~~Gasm Landers...(advice thread)

S

Soulgasm

Brainzzz~~~
Joined
Dec 10, 2002
Messages
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Age
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well..i figured that i bored some of yalls with my issues...so i need to give back...

so...

gurl probs...boy probs...work probs...school probs...spiritual probs...healt probs...mental illness probs...lol

ask me about any situation...and the gasm will come up with a creative...yet plausible solution...lol

:: red dev
 
Dear Gasm Landers,
I am a slightly portly older gentleman who has recently been promoted to the dizzy heights of board moderator. Can you give me any hints on the best ways to suck up to the Admins?

Kind regards,
Mr. P***ty (please keep my real name secret)
🙂🙂😉😛
 
Alrighty then, let's give this a try....

Ahem....Dear Gasm Landers,
I've been thinking about taking up the weights again (I haven't seriously worked out in three years), and the Old Master has started to get a little beefy around the middle in the interim.
I was wondering what type of abdominal exercises you've been doing to get and keep those Bruce Lee cuts?

-
 
Dear Gasm Landers,
One's heart has been aching lately (not in a love-y way) but physically.
I have talked to some of my teachers and they say it may be due to stress (being my last year at school and all) and Im seriously hoping it is.
And Ive noticed, it only seems to ache when I think about it.
What do you suggest Oh-Wise-One?
 
Dearest Gasm Landers,

I've put myself rather in a predicament I can't seem to break free of. A lady friend of mine of about five and a half months has recently caught my attention in a romantic way. Unfortunately, she seems to think we are simply 'just friends'. What do you suggest on how to win her heart? I've tried everything without seeming like a typical stalker.

Thank you ever so much,
Anonymous
 
Dear Gasm Landers,

I recently took a girl out on a date and it went very well, she bit me alot towards the end (that's a good thing by the way). And when I asked if she wanted a second date, she said "defintely", but now I find it hard to get ahold of her and I'm just wondering if this another stupid girl game. I waited a good three days after the date to call her btw, so I'm not being crazy stalker like. What should I do? And do you think I'm fat?
 
mr. points...may i suggest controlling your forums with an iron fist and busting people to show you are making a difference...Perhaps a few abuses of power like deleting posts for no reason will gain you favor from the powers that be...

dear oldie...may i suggest propositioning your queen for extra workouts...intensity is the key my friend...that...and stamina..

nah...high kicks to the heavy bag for a half hour...3 times a week...that will definately do the trick...speaking of bruce...falker did a thousand of those a day....think the most i got up to was 500...bruce lee...legendary...

Lee...if stress is the case...go find yourself a nudy bar and let loose....bring some friends of the gurl variety to boost your player aura....

really...know this....you will die....accept this...and life is very simple....once you accept this fact....nothing can phase you and nothing worries you...either this...or go find a gurl and get a friends with benefits deal going...get your mind off of it...

one eyed xander...i suggest community college... cheap...fun...not as hard....ehh...campus jobs really help with spending money...

rock....you have to make her want you....allure her...if you don't got muscles...use smoothness...or otherwise...chicks love cocky funny...make it so you are the object of her desire....like..."can you please stop staring at my ass...i know that its hard as a rock...but please control yourself...."


87...hard as a rock...just get rid of the fun house mirrors...to the jaws you got...she's too easy...any gurl that bites you on the first date is way way...not grounded...which means they're hella finicky...just...cease the callings...if she wants to get touch with you...she'll have to do it...make her work for it...
 
