Freaks, Geeks and bullying.

[funsmiley]

hey guys!

so i was thinking just now about how hard school was for me, how different i was and how i was often called names like freak, weirdo or at one time their was rumour going round my school that i was mental just because i couldn't sit through a lesson without having a panic attack.

i was also called a geek a lot for being into my stuff like of course buffy.
i have also witnessed bullying and know what it can do to a person.

so what's your story? am i alone? share them here.

 

[Abbeycat]

I was constantly called weird and I was a bit of a loner. I was also bullied a little.

 

[Living Dead Boy]

I was bullied alot, not so much in high school, but when I was really young. I was always different from all the other guys. I wasn't the stereotypical boy. I wasn't into sports, I had two twin sisters as my best friends, I was very sensitive, among many other things, and that threatened alot of the boys my age. They would call me all sorts of names, "fag", "homo". They would wait after school and try to beat me up, and they actually succeeded once. It did alot to my self esteem, but I never changed who I was for a second, and by the time I had reached high school, they figured it out.

And that's the key. Too many of my friends tried to conform, to change who they really were in order to be accepted, but in the end, it caused themselves more harm. I stayed true, and people recognized that. Plus, there's so much more to a person than meets the eye. It may not seem like it, but you may have more in common with that Cordelia-esque popular cheerleader, or that adored football player than you think. I could hang with the geeks because of my unabashed, loud and proud love for Buffy, (I didn't even try to hide it, dude, I had Buffy pictures all over my locker, binder, everything. 😉) or I could hang with the cool kids, the music lovers, the arty students, or the jocks, because they understood I was who I was, and if you didn't like it, tough shit. It was your loss anyway. 😀

 

[randiann]

I can't say that I was bullied a lot in school, although there were a few times I was picked on. One time in particular, I was riding the bus home and this boy behind me kept spitting spitwads in my hair (gross) and making fun of my shirt (this was about 7th grade). I warned him he was gonna be sorry if he didn't stop it, and it just got worse. Too bad for him my best friend was in the seat behind him and she slapped the s*** out of the back of his head for it. He stopped after that 🙂

 

[Summerlilly]

I was definately not one of the popular kids in school. Where I grew up I was just a stupid "haole girl", meaning white person. My school was segregated, the locals and the haole's and lots of cliques within those. It's not a fun experience to be the brunt of racism and prejudice, especially when you're already shy. I was the weird, hippie, quiet girl that brought her own lunch to school! lol

It got a little better in high school and I eventually did have more friends but I still got teased for being quiet. I think what happened is my best friend from 4th grade became pretty popular..... so we hung out in "Haole Hall" and "The Courtyard" where all the other white, skater, partier, popular kids were. Somehow, even though I was really shy and harder to get to know I still hung out with everyone and went to the party's anyway.

I was just thinking the other day about how proud I am of myself for coming so far and not being so introverted. I'm about to turn 31! ahhh! Life sure has changed since 18. I still have my shy or insecure moments but overall I would say I'm a much stronger, outgoing person who isn't afraid to be a little weird and have a lot of fun. 😀 I think bullying and racism are crimes and it's sad to think it still exists, even in paradise.

I most certainly embrace my inner dorkness!😀😀 I think it's refreshing to meet people who arn't afraid to be who they really are; nerd, dork, or weirdo! 😛 I really do think you can be a Cool Dork or Hot and Nerdy, oh yeah!! ROFL 😀😎

 

[Vamp Jenny]

I've been picked on more times than I can count, in high school. Mostly by the same guy over and over again. He was shooting gum in my hair during classes in 7th grade. Then he kinda became my friend (because he was friend with my best friend) but he soon started to act like a jerk again. He never touched me, but psychologically he was the worst possible.... At one point, after he had been saying mean stuf to me all lunchtime and after he tried to make me fall over while I was walking to my seat in class, I got enough and started slapping him with my 2" binder full of sheets. Never felt better in my life. Definitely not the best idea (I got called to the principal's office and didn't get punished only because I was an excellent student and I also got picked on by other students who had only the guy's side of the story) but it felt great.

