Going on what people here have said about what happened to Miss Hayden. Those people in authority who sat in authority over her decided to blame her regardless of her ability to cope with the situation. If people of an understanding nature had allowed themselves to look into what Hayden was going through I am sure there would have been a different outcome, of course there is always the notion I could be wrong.
As a recovering addict of more than three and a half decades in recovery, I wish you were right. The truth is that as an adult, only she had authority over her own life, even if she could not cope.
An addict by definition cannot manage his/her own life. Sadly, that's not always clear to the addict, even when it should be.
While I am sure there will be things that were done wrong or oversight that wasn't done, the truth is,
the natural state of an addict is to use. Yes, that's what I said. It's a true miracle when we get and stay clean and when we recover. It takes work. it takes help. (and that help can be complicated to give, because addicts are ornery beasts and we destroy those who love us the most) It takes time and struggle. Not even all who truly want recovery survive. Even those who struggle hard sometimes can't make it happen.
It's a disease. It's like other mental illnesses in this way: it's an illness that tells you you are not sick, that you can manage, can handle things. And for many strong people (those who are most independent and often manage other things superlatively), we compensate until we can't. Then we crash and often we burn. I've known people with
decades clean who overdosed
and died the first time they relapsed (at least in part because they no longer have the tolerance they think they have and almost always because they're hiding from EVERYONE in their lives (including themselves) - or at minimum, everyone they know would try to stop them. Two truths: All addicts lie. Most of all, we lie to ourselves. (it's called
denial)
And the drugs keep getting stronger and more dangerous. Having money also eliminates the barriers that keep some of us out of trouble. Money will buy just about ANYTHING, especially discretion. It does not take a lot of money to purchase a lethal dose.
I'm very sorry she's dead. I'm sorry she overdosed or deliberately hurt herself... either way, this disease is a wicked and horrible thing. I feel for her family. I feel for her child especially. What a waste of a talented life.
If you are someone who struggles with (a) substance(s) and/or an addictive behaviour, please get help and once you get clean, please remember that
you will ALWAYS be an addict and you cannot afford to EVER forget this. You therefore will
always need help. In addition to getting help if you need it, staying around other recovering addicts will give you a chance to help others recover, and that will do more for your recovery than just about anything else. Most relapsers come to the point where they believe they are cured. Recovery is a
daily reprieve, not a cure.
About addiction:
IP #1, Who, What, How, and Why - Narcotics Anonymous World Services
(excerpt)
Who is an addict?
Most of us do not have to think twice about this question.
We know! Our whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another—the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. We lived to use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs. We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness
whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions, and death.
I highly recommend:
Alcoholics Anonymous -
Have a problem with alcohol? There is a solution. | Alcoholics Anonymous
Narcotics Anonymous -
Narcotics Anonymous
Overeaters Anonymous (overeating, undereating (anorexia) bulimia) -
https://oa.org/
Alanon (for someone who has a family history of any substance abuse, not just alcohol)
Al-Anon Family Groups
(There's an 'anonymous' program for any other type of addiction/substance or behaviour you can imagine - Gamblers Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous come to mind - gambling and debt destroy both the addict and their families and often end up in combination with substance abuse)
In spite of the seriousness with which food and obesity is NOT taken, it actually kills more people than any other addiction, though nicotine may win that war in some third world countries.
NOTE: If you are currently using, you probably ALSO need medical help. Quitting a substance can be dangerous to your health if you don't do it correctly. This is particularly true of alcohol.
Disclaimer: I'm a recovering addict, sharing my experience, strength and hope. I'm
not a physician and I am not pretending to be one. This is NOT medical advice.
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