~~History

[killerdwarf]

...is fascinating...should you tell what went on before? And when...and what...how much do you share with yer new girl/guy...'cause it could lead to major trauma...do you tell 'em you're carrying a torch...do you tell 'em you were abused...do you discuss "geometry"...how many times, how long ago? ...how much history do you give, and under what circumstances?

 

[Faith]

I'm sorry I thought you were SG for a second there!

 

[Buffy Summers]

My feeling is don't discuss ex-es/past crushes - ever. Especially if they knew you when you were with/into the other person. You should always say "Nothing happened - we were just good friends." if they ask lol.

 

[Amber Benson]

Eventually, everything. I mean, I'm a really open person about my past, and once I trust someone, the past usually comes out... It makes you closer to someone when you can open up to them, and holding back only leaves something between the two of you... It's understandable if there is something that you just can't let out... But from my personal experience, its easier in the long run if you just try to share it all 😛

 

[Willow Rosenberg]

I don't reveal anything in the initial stage of the relationship. It's only until it reaches that level when you know you're in love when such information should be revealed and only if the person asks. I try not to give anything up too freely 🙂

 

[Anchovy]

Once you know the person, once you love them, you have to tell them as much as you can handle. For me, that was absolutely everything. Boy that was a fun three-hour conversation! But without it, Jim and I wouldn't be nearly as close as we are.

 

[Buffy Summers]

I don't reveal anything in the initial stage of the relationship. It's only until it reaches that level when you know you're in love when such information should be revealed and only if the person asks. I try not to give anything up too freely 🙂

Yeah lol - no matter how much he says he does, a guy never wants to hear about how much you loved your last boyfriend lol 😀

 

[Willow Rosenberg]

I'll never give away my "magic number" though 🙂 I've seen that Friends episode one too many times and high or low, that number never leads to good things...

 

[killerdwarf]

I'm sorry I thought you were SG for a second there!

Yes, I was trying to imitate the great SG...even spelled "gurl" that way...least I could do, seeing as I stole his ellipses...😉

 

[Willow Rosenberg]

Oops, my bad...I edited your "gurl" as kewltalk 😀

I have to remove my grammar police hat every once in a while and beat myself with it 😀

 

[Mr. Pointy]

Total honesty in a relationship is great...but (and it's a big but(t) - not unlike my own 😉) you should only go there when you have achieved total trust. I think that you should also realise that there are some things you just don't want to know...and let sleeping dogs lie 🙂

...and, with all these academic thread titles being posted, I now have Sam Cooke's "Wonderful World" playing on a continuous loop in my head...I suppose there are a lot worse songs to be humming...
*Pointy sings: "Don't know much about history,
Don't know much biology... "*

 

[killerdwarf]

Agreed on the total honesty thing, but you have to wait until you are in a relationship that has a high degree of trust. And there are some things you shouldn't tell, and shouldn't be told.

Soulgasm: No worries, I could never copy the cool that goes with the posts you do...I can do the style, but not the substance...you always get me thinking...I hate when that happens...😉

 

[eponinethen]

Yea I have got nothing to hide, so I could even tell all of you here everything about my past.. Except of course about my dirty history with Fran... um, I probably shouldn't tell you about that.. And yeah, I won't tell you anything since it would most definitely bore you to death.

 

[doppelgänger2]

Except of course about my dirty history with Fran... um, I probably shouldn't tell you about that..

Yeah... Eps, I thought we'd agreed on keeping that a secret? 😉

 

[Amber Benson]

...Right, totally leaving that one alone...


About the history thing... I think it's really important, because no matter what it is, it's a part of you, and if you keep that part closed off from your "partner", then you're not giving yourself entirely to them...

 

[eponinethen]

Yeah... Eps, I thought we'd agreed on keeping that a secret? 😉

Yeah I just said I wasn't gonna tell them anything...
But seriously Fran, I think that sooner or later they would notice the sexual tension between us no matter how hard we try to pretend it isn't there..

 

[doppelgänger2]

Guess we're all subtexty like Faith and Buffy, huh? Hope our friendship doesn't end like theirs tho... lol. But then again, who said anything about pretending it isn't there? I'm not, are you?

Speaking of history, there are details that one should keep a secret from partners and maybe even loved ones. For example my dirty past with Epo. Cause I wouldn't like to hear about such things from my partner or maybe not even my friends. I'm not exactly the one who talks much about myself. I like to keep most of what's inside of me a secret.

 

[elmo]

Ok. Sooner or later I knew something like this would come up because of the crazy number of academic titles going around. Here's my take on it:

I told Mike the details of my past on our very first date. I don't know how, but I just knew I could trust him and my past isn't peachy. I've had boyfriends that never found out and they never lasted because they never knew how to treat me and I never knew how to trust them. Mike came along and I told him all about me. He told me all about him... and he's not a talker. We've been together for 2 years now but I knew it would last on our first date.

I agree about not telling partners about some things. Like details of past loves or lusts. I also agree that you should know and trust someone before your past comes out and that's normally the way with me. Mike was different though. I trusted him from the word "go" and I still do.