I'm so pissed...

X

xtrustno1x

Kinky.
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
392
Age
41
Location
Texas
Grr. Me and my mom have been at odds off and on about college. How we're going to pay for it, what I'm going to do. I know what my plans on - what I'm majoring in, what kind of job I want, etc. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to think that it's "sensible"...or she thinks that I really don't know what I want. Mostly, we've been arguing over how we're going to pay for college. The college I had planned on attending was actually my 2nd choice. Now it looks like I won't even be going there. My orientation is sometime in July, and the letter they sent said we have to come up with tuition fees that day. Estimated total: $2,500. We haven't heard anything back from the FAFSA. Which we did towards the end of April. We checked it online, and it was processed, but beyond that, they don't tell you jack. The school hasn't sent anything either, so I'm assuming they're still going over it...*frowns*...but it's been a long time. I'm kinda worried they sent it to our home address, which we don't get mail there anymore since we have a P.O.Box. *sigh* I got $1,000 through local scholarships. And my cousin called today saying some guy was calling for me about another $750. Thing is, I'm out of town. I tell mom about this, but she's just like "well, I'm busy, blah blah blah, I might call him, but if I don't, *shrugs*". She's complaining about having the money, then just acts indifferent when I do get some. She's been on to me about student loans and such (which you don't get any information about the fed. ones until you get your FAFSA report). I've been looking into private loans, which I tried to tell her about today. She just blew me off and told me basically that I had to do all this stuff on my own. They'll help pay and stuff...but actually *getting* loans I have to do. I don't know the first thing about applying for loans, and I don't know any of the answers to the questions they ask on the applications I've seen online. All I want is for her to help out a little...and she's just thrown me out here to drown. I don't know if she thinks she's doing me a favor by setting me out in the "real world" or something...but she's being an uber-b*tch about it. I feel likes she has no faith in what I want to do with my life (write). Instead, she thinks I should get a trade or job or whatever and write on the side. I'm not going to be able to get a good job at a paper or magazine without a good college education. I'm just so sick of this. If she gets ahold of this guy, that's $1,750 I'll have to go towards the tuition fees. Yet, that's not good enough for her. I can't make her understand that "every little bit helps". She's just made this whole "applying for college" experience a living hell for me....
 
Sounds vaguely familiar. Are you an only child or the eldest? Your mum might be having a hard time about the fact that you are leaving and going to college, my mum turned into something like Snyder when my brother left, but she realised that she couldn't keep us forever, and she didn't want to she wanted us to get on and do the best, she just didn't want to let go....now she's practically kicking me out the door 😉

We had a few tiffs about what I was going to do, I actually applied for a legal secretary course which got cancelled and the tutor advised me that I should do a law degree, I thought it sounded cool so I did. My mum wanted me to do social work as she thought i'd make a good social worker, but no I knew what I wanted and did law. I graduate in July and in September i'm going back to do social care. I dont regret it because now I have the legal inside it will help, but I have been getting an 'I told you so' but she isn't being mean about it because i've explained my side.

The money is always a tricky thing for college, we don't have any scholarships or grants here. The FAFSA sounds like our SAAS, they deal with student loans and are probably just as bad as the FAFSA as getting in touch with you, they need to be badgered and hassled, its the only way. I wouldn't advise getting a private loan from say a bank, think of the interest rate, I know with the SAAS I have to earn over so much and end up paying back as little as $10 a month.

It does sound like she is wanting you to get into 'the real world' as if you are going to be living away from home you are going to have to do it all for yourself, so the sooner the better. Perhaps have a word with her and explain what you are going through and that it would be much easier if you had their support.
 
I'm going to uni next year and my mom doesn't want me to go because I'm going about 200 miles away. But she didn't want me to go to my college, which is about 15 miles away.

Tuition fees are a b*tch, at least with the UK you only have to pay £1000ish upfront and then the rest afterwards or something. I have been told about the costs and how to sort it out but I cant remember it ^_^. Someone at work finished Uni in April and as of next month he'll be all paid off, that impressed me. Thought it would take years.

Anyway. I would suggest trying to get a job but as it is next month you have to pay you probably wont get paid by then. I think moaning to your mom might be best, or asking other relatives. As Faith said bank loans can be difficult because of the interest. Hope you manage to make up the money somehow.
 
I just graduated from university last year and while I can't say much on the mother front, I can mention a bit about finances.

Firstly I worked all the way through school and it still wasn't enough. I didn't qualify for government loans here in Canada because my father made too much money (they don't take into account what the folks are paying out tho). What I ended up doing was not getting a loan, but a student line of credit (after my credit card bills got out of control). What this afforded me was the ability to only pay the interest while I was in school and for 10 months thereafter (approx. $40/month)(that's in Canadian too, so that's like... 5 cents U.S). If you have to get money from the bank this would be the way I suggest. Now that I'm finished school I have converted the line of credit into a loan, thus increasing my monthly payments and forcing me to pay it off.