I've never been called geek (because apart from Buffy, I wasn't much into anything else that would qualify me as geek), but I,ve been called a weirdo, a freak, etc.

How does it affect me today? I'm stronger. I would never want anyone to go through this but now, when someone calls me a freak or geek, I remember that it only means I have passions and an opinion. And that is so much more important than being a follower and "normal". So what if I'm weird, I'm damn proud of it 🙂

 

[ashleigh]

How weird, I was thinking about this last night. I was bullied, but it was nothing too serious. Mostly it was about my weight, but the worse thing anybody ever did was to call me 'blob'. Then there was the one time I had things thrown at me whilst leaving the room, but looking back that kind of amuses me 😛 Oh yeah, one time this bitca put gum in my hair.
I guess the first two or three years were pretty awful. I was pretty much a loner and didn't have any friends. The weird things is I didn't care. I'm quite happy with my own company. But I guess I was scared people would notice and have snide little remarks :/
Then in my fourth year of high school things got better 🙂 We were allowed to stay in our form rooms at lunch, and I just sat at the back of the room reading a book. (and talking to the small percentage of people in the room that I actually liked). Then I didn't dread school everyday 😛 (Though I skipped on the days I had PE)

Starting college, I thought it'd start over again, but actually it was great. There was only a handful of people I didn't like, and they all moved to a different group in the second year. And no one gave a shit that I preferred to sit alone and get on with work or read a book. And clearly it payed off because I was the first person to complete the course and started my holiday like a month before anyone else. 😛

 

[funsmiley]

thanks to everyone who has replied to this thread so far and shared your stories, its not an easy thing to look back on, and i wanted people not to feel alone. i hope more people will share as well.

 

[Jodast]

I got bullied for a very short time when I first started at middle school, but it soon stopped when an older family friend who was in the top year politely asked one of the bullies to stop. In this case 'politely asked' is a euphimism for 'beat the snot out of . It worked , they never came near me again. It was the first time I had ever been mocked for my thick glasses and involuntarily moving eyes and I didn't know how to deal with it. In the years since pretty much anyone who knows me has made at least one joke or comment and it's fine because I know it isn't meant with any malice so I just laugh along with it.

 

[Vamp Jenny]

I just remembered, I was also bullied by a teacher at one point (yes, it happens). PE teacher was almost laughing at me because I hated team sports (of course, since I had asthma and 90% of the class hated me so no one wanted me in their team) but I had volunteered at the local Bantam (junior hockey) tournament. Not my fault if the Bantam players were my age and very hot! Anyways, he was the only PE teacher who ever picked on me (the others were very accomodating of the fact that I despised(sp??) any sports in high school).
Oh and there was another teacher who told me once that she always knew I was anti-social, because I didn't want to complete the King/Queen/other nominations for prom... Not my fault if I actually believed my choices wouldn't match the majority...

Just to say, if that ever happens to anyone, remember you'll soon get rid of them 😉

 

[Steven123]

Oddly enough i never had any trouble at school. 1 reason was because while everyone averaged at about 57-6ft, i was at 6'4,then going to 6'5 haha. But i never really had any trouble with anyone. I was outgoing but at the same time i kept myself to myself. Nobody really knew what i liked,what i watched etc. I don't think most people would assume it (and even today) i don't think most people would assume that i like some of the things that i do. Today though i'm more of a closed book.

Never stood for bullying at school though,or in life in general. There's no room for it.

 

[SinisterPledge]

I wouldn't say I was bullied in school, but I got picked on a lot by some people. I was and am a pretty introvert and skinny guy so some insecure and pathetic people took advantage of this to release their on frustration on me. They would push me occasionally, punch me on the arm kinda hard or mock me. It's not like I feared going to school, I just tried to stay away from those people (even in class).

Being really shy and a more sensitive and easy-going guy I didn't want to cause a scene and never really stood up to anyone (except once when I just totally flipped). I learned one thing though, you can hide your feelings but you can't make them go away. So this hate and frustration I built up towards these guys turned into anxiety and depression which I have been and still am battling with right now. What's worse, it created some VERY dark and horrible thoughts that could harm not only me but people around me. I still get these feelings occasionally but luckily I'm strong enough to keep calm.

