Idea of the Day: Cliquing isn't Fair or Fun

[Valjavertjinn]

As most of you guys know, Buffy Boards is supposed to be a nice, friendly place for people to gather and talk about a shared interest: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. People are supposed to make friends and have fun while discussing Buffy, Spuffy, Fuffy, and an endless number of topics ending with the same four letters. But some people seem to think that "making friends" is another way to say "excluding everybody that I don't know". If you should happen to check the dictionary (maybe we should have a Grammar Week sometime!), you will see that this is not the case. In fact, the phrase in question is a perfect definition for another word: cliquing.
In the Buffy Boards community, cliquing is not appreciated or allowed. It's fine to have some buddies, but keep your mind open when talking to people that you don't know as well. They may turn out to be a very nice person, which you will find out if you give them a chance. And, even if you don't get along with this person very well after being introduced, then you should still be polite and friendly to them. This makes the entire Board a much more fun and pleasant place.
In short: include everyone, or we'll hunt you down and run you over with tractors"¦ repeatedly.

Here are some tips that you can use in both the chat and the board to make sure that you aren't cliquing:
-Make sure that you always include everyone that wants to participate in the discussion.
-Treat new members just the same as ones that have been on the Boards for years.
-Give everybody a chance. You might end up making some new friends.
-Treat everyone with respect, no matter how well you know them.

 

[zobothehobo]

I've been on a clique-y board before... it is not fun. So gad BB isn't like that.

 

[Dagenspear]

In the interest of this discussion: Why isn't there Cangel sub-forum? You know, like with Bangel and Spuffy? Because it makes us Cangelers feel somehow excluded and like our ship is less, and thus, like we are below Bangelers and Spuffies in some way.

 

[Taake]

In the interest of this discussion: Why isn't there Cangel sub-forum? You know, like with Bangel and Spuffy? Because it makes us Cangelers feel somehow excluded and like our ship is less, and thus, like we are below Bangelers and Spuffies in some way.

The subforums were created because the forum was overflowing with Bangel and Spuffy discussion, thus creating a need to put those in a separate place so as not to drown out threads of other topics. It was not created to make other ships feel 'less' or 'below', there are plenty of ships that do not have their own sub-forum here on the board. Surely this would be amended if we saw a need but as of yet this has not been the case.

Perceiving this as a slight is an opinion you're allowed to have of course but it is not what the Board intended. We simply cannot have subforums for all ships, those generating most discussion were only given it after a long time and a clear need.

🙂

 

[November]

I think some people see cliques in places where there are no cliques though. Chat for example - Of course the people who 'know' each other are going to get along well and continue conversations with each other. Any member can very easily slot in to the conversation, but going on past experience - many choose not to and then get upset about not being included. Well they have to actually CHAT to be included!

 

[Nix]

I don't like cliques and find them very intimidating. I am pleased we don't have any on BB. Everyone here accepts new people and involves them in conversation which is why it's such a great place to be.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I've been on a clique-y board before... it is not fun. So gad BB isn't like that.

Well BB has definitely had it's moments. :\ I'm glad things these days seem to be a lot better, though; no one likes to feel unwelcome or left out.

I think some people see cliques in places where there are no cliques though. Chat for example - Of course the people who 'know' each other are going to get along well and continue conversations with each other. Any member can very easily slot in to the conversation, but going on past experience - many choose not to and then get upset about not being included. Well they have to actually CHAT to be included!

But some people don't feel comfortable jumping into a conversation between people who obviously know each other very well and are already into the conversation... Not everyone is totally comfortable with that. 🙂 That's why we have to remember that if someone's in a chat room and being kinda quiet, maybe we should make the effort to include them, by asking them direct questions or asking for their opinion or something. Being inclusive isn't hard; it's just something not all of us think about all the time. 🙂

 

[Cast No Shadow]

I think this phrase is suitable for this topic, "A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet".