Ok...I need some Gasm help lol

I go to conventions all the time and at these cons they have fancy dress parties...And this guy that posts on the cons company boards, asked me to enter the fancy dress with him. But I chickened out and made some lame excuse about my friend wanting to do it with me, but the real reason is because my mother wouldn't let me do it because this guy is older and she doesn't really know him. I feel really bad about this now..stupid conscience lol...so..what to do? I thought that maybe I should tell my mother and aske her..and then if she says yes, say to the guy that my friedn backed out and I can still do it....so, what do you think I should do?!
 
the gasm suggests...agreeing to go...then ditch him for the best dressed dude....this will be a glourious story of dissapointment and it will please me very much...

lol...really...don't know why your mom is so bent out of shape...simple solution is to go with a friend...that way....he can't try to get fresh with you....
 
hi SG!!
dear sir,
im gonna sound really crazy for this but i have a fear of waterfalls and i was wondering if you have any suggestions to get over it

thanks,
scared in seattle
 
Dear Mr. Landers...I'm just not chuckin' the poo like I used to...what can a girl do to get her flinging back on track? 😛 😉

No, really, ever feel like you're somewhere you shouldn't be? Like somewhere along the way you just got lost and some evil doppelganger took your ticket and you got his flight instead? Don't know how this happened...or why...how do I stop from feeling so.....misplaced?
 
Dear Mr. Gasm

Ive been in Algebra 1/2 for 3 years (ever since 8th grade) and I still cant pass that ****!! I might have to take it again next year and my private school is not so happy. They might let me take a test to see if I can get out but then I fear I will be in Geometry for the next 10 years.
What should I do?
 
bad azzzz...waterfalls can be imposing figures...may i suggest finding a barrell...go inside...and tell someone to chuck you over one...if you come out of it alive...you will no longer fear waterfalls...cause you survived one already...you'd be like the waterfall slayer...or you could just find some tnt...and blow up all waterfalls in your area...

ehhh...its a kind of obscure fear...so i don't really see how it could impact your regular life...its okay to have a quirk like that...unless you live in a jungle or something...

rayne...sounds like dissociation...happens when life feels hella punk...what you need is a reset button...get you back in the drivers seat...for a good reset button...you need an activity that gets you back into control again...i'll leave that up to you....for me...i run a couple of miles...as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else...than its a cool activity...no cutting now...

my angel...hmm...algebra can be a b i t c h....geometry can be a b i t c h...ehh...i hated geometry...hella punk class...but you have to know in that class is to survive...don't need to excel..but just survive...go past that algebra test like i know you can...and move on...
 
my angel...hmm...algebra can be a b i t c h....geometry can be a b i t c h...ehh...i hated geometry...hella punk class...but you have to know in that class is to survive...don't need to excel..but just survive...go past that algebra test like i know you can...and move on...
Click to expand...
THANX!! Gasm baby I knew I could count on u ^_^!!
 
Dear SG,
I went out for a drink a few nights ago to my local bar, one of my neighbours was in there. he is 7 years older than me we dont really know each other that well..but ended up having a drink together just as friends. now i have never given this guy any reason to think i was interested but he told me he has been in love with me for the last 4 years..i was shocked and didnt know what to say so i told him i was seeing someone (which im not)and made my excuses and left..but now he keeps leaving notes on my car and harrasing me and im avoiding him which is hard as he only lives four doors away from me, he just wont take no for an answer..what should i do??
 
dear Mr soulgasm:
i'm flunking physics (it's spells like this?).. i never flunked nothing i'm my life, i now my mom is always *****ing how i'm not appling and stuff.. she is so getting on my nerves.. ::grrr2:: and it's mcking me way more stressed for the exams that are coming..
what so i do to make her stop, and understand i'm doing my best?
thanks
annonimus sender m***
 
LA...go work it babe....

tell me kasha...are you in a giving mood today??

may i suggest finding a woman of the night...one that looks just like you...and hire her to allure him away...and be rid of him...i don't know the rates of the gurls in your areas...but i would guess that its a c-note...a well spent c-note i might add...

lol...really..i'd call the police...cause this dude sounds obsessed...and any more strong no's might push him over the edge to like...something horrible...so call the po po...call a huge guy friend and tell him to imply that any more un wanted advances would lead to broken legs and shiz...things should go back to normal real fast...

mire...understand that she's turning the heat up cause she doesn't want to see you fail...this is what you do....physics was a falkin hard ass class for me...but i learned that...you gotta work that class hard...in order just to survive...just like LA and her geometry....

to keep your mom on ice...show her that you are studying...let your actions speak louder than words...she can't hate on you if you are applying yourself so...apply...
 
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