I went to a therapist in high school but once we got deeper into my thoughts I couldn't handle it and stopped going. I'm thinking of going to a psychologist pretty soon. I feel a strong need to just let it all out to someone. I have a friend who got the same kinda problem but I'd like to see an "expert" too. It's nice to have such a good community to go to when you're feeling down! 🙂

 

[BuffyElevated]

When I was in junior high school, I was bullied and picked on a lot for being overweight and having bad skin. Girls also made fun of me for having crappy clothes and not knowing how to fix my hair or put my makeup on the right way. My mom was not present in my life, and my dad and grandma were raising me, so I had no one to teach me how to do those kinds of things... With all that was going on at home, I was already a very angry, messed up kid and the stuff at school just made it worse. I eventually became a bully myself. I started getting into fights left and right, and I probably spent more Saturdays in detention than out in my 8th grade year. I had to go to anger management classes to help with my rage.
By high school, people still made fun of me, but they did it mostly behind my back because they were afraid I would beat the shit out of them. LOL However, I kinda came into my own a little bit by the time I was a senior in high school and turned it around a little. Watching Buffy actually taught me better how to do my makeup and what kinds of clothes were "in" and stuff back then; I tried to emulate Cordelia and Buffy a lot in their looks because I wanted to look pretty. I was never the most popular girl or the prettiest, but by the time I graduated high school I hung out with a well-liked group of people and was invited to parties and stuff, so I wasn't considered a total loser anymore...

 

[WileyDairyGnome]

I wasn't really bullied in High School, but I was in Elementary School. I was very, very short for my age, and my voice was quite high, so people would make fun of me for it a lot. I heard many of the offensive "gay" names and such. I was never beat up or hurt physically, it was all talk which definitely didn't help my self-esteem. I remember crying in my room because of hurtful things people would say or how much I hated my body because I was so short and small and my voice was high.

In High School I kept to myself mostly and with my friends. I wasn't popular, but I had a decent amount of friends (who were mostly outcasts like myself). Anyway, I was a late bloomer. I think in the 10 grade I finally got my growth spurt, I'm now taller than most of the bullies who picked on me in Elementary School, and my voice is quite deep. People who knew me when I was younger are actually shocked on how deep my voice is.

Anyway, people knew me as being really nice. Even some people who were classified as "bitcas" were nice to me. So I was pretty lucky to have a bearable High School experience. There were the odd rude comments in the 9th grade, but after that it was smooth sailing.

 

[November]

I was never really bullied in school or high school. Got a little bullied at one of my workplaces once by the boss, so I walked out, no need to put up with that kind of crap. The worst bullying I have ever seen has come from online. I cant believe some of the things people say! But I guess the best way to avoid that is to turn of the computer. It makes me sad that so many people feel the need to put other people down on public forums/fb etc, yet if you stick up for people you get a lynch mob after you. Strange place the internet!

 

[Vamp Jenny]

If I may, here's an entry from my Tumblr (mostly dedicated to environmental problems, but also social)

This post will be more centered on individuals than environment. I have personal experience with psychological violence, so my tone might get personal and maybe even sour at some time. I apologize in advance.

A conversation I had today with some friends on a forum made me remember of those times I was in high school and got laughed at or heard snarky remarks about my look or the way I acted. Talking with the girls made me realize I was far from alone who’d lived that situation.

So the principal question that’s popping in my mind right now is: why do most people feel the need to push others down?

Because let’s face it, we’ve pretty much all done it once in our life. Think hard. Can you be sure that you’ve never put anyone else down? You can have done it without thinking. Just to feel better or out of vengeance.

The major problem in that situation is that it is a vicious circle. You put someone else down, and that motivates them to do the same, so they can feel good again. One step after another, it creates a chain that get stronger and harder to break. Because the person that will get caught for doing it will say they’re doing it because someone did it to them.

Take someone in high school. The guy is in his first year, still innocent… He gets laughed at from others because he wears glasses (pretty much any reason is good to laugh at someone at that age). He grows up and everyone keeps laughing at him for different reasons, each one more stupid than the other. Then, a few years later, he’s so sick of being the one laughed at that he decides to do it to someone else. A younger kid, who will follow the same path. Slowly, the chain in forming.

