How does Buffy communicate with men?

[cryptwarmer]

There are a lot of men in her life, human and otherwise.

I get the sense most of the demons are male, though we aren't expressly told that.

Do you see similarities in the way Buffy relates to males in general.

Seems to me that Buffy starts out fairly communicative with males. Giles, Angel, Xander, boys at school, even Principle Snyder, and Oz.

That erodes as the series goes on. She is hurt and betrayed by men more often than by women. She had more significant men in her life than women.

Any thoughts or ideas?

 

[GoSpuffy]

I have also wondered why most demons were men on a show that was supposed to feminist in tone. There was Glory and the dragon thingy that Dawn and Spike stole an egg from representing demons, and of course the odd vampire (Darla, Dru, Harmony and a couple of one off vampire characters). It always felt to me like there should have been more. And technically Glory was a god not a demon. I guess Buffy looks stronger fighting men than women? And that is why Glory is a god - to make her seem stronger than a demon? Sorry off topic a bit.
I think girls like Buffy with Daddy issues often have time connecting with men so that might be part of it. In the beginning she sort of had a dad and as the dad became more of a "bad dad" her connection with men definitely seemed to go downhill.

 

[Athena]

Certainly there's a point in the show where, in the core Scoobies, men (or man in Xander's case) are outnumbered by women, so I don't think it's a case of Buffy having more significant men in her life than women, I think the opposite is true.

Surely the fact that most of the demons are men is because of the feminist tone of the show? Here's a girl, who should be weaker than these male demons, but she's not. She can slay them all. Maybe the reason why she faces less women demons/vamps is purely because having a woman hitting a woman is more frowned upon? (Even if those women are a slayer vs a demon).

Buffy's communication with men differs as the seasons progress because relationship with them differs. Her and Angel are close, but then they break up. Her and Giles are close, but he leaves and she feels neglected. Her relationship with Spike goes from enemies, to allies, to secret lovers to a mutual respect. Her relationship with Xander is, the most part, constant but he changes during the seasons and her communication with him reflects his change, rather than hers.

She's not just betrayed by men, she's also betrayed by Willow a few times due to her magic addiction and this relationship change and subsequent lack of communication is also shown on screen.

But also, Buffy grows up over seven years. She communicates with men differently because she's gone from 17 to 24 and you just do speak to people differently. You might not say the same thing in the same way. You might be more assertive in your twenties.

So yeah, there is a difference there, but it's consistent with the themes in the show IMO.

 

[thetopher]

Seems to me that Buffy starts out fairly communicative with males. Giles, Angel, Xander, boys at school, even Principle Snyder, and Oz.
That erodes as the series goes on. She is hurt and betrayed by men more often than by women. She had more significant men in her life than women.

Buffy semed to me to be always closer to men than women, even as the series went on. Obviously there were the three love interests and Giles and Xander.
The only women she opened up to regularly were Willow and (sometimes) Dawn. There were times where she was close to say, Faith or Tara especially but nobody else. Not Cordelia or Anya or really even her Mom.

She does seem to punch more men in the face than women, there is that. The show had more bad guys than girls, but then the girls were always less disposable- Drusilla, Post, Faith, Sunday, Harmony, Walsh, Glory, they always made a strong impression, even if it were just with one episode.

 

[cryptwarmer]

I don't think that overall Buffy is closer to the men. She has more of them around, but she doesn't open up to all of them. She is close to Willow, but feels she has to hide things from Xander and Giles to a degree that I think prevents real intimacy, and that grows as the seasons pass.

She shuts down verbal emotional communication with Riley and Spike.

I do think she was honest and open with Angel, even after they split, even when she is angry with him she has an emotional vulnerability with him that I don't think she has with any other character other than Willow.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

Interesting thread idea!

I think, in general, Buffy feels let down by many men. Hank abandoned her, Angel left her, Riley cheated on her, Spike tried to rape her, Giles betrayed her...

That said, she's had postitive relationships with men too - Xander, for instance, whom she considers her best friend, and Principal Wood, who was a sort of mentor to her.

It'd be interesting to see Hank again, and how Buffy would react to it.

 

[GoSpuffy]

Interesting thread idea!

I think, in general, Buffy feels let down by many men. Hank abandoned her, Angel left her, Riley cheated on her, Spike tried to rape her, Giles betrayed her...

That said, she's had postitive relationships with men too - Xander, for instance, whom she considers her best friend, and Principal Wood, who was a sort of mentor to her.

It'd be interesting to see Hank again, and how Buffy would react to it.

Hank is in the comics and he's a bigger jerk there.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

Hank is in the comics and he's a bigger jerk there.

Oh, he shows up? When?

 

[GoSpuffy]

season 10, episode 19. He shows up and makes a mess out of things for Buffy. It's a good issue to see Buffy and Giles together though.

 

[cryptwarmer]

Wow, Buffy and Robin Wood, I hadn't even thought of him. Maybe we need to break down each of her relationships with different men, and not focus on the romantic/sexual ones, if possible because I am not talking about ships here.

 

[bespangeled]

Interesting thread idea!

I think, in general, Buffy feels let down by many men. Hank abandoned her, Angel left her, Riley cheated on her, Spike tried to rape her, Giles betrayed her...

That said, she's had postitive relationships with men too - Xander, for instance, whom she considers her best friend, and Principal Wood, who was a sort of mentor to her.

It'd be interesting to see Hank again, and how Buffy would react to it.

I agree - men leave Buffy. I also think that the only man she really let herself be completely vulnerable with was Angel, when she finally slept with him. The way he turned on her, the guilt she felt when she couldn't kill him before he killed Jenny, and the pain of killing him really shut down something inside her.

Xander was a positive relationship - until he wasn't. That's why they needed the big make up scene in Seeing Red. But even when he was positive he was also insensitive. He had huge issues with being the one in the group without any powers, and he tended to take that resentment out on Buffy.

Giles was her mentor, the one who drugged her and kept it a secret, then put her (and her mother) in extreme danger - before he left her. Then he returned and used all the trust she had in him to betray her again.

Wood was a friend who could have been more - before he went behind her back, and conspired with Giles to kill Spike.

I really don't think there is a single male in the B-verse who didn't manage to cause Buffy intense pain. I really don't see any of this as her fault - but it has to take a real toll on her, making it harder to even try.