High School Experience

[BuffyThoughts]

I have a question here, I hope you guys can help me with, I don't where else on this board to put it up. Sometimes I have that problem on Buffy Boards, it seems like all the categories are so narrow and specific, none of them seem to fit exactly what I have in mind to say/ask.

I recently watched the DVD commentary for S3, where Jane Espenson, talking about "Earshot," says (my quote might not be exact) "no one gets out of high school without horrible psychic wounds."

This is a common theme in American popular entertainment.

I wonder, is the secondary school experience as bad in other countries as it is in the States (where I live)? I hope some of you guys who live in other countries will enlighten me.

BTW, my wife is from Taiwan. She tells me that secondary school is horrible there, too, but not in quite the same way.

Thanks in advance for your help.

 

[Ms.Trick]

Well, I'd say it's like that everywhere, in every country!

High school is the most jungle-like period, the dog days, because it's the age teenagers are the harshest and more precisely, the more confused. It's the age where you don't know exactly who you became, who do you want to be, if you want to follow the trend and the mass or not. I didn't hate high school, but it was not as easy as primary school and way less better than at university. At the university there is a whole new dynamic and much more tolerance for each other, and we are all there for same interest while in high school we are all thrown in the same thing and every body is so different and has so many different aims that it's not always easy to fit.
I'm kind of a marginal but it never really was a problem, I had more popular people who talked to me, and other popular kids who acted like I was vermin (but I didn't really care for that).

My best high school year was the best, because it was like the reconciliation year. People you didn't like, people you never talked to, well you become closer to them. Not besties or anything, but it was like the end of the road for all of us, and it feels weird to understand you'll all take different path. In my class, we were only 11 students, because people didn't like Latin or Greek for that matter. In the end, we finally bond, and we wondered "Why didn't that happen earlier?"
And in here all schools have a last year trip (don't know if it's like that in every country). Around april-may, all the students who finish high school go on a one-week trip in Greece or Tunisie or Croatie or Barcelone or...you get the idea. It's the thing we all wait for since first year of high school. And well, at that trip, everybody talk to everybody because we all hang out outside of school, outside of the country and it's really great.

On the whole, my high school experience was between good and not very dramatic, but I really think the worst moment are due to the general confusion.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

I think it's less about the 'horrors' of secondary school than the age at which we all go to secondary school accounting for the horrors.

 

[Washburne]

High school is something like age 14- 18 right? Then I think it's been summed up why it's so bad to most people. I wouldn't say that horrible is the best word to describe it but I guess that compared to the other school stages it's the one most likely to be worst. Not so much about school as being a teenager with all that includes. Adding the stress of getting good grades doesn't help you when you got enough with hormones and stuf.

Personally I went from a kid that laughed a lot to someone with a broken self-esteem worrying about everything. Still I had my fair share of good times and memories. I doubt the average student I went with wouldn't call "högstadiet" (Age 13 -16) hell or see it as a horrible time.

 

[Kean]

I have memories of secondary school that are some of greatest moments of my life but at the same time I have some truly horrible memories of school too. For me it was both. The sheer level of bitchiness that can be generated in an all girls school is scary.

Adolesence, I don't miss you at all. Not even a little bit.

 

[Seeing Red]

Were I live Middle School is WAY worse then High School, but I do not agree with the physical wound stuff. Most of the time it is emotional wounds. But over all high school sucks, you try to rebel you get shunned by your parents you stay the same you get shunned by your friends.

 

[mayfever]

I agree with what everyone else said, it's not the school itself it's the stage in life. I was popular-ish in highschool but I wouldn't go back there if you paid me a million quid. I was the most horrible, most obnoxious kid you could imagine, I had no sense of loyalty (I would bitch about all my friends to all my other friends the second they turned their backs), no spine to stand up to peer pressure, had a part in bullying another girl so that she eventually left for another school and treated my family so horrendously that I'm amazed they didn't give me up for adoption. I went to boarding school for a bit, which sorted me out once and for all, but let me tell you, I was not a joy to be around from 12-16.

Of course, the only reason I did all that was because I hated myself (I wanted to be prettier, thinner, cooler, funnier, more athletic, more talented, less awkward... you get the idea) and I desperately wanted my peers to like me, but who doesn't at that age? I still maintain that I wasn't any worse than most people I know, and since my behaviour hasn't caused any lasting damage (even the girl we bullied became really popular at the other school) I guess at least it taught me a lot about what I don't want to be like anymore.

