forgiveness

K

kittenpoker

Raising penguins in Guam
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Sineya
Hey everyone!

So I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. I was wondering if you wanted to share your experiences with it. Have you ever really forgiven someone? Or yourself? What was it like?
 
I find, personally, it's very easy for me to move past something... but impossible for me to fully forgive and to forget. If someone really hurts me, I'll never forget it.
 
I am pretty forgiving and patient. I am much harder on myself than I am on other people.

There is one thing that happened last year that I am having trouble getting over. My brother's wife cheated on him and sort of expected everyone to forgive her right away. . . and then she compounded it by moving herself and my brother out of my house and refusing to buy my husband anything for Christmas.

I mean the first thing, I was just trying to get over that, and then she left in tax season which took loads of rent money and made everything really hard on me and my husband. Especially considering I just had surgery and had to miss 6 weeks of work. And then decided to be vindictive on Christmas.

Yeah, I'm still not over it. Obviously.

So. I'm forgiving except for in, what I consider, extreme circumstances. Like the above. 😀

And I've been really getting down on myself for not being ok with the situation yet. Just needs more time I guess.
 
I'm very forgiving, almost too much at times. To be honest though it makes sense to forgive rather than hold a grudge, requires a lot less energy. I don't really forgive myself though.
 
I can forgive someone if they've done something really bad to me, but they first have to at least apologize first, and I have to believe they're genuinely sorry. Otherwise, it can be hard, but not always impossible, for me to forgive.

But that is only if they did something really bad. Usually, in minor things, it isn't much of a problem, especially if what they did was unintentional.

As for forgiving myself, that is probably one of the hardest things to do, only time passing helps in that.
 
Thanks for all your thoughts so far....I'm thinking/wondering about the connection between forgiving and forgetting.... Does forgiving mean you forget? Or does it mean that you remember but when you do you no longer have the visceral reaction in your body....like you no longer relive the pain?
 
This is sort of off topic, and sort of on topic.....

I'm going to watch on movie on Netflix called "Forgiveness." It's about forgiveness in different cultures.



Forgive me if that was off topic. 😉
 
It depends on what it is to be honest. My problem when forgiving others is probably that I say I forgive them but still not being totally over it. To me the intent plays a huge role. Mistakes are easier to forgive obviously. People doing something they shouldn't and not get the result they wanted --> something to forgive is harder. Truth vs lies make a huge difference as well. You screw up but are honest about it is always better than lying about it. Might not say that if someone cheated on me or something to that extent but can only go by by past experiences.

Do I live up to that? Most likely not.

I am bad at forgiving myself though. Even about small things that shouldn't matter. I have way too high demands on myself. Which is kind of ironic since I've never been really good at anything. Thankfully I rarely need to forgive myself for "big" things. Some people play on my guilt and try to use it to their advantage. Still some serious work to be done but I'm moving in the right direction.
 
I sometimes find I can't forgive myself until others forgive me if they're involved with what I've done.

For example, one of the cons of being a teen, my Mom can get on my nerves sometimes and I'll snap at her, and say hateful things. I always feel terribly awful afterwards, and always hug her and apologize. I can't forgive myself until I do.

I also find it easy to forgive others if they apologize. I like to forgive and forget.
 
For me, it very much depends on what and who I am forgiving.

If I feel I have been treated badly by someone close to me it takes me forever to get past that. Especially if it is something really personal. There has been three times with three separate groups of friends where something has happened, I've been angry and it took me years to truly get past the anger and remember why I loved those people so much in the first place.

I find with family issues it is harder, at least for me, to forgive because I feel their is a duty there to treat each other a certain way. I'm trying to break that mind frame but I'm finding it hard.

What I found that really helped me was being honest with myself and accepting that I played a role in each situation and I helped create it. By owning my own faults in each conflict it made it very easy for me to put it behind me and move on because once you know you are at fault too, I think it takes real effort and delusion to stay angry with the other parties involved.

So now, I try to stay as humble as possible and remember that I have no control of what anyone else does, only what I do. I don't know what is going on in other peoples' minds or hearts, and if someone does something I perceive to be a slight or unjust to me, it says more about them, than I.

Easier said then done 😉
 
K
kittenpoker
Kean, I love this post! I feel like there is so much wisdom here. Thank you!
I don't think I can forgive and forget easily. It usually depends on the person. When someone hurts me I need them to show me how sorry they are or else I will never get past it. Sure, we'll hang out afterwards, smile and laugh, but when we part I feel relieved that they're gone. And I won't mind not seeing them again for months.

However, when someone close hurts me and shows me that they're sorry, I tend to forgive them right away. It takes me a while to forget what they did but eventually I do.
 
I always forgive people. I'm not someone who hold grudges for long. Someone can be my enemy one day and the next week we're chatting like buddies. Sometimes I feel like this is a weakness, but honestly I'm glad I don't stay mad at someone for too long, it would just be wasted energy.
 
K
kittenpoker
not a weakness at all!!
Sometimes it's hard for me to forgive, but it depends on how much they try to crawl back. If they do, I usually cave very quickly.
 
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