Now if you take the fifth or sixth kid in that chain, he doesn’t understand why he’s having that treatment. He doesn’t see the bigger picture where this pattern is repeating each year. The kid who gets laughed at will only understand that people don’t like him. He will create a shell inside which he’ll loose more confidence in himself everyday.

We’ve all seen on the news those gay kids commiting suicide (or attempting to). That’s just another side of what I’m explaining right now. Those kids get laughed at because they love. Is that a valuable reason? Definitely not.

You get the point, we need to stop those chains from forming. But in order to do that, we need to warn our children about the problem. The first step in order to put an end to it is to talk about it.

Parents, have you ever taken a moment to ask your child about psychological/physical abuse in their school? Teachers, are you aware of children being alone during recess? Babysitters, do you feel like the kids you are babysitting would like to talk to someone closer to their age about problems they’re having at school?

Anyone who knows a child can make a difference by asking if there is something wrong. I’m not telling you to dig and make sure the kids aren’t lying. Just watch their behavior. There are very distinct signs of kids being psychologically/physically abused.

Let’s make a difference, so that ou children will be able to learn and live fully. Strong children with self-confidence make a stronger world with better values.

I'm not sure it changes anything that I wrote this, but here it is anyways.

 

[Ripper666]

When I came to middle-school I wasn't really bullied but one girl in our class was bullied. I decided to not be part of the group because everybody was making jokes about her, afraid of beeing the next one who is getting bullied. I didn't bullied her. As a consequence I was a loner. Never really bullied but never part of anything. After a year I changed class and got into a great new one. There I found a lot of new friends and life got great. Till today I am very quiet and always in a sort of distance with everybody. Its difficult for me to speak about (my) feelings and I think it's because this first year in middle-school. I am really sorry for those who gett bullied because I think this changes a lot in your personallity.

 

[AmelRIOT]

I never got bullied in my primary school I was a tomboy so I would play football, skateboard and love Pokemon/Digimon/Power Rangers which every lad in my class was my friend and I liked Sabrina The Teenage Witch/Spice Girls so I made friends with all the girls in my class so I was friends with everyone in my class which made me very popular, people thought I was cool cause I could watch Buffy and I had the merch which people started to watch buffy too, I didn't bully anyone none of us bullied anyone that's until...

I went to secondary school which is high school for the states. As I was tomboy I turned into a skater/scene kid, I would have my hair big, black eyeliner, bags and jackets with a rock band on it and my stationery be buffy, people bullied me for that cause I wasn't pretty like them or wear my make up like models and didn't wear the fashion. I got picked on so bad by the 'popular kids', I did make friends though I had one group where one my close friends was also a scene kid and the others were all different but then three of them became bitcas and I had enough so I stuck with my other group where we were equal and my best friend was in that group (I was still friends with my close mates in the other group), but one year I just got bullied loads and loads apparently I cut myself and set spells on people cause I like buffy, it killed me I actually try to kill myself and wanted to cut myself but my friends, music and Buffys speech in "Earshot" helped me, the 'popular' kids stopped bullying me in the last two years as I wore less eyeliner and they thought I was kind of cool cause I meet bands, I was a bit of a rebel and I would also make jokes so they actually told me they liked me, but I got bullied by my two ex mates and their new friend they would non stop bitca about me but my friends and the class told them to get a life and it stopped, I didn't get bullied anymore in the last months cause if someone said something I would dare them for a fight as I am really tall and very strong so they back off.

