Fix Me Up...

E

elmo

Anyone here speak Whale?!
Joined
Sep 26, 2003
Messages
2,652
Age
42
Location
2nd star 2 the right
OK... I just had an idea for a thread since it's getting close to Valentine's Day.

I'll set the scene for you. You are all single and looking for romance but there are no decent guys or girls in your town that you know of. You decide to write into a Lonely Hearts column with your ad. What would you put in your ad?

Be as witty or as serious as you like... 😀😀😀
 
F
Frenchy Faith
Lmao, good idea for a thread, i'll have to try it, lol
C
Cordelia
hehehe funnnnnn
SWF looking for a wisecracking, goofball, preferably with lots of money to spend on me. Must be between the ages of 18-28, although the younger the better 😛 Must be able to wine & dine (heavy on the wine, not so much with the dine) and must like to travel to exotic locales (note: you will be paying for this, I won't spend a dime). If this sounds like your dream date, feel free to drop me a line 🙂
 
E
elmo
LMAO! It rhymes! YAY!
WF looking for someone 12-87, the older the better (yet, not willing to pre-chew food on dates). must keep relationship on the down-low. currently dating the witch known as Amber Benson (shhh, no one tell her about this post). non-wiccan, preferably normal... no extra growths or surprises. oh, and one last thing, must be female. all males please see entry above.
 
E
elmo
LMAO!
K
killerdwarf
***Ducks for cover, anticipating flying objects***
Newly human and strangely literal guy of 16 avaliable for the female population of the human world. However, the females may be intimidated by my dashing looks and muscular bod. Spuffy shippers not welcome; anyone who resembles Emma Caulfiled - more than welcome. I tend to go off into several tangents, taking me off the current topic I am talking about. At present, my buttox is currently numb, and it is preventing blood flow to my brain, so I cant think of anything to say. So yes...love me like chocolate. *Wink-Wink*
 
E
elmo
LOL - Lee! Like chocolate?
Single white cyclops looking for same. Eye-patch is a must ladys, lets keep some to the imagination. Open minded and willing to try dating a two eyed gal but I draw the line at two. I enjoy long walks on the beach, 3D movies and tightrope walking.
 
E
elmo
YAY tightrope walking! Must be difficult with just one eye though!
K
killerdwarf
Yeah, no depth perception...
Re:

SWF looking for S...well, lets just say I'm looking. Skin nationality and gender really aren't a problem. Must be between the ages 21-40, and anyone who thinks high tops are still in fashion, need not apply. Must have a taste (or even just tolerance) for spicy foods. Must have a decent paying job- or at least one that dosen't involve riding a bike or chucking newspapers at the nearest neighborhood doorway. And last but not least......if you have been arrested more times than you can count on one hand...please see other posts.....
 
RECENTLY SWF... 20... Looking for soulmate... (Oh and my car keys... Those would be nice) Someone willing to risk their lives on a daily basis, and not afraid of new things... And NO not THAT new NSlay... Must have positive aura, and interrested in all things Wicca... Must be of the female origin ORIGINALLY... No males turned female by magicks... (Sorry, still have that male mindset... Not attractive 😀) If you're just looking for a "good-time", see Tru's post 😛
 
E
elmo
LOL. You guys are cheating on each other with the same thread!
T
Tru Serenity
meh... "good time" eh? better time than they'd have w/ you!!! *coughprudecough*
K
killerdwarf
LOL! I see some domestic squabbling...ladies, no hair pulling, eye gouging or biting, please, go to your corners and come out fighting...;)
Soulgasm said:
lol...tough and yummy...looking for tough and yummy...
Click to expand...

Not sure if that belongs in this thread. Unfortunately I can't write what we grown ups call that, because I once had it in a signature and apparently it wasn't suited for a family board. Let's quote Austin Powers instead :

You may be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.
 
E
elmo
LMAO!
SWF looking for a perfect man to cook and clean for me. Must be between the ages of 20 and 35. Must be willing to jump when I say "JUMP!!!". Must come with a whip so I can bust your sorry ass into shape when you get lazy. Get back in that kitchen and make me some pie!
 
K
killerdwarf
LMAO! The return of "Lady Heather"!!!LOL!
"SWF looking for a tall, brown eyed, dark hair, fangs.. would be good if he went by the name of Angel.. "
 
Young, quote "sassy" unquote, Peter Panish girl looking for someone with a crazy behavior, capable of going with her to Neverland. Better the person not to be jealous (of Peter of course), to have a lot of patience, & not to be afraid of ridicule. Oh, and yeah, the person should be single also
 
Manly Lord Faldor seeks potential Lady Faldor, must hate all things conformist yet be warm and fuzzy on the inside. not literally fuzzy on the inside. that would require medical attention.
 
E
elmo
LMAO! Yep... no fuzzy insides would be a good place to start!
SWF looking for someone that can party and get down (and by that, I mean literally too...bow down!) Must have a sense of humor. Either gender. Must be between the ages 16-20. (You also must realize I'm looking for an older man/woman...cause older guys/gals have more money and they have more *cough* life experiences 😉 ) Must be openminded to my obsession of James Marsters. You also must know that if I see a guy that looks like James, they are coming home with me! Who ever said three's a crowd? 🙂
 
E
eponinethen
Heeh.. I just had to rep you for your Chance-banner. Wonderful =)
Manly Lord Faldor seeks potential Lady Faldor, must hate all things conformist yet be warm and fuzzy on the inside. not literally fuzzy on the inside. that would require medical attention.
Click to expand...

foflol...you funny as hell man...isn't love like...the most conforming thing you can do??

SWF seeks unjustifiably trusting older partner, with obscene disposable income. Frail health preferred, but not essential.
Click to expand...

jill...you know what you gotta have to snag that catch??

an obscene amount of beauty...i'm sure you'll find no trouble hitchin up with the money of your...oh wait..man of your dreams...lol
 
SWF looking for a smart, good looking man. also must have a great body and be witty or at least a good since of humor with a good paying job (as you will be paying for everything). must be 30-50 years old. who lives on his own, and is not in this mother's pocket or a mama's boy. must be willing to try different things and not ask for sex at the drop of a hat or one the first date, as you will not be getting it just yet.
 
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