I've never experienced and "cliqueyness" and appreciate that we have such a welcoming board.

 

[This Year's Girl]

Bb is a very friendly place and I do feel like there is a welcoming enviroment here. However, I still think it's a little dangerous to say that we don't have cliques here, it can lead to that we might ignore certain cliquey behavoir which can lead to people feeling left out. It's great that this is being raised! I think everyone here mean well and that noone is left out on purpouse, but I bet we could all benifit to think about this a little extra and make even more of a effort.

 

[WileyDairyGnome]

I'm glad that I haven't experienced any "cliques" on the board. But, would the BB Houses be considered cliques?

 

[BuffyElevated]

I'm glad that I haven't experienced any "cliques" on the board. But, would the BB Houses be considered cliques?

I'm glad you haven't. 🙂 And while the BB houses aren't supposed to be cliqueish, we have run into the problem before that certain people did treat them that way, which is not what we want on BB.
The purpose of the dorms on BB is to help people feel more included, and then also to enjoy a little healthy competition now and then with the interdorm activities. It's not to say "We're better than everyone here because we're in _________".

 

[Black Eye Guy]

I think the idea of cliques on a board are fascinating, because I totally understand how people in them don't realise that they are.

It doesn't feel like you are excluding someone, but maybe you aren't aware you are excluding them.

It's totally normal to be talking with your friends in the chat room and someone else comes in and you say hi, and it pretty much is up to that person to jump into the conversation, as it's kinda crazy to think they should be invited.
But I think, especially with BB, we have such a varied age, gender and nationality of people, that sometimes people aren't always so keen to jump in.

This was the very first board I joined, and I remember when I was on her my first day, it felt like the whole board was a giant clique - They weren't at all. It was all me, because I was brand new to forums, and it's crazy to think, that that is still the case, we still get new people who don't use forums, and so I'd imagine they feel the same way.

Now while I do think it's up to the person to push into the community a bit, it's also up to us to welcome, and I think that's something we're really good at here. (I remember, after I joined here I joined other forums, and hated them, they were nothing like here, which is why I'm only really an active member here) but we aren't excluded from cliques, we have had them here before, and they can be quite intimidating, and I'm saying that as a mod on here.

Like for an example, if there's a thread and just say there are 4/5 people who are regularly posting in it, karmaing each other on each post, and you posted something, and you don't get any comment or karma, basically people move onto the next post.
People aren't going out of their way to exclude that person, but that person could feel excluded, and like they are being excluded on purpose.


Like I said I think it is up to the person to jump in, but I think we'd all be a little naive to think that we are completely exempt from cliques, and maybe just keep an eye out for them in somewhere you may not have thought to look out for them.

 

[zobothehobo]

I think this phrase is suitable for this topic, "A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet".

I felt the need to elaborate on why I love this phrase. I use it in my life in the physical world too. I was talking to a friend of mine not long ago about all of the cool people I've met by just talking to strangers (and asking them for rides) and she said "you have the most incredible adventures in your daily life. I wish I could." And I said "you can. You just have to approach people as friends you haven't met yet (yes, I used that wording). It's not hard." Now of course, you should be careful when talking to strangers... keep an eye out for sketchy behavior (online and in the physical world)... But I bet you'll find you'll meet a lot of really interesting people if you just talk to them.


As far as cliquiness on message boards... I look at it like this. Having a friend group is ok. As long as you and everyone in the friend group is always happy with making it bigger. As soon as one person feels the friend group is large enough and they don't really want to add more people do it, your group is on it's way to a full fledged clique.

Friend groups will always exist in any social setting... people will divide up with who they fit best with. But you should always be open to your group expanding.