In college I was really scared as non of my mates were gonna be in my class and I thought I would get bullied but actually it was amazing we all became friends and I was one of the popular ones cause of my scene style and people thought I was the class clown 🙂

Bullying is horrible especially in school, I hated every second of me getting bullied I didn't get beaten up but one boy punched me and I kicked him where it hurts so they stop trying to hit me but the words killed me and I got to stage where I didn't want to be alive but I thought no I'm gonna fight it, the bullying made me stronger but saying this bullying has made people worst which leds to stuck in the house non stop and death which is horrid, when I see a kid get bullied I can't stand it and I help the kid, one day me and mates where in the park and this one kid got bullied by all these other school kids spitting at him and punching him he was in tears so we ran up to the bullys and dared them to hit us they started calling us names and we were like really? so my friend pretended to punch them and they ran away we said if they ever come back they better be worried, the kid who got bullied look at us and ran and then a month later we saw that kid again happy and having a laugh with his mate he looked us and smile, it made us happy cause we helped someone 🙂 bullying needs to stop end of.

 

[KellGreen]

I don't want to take over this thread, but of those who have been bullied, especially in elementary, what would have helped you? For some strange reason, I wasn't (maybe due to my much older and very bigger sister who made sure all the neighborhood kids who also went to school with me knew they would have to answer to her), BUT my daughter has a VERY hard time. She only has a few friends, who are "weird" like she is, and they don't go to school with her. I make "weird" normal in our family, 'cause that's how i was raised. But my daughter (9) just doesn't connect to other kids. I don't know if it's 'cause she watches things like Buffy (early seasons) and HP, but not disney? Or because she's small for her age? Likes Adele and Pink, but not Justin Beiber or whatever else is popular among preteens? More mature in some ways due to the health crap she's had to go through? Less socially adept in some ways maybe (I don't know how to even gauge that)? Previously, she's been bitten, pushed, punched, grabbed and scratched in addition to name calling (I changed her to a new school last February b/c of this).

I've been thinking about trying to find some kind of social thing for her, but I don't know what?

I really am amazed at the bravery of everyone here for sharing your stories. Any ideas of what i can do for her would be really appreciated.

 

[funsmiley]

I don't want to take over this thread, but of those who have been bullied, especially in elementary, what would have helped you? For some strange reason, I wasn't (maybe due to my much older and very bigger sister who made sure all the neighborhood kids who also went to school with me knew they would have to answer to her), BUT my daughter has a VERY hard time. She only has a few friends, who are "weird" like she is, and they don't go to school with her. I make "weird" normal in our family, 'cause that's how i was raised. But my daughter (9) just doesn't connect to other kids. I don't know if it's 'cause she watches things like Buffy (early seasons) and HP, but not disney? Or because she's small for her age? Likes Adele and Pink, but not Justin Beiber or whatever else is popular among preteens? More mature in some ways due to the health crap she's had to go through? Less socially adept in some ways maybe (I don't know how to even gauge that)? Previously, she's been bitten, pushed, punched, grabbed and scratched in addition to name calling (I changed her to a new school last February b/c of this).

I've been thinking about trying to find some kind of social thing for her, but I don't know what?

I really am amazed at the bravery of everyone here for sharing your stories. Any ideas of what i can do for her would be really appreciated.

Your not taking over the thread at all, this is what its here for to help people.

Your daughter is a lot like i was at school.
how old is she?

I was actually once badly beaten, i stuck up for myself and ended having some girls hand round my throat, i couldn't breathe and i was then pushed to the ground and kicked in the head at least 9 times.

It sounds to me like your daughter is in her own little world. does she like to read?
when i was at school because i was so lonely and withdrawn i got into reading. Maybe you could find her a book club or any kind of club she may have an interest in.

school sucks and finding friends and things can be very hard for some people, in all my years at school. i only EVER had one friend but even she drifted off when high school came along. It never really bothered me too much because i was happy in my own world full of buffy and things so I wouldn't worry too much about your daughter, she's probably happy in her world too and doesn't want anyone else in it.

She might as the school years go by start making friends even if its just one.

The thing with school is that everyone is expected to be the same, and when your different you get picked on, your seen as weird, ugly and unaccepted, well that's how it was when i was at school, some people even changed there interests because they got picked on, and ended up becoming a bully themselves.

Your daughter has what i call a "gift" in fact everyone who has posted in here has it and that is being weird and different.
I think she already knows that being the same as everyone else is bland and boring, and she's just being herself, and i think she's learnt to cherish that.

I think she will be an amazing person when she gets older, her school years maybe tough but she will one day be appreciated by all who meet her, trust me.