How Do You Make Friends Where You Live?

[Ethan Reigns]

Exactly! 😄 Like, I don't want to talk on the phone for over 10 minutes, and I don't want to hang out all the time.

And it's the same with romantic relationships because I honestly don't want to see anyone on a daily basis. Won't elaborate too much, since it wouldn't be family friendly. *cough* get in and get out *cough*

Do you look like Faith? You certainly sound like her.

 

[silvermoon]

This is a topic I've wrestled with, nice to see all the responses. I may vent a bit here.

I'm older now and friends do fade away. I had two "best friends". The first basically let me know that we were no longer such when I went to her wedding and was introduced as her "college friend". As was her other friend who also noted it (we drove there together). I was not asked to be in it, which shocked me, as we had been close for many years. Nor was she. I had another best friend for awhile and that also ended for more serious reasons. I don't regret either friendship, I learned a lot about myself and people and how fragile human bonds can be.

I learned in a lot of ways, I'm a bit of an anti-social introvert and that's OK. I've always done a weird dance between wanting to be around people and not wanting to be anywhere near them. I do need a lot of alone time to function. The friends I have now I don't see all the time but when I do, it's nourishing. My closest friend is in another state, but we chat daily. I don't have a lot of friends, period. In my past, I thought I had a lot of friends. After college, I realized a lot of it had been transactional in a sense. We were friends because we were all at the same school. When a few of them got married, they disappeared . I was even in weddings. It hurt me deeply . I realized that the bonds I thought I shared with them were mostly in my head apparently, or else more shallow on their end. Some of them pursued their careers and seemed to have no time for anyone else anymore. I learned real friendship is rare, and maybe we only have a few truly deep close friends. That many people are more "Friendly Acquaintances".

The friends I made where I am now I met at church. I tried to befriend others, and it went nowhere. I learned single women may be threatening to some married women. I put myself out there for awhile but now really don't. It seems that in the USA where I am, a lot of people like people to be just like them, same socio-economic status , same everything. I've always found my culture shallow. I do think volunteer groups can help with making friends, in the past I met people there. I had three friends who died. I met one of them on a hotline, one at a library, and one at church. I miss them all.

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

Do you look like Faith? You certainly sound like her.

Nope, I'm taller, cuter, and far more humble.

 

[November]

... Ok. I found myself getting a stream of "I miss forums" posts on reddit and I started getting pissed off. Saying forums are still here, but you cant expect them to be the community you remember if everyone stops contributing and then get surprised that they are ghost towns or cease to exist. You cant expect everyone else to hold the fort until you're ready to put effort in!

And then it clicked lol. I need to be putting some more effort into a community if I want it to continue, especially with so many deaths this year here. So I think I will go to the next BBQ this weekend. Its sweet that they keep inviting despite my rejections. So begrudgingly I shall join in, knowing there is some merit to civic duty. Its not all bad, its a free feed, I am being a brat to complain.

 

[XanderesqueMan]

I am curious how you make real-life friends where you live.

Um. I don't. At least, I haven't. Not in a long time.

Friendship used to be easy for me. People were interested in me, I was interested in them. Wherever I went, I found a friend or two and we bonded over various things.

It's not just you. It's hard finding a place to fit in the older you get. As Tom Papa says, that's what being a human is. Life is a pair of skinny jeans, and you are a big fat ass. 😉

I was never what I would refer to as popular (maybe kind of in Buffy / Angel fandom spaces in the early 2000s), but people generally had nothing bad to say about me. I got along with people. They thought I was funny. It didn't lead to a ton of close friendships, but a few, and plenty of people who would stop and help me up if I fell down or loan me lunch money if I forgot mine. Casual friendly acquaintances. My 30s were like hitting a brick wall. After my fiance left me, and a lot of friends disappeared for one reason or another (moving, death, whatever), I found it incredibly difficult to make new friends. I felt like I'd completely forgotten how to socialize with people. And it really hasn't changed since then. I'm lucky to have a best friend, and we're ride or die for each other (as the kids say in their buggin' street slang), but that's about it for close relationships these days.

... you sound like me in that you really value friendship. Sadly, some people don't, and you can't change that. I'm very lucky to have several close friends, and I work hard to stay in touch with them, but it's definitely a two way street to maintain, especially since many of them live in different states than me. Distance shouldn't end a friendship, but it will test it. Pay attention to the ones who stay in touch, and the ones who don't.

I've often had the revelation with people that friendship doesn't quite mean the same thing to them as it does to me. There are a lot of people I've been friendly acquaintances with who would call us friends, but whom I hesitate to, because to me friendship is a much more serious thing.

I am a terrible friend. I get sick of seeing people haha. Internet does not count as seeing people. When I see people every day, I get grouchy. How much can I talk to you people every single day!? The net is no where near as exhausting as all the little intricacies of human interaction. Im fine to see people a few times a week. But not every single day.