 

[PrincessBuffy16]

No, here it's not like that.

Firstly, our school system is different. We have to kind of schools.. first schools are ones where, after you finish them, you have to go to college, because you're no one, you have no profession and can't get a job. Second ones are the ones where you have only 3 years of high school, and after you finish them, you can do what you chose to do. I go in the first one. So, we have like, 20 different high schools in one city, so in each high school you have max 600 students.

You don't have popular kids, you don't have all known geeks.. of course you do, but they're not called out for being who they are. But even with that fact, people will hurt no, no matter are they 'lame' as you are, or as 'popular' as you are. We do have some kind of groups, but we also hang out with each other.. I mean, people from one group hang out with people from another group.

 

[Zeppo]

No, it's definately a mixture of going to school and living that awkward stage of life at the same time. I feel like I am only now finally going through my awkward teen phase at 22 because I never allowed for it in school; too concerned about how I would look to everyone around me. I knew everyone, got along with them. My name wasn't with the "in" crowd but I wouldn't call myself popular, though others have told me I was. So yeah, I am still carrying around stigma's taught to me by the pressures of public high school. If I have children I doubt they'll go to public school; the most independent and solid thinkers I know were home schooled, which really shocks me. I hate the status levels we placed on ourselves in that place, we all forget that we were there to learn, not socialize. The way I default-ly see the status quo is based of the heirarchy of high school. I went to school in Canada, and we're all influenced by what we see on TV because it's all American shows so ... because Canadian kids couldn't be like the Americans they watched school was pretty lame, tired, and full of wannabe OC characters. Horrible place, high school.

 

[Ms.Trick]

No, here it's not like that.

Firstly, our school system is different. We have to kind of schools.. first schools are ones where, after you finish them, you have to go to college, because you're no one, you have no profession and can't get a job. Second ones are the ones where you have only 3 years of high school, and after you finish them, you can do what you chose to do. I go in the first one. So, we have like, 20 different high schools in one city, so in each high school you have max 600 students.

You don't have popular kids, you don't have all known geeks.. of course you do, but they're not called out for being who they are. But even with that fact, people will hurt no, no matter are they 'lame' as you are, or as 'popular' as you are. We do have some kind of groups, but we also hang out with each other.. I mean, people from one group hang out with people from another group.

That sounds great!
Over here we also have different kind of education:

general, technic or professional. General is the regular, compulsary education. When you finish, you can immediately work but you don't have any special aptitudes so you can't do a lot, so it's better to go to the university after.
I don't remember what is technic education exactly but it is terribly unpopular. Most of the time, people who go there are those who failed too much at general education. People there don't have a bright reputation. And yet, I know many people who went to that kind of education, it is often more artistic, and they really blossom there. They are more themselves, and no one is excluded, there is no gender-nationality-style exclusion. So I think it's really underrated.
And the professional is the education where you partly study a profession and partly already work for it. Then again, it has a bad reputation, but honestly, I have more respect for someone who already know what he wants to do and do the adequate studies than for someone who is 21 and still has two year of high school and doesn't even want to suceed (I've known people like that).

It would be better for everyone that general education isn't that overrated and the rest underrated, because some people clearly hate school and just stay at general when they could do something that interest them more in technic or profesionnal.

 

[mayfever]

If I have children I doubt they'll go to public school; the most independent and solid thinkers I know were home schooled, which really shocks me. I hate the status levels we placed on ourselves in that place, we all forget that we were there to learn, not socialize. The way I default-ly see the status quo is based of the heirarchy of high school. I went to school in Canada, and we're all influenced by what we see on TV because it's all American shows so ... because Canadian kids couldn't be like the Americans they watched school was pretty lame, tired, and full of wannabe OC characters. Horrible place, high school.

I've heard that quite a bit recently, and I partly agree and disagree. I can't comment on the Canadian thing obviously, but then again I guess kids everywhere are influenced by TV. Anyway, unless I live in a really horrible area, my children will definitely go to a public school (public as in state-funded, not British education system public). I know it's tough, and I know they're gonna hate it at times, but I don't believe in the benefits of parents removing all obstacles for their kids. I recently read an interesting article about highschool misfits and their later careers, and it suggested that people who didn't belong with the in crowd in highschool were far more likely to be successful and content later in life, because they learn early to fend for themselves and not to take too seriously what others think of them, which in my book is the key to happiness. Also, smart and geeky kids tend to be less popular at an age where everyone desires nothing more than to be normal and to not stick out, but knowing stuff pays off soon enough.