There, now I've rambled for a while. If you need anymore help with this please feel free to pm/email/msn me. Good luck.
 
Beer_Nut said:
(they don't take into account what the folks are paying out tho).
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They never do, its a way of them not paying out more money when they said the would. Small print and all.
 
like faith said.. this does sound like she doesn't really want you do go, and she might have realised that you are going and all that goes with that.(my mom went all nuts when i was leaving... she was making me curtains and all sorts off stuffs and she flipped on me because i was going to take my old curtains, which i bought on a flee makrked, they where orange and brown... she was crying and saying how i couldn't take them with me because they wouldn't match all the stiuff she'd made, she even hid them so that i couldn't take them.. and we had an ugly scene where she threw(sp?) money at me... and she was MEAN!!!!!)

but you are right every bit helps! 1750$ is a whole lot better then 0$! i hope you get the rest of the money! and that your mom come around...
 
I feel so young reading these posts! I live in the UK and over here we have things called GCSE's (exam type things) I know this is no relevance to you but I sorta understand!

Money is a big issue in college and especially uni! I'm the lucky one! I don't start uni for another 3 years.

To the point: Hope you raise the money! Why don't you get a paypal account and ask some kind people around BB to donate! Just a suggestion.

Good Luck again!

Initiative
 
Here's an interesting approach to student finances I found on the Urban Legends Reference Pages (aka Snopes).

Basically, an enterprising college student solicited one-cent donations to finance his education . Read the full story here - http://www.snopes.com/college/admin/cent.asp

I don't know if that's any help to you Trusty but it sounded a pretty good idea to me.
 
Oh I'm so sorry. I agree that is just sounds like your mom is having a hard time letting go.

Is it possible to work while going to school? That's what I had to do, and when I graduated I had 4 years of work experience that made me very marketable. I worked for a company at night (4-midnight) where I marked up (in source, by hand) in HTML large technical manuals (for IBM, the Department of National Defence in the US etc) and put them online.

Other than that, I think you should do what YOU want to do. You are the one who will be living with your choices for the rest of your life. Trust me, do what you think will make you happy.
 
Jenny said:
Other than that, I think you should do what YOU want to do. You are the one who will be living with your choices for the rest of your life. Trust me, do what you think will make you happy.
Click to expand...

Gotta agree on this point 150%. It is very true and will cause you and your mom the most hapiness in the end.
 
Thank you guys for your advice and comfort. Much needed! I haven't talked to mom since I posted that...Our, actually, I tried to call, she just didn't answer. I've thought some more on the subject...and I honestly don't think it's her not wanting to let go of me that's put her in this funk. Sure, she's upset about me leaving. But this goes beyond that. It's like...I get the feeling that the money is more important to her. That's all she ever worries about. Everything in my house revolves around the subject. Dad makes good enough money (well, enough so that the government's laughing in our face). And like a lot of you said before: the big whigs don't take into account how much of the money is leaving your household. My dad had a heart attack a little over two years ago. With hospital bills on top of everything else we were paying for, we had to file bankruptcy. Now that I think about it, mom wasn't as obsessive about money before the heart attack as she is now. I understand worrying about her worrying about our financial security and how much money her and my dad will have to live on, but she makes things out to be like they're going to have to go on welfare or something. What ticks me off the most...I talked to my dad tonight (he's working out of town), and he said that after mine and mom's arguement, she called him and gave him the number to the scholarship guy because she didn't want anything to do with it. I asked him about my student loans, and he said he would do whatever it took to pay for college, including helping me fill out these student loans. I don't know if anyone else's parents do this or not - but I feel like I supposed to be indifferent to what I want in life, just be happy with what I get. We used to be dirt poor, so I never expected anything or asked for anything. But, when it comes to college - call me selfish or whatever - I *really* want to go to UNT. If it comes down to me having to go to a community college, that's fine! I understand that. But, mom automatically assumes that by me saying "I want to go to UNT", that I don't give a damn about how much it'll cost, how they're going to survive, etc etc. I never say that I want anything, and the one time I do, I'm selfish. Who knows...give her a few days and she'll cool off...
 
i'm glad your dad will try and help you! i hope it all works out! it really su cks that MOnEY has so much to say, and that you need money to do stuff, like go to the colleg you want to go to.... i don'yt know how much this means coming from me, still i'll say it thoug, i don't think you're being selfish!!! not at all! when you never ask for anything you should at least get this wish! it's not selfish at all.

i hope your mom come around and i wish you good luck with everything!!!!!
 
In the end it is your coice, yours alone. You must of course take into account your parents, but never mistake that it's your choice. Good luck with all of it.
 
I guess I can only say just take it all upon yourself. Fill out all the scholarship loans, apply for bursaries or student loans or whatever you are offered. And when the applications for school comes, apply to the ones you want to. I guess that's the best advice I can give you. Good luck!
 
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