Girl trouble.

D

Dancing man

Scooby
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
1,739
Age
37
Location
Accrington, U.K
Hey guys Im 19 and havent had a girlfriend yet, I really want to date a nice girl but completly lack confidence. I was wondering if anyone could help me? I would really like to hear a female perpective aswell as a male one.

Please save my non existent love life.
 
What do you like to do for fun? What is your daily routine? Is there a new hobby you've been wanting to try out?
 
People like confidence, not in your face 'I'M FANTASTIC' but if you give off the impression that you are cool with you are, even if your not, girls will be attracted to it. I would say try and get ok with who you are right now, so you don't have to act confident but actually feel it. Go out, socialise, meet people. Be open to new things. I know that's easier said than done but it basically comes to down to making a decision and being the person you want to be. It will happen, some girl will sweep you off your feet, you just have to be open to it.
 
D
Dancing man
I hope you are right. Thanks for advice.
I'm a firm believer in everything having a place in time. If you are going to be with someone you will be. Simple as that as far as I am concerned. However, that doesn't mean you can't help yourself along. You said above that you go to the pub, that's as good a place as any to meet girls. I'm not saying start dropping dodgy pick up lines over a pint but smile, start up convo's. You never know where they will lead.
 
E
Edmund Blackadder
Damn right I do
Keanoite said:
I'm a firm believer in everything having a place in time. If you are going to be with someone you will be. Simple as that as far as I am concerned. However, that doesn't mean you can't help yourself along. You said above that you go to the pub, that's as good a place as any to meet girls. I'm not saying start dropping dodgy pick up lines over a pint but smile, start up convo's. You never know where they will lead.
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What do you say to start a convo?
 
Kean
Kean
Hi...no better place to begin
Dancing Man, all this 'advice' will do nothing.

You'll think 'wow, that is a good tip, I should try that' but the point is, you shouldn't force it.

You're 19. You have a life of going out, working, socialising and all the above. It will happen for you one day and when it does you'll get it by being yourself.

Be in no rush.

Yes it is great to have someone but seriously, if you get it by being someone you're not, it won't last and if you force it too early, it won't last either.
 
Kean
Kean
And you are just loving it...;)
Bored of the Dead said:
Dancing Man, all this 'advice' will do nothing.

You'll think 'wow, that is a good tip, I should try that' but the point is, you shouldn't force it.

You're 19. You have a life of going out, working, socialising and all the above. It will happen for you one day and when it does you'll get it by being yourself.

Be in no rush.

Yes it is great to have someone but seriously, if you get it by being someone you're not, it won't last and if you force it too early, it won't last either.
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Im scared of getting to about 25 or so and being a virgin, I would really like confidence. To be honest it plays on my mind all the time.
 
You sound a lot like me at 19.

Here's what I did: Nothing. Until, at 23, I couldn't take the nothing any more and started actually talking to women and writing them (well-thought out) emails and stuff. And once I had a few dates, I realized it was a lot easier than I thought it was. Just be yourself and see if they like you (and if you like them, which was surprisingly rare once I actually got started.)

Definitely wish I had figured that out at 19 (or, say 17) rather than 23. But everyone on their own timeline. Now I'm 30 and married to the best woman in the world. Had I started dating someone else earlier, my wife and I might not have met, so...
 
Legate Damar said:
You sound a lot like me at 19.

Here's what I did: Nothing. Until, at 23, I couldn't take the nothing any more and started actually talking to women and writing them (well-thought out) emails and stuff. And once I had a few dates, I realized it was a lot easier than I thought it was. Just be yourself and see if they like you (and if you like them, which was surprisingly rare once I actually got started.)

Definitely wish I had figured that out at 19 (or, say 17) rather than 23. But everyone on their own timeline. Now I'm 30 and married to the best woman in the world. Had I started dating someone else earlier, my wife and I might not have met, so...
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Yeah, I get what your saying. I dont think I'll ever have the confidence and It may sound stupid when im only 19, but I can see myself being alone.
 
E
Edmund Blackadder
You'll get there
Dancing man said:
Im scared of getting to about 25 or so and being a virgin, I would really like confidence. To be honest it plays on my mind all the time.
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There in lies your problem.

You're equating a relationship with sex.

People can tell that. You should seriously just work at your own pace, go to Uni(I assume) make friends, get to know people, things will happen naturally but you can't force it by being someone else and you'll get no where if you can't differentiate between wanting a shag and a relationship.
 
Dancing man said:
I know the differnce perfectly well thankyou, I just want to avoid awkardness later on in life.


I work, I stupidly didnt go to furthur education.
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That wasn't a dig, that was because you said 25 and a virgin.

You didn't say what I to be in a commited relationship by 25.

Either way, you should get yourself out there. You're 19 it will happen. So what if you're a virgin at 25, when the time comes and you're with someone who wants to be with you and that you want to be with, you'll appreciate it so much more
 
Youth is for being youthful.

Save commitment until you're a little less carefree, going out with someone for sex is just taking advantage of them and deceiving yourself.
 
JCC said:
Youth is for being youthful.

Save commitment until you're a little less carefree, going out with someone for sex is just taking advantage of them and deceiving yourself.
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I didnt mean I would just have sex with someone and leave them. I meant a good realtionship while I was young so I could move past a hurdle.
 
Al is right, be who you are and be ok with it. It's too much hard work being anyone else. Also I would try and curb the constant thoughts on the matter. You'll go insane. Again this is all easier said then done but if you have recognised the problem (lack of confidence) well go about fixing it. Life is too short to sit around thinking about what's not right with your life.
 
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Edmund Blackadder
Hmmm Al is right - I'm hearing that alot lately
If it helps, I'm 21 and I didn't get into my first relationship til I was almost 19. And I was sick of being the only girl in my group of friends who hadn't had a boyfriend and any of the other stuff that goes with it. So I rushed out as soon as I got to university and started dating the first guy that showed an interest in me.
We didn't have anything in common, it turned out that he hated everything about me and everything that makes me me, and spent 9months trying to change me (and control me and lots of other bad stuff). Needless to say, looking back on it, I wish I'd have never dated him (or even met him).

By forcing myself into a relationship, things turned very bad. I wish now I'd have waited until it happened naturally- because when it does, you know that you have some kind of chance of making it work- you'll get on because you have things in common, or you both have the same attitude to life, or you just generally get along and are very comfortable around eachother. That's why there isn't any point in rushing it, as everyone else has said, but to let it happen naturally- trust me, the bond between you will be stronger because of it, and it WILL happen exactly when it's meant to.

Just don't go out and rush into something because you think it's what you're 'supposed' to do. It'll end badly, and you'll end up like me, regretting all that time in your life that you wasted with someone who wasn't worth a second of your time.

P.S. BotD = egomaniac! 'Hmm AL is right- I'm hearing that alot lately' LOL.
 
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Edmund Blackadder
Hahahaha - you know it. Awww thats a shame about your first BF at University
Well I'm 22 and have never had a girlfriend. I finally managed to tell a girl that I love her earlier this year by putting it in a letter because I'm too nervous to say stuff like that in person, but she just outright stopped talking to me at that point and I found out she's now dating a guy who is kinda a friend of mine, or used to be anyway. Was trying to decide on a method to kill myself a couple months ago that would be quick and have a low risk of failure, but now I'm taking antidepressants and just sort of existing here but not really thinking about death, but never completely happy either. I think it's hard if you're a guy lacking confidence. Go outside, see couples cuddling up, kissing, holding hands; stuff I've never had. Don't get the confidence, nothing will happen, ever.
 
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