Help Guys I got real life IWRY’d and I’m broken.

[Angel6]

So long story short. I’m 35 happily married expecting a child.

From the ages of 18-26 I was in love with a girl who was part of an evangelist cult, she couldn’t go out with me because her friends and family wouldn’t let her be with a non believer. It was fraught, it was hard, it was heartbreaking. We hung out all the time, we never really revealed how we really felt.

She moved to Bolivia, met this guy from the same evangelist crowd/chirch came back got married. I kind of thought ‘I’m glad she got what she wanted’

She messaged me out the blue recently. He was an awful guy, he weaponised her faith against her, he controlled and manipulated her for years and he raped her regularly in her sleep. She’s in therapy and working on it, but I just feel so angry and so upset for her.

She told me I’m the only man who’s ever loved her and treated her as such, and she always loved me too and she’s heartbroken she wasn’t strong enough to leave the cult before.

I’m absolutely broken. I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m so guilty. It’s too late, there’s nothing I can do. I’m so full of regret and sadness.

 

[Plasma]

I’m sorry to hear that, Angel6.

I find that as I get older, I have those same sorts of “opportunities past” moments, where I wonder how things could’ve been if just one moment had changed. It’s hard, it’s sad, it’s frustrating, but it’s life at the end of the day.

 

[Angel6]

I’m sorry to hear that, Angel6.

I find that as I get older, I have those same sorts of “opportunities past” moments, where I wonder how things could’ve been if just one moment had changed. It’s hard, it’s sad, it’s frustrating, but it’s life at the end of the day.

Yeah it’s been a really tough week ! I have felt a lot of guilt about whether I could’ve tried harder, done more to fit in her life then and save her all this, but I actually don’t think she would’ve been ready to turn her back on the cult then without something like what’s happened happening 😢😔

 

[November]

Its a sad story 🙁 the sort of "survivors guilt" we get from theses things is difficult to move through. There is nothing you can do, its odd to reflect as we get older. She made her choice at the time, and you made yours. Continue forward and don't allow this to drag you back, especially at such a special time in your life.

Being in therapy can open all sorts of doors to the past, so she is not in a healthy or safe headspace. It is sad, and what you feel is normal (it'd be a worry if you didnt feel something for her!) but be wary of inviting her into your mind or life right now.

All the best for the birth of your baby 🙂

 

[Angel6]

Its a sad story 🙁 the sort of "survivors guilt" we get from theses things is difficult to move through. There is nothing you can do, its odd to reflect as we get older. She made her choice at the time, and you made yours. Continue forward and don't allow this to drag you back, especially at such a special time in your life.

Being in therapy can open all sorts of doors to the past, so she is not in a healthy or safe headspace. It is sad, and what you feel is normal (it'd be a worry if you didnt feel something for her!) but be wary of inviting her into your mind or life right now.

All the best for the birth of your baby 🙂

Thank you that’s actually really good advice.

 

[Karin Schill]

I understand where you're coming from as I am also full of regrets about not marrying the only man I've ever loved when I was young. 🙁

But considering you're in a good place in your life now, happily married to someone else and expecting a baby I think the best thing you can do is to look to the future instead of getting stuck in the past. What happened to her is horrible. But I don't think being her friend will help either one of you at this point. It's better not to have contact. It's like you said yourself, "too late" now. She made the wrong choice when she married that guy. But it was her choice. Not yours. You are in no way responsible for that.

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

...she told me I’m the only man who’s ever loved her and treated her as such, and she always loved me too and she’s heartbroken she wasn’t strong enough to leave the cult before.

I’m absolutely broken. I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m so guilty. It’s too late, there’s nothing I can do. I’m so full of regret and sadness.

I know you may not want to hear this, but things happen for a reason. I believe it wasn't meant for you to be with her. The Universe has a plan for you (and everyone else) so please don't be regretful or sad. 💕

 

[Ethan Reigns]

Your first statement is that you are age 35, happily married and you have a child on the way and it has been nine years since you had contact with her.

You don't have any way of confirming anything she has said. You must have mentioned that you were married with a family addition coming soon. If she wanted to break that up, she may not be quite the religious person she was scheduled to be and religion is useless at preventing some men and women from taking advantage of a sexual situation. You are married to someone else. You have no reason for guilt or regret. She was the one who left you, not the other way around. If she was trying to split up your marriage, she is not wife material anyway.

Don't forget one basic fact: women lie. Even my wife said that. And I have known women that I can prove lied, so I don't fall for any stories that I hear. In fact, on the Rockstar Supernova board, one woman made complaints about abuse from her husband to me in a private mail link. What was I supposed to do about it? There was a performance by one of the stars that I attended and so did she. She was in delicate shape and died shortly thereafter of Lyme disease and maybe it affected her mind.

You should recognize that you don't own her problem. Live your life with your family and recognize that she made a choice that someone else's opinion was more important than her love for you and guess what? It would happen again if you let it.