help needed..

M

mire

procrastinator at work.
Joined
Mar 3, 2004
Messages
651
Location
under your bed.
i really wnat to know your oppinions, coz i really don't know what to do in this sitch..to make a long story short, my ex and I did'nt spoke to each other or saw eacht other since we broke up (by his conditions) coz he toke the fact that i wanted to break up with him really bad..he was alwas kinda emotionally instable..he was really needy and somewhat obcessed, but i decided i didn't want to be with him anymore when he started wanting to "deepen" our realtionship...i had always some trust and intemicy problems, so i put a stop to that in that moment..but anyway, now after almos 2monts apart, he started showing up in my school and places i go, when i know he doend't know anyone there besides me..he did try a couple of times to return dating me again..but this is diferent, coz he just stands somewhere watching me...and it's starting to freak me out. i thought this was just a coincidence or a one or two times thing, but this as been going one for some weeks now...i don't really know what i should do to make it more clear that i don't want him anymore..
 
Uh huh, more crazed stalkers...we've seen this one before, right BBers? Does obsesso-boy actually talk, or just stare? Well, that really doesn't matter, 'cause you should approach him ONE TIME ONLY and say, in no uncertain terms, that there is absolutely no chance of him ever dating, going out or being in your company ever again. Be blunt, but not insulting. Be simple, and don't worry about his "feelings" in any way. If you leave anything open to his interpretation, he will translate it in his favour! I'd even go so far as to telling him that the stalker bit makes him even less desireable than he already is, 'cause it makes him look like a wussy (did that translate ok...?). One of the main problems when girls break up with guys is that the girls don't want to hurt feelings, and while trying to do that, they give mixed messages they don't mean or want to give...the guy sees some hope (because the breakup was softened) that getting back together is a possibility, while the girl meant no such thing.

In summary: Be blunt, polite, simple and direct. Leave no room for interpretation on his part. Do it once, in a public place with others around. Then ignore him. No talking, no eye contact (except a dismissive one).
 
My man KD here said it perfectly, especially this line:

killerdwarf said:
Be simple, and don't worry about his "feelings" in any way. If you leave anything open to his interpretation, he will translate it in his favour!
Click to expand...

You do have to be very blunt and right to the point. You may come across as mean, but you do NOT want to leave the door open for interpretation or give him any glimmer of hope at all that he may one day get back together with you.

Also, be very mindful of your situation, in other words don't walk to your car alone at night or walk down a street alone..at least until he stops just turning up on you like that.

That is seriously creepy and if he doesn't stop after you tell him to, I would consider going and filing a restraining order to keep him away. It might sound extreme, but why take chances?????
 
Jenny said:
I would consider going and filing a restraining order to keep him away. It might sound extreme, but why take chances?????
Click to expand...

Yup, that's the next step alright! Watch what happens after the blunt dumping, then do the RO if you need it. Police take this seriously now, fortunately!
 
I agree with both killerdwarf and Jenny..If you don't feel safe alone make one of your friends go with you..and it's not childish..Don't take any risk,please..
 
well, he only speeked to me once, and through a friend..and eally couldn't be more direct, the last time he tried, i told him that i didn't love him like he did and that i wasn't happy with him, taht i was better alone..i really couldn't be more specificly..he's never been dangerous or violent..he was very jeoulous though..and i think that it's problably what he is looking for, if i "reaplace him".. so i'm not worried bout myself directly...he once threatned a guy friend of mine coz he didn't like us hanging togueder..i warned him about what is foing now, but i don't think he takes my ex seriously...and maybe i shouldn't too..maybe it's just another lame manover to have another chance..or maybe he's just lonely..
 
Well, gotta say that I agree with KD here. (how obvious was that?) I think you should give it another couple of days and if your sure he's just hanging around stalking you then approach him. (One more time though!) Tell him, again, that it's over and that he should leave you alone. If he doesn't, start by telling your teachers. If that doesn't work, you may have to go further with it.

Good luck!

