taking these bunnies far away where they can't distract you anymore. I will be back later on when you've had some time to calm down, my dear Aud", Olaf walked out with the bunnies quietly chuckling to himself.
Anya had no response to this, but she was furious inside. When he was gone she uttered to herself, "Curse that man, I'll give you greater things alright, I will make a troll of you yet, see if anyone gives a fig for your social reputation then." For a moment all was clear to Anya, she knew what she had to do, but it didn't stop her from falling to her knees to cry, "Oh, damn all the bunnies in the world, I will show them all I will", Anya moaned. She wiped her tears away from her eyes composed herself and stated with a cold certainty. "I do not need Olaf or any other man. I will show them, I will show them, I will show them" she repeated this like her own personal mantra, as the flashback faded away.
It was replaced by a scene with Anya sitting alone at night after her disastorous wedding, "I have been abandoned once again, my love has been taken for granted once again. A thousand years passes and I'm still here repeating the same pattern. Damn Xander he could have said something before, but he leaves it to the last second to cause me the most pain. I don't know now what I can do. I have tried being good, I have tried being bad, where else is there for me to go?"
(End of Flashback)
Anya was back in the high school, she shook her body and remembered where she was, it was really quite difficult to forget that intense pain. It then started to dawn on her, there really was no hope left, nothing left to cling to, why bother raising one last effort to teleport out of here. It wasn't worth it when all there was to life was the pain of other people letting you down, better just to let it all go.
Anya drifted off once more. This time something was different, the pain was gone, the weight and burden had been lifted from her. No more nightmares, no more anger, no more worry, just a peaceful feeling. As she drifted from her body she didn't feel like she was drifting away from the world, she felt like the world was drifting away from her: losing its significance, losing its burdens and pains as it drifted further away.
She felt calm and sure of herself, like she never had before, she thought for a second maybe this was it, she was going to that heaven that Buffy made such a big deal about. This second wasn't to last long for she was in fact in limbo, and an old friend was about to make her painfully aware of this fact.