 

[Cast No Shadow]

I felt the need to elaborate on why I love this phrase. I use it in my life in the physical world too. I was talking to a friend of mine not long ago about all of the cool people I've met by just talking to strangers (and asking them for rides) and she said "you have the most incredible adventures in your daily life. I wish I could." And I said "you can. You just have to approach people as friends you haven't met yet (yes, I used that wording). It's not hard." Now of course, you should be careful when talking to strangers... keep an eye out for sketchy behavior (online and in the physical world)... But I bet you'll find you'll meet a lot of really interesting people if you just talk to them.

I'm sure you don't need me to say this, but make sure you're careful, especially when it comes to asking strangers for rides.

 

[LoveLoveLovix]

Lack of cliques online is something that's kind of foreign to me, and I still struggle with it, though I have grown to appreciate it as a great quality of BB. It's just odd to me. The first two boards I ever joined were both extremely clique-ish. One had huge, very open cliques- but they were SO mean to other members. The other board had small, exclusive groups, but they were civil. Looking back, they both were not the best situations, and both boards are now dead and gone (maybe in part to this behavior), but that's how I learned to behave on boards.

BB was a shock, but a good one. I like how everyone is a family, no matter how many members we get. It's different, and I have to conciously remind myself not to discriminate against new people, but I try my hardest. I do find myself acting cliquish sometimes on here and on one of my other two boards I frequent... on Winx Writer's Anonymous, I was actually blatantly against new members for a while... but I am working hard to stop it.

That said, I think cliqueyness doesn't necesarrily mean you aren't nice- but nice and good aren't the same thing. I want to be as good of a person as I can be, so I'm working on shedding my love of exclusive stuff, and I'm trying to get to know people better.

 

[WileyDairyGnome]

The day I joined BB, I felt so welcomed by everyone, and made some new good friends quickly. I love how involved and welcoming everyone is on here, it's great. 🙂 I've joined many other forums before BB, and I never got as involved with any of them people-wise like I do on here. On here we all know most of us by our first names, and I always look forward to talking to everyone. 🙂

I like that even though we all have our own opinions like Spuffy, Bangel etc, we still treat everyone equally.

 

[SlayerFest]

I haven't been here long, but I haven't experienced this at all so far. No one here seems to exclude anyone from discussions or anything. Cliques are so unbelievably lame, in real life and online. Sometimes people clique unintentionally, you know, when you've known someone for an insanely long time...newcomers are bound to feel left out. You can always tell when someone is being intentionally rude or cliquey though, an obvious sign: when they refuse to explain their inside jokes.

 

[PassionBecoming]

BB is the first forum I've ever been in, so I really had no idea what I was doing or info. I was terrified of posting or expressing my opinions for fear of getting my head bitten off or something. But guess what - it never happened! I felt instantly welcomed here and enjoyed having so many different conversations from people. I also learned so many new perspectives on the show that it boggled my mind. I haven't come across any meanness and I do try my best to include everyone in conversations and discussions.

That said, I'm in the chat pretty often, so if you've been a little shy about chatting, stop on in and I'll talk your ear off and ask you all kinds of questions. 😉

 

[November]

Well BB has definitely had it's moments. :\ I'm glad things these days seem to be a lot better, though; no one likes to feel unwelcome or left out.



But some people don't feel comfortable jumping into a conversation between people who obviously know each other very well and are already into the conversation... Not everyone is totally comfortable with that. 🙂 That's why we have to remember that if someone's in a chat room and being kinda quiet, maybe we should make the effort to include them, by asking them direct questions or asking for their opinion or something. Being inclusive isn't hard; it's just something not all of us think about all the time. 🙂

Its the same as being on the forum, if you dont join in or make an attempt to introduce yourself then you cant get upset about not being included. Sometimes there are so many people in there you cant tell who has been quiet for a while. No one is ever "excluded" but if you dont talk up you wont be noticed or it is assumed you are AFK. Same as on the forum, if you dont post then how are people supposed to know you want a discussion?

 

[Buffy Summers]

But sometimes people will say something, trying to be included, and then others just ignore them. That's where the problem is.

🙂