He called it off...

K

killerdwarf

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I'm not supposed to be here right now. I'm supposed to be doing knee damage to myself and others on the dance floor, with a bottle of Bud in my hand, toasting a wedding. But...we showed up at the church, and got the message: my buddy called it off. Apparently he visited his parents on Thursday, and Friday was spent desperately trying to get the train back on the rails. Didn't work. And in an extremely scary piece of harmonic convergence, the rerun of Buffy on the local channel that I'm watching right now is...Hell's Bells. I'm about ready to run for the hills...

So. Did he do the right thing? Should he have gone thru with it? Or was he right in stopping it before a big mistake was made? He's a really great guy (really), and she's a beautiful, intelligent lady. I guess you just don't know. What do you guys think? Has anyone else ever had this happen to them, or to someone you know? Help me get a handle on it, OK?
 
I've never seen this happen at any wedding i've been at. I can't really say if it was the right thing for him to do because I don't know them or their situation. However if there is genuine doubts or some other issue I think its better to get it sorted out before the wedding rather than getting married and a month down the line splitting up.

All you can do is offer an ear for him to listen to if he allows you to help him, as you are an excellent friend that supports their mates and offers wise and always correct advice. Speaking from experience and all 🙂
 
K
killerdwarf
Thanks for the vote of confidence! I needed that...
That sucks. I've never been to a wedding period, so I've never experienced this, well only through Anya and Xander, really. All I know is that she must be devastated, but regardless, he might have done the right thing. Probably did, because if you have that much doubt, it probably isn't going to work.
 
Wow.. I never know if you should trust doubts or not. When I have them they're mostly just my paranoid mind playing tricks on me... But for some people, having doubts means that there really is a reason to stop and think things through, re-consider..

I have never been to a wedding.. Well except my mom's (um, two of them actually, although one was with my dad of course).. And I have never heard of anything like this happening to someone I know. But then again, I'm a bit too young to have friends who are getting married... (Or, okay, maybe not, but, whatever..)
 
Wow...I know people who've had cold feet in the past but they all went through with it in the end...just nerves I suppose - Mrs P spent our wedding ceremony nervously giggling like a loony 🙂...anyhoo, back OT.

I suppose if your pal felt strongly enough to call it off completely, there was either something very wrong that you weren't aware of or one really bad case of stage fright. As Faith said, all you can really do is be there to lend support to your friend (or his fiancée) if they need it.
 
That really does suck! It really does. You know this guy well by the sounds of it... and his lady sounds lovely but noone really knows what goes on behind the scenes. Perhaps everything was right but he didn't really feel ready to make that big commitment and he was afraid to hurt her. Perhaps someone talked him out of it unintensionally. It's hard to say because it's impossible to know everything that's going on in everyone's lives. All you can do is offer support... which I know you'll be doing anyway. 🙂

If you need to talk... you know where I am...
 
I've been to several weddings where I swore that would happen because I was overly informed about the background drama, but have yet to actually see it happen.

Honestly, he probably made the right choice because I've seen divorces happen, and I think that may just be harder to bounce back from...
 
Yeah, I guess things can be bad without anyone knowing...I get that doing it this way is better than a divorce after a couple of years and/or kids, but that doesn't make it any easier to get your head around. Thanks, folks, for giving your thoughts. I've offered an ear to listen, but I'm not gonna push...nothing worse than some nosey dwarf trying to get you to open up! I'd only ever heard about this from a friend of a friend of a friend...you know, bordering on urban legend...never thought I'd witness it.

Thanks again for the help, and the kind words.
 
Well, ideally doubts like that would have become apparent at an earlier stage, but yeah, I think it's better that they took stock at this point rather than start a marriage with something serious left unresolved. Even if whatever it was didn't surface immediately afterwards,it could fester for decades, until it really is too late to backpedal. It mightn't be easy to tell either involved party that, but I think they are better off to sort it out sooner rather than later, wherever they go from there.
 
Wow, I just read your post kd. I feel for them. That is really sad but maybe it was the right thing to do. I know this guy, a friend of mine, who made a mistake and married his high school sweetie when he was having a lot of doubts and people (who weren't me because I didn't think they were doing the right thing by getting married) just were trying to force the marriage and now they are married and getting a divorce only a year later and she is doing everything in her power to turn his life into a living hell, and he won't do anything because she is pregnant and he doesn't want her to hurt the baby, which she has threatened to do.

Everyone who meets them pities him and gets angry at her. But a year ago you'd never have thought they would end up like this.

I'm not saying your friend did the right thing or the wrong thing, but its probably better to have called it off then to end up like my friend. Maybe they'll work it out. But even if they don't they'll find others and with a little faith in themselves and few doubts ('cause we all have doubts, we just don't want a lot of them) and live a great, happy, wonderful life.

(The down side to that^...You have to buy double the gifts...😀 LOL)

But, I'd like to add if the doubts were just little things like the kind people have about being good parents and they are meant to be, then they'll work it out. (So don't return that gift for a refund just yet...)
 
I've had a talk with my buddy's parents since my last post, and I guess he was feeling very pressured to go ahead. I have mixed emotions about it all, knowing both of them. I feel crappy that they didn't go thru with it since it seemed like they truly cared for each other. On the other hand, as Anita and Jill said, it may be better that they ended it now as opposed to later, after marriage and kids...it took a lot of guts to stop it when he wasn't sure.
 
Don't get me started on marriage..... But like you've already said, perhaps better to end it now than later on. In a way it's all about what you expect from life, I'm sure that there could have been a type of happiness involved if he went through with it, but now perhaps he can get really happy and not just okey with his life. Becaue it is really sad when you see people with families and jobs and things that just make them go through life without actually feelin satisfied or at all.
 
Well, since the arguement is now definitely shifting into the direction of the "don't do it"-camp... it is also true, that sometimes you have to face your fears and go ahead with something... if you're always gonna say no, because there's a tiny hint of doubt, you'll end up a 40-year old virgin... I think non-existence is pretty said for the children too 😉

That was just a bit of confusing everybody!
 
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