As Willow says, "It's the computer age. Geeks are in!" (I'm quoting from memory, I don't know the episode or the exact line)

 

[Zeppo]

I've heard that quite a bit recently, and I partly agree and disagree. I can't comment on the Canadian thing obviously, but then again I guess kids everywhere are influenced by TV. Anyway, unless I live in a really horrible area, my children will definitely go to a public school (public as in state-funded, not British education system public). I know it's tough, and I know they're gonna hate it at times, but I don't believe in the benefits of parents removing all obstacles for their kids. I recently read an interesting article about highschool misfits and their later careers, and it suggested that people who didn't belong with the in crowd in highschool were far more likely to be successful and content later in life, because they learn early to fend for themselves and not to take too seriously what others think of them, which in my book is the key to happiness. Also, smart and geeky kids tend to be less popular at an age where everyone desires nothing more than to be normal and to not stick out, but knowing stuff pays off soon enough.

As Willow says, "It's the computer age. Geeks are in!" (I'm quoting from memory, I don't know the episode or the exact line)

My thinking about the home-schooled thing is not remove obstacles but to give room to develop instead of worrying about whether or not the new hoodie they got for their birthday makes them look fat infront of the high school football team. It's just been my experience that kids who didn't go to public school are social butterflies, more aware of who they are, their views, values and have drive to get what they want.

Interesting study, however it only works in favor of the "misfits" who actually decide to tough it out - yes, I'm talking about teen suicides, it happens. We all strive to be popular in HS to surivive it and some of us make it, so tough titties for the "in" crowd when it comes to the real world? The real-world for HS-ers is HS, we don't know what we're in for until we graduate. I agree, school is for learning not cliquing but cliquing happens more than learning no matter what so ... I'm just basing what I know off of my own experiences I've seen. It's probably different where you are, or even maybe on the other side of my own country.

 

[arabella]

I live in the States and I didn't find HS to be traumatizing at all. I had fun. I know everyone doesn't have fun but I don't think it is a universally horrible experience. I wouldn't want to do it again or anything though.

But, God did I find Middle School to be a nightmare. Yuck. Everyone, myself included, was so hormonal and immature.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Misty]

I live in the States and I didn't find HS to be traumatizing at all. I had fun. I know everyone doesn't have fun but I don't think it is a universally horrible experience. I wouldn't want to do it again or anything though.

But, God did I find Middle School to be a nightmare. Yuck. Everyone, myself included, was so hormonal and immature.
Posted via Mobile Device

Agreed. I'm still in High School and some days here aren't very good, but overall the place is okay. However, Middle School was just awful because the teachers and kids there were just plain rude!

 

[prophecygrrl]

lol, I live in the US too and I hate high school. Thank god I'm almost done with it, but it sucks being here. I wouldn't say it's traumatizing and fortunately my school doesn't really have any bullies, but it's a soul-sucking kind of place. Most people are petty and obnoxious, and even some of my teachers are just as awful. I like BtVS's interpretation of it. Sometimes it's a little exaggerated, but I think they captured the overall feeling.

 

[Lyri]

Am I the only person on the planet who didn't have a horrible high school experience?

I didn't love high school, but it was never the chore, or the dramatic experience some people make it out to be.

Where I'm from, Northern Ireland, I went to a high school instead of a grammar school. Both are still high schools, but a grammar school is specifically designed to deal with higher achieving students. Their curriculum is harder than a high school, and the kids can, if they want, stay there for six or seven years, rather than the five years of a high school. At the end of high school, a student can apply to finish out the last two years at a grammar school before moving onto college or, more likely, university. (Again, two different things, but we'll not get into that)

Like I said, I went to a high school, from 11 to 16 and it was fine. My year were kinda different, though. We had the usual jocks and geeks and cheerleaders and arty chicks like me, but the difference was, we all hung out together. There were about 200 students in my year alone, and it was not uncommon to find a good percentage of that number taking over the cafeteria every lunch time, sharing food and drinks and homework. It was not uncommon for the Prefects to lend their Prefects badges out to someone else so that they could skip the lunch line or get out of class a few minutes early due to being on duty. And you were never promised to get the right badge back, lol.

