OK, I have something that I need to share. Yes, I'm sarcastic, a lot more than you all probably realise. I will sometimes disguise the tone of my posts, or I will deliberately omit the punchline. Take away the conclusion so that there is no pay off and there is only one way to read what I have written. Sometimes I employ irony, or I make use of the fact that you do not know me or my voice so that when you read my words you have to inject something of yourself to give words meaning. This, however, I say to you all with complete sincerity. I assure you that I am not laughing and I hope that you understand my words are genuine and my problem is real.
Nobody knows this secret, and what I share, here today, I do for the first time since it became a reality. It started in the summer of 2006, as I was preparing to go out for the night. Grooming myself in front of the mirror, I spotted, what was for me, my greatest embarrassment. Protruding, about 3 or 4 millimetres out of my nose, was a hair. When I saw it I was quite aghast. I hadn't noticed it before, and I thought only old men had nostril hair sticking out their nose. I quickly ran and got a pair of scissors and chopped it out. It was useless however, and within a week it was back, and it had a friend. I decided scissors weren't up to the task, so I yanked them out with my fingers. This is when it started.
Pulling out nasal hair with my fingers quickly became a habit, a ritual even. It doesn't end there though. When I had ran out of hairs at the end of my nose I started getting my fingers right in there and whipping out those olfactory cilia at the top of my nose. Then slowly, it spread onto pulling out my chest hairs, and the hair under my arms. I couldn't stop it. Then, late at night, my hands crept under the covers. Slowly, inconspicuously making their way to my genitals. As I lay, at night, ashamed of what I had become, I realised that I had a problem that I couldn't face on my own anymore. It's just too hard to see a specialist about it. I feel like a hormonal 13 year old girl.
That is my guilty secret, and I'm glad that I could share with you all and get it off my chest...
