How to make new friends

[Carina]

Hello everyone 🙂

So, I have a problem. I am VERY shy, and it's really hard for me to make new friends. I can't ever get myself to talk to strangers, I don't know why, it just is that way. It's like I want to really bad, but I can't ever get myself to do it. I can't even make myself raise my hand at school to answer a question.
This is really hard, and I know it's silly, but I hate it!! Especially now when I have moved to a new city to go to school, I hardly know anybody here and I don't know how to make new friends.

So, my question is: What do you think the best/easiest way to get to know new people? 🙂 Do you have any suggestions on how to stop being shy?

---------- Post added at 08:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:22 PM ----------

okay, it is not supposed to say "I *love* it"... i guess it is not possible to write the opposite word for it 😛 " I don't like it at all." is maybe a better sentence for it

 

[Living Dead Boy]

Here's a suggestion: start here. If nothing else, the Bunny Boards (I mean Buffy, sorry, I've watched Gingerbread recently 🙂) are a great way to strip away that shyness. Keep posting here, we're all great people, and we have a boatload of ideas and different things to talk about. This should a great way of boosting your confidence. 🙂

 

[NY State of Mind]

Well first I want to tell you stop considering yourself shy. Its all mental. I want you to consider yourself a regular person cause we all have insecurities and positive thinking is always the right path to overcoming anything. 🙂

Stop being so aware of yourself and loosen up...Stop having a negative outlook cause you get nervous because your judging how the person is going to view you before you even start. Maybe find your strengths...with strengths I mean stuff you know and are confident in knowing. Don't think its not good material because I'm sure plenty of other people out there have things in common with you. We're all weird like that. So don't try to change yourself or customize to try and fit in...be yourself and people will respond. If they don't then thats thier loss not yours.

If you do start a conversation...why not try puting the pressure on them and asking thier opinions on whatever it may be. The more people you start talking with the more you'll become comfortable so practice makes perfect. However, your going to have to start first 😉

PS: I know I'm making it sound easy and I understand it seems difficult but it only seems that way cause you think it is....and like my homie above me said...you have people right here 🙂

 

[Chosen Enemy]

I used to be really really really shy. Now I talk to strangers very easily and even enjoy it. What changed me? I believe it was 2 things:

1. Acting classes. Yes. I took many acting lessons, courses and studios, over the years when I was younger. Stading on stage, besides the fact that I've always loved it, speak and get loose... it was so good for my confidence.

2. Working at the supermarket between the ages of 16-18. I served strangers all the time, made conversations with them and actually opened myself to the world.

Both were at the same period of time, pretty much. Both changed me.
So I'll suggest you not to run away from people. Put yourself at the front of the "stage" and "perform". It might take a while, but it will probably happen. You have confidence issues, like so many of us. So you don't shut this down, face it. For example, go to a store or even a place like frozen yogurt stand, and make conversation, not a deep one, with the seller person. Not personal things, but things like: "I really love kiwi in my frozen yogurt". Even words like: "I'm in a hurry". You don't have to be nice, but simply make contact with people. Or you can join an acting class. Even people who aren't intrested in being actors take acting lessons for their confidence.

Anyway, that's what worked for me. Bottom line: face your fear and see that it's not so bad.

 

[This Year's Girl]

Hey Carina!

It sounds like this is a situation that you feel sad and worried about, especially now when you've moved to a new city. A lot of people get nervous in social situations, it's nothing unusual, and I think a lot of us can recognize ourselves in what you're going through, now or in our past. So you are not alone in this at all.

I think it's great that you've realised that this is something you want to change, that's great first step in doing something about it! It also sounds great that you've moved away to start a new school, that means you have a natural social gathering that you can met new people in.

Can you tell me about some situations you are comfortable in and why?

Ps. I also agree with my fellow BB friends here, we are all friendly and nice people and would like to get to know you more. That can be a great way to start. 🙂

 

[Ripper666]

I can just repeat what others allready said!
Go out, talk with the people. A person who is always sitting at home isn't very interesting. I had a long time when I was pretty shy too but now everything is great! You just have to think about your interests, then go out, join clubs or find a new hobby. And don't be shy.
Once a friend told me: " The worst that could happen is that you blame yourself!" And hey, this is so true! Even if you do something silly, who cares? There are hundred of people who don't know you! One who think that you're an idiot ... really, who cares?
And now in the end a little tipp from me: Never act, always be yourself. This helped me a lot too! And find a little trust in you! Start conversations about things. So just try it. In the beginning it's not very easy but from time by time it gets easier! Hope that someone here can help you!

 

[Enemies]

I would say now that you've moved to a new city is the perfect time to reinvent yourself. If you think confidently you will act more confidently. A lot of phobias are so prominent in people because they tell themselves they are phobic of something and that way they reinforce their behaviour subconsciously without even realising. I'm sure you're a nice person so just be yourself. You don't have to jump into major conversations with anyone either, just small things like saying thank you or asking another student what the homework was etc and then building up to bigger conversations. Finding a mutual topic to talk with someone is always good too. Put yourself out there if you feel that you can and put yourself in situations where you'll have to speak to people. I think you've got to take small steps and realise that it's not all going to come together at once. I hope this helps a bit.