We had a few out a proud gay kids at our school, and no one from our year gave them a hard time or pushed them around, and if anyone from any of the other years were caught doing that, to the gay kids or to any kids, well, suddenly they faced the wrath of 200 angry students baring down on them.

I'm not saying I didn't have a crap time in high school, because, dealing with puberty and everything, that's pretty much guaranteed, but BEING in high school didn't make that time any worse. In fact, looking back on it, it might have even made that time a little bit better.

But that could also be because my year were rebels and we did some pretty awesomely bad stuff to that school, lol.

 

[frankie]

High School or secondary school as we call it here was an odd experience for me. It was very much about discovering who I was, who I wanted to be and who I didn't want to be.
I went to secondary school with my two best friends. We were in primary school together since we were 5. During high school one drifted away entirely and the one who stayed with me became someone I didn't like. I watched him turn into basically everything I can't tolerate in people - bigoted, racist and a bully. It was how he found his place in that classroom because a lot of the people there were like that. I tagged along with him, never sinking to that level but I still remained his friend because he was once my best friend and that's hard to let go. I knew I didn't want to be that but sadly I didn't have the balls to be the person who would tell him off for all his crap. I didn't like school, I called it a clone factory. Everyone was similar and in ways I couldn't deal with. I made it through by being extremely quiet, I read a lot, art was my escape and when I has to deal with the clones it was with a lot of false politeness. Just nod and smile til they went away. I was an odd-ball, weirdo, outsider etc, but content with being so because at least I wasn't a clone. I made some friends there though and a lot of enemies. Being quiet opens you up to a lot off bullying, quiet doesn't mean shy though so my bad mouth got me in a lot of trouble. Telling a bully that "you must be looking forward to in-breeding season" got me my first beating but I thought it was funny. School played out like that for 5 years and it was hell. Keep your mouth shut, be polite to people you can't stand, if not - get your ass kicked. If I had the chance to do it over - not a chance. Did I learn anything? Send my kids to a different school!

 

[BibliophileAnn]

I was not popular in High School, never was or have been a wannabe so I never sought to be part of that particular group. I knew some of them and they were nice enough but I just didn't want to hang out with them. I was not athletic and was never particularly talented in anything so there were not clubs I could join. I did help out in the school library putting away books that were checked back in which was something I enjoyed since I was a bookworm and was never without a book anywhere. After I graduated I never attended my High School reunions after graduating even though I was invited to them. High School was over and I had survived and didn't want to revisit the whole experience. I enjoyed life more after I graduated from High School and have not missed it. 🙂

 

[GrrArghx]

I was absolutely miserable in high school.

It just wasn't for me. I never really learned anything because the teachers were coaches pretending to be teachers and the students disrupted class for the entire hour. I didn't have friends, I had only a few people to talk to. Even they didn't really like me. Not to mention, I was one of the "outcasts" 'cause I dress in black / "rocker" clothes and even then, the other punk kids wouldn't hang out with me. Places like that are just not social anxiety friendly.

Contrary to popular belief, dropping out is what of the best things I've ever done for myself. I'm much more healthier and happier for it and I'm not stuck being a "stupid low-life" like most people would you lead you to believe about dropouts.

I really think if I had've stayed the full four (or more considering they screwed up my grades when I moved) years, I'd be one messed up person. I can't even imagine being able to survive it. I was so ready to leave when I did.

 

[Spikefan31]

I don't hate high school. Sure, I'm in my final year and we get tonnes of work and assessments are coming up and essays are the worst thing in the world and I'm totally going to fail English, but overall I actually enjoy it. In fact, I found primary school (years 5 and 6 at least) to be bitchier. By this time in high school, everybody knows everybody and we all pretty much get along. Sure, there are some people who bitch about others behind their backs (an activity in which I do not partake, only occasionally overhear), but that's going to happen in any school. I like my teachers, I have great friends and I love learning. I'm excited for university and going to be so happy when I've finished all my exams at the end of the year, but I'll also be sad that school is over for good and I'll never see the majority of my classmates ever again, except maybe at reunions. I'm glad to say that high school has not left me with an psychological trauma (but maybe you should ask me that in 9 months 😉 )

As for 'popular groups', I wouldn't really say there are any. At least, they're not as defined as they were in the earlier years of high school. Then again, maybe I'm just ignorant and unobservant. Needless to say, I was never in the popular group. Not that I'd want to be.