*hugs*
 
Just gonna echo everyone else on here, cuz they're all so smart 😀
tons and tons of luck. and say something to someone if he steps it up or keeps at it. its better to seem a little paranoid than to get hurt, and having lots of fear is bad.
I'm not sure of the laws or the restraining orders in Portugal, but maybe you should read up on 'em just in case. It can't hurt.

well gluck again. hope he stops.
 
ana8 said:
..If you don't feel safe alone make one of your friends go with you..and it's not childish..Don't take any risk,please..
Click to expand...

That's a good piece of advice! One thing you gotta do is NOT tell him about you being happy, sad, etc. Give him NO information at all, except that he has absolutely no chance of ever being with you ever again. By saying something about being alone and happy, you set up the situation when he sees you with another guy, convinces himself that you are a liar, and that you were lying when you told him you didn't want to be with him. By saying stuff like "It's me, not you", he will figure that you will at some point change your mind, get better, or whatever his little mind can come up with. Remember, guys like this use insane troll logic, which is nothing like reality, so NO PERSONAL FEELINGS OR INFORMATION. Keep that stuff to yourself, it's none of his business!
 
you'll problably right...thanks to all for the help you've been great🙂...i'm problably gonna face him and stop this crap once and for all..i'm not gonna be freaked just because some lame idiot guy i was fool enought to date is running all pshyco now..in the street i'm almost never alone so..i'm problably sage..but thanks anyway..
 
killerdwarf said:
Remember, guys like this use insane troll logic, which is nothing like reality, so NO PERSONAL FEELINGS OR INFORMATION. Keep that stuff to yourself, it's none of his business!
Click to expand...

This is the best advice, just cut him out completely! Don't say anything other than go away, don't ever talk to me again!!!

Seriously you never know what someone will do in a fit of emotion. Even the fact that he threatened another guy means he has not let go of you or his feelings of you. He feels like he has to protect your or you still belong to him. Just why risk it. I'm sure that's what people who end up getting seriously hurt or killed by their exes say, they never were dangerous or threatening. But you just don't know the extremes someone will go to when they aren't in their right minds.

Good luck hun!
 
I figure that I'll throw my 2 cents in as well. I agree with everyone else's comments. Especially the part about no personal feelings. Do not give this guy anything to hold on to. I also would urge a slight bit of caution because his jealousy shown during your relationship can easily turn into rage when he thinks that he is being threatened, or if his supposed relationship with you is threatened (my degree in anthropology is actually good for something). Furthermore ensure that everyone you know has knowledge of the situation and can keep an eye out for this guy. Do not let him think that he is bothering too much or he will keep hanging on for the attention he is getting from you, even though it is negative. Good luck.
 
The last two posts pretty much said it all! Jenny, Beer Nut, you fleshed it out perfectly (hey Jenny! howzit!😉). The rage analysis sounds right on, and Jenny is right, the ones that are not seen as a threat usually are. Hmm, is it a coincidence that all three of us Canucks are interested in helping out here...? Maybe another thread is in order...
 
killerdwarf said:
The last two posts pretty much said it all! Jenny, Beer Nut, you fleshed it out perfectly (hey Jenny! howzit!😉). The rage analysis sounds right on, and Jenny is right, the ones that are not seen as a threat usually are. Hmm, is it a coincidence that all three of us Canucks are interested in helping out here...? Maybe another thread is in order...
Click to expand...

Well said KD and you know, they do say Canadians are among the most helpful people in the world! ::wave::

Oh and

GO FLAMES GO! ::dance::
 
thanks to all guys..really apreecheate all the advices..i think i solve most of the sitch..i talked to his friend (who the jerk managed to put in the midle of the storie trying to make him trwo himself at me or something) and he made it clear i don't want to see him again stalking me, and if he ever did that again i would sent my guys friends catch him.. i don't see him since them..so i guess it worked..
 
Good stuff, I'm happy that it seems to have been resolved. If you ever need anything else feel free to contact me (pm/email/msn).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom