Hank's relationship with his daughters.

[Joshua]

Does anybody else think that Hank sort of always thought of Buffy and Dawn as mistakes? Like Joyce wanted to have them but Hank didn't. That's why he left Joyce in LA with another woman.

He also didn't commit to his plans to see Buffy on her birthday in "Helpless". I know I'm reaching here but it got me thinking.

 

[Taake]

No, I don't think Hank thought of them as mistakes. In season 1-2 he was absent but he was trying, as the show carried on he obviously got more and more estranged from Buffy (and Dawn) but I don't think it was from lack of love.

Ultimately I think it was just kind of unfortunate. As an adult/parent it can be hard to relate to your teenager, I just think that Hank drifted away from his daughters to the point where he felt that the gap between them was too wide to breach. I'm sure he felt very guilty however and due to that it felt easier for him to just keep staying away.

Resentments grew, obviously from Buffy's (and Dawn's) side about his abscene and I'm sure that once she got older and older she made no secret about that to Hank (justifiably), leading him perhaps to the conclusion that it was too late for him to nestle in again.

So no, I don't think he thought they were mistakes, but I do think his own guilt and regret for becoming estranged to them, was what kept him away.
If he had wanted to work on it, to apologize, to be there, I'm sure Buffy would have forgiven him. But perhaps he didn't have enough of a strong character for that, perhaps he didn't know how to find strenght for that. Perhaps he even assumed that they were better off without him after a certain point.

 

[brinkster130]

I don't know. Honestly in the beginning he did seem to make an effort and then all of a sudden he just became an absent father with very little explanation. I can see them growing part as the no longer lived together and her being a teenager must have made having a relationship more difficult but it has always a little hard for me to believe. The fact that he never came around after Joyce died was completely in my opinion; especially with Dawn in the picture.

Perhaps keeping him in the story line was simply to hard especially since him and Joyce split and had separate lives.

 

[BuffyElevated]

The fact that he never came around after Joyce died was completely in my opinion; especially with Dawn in the picture.

Completely what? Inexcusable?? That's the word I'd use, for sure...

I don't think Hank viewed the girls as mistakes; I think he hit his midlife crisis and his priorities shifted. In the beginning we saw him making a little bit of an effort, and then after that, nothing. It was always really sad for me, and I agree with [MENTION=9799]Taake[/MENTION] that Buffy and Dawn probably felt a lot of resentment toward him for the lack of effort on his part in the later seasons.

 

[brinkster130]

Completely what? Inexcusable?? That's the word I'd use, for sure...

Opps, left out a word -.-

Yes, inexcusable is a word I'd use to describe it. I'd also say it was a little unbelievable. He was married to Joyce for years and had two children with her; I just don't think he would not show up, or call and offer to help Buffy and Dawn out. Dawn was still pretty young and Hank should of had legal obligations to helping her out.

 

[Ripper666]

Mhm, I think he loves his daughter even if the "crazzy" daughter was too much for him! I mean Buffy burned down a gym! Mostly in the beginning of the show he tried to stay in contact. But then I agree that his behavior changed. He may lost the interests in two persons who he only meets three or two times a week?

 

[white avenger]

Though it wasn't ever mentioned on the show, I kind of got the feeling that his new wife/girlfriend at some point around Season 2 or 3 gave him some sort of, "It's me or them," ultimatum, possibly coupled with starting a new family. Under those circumstances, it would be understandable, if totally inexcusable. Also, it was mentioned that he and Wife #2 had moved to Europe, for reasons unknown. In a situation like that, coupled with, almost certainly, starting a new job, if not a whole new career, it actually might have very difficult, or even impossible, financially, to get back to the U S. Apparently, he couldn't or wouldn't either return when Joyce died or continue with financial support for Buffy and Dawn. Then again, the terms of the divorce might have included a one time settlement rather than monthly child support.

Has it ever even occurred to anyone that Hank might not even know that Joyce was dead? It was mentioned a couple of times that there wasn't any communication between Hank and his children, inexcusable in itself, but that might be a possible answer to his "parenta absentia" (if that's the proper term and spelling) role at such a time. If he didn't know, and if the settlement had been a one term agreement, then his main offense would be somewhat more understandable, if once again, inexcusable.

I am in no way trying to defend Hank Summers' actions here. As a parent, he would have an obligation, morally, if not legally, to be reasonably sure that Buffy and Dawn were properly cared for under any circumstances. As I have said twice before here, doing anything less is inexcusable. But there are circumstances and conditions that we are totally ignorant of that would have to be considered before we decide exactly what Hank Summers' actual offenses were. He was definitely wrong, but we really can't judge, given what evidence we have, just exactly HOW wrong he really was.

(Just as an aside here, I can't help but wonder, given Sarah's attitude toward her own father, who she refers to as simply "the sperm donor," if she might have had some say in how Buffy and Hank's relationship developed)

 

[VisionGirl]

I think it has more to do with how Joss portrays fathers in his shows. It sounds as if he had a good relationship with his mother, but Im not so sure about his father. He does portray absent, abusive, neglectful, criticizing, and distant fathers most of the time.

In the Origin comics, it appears that Buffy's mysterious behavior was the cause of a lot of marital strife, although in the series that wasn't mentioned quite so much (the affair with his secretary was talked about more). I'm not sure that they moved to Europe, but it does sound like they were vacationing there. Then again, the Scooby gang was trying to keep Buffy's death a secret in season 6, so it's possible that no one told him.

 

[Kean]

(Just as an aside here, I can't help but wonder, given Sarah's attitude toward her own father, who she refers to as simply "the sperm donor," if she might have had some say in how Buffy and Hank's relationship developed)

I don't think Sarah had any say on how the story went, that isn't Whedon's style. If Hank's failings as a father are based on any real feelings, I'd have to say they would be Whedon's. He hasn't been shy about expressing his dissatisfaction with his relationship with his Dad.

 

[white avenger]

I'd have to say they would be Whedon's. He hasn't been shy about expressing his dissatisfaction with his relationship with his Dad.

And that goes far beyond sad all the way to tragic.

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Continuing in the same vein as white avenger's #7 post.

Hank did get married, to some nice intelligent woman. Unfortunately she went on to become a psycho luny lady.
She began to develop a fanatical religious bent, went on about some crazy idea that Adam would make the world right again.
He purposely didn't contact Buffy as he wanted to protect her from this woman's crazy belief. (if only he knew.)



(Everyone would know of that, if only you had what 'white avenger' and I have in common, a greater maturity brought on by being blessed in the number of years lived department.)

 

[AmelRIOT]

I think Hank did love Buffy and Dawn, he was in season 1 and 2 taking Buffy to trips, now that he's re-married I do think he cared less though but we don't know maybe he send money to Joyce to help raise the kids? Sent them postcards? Or visit them in summer? We don't know but I think it was apalling that he wasn't there at Joyce's funeral yes they spilt up but they were getting along especially in the episode 'When She Was Bad' they got along so you would of thought the woman I loved, the mother of my children and a good friend has just died I would go to the funeral! But he didn't and it annoyed me that he didn't offer to look after Buffy and Dawn or help them out with money. I understand with Buffy's death he problz didn't know but it's still sick that he didn't come over to help Buffy, Dawn was still in middle school a kid. Also I hated how Hank never searched or rang to see where Buffy was in 'Anne' she's been gone for how long? And he didn't bother to look? I thought that was rude, all I can say is thank god for Giles he is truly Buffy and Dawn's real Dad, he was there for them with Joyce's death, he was there for demon problems and personal problems and he gave them rides as well. Giles even looked for Buffy almost the whole country in 'Anne' Giles is what I call a true father.