Friendship break ups

Friendship break ups are the worst. I lost a really dear friendship of mine a few years back, ironically because of the relationship I was in with at the time. I got over the relationship, but I still miss my friend.

Also is it just me or every time the song would go "Cause everytime..." I kept thinking of the song "Everytime We Touch" lol.
 
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They really are the worse. And it sucks when it's to do with a relationship too 🙁
I see way more articles on "Getting rid of your toxic friends" or "When to end your friendship" but never about getting over a friendship and that annoys me.

Haha, now that you've pointed it out, I've noticed.
 
I've noticed that love outside of passionate love (and possibly of parent for a small child) is downgraded, which is too bad and contributes to the general alienation people have as well as making really bad choices in who to hook up with and remain with (as they're so desperate to not be lonely, when a significant other really isn't necessary to alleviate loneliness, and plenty in such relationships feel lonely and unsatisfied anyway).

I've been with my current BFF for about 15 years now, and it's actually closer than any lover has been, and if I have a "soul mate" or some such then it's her (no matter how platonic our relationship ultimately is). We've been through so much together, both laughter and tears and some really intense moments that are probably not best to talk about as we broke the law for each other in order to protect each other. But when I tried to make her a mixtape to celebrate our friendship after nearly 10 years (as she felt guilty at being unable to pay me back a few hundred dollars which I honestly saw as not being her fault and her being worth the money I lost) I had the hardest time because it seems nearly all love songs are for passionate love (which not only failed to fit, but I didn't want to come off with a vibe of "don't worry about paying me back, you can pay me back in...other ways, *LUST DROOL*" 😱 ). I ended up having to settle for mostly sappy kid songs peppered with a few not so much about friendship, but related to our shared history.

Losing close friends is really bad, I know (and a deep betrayal is the worst, just as with a romantic partner). A former BFF who died was someone I could cry about losing years later. I'd think I was over it, but I'd unexpectedly star crying again, even 7 years later. Of course most don't understand, and I hid it from most. (Many hide the depth of such love and pain. One of the most haunting memories I have is a guy I was close to who always seemed some calm and collected, even when his cat of nearly 2 decades died--he calmly noted his cat was dead, took him down into the basement since it was night and he'd bury him the next day, but when he was down there by himself we heard him give the most heartbreaking wail of grief that it brought tears to our eyes just hearing it, and then he comes back up and pretends he's still calm over it. It's a shame people have to feel bad or embarrassed for such love.)

Anyway, good song.
 
Yeah, I get what you mean- like a friendship doesn't mean as much as a romantic relationship, or that's how it plays out.

I totally believe in the platonic soulmate situation too (As I recall, that what me and my first ex called ourselves long before we actually became a couple) But there are just some friendships that you can tell from the body language and all that they have such an unbreakable bond.

I had a friend back in high school who'd always say "I love you" to whoever she was really grateful to have in her life. I would never say it back because I wasn't overly affectionate back then. She was one of my best friends. First person who I told I was gay, and she'd always run to me with her guy problems.
My friend died in 2010, and the one thing I regret the most was never saying "I love you" back to her. Since then, anyone who has meant something to me I'll always say 'I love you'. So her death definitively changed me there
 
I agree that a really good friendship breaking down can be worse than a romance breaking down, not least if the friendship had been a long term one. I think the reason is that nowadays more than ever people just accept that its very hard to keep long term relationships going. So it just becomes a naturally parting of the ways. But with a good friendship I think you just assume than that person will always be in your life in form or the other.
 
I've lost touch with several friends, I call them 'fake friends' now, because we're just friends on Facebook and nothing more. I'll like their posts and they'll like mine, but we never chat or see each other. Moving to a new town is tough, and you really need to work on friendships, like you would with any relationship, but I found with some people that it was all very one-sided.... like I would have to visit them, they'd never visit me. That hurts a lot after a while.

But then I have friends hundreds of miles away who I know would visit me at the drop of a hat. Some friends are worth it and some aren't. It takes a while to figure out who those people are.
 
I've been friends with my best friend for 16 years, so since we were kids. We've done everything together, went to school together, went to college together, worked together, lived together, pretty much everything other than the intimacy of a "relationship". We've seen each other at our absolute worst (and best), and have never faltered. It's funny cos no matter who I am with as a partner, I'll never have known them as long as I have my best friend.

My friend circle has become much smaller the older I've got. I cut off a bunch of friends a number of years ago after breaking up with my ex. I found out they were a bunch of fake creepjobs. They were a weird, almost incestuous group of "friends". The exact opposite of what I look for in a friend (obviously). They were extremely dramatic and high maintenance. The reason my best friend and I have maintained such a close bond is because we are the very opposite and sort of go with the flow and always have over the past 16 years. When you're an adult and you no longer live at home, even when you go back home it doesn't feel like "home" anymore, because you've grown up and changed. My BFF is my "home".
 
It's taken me a while to listen to that song. Predictably it affected me a fair bit. Kinda cried. These break ups are horrible. I agree they aren't talked about enough. It's strange, I've never been in a serious relationship so when people feel horrible from being rejected romantically or breaking up with their significant other my closest comparison is always platonic break ups. There's a friend I have at moment I feel worried that I'll end up becoming too attached to in case something bad happens. Pretty sure being that worried over a friendship is abnormal buuuuuuut there it is.
 