 

[strawberryeve]

I can be very shy myself and was extremely shy when I was a k-diddle. People like to talk about themselves. It may sound trite but giving someone a compliment, on their clothing, their work etc. is a great way to start up a conversation. Find something you have in common with the person you want to talk to and talk about that. But generally asking someone to talk about themselves is a sure bet. Most people love to talk about themselves if you give them the opportunity 🙂. So what do you do for a living? I had pizza for dinner last night, do you like pizza? What's your favorite food? I watched Survivor last night, gosh that Jeff Probst never ages, do you like reality tv? (one tip though, stay away from Religion and Politics 😉)

 

[Gum Gnome33]

Wow! I'm so impressed by all of the advice in this thread; you guys really know what you're talking about and there are some true gems of advice here!
Try to follow them all! 🙂 Also remember that everyone is insecure and has his/her own reasons to suspect that they may be judged negatively for something--anything at all. Some people are just good at disguising it. You're not alone! That knowledge should give you the confidence to reach out and contribute to the conversation!

But remember: some people are natural introverts and there's nothing wrong with that. You may feel like it's harder to make your voice heard or that it feels uncomfortable but that doesn't mean you can't. And if you never become a social butterfly that's ok too! Don't put so much pressure on yourself, and relax. It will probably be easier.

I'm a natural extrovert but sometimes i feel self conscious around certain people. When that happens I just try to remember that the strangers I'm talking to are probably nice people with their own insecurities, and that helps so much.

Most importantly, as Anya would say: if you get nervous just picture yourself in your underwear and you'll feel great! 😀

 

[Carina]

Wow, I am really impressed as well 🙂 This is a lot of good advices for me, and I am definitely going to try all of them!
Thank you all so much, it really means a lot me 🙂
And I know you all are great people and I am really glad I decided to sign up here at Buffy-Boards!
And also I would like to assure you guys, that I am not depressed or anything, I am just tired of being shy haha 😛 But hopefully that will get better very soon! I can't wait!

 

[Cast No Shadow]

I used to be so shy, but then I worked away for 3 months, where I didn't know anyone. It forces you to talk to more people and make friends.

I agree with what people have said here, also, you should join the BB chat room, I was shy about that to begin with, but it definitely helps you to get chatting to people.

 

[SlayerFest]

I thought I was shy...I'm just insanely quiet and intensely awesome.

No, seriously, I didn't speak up in class when I was younger and I never, ever initiated conversation with others. I didn't start doing this until the 11th grade. I still managed to have friends, somehow 😉 I think people saw me as the mysterious quiet girl, when in reality I was just the insane, eccentric, weirdo who daydreamed...pretty much 24/7. Now I never shut up in class (during class discussions, of course 😉) and I try to make small talk with people.

Ugh. It's pretty lame to tell you the truth. Sometimes I think, "Why am I talking to you? I don't even like you." Society is so gross. If you enjoy being alone, people suspect that you're going to lose your marbles and then stalk from class to class with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into the faculty members. I like to read, write, draw, and sob loudly. I prefer to do those things alone, okay!?!?

But I agree with NY State of Mind, shyness is in your head. I know some people who truly have social anxiety, but when they sign up for drama and things like that, they come out of their shell. So take an acting class or something! I am just a naturally introverted person. I can be loud and obnoxious at times, but I really am just...weird as hell. I like the quiet. Also, there is nothing wrong with being weird. Trust me.

 

[Spikefan31]

everyone here is so wise. I'm in awe. 🙂

 

[Nix]

You should join our chat room if you have not already done so....it's easy to make friends in there we are all chatty and friendly...it's a start 🙂

 

[strawberryeve]

I thought I was shy...I'm just insanely quiet and intensely awesome.

I can be loud and obnoxious at times, but I really am just...weird as hell. I like the quiet. Also, there is nothing wrong with being weird. Trust me.

Weird is ... intensely awesome!!! 😎

 

[caitaintdead]

Well no one has ever said I was shy. My best friend in high school was SHY. Like stupidly shy. I think the best thing she ever did was becoming friends with me. Yes. I'm arrogant as all hell, but that's not the point.

If you find someone that is the yin to your yang then you automatically have someone that can help you out. I gave her hints on how to find people that you get along well with. At the very worst there was a situation where she would start blushing and I would come running to her side to make a fool of myself to make her feel less self conscious.

Ahem... I realise that I'm making myself out here to be the answer to all your questions... But someone like me very well could be. There is no need to feel like being quiet is bad. Quite the opposite. Find a loudmouth scapegoat like me and you will never look back.

True Story.

 

[Abbeycat]

I'm shy. some people probably don't believe it.heh. I'm shy & quiet when meeting people for the first time. I've managed to make a friend or two at work that I can trust. Ones I know that have my back.

Sometimes, it's just finding right people to make friends with. You can tell sometimes, who the right people are.

 

[kittenpoker]

I love all the wisdom and support on this thread! I guess I would just say try acceptance.... Accept yourself as you are. You're shy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just be you and the less shy people will come to you. 🙂

 

[sisterofmercy]

I used to be shy, now I'm more ambivalent than anything else. Not particularly bothered about making friends as it's far too much effort.

As far as tips go though, I'd say the trick I'd to put yourself out there and find opportunities to meet people, or try and make friends through the friends you do have. I've made a lot of friends in the past through mutual friends.

 

[nightshade]

I agree with what people have said here, also, you should join the BB chat room, I was shy about that to begin with, but it definitely helps you to get chatting to people.

You should join our chat room if you have not already done so....it's easy to make friends in there we are all chatty and friendly...it's a start 🙂

I agree with both of these, the chat can really help you get to know the member of the Board better