You're not a terrible friend. You just have your own intricacies, as you put it. We all do. Your real friends are the ones who learn them, love you anyway, and do their best to give you what you need.

I can sympathize with how exhausting social interactions can be, but I've always found, for me, that the right person does a lot to circumvent that. My best friend and I can spend hours together every day and be fine. Of course, she understands and respects that, sometimes, I'm just quiet for three hours. When you really understand someone and connect to them, you don't need the noise. You can just enjoy each other's company while you read or watch TV or whatever it is you're doing.

... it's the same with romantic relationships because I honestly don't want to see anyone on a daily basis. Won't elaborate too much, since it wouldn't be family friendly. *cough* get in and get out *cough*

I'm sure there are plenty of people for whom such an invitation is not dissuasive. 😉

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Making friends is an easy thing to do, as long as you have a healthy supply of clay !

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

Making friends is an easy thing to do, as long as you have a healthy supply of clay !

Better yet, we could raise the dead and have LOTS of friends. Of course, there wouldn't be much conversation...zombies are notoriously uncommunicative. Unless they're eating your brains...then they're quite chatty! Kind of like @HowiMetdaSlayer when you give her cheesecake. 😄

 

[BuffyElevated]

I have always made friends pretty easily. I've been told I'm easy to talk to, and I'm goofy as hell, which tends to make people laugh and people like being around folks that make them laugh.

In December of 2024, I left my family and friends behind in my hometown in Missouri to move to the town my ex-husband lives in Tennessee. My girls were both living with him at the time, but my son lived with me in Missouri, and I wanted to get all my children back in the same area so it would be easier to spend time with the three of them together.

At first things were pretty good. My ex-husband, his wife, and I all seemed to be coparenting well, and I got involved with my youngest daughter's marching band, volunteering as their publicity chair. This helped me meet a lot of new people in the area, and I started becoming friendly with a lot of them.
Then the world flipped upside down... Last summer, I quit my job after months of being harassed by one of the executives at the company. My brother had been on his death bed for a while, and my girls thought I was having some sort of breakdown and that's why I had quit my job. They went to their dad out of concern for me and the actions they thought were "weird". My ex-husband and his wife used this to go to a judge and get my son taken away from me, saying I was "mentally and financially unable to take care of him". They even had a restraining order put against me, making it impossible for me to see my kids until after our final court date. The worst part was that they convinced my daughters that I was crazy and dangerous, and used them against me to get custody of my son. As all this was going on, they called the band director and told them I shouldn't be around kids because I was unstable, told them about the court case, and as soon as word started to spread I lost a lot of the people I thought were my new friends.

There's a whole lot more to the story, but to shorten it some, I don't have any true friends here where I live, and I don't really want to try to make any. This place has been nothing but absolute hell for me, and I am going to move as soon as I can get my son back. I am friendly and civil to people, but I don't let anyone close anymore. Most people are fake as f*ck, and I'm better off sticking with the friends who stood by my side through everything this last year.

 

[silvermoon]

I have always made friends pretty easily. I've been told I'm easy to talk to, and I'm goofy as hell, which tends to make people laugh and people like being around folks that make them laugh.

In December of 2024, I left my family and friends behind in my hometown in Missouri to move to the town my ex-husband lives in Tennessee. My girls were both living with him at the time, but my son lived with me in Missouri, and I wanted to get all my children back in the same area so it would be easier to spend time with the three of them together.

At first things were pretty good. My ex-husband, his wife, and I all seemed to be coparenting well, and I got involved with my youngest daughter's marching band, volunteering as their publicity chair. This helped me meet a lot of new people in the area, and I started becoming friendly with a lot of them.
Then the world flipped upside down... Last summer, I quit my job after months of being harassed by one of the executives at the company. My brother had been on his death bed for a while, and my girls thought I was having some sort of breakdown and that's why I had quit my job. They went to their dad out of concern for me and the actions they thought were "weird". My ex-husband and his wife used this to go to a judge and get my son taken away from me, saying I was "mentally and financially unable to take care of him". They even had a restraining order put against me, making it impossible for me to see my kids until after our final court date. The worst part was that they convinced my daughters that I was crazy and dangerous, and used them against me to get custody of my son. As all this was going on, they called the band director and told them I shouldn't be around kids because I was unstable, told them about the court case, and as soon as word started to spread I lost a lot of the people I thought were my new friends.

There's a whole lot more to the story, but to shorten it some, I don't have any true friends here where I live, and I don't really want to try to make any. This place has been nothing but absolute hell for me, and I am going to move as soon as I can get my son back. I am friendly and civil to people, but I don't let anyone close anymore. Most people are fake as f*ck, and I'm better off sticking with the friends who stood by my side through everything this last year.

sending you compassion, care, and a giant hug. i've been through my own hell. we get through it!!

 

[machinewolfhear]

i moved to a new city, was not my choice and i was grumpy, but the first day a neighbour asked me to watch soccer so i went and so on i met more and more people, now im 9 years further and im happy so its about luck and the will to socialize