Friendship break ups have hurt me more than romantic break ups. I think with a romance you always have this sense that something could happen and it might not work out and you might have to part, but with a real friend, you don't think that way. It seems like it should last forever, then if something goes horribly wrong...it's just like WHY? And it seems like you should be able to work it out no matter what, but sometimes you can't.

I just had the anniversary of a bizarre day when I somehow lost two extremely close friends. Like bam, totally out of the blue, unrelated. I still reel when I think of it. Still can't exactly figure out what went wrong or why we couldn't pull it back together.
 
Fenrir said:
There's a friend I have at moment I feel worried that I'll end up becoming too attached to in case something bad happens. Pretty sure being that worried over a friendship is abnormal buuuuuuut there it is.
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I met someone the end of last year and I felt that exact same way. I was terrified of her just walking away from it all and I'd be crushed. Sad thing was that she did end the friendship. (Over the dumbest reason too) Hell sucked.

There are so many fake friends out there, it's unreal. I've been on the end many times of being the one to make the effort to travel, no matter where I've lived to go see friends. And not often it's returned.
I can say, hand on my heart, there's only been two people who I've felt were true friends and would give back as much as I did. One was my first ex (who I mentioned previous) and her brother- hence we can't be friends after my and his sister's break up.
I wrote a song about him recently and about our friendship break up...
 
I recently ended a relationship of 6 years with a man, and that pales in comparisson to the hurt I felt from "friends" dumping me. I hear you. Hugs.


Its interesting now - 10 years on from the first lot of friends I lost through being in hospital while they were partying, have got back in contact with me, I am tossing up if I let a select few back in to my life.

There is one girl who i hurt - my landlord made me fire her from her volunteer position, even knowing we were best friends. Ive since found out shes gone back to work there and I worry about her in that environment. I miss her.

The last "friend" group i lost was during gishwhes last year. One member decided my disability was all in my head and told many others I had lost touch with reality and was psychotic. Not just in the team, to others on my social media too. I'd known that girl for a long time - we suspect she said it as it was the most hurtful possible rumour she could spread for me. This lead on to the romantic relationship breakdown - as he started to believe I was just not trying hard enough either. He apologises when he saw the scans, he absolutely bawled for how terrible I was treated during that week -damage was done, and cannot be undone.

Im glad to be well away from that bizzare bubble of Perth.
 
So I had unblocked my old best friend- my ex's brother. We haven't talked in more than 5 years. Part of me wanted to make contact with him (Mainly I was curious to see if he still had the same profile picture on Facebook I had taken of him years ago. He does) BUt most of all, I'm not angry at him anymore and usually once anger subsides with someone, I'll unblock them.

Today on the "On This Day" app, it pops up with status I had mentioned him in and it's all blacked out. Yeah, he blocked me.

Kinda still stings...
 
Carrie Hopewell
Carrie Hopewell
Aww. That sucks :(
Blair said:
So I had unblocked my old best friend- my ex's brother. We haven't talked in more than 5 years. Part of me wanted to make contact with him (Mainly I was curious to see if he still had the same profile picture on Facebook I had taken of him years ago. He does) BUt most of all, I'm not angry at him anymore and usually once anger subsides with someone, I'll unblock them.

Today on the "On This Day" app, it pops up with status I had mentioned him in and it's all blacked out. Yeah, he blocked me.

Kinda still stings...
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I'm very sorry about your situation with friends. I've lost a lot of friendships so I understand where you are coming from. I've only had a few close friends throughout my life but as time goes on they move on from me so I barely have any friends nowadays.

I honestly don't know why it keeps happening to me. I get close to them and I think they feel the same but then they disappear from my life. I'm always the one making the effort in a friendship to talk to them, to hang out with them or be there for them etc. but they always leave in the end. All I really want is a best friend I can talk to whenever and feel close to. If you ever want to talk you can message me. 🙂 It's something I understand pretty well.
 
These days I'm finding it easier to maintain friendships. But for a while, friends would come and go in waves.

I wrote a song about this friend about a month ago. It's my favourite song to play in my band at the moment. So yeah... Just sucks that we will never go back to being mates. But kinda found myself bonding with my guitarist. I think he's gunna be a dude who will be around in my life for a long time. We chill out all the time. So happy days there.

In case if anyone is interested in my latest song lyrics

Verse 1
It was more than five years ago,
I'd drive to your house and spend our time
All alone
I would see you almost everyday
Talking for hours and playing video games
We were happy
On our own

Pre Chorus
But then it all came to an end
And I'd lose you, my best friend.

Chorus
I wish I could go back in time
Hit the pause and re-do our time line
I miss you, I hate you, I love you all the same
I wonder where your life had led you
It pains me I'm not standing next to you
My friend
And if I could do it again?
I'd change it all back so we'd still be friends

Verse 2
You'd never complain on our roadtrip
About playing the same CD on repeat
Over again
Our parents swore we were dating
We'd deny it and say that our friendship was staying
Life was simpler back then

(repeat pre chorus and chorus)
Bridge
And I miss that I can't tell you everything like I used to
And I hate that everytime I find a new band, I wanna tell you
I know that we have changed,
And it'll never be the same.
Doesn't change the fact that I still miss you.

It was more than five years ago,
I'd drive to your house
And spend our time all alone...

(Chorus, then extended chorus)
I wonder if you ever miss me
That you cherished the times
We were young and free?
And do you have a friend like me?
Or were just a once off opportunity?
I guess I'll never find out.

And if I could do it again?
I'd change it all back so
We'd still be friends....
 
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