I would like to start by saying I am so sorry for everyones losses. I karmified VisionGuy by saying that Death is Selfish for those of us here on Earth that are left behind to miss the presence of the ones we love. To them though I personally believe that they are given the gift of Heaven. That they wont experience pain any longer. And that they are glorified. Ok so I said it a tad deffrently to Vision Guy but it is the same thing.
I experienced loss at a very early age. The first funeral I ever attended was that of my great-granfathers I think I was about four. I was not exceptionally close to him and at such a young age I didnt quite comprehend what death was but I do remember that everyone was sad. Of course as I got older I understood why.
the next time I suffered a loss I was only a few years older than that around seven or eight. My belevoded yellow lab ton-ton (yep it stuck when I was a kid and couldn't say toni) passed. She was only a year older than me and I had her my whole life at that point. I must have been the saddest kid on earth that day. To this day I will never love a dog as much as her, and I smile at the fond memories I have of her.
When I was in fifth grade my fellow friend and classmate Jeremy Clavin died. We had been in the same class several times throughout elementary school and had often played together during recess. I remember him being gifted on the piano and how far he could kick the kick ball at recess. The town all tied red ribbons on trees to honor his passing. Back then Chester was a small town and almost everyone knew the Clavins. I did not go to his funeral, I was one of the few kids in school who opted not to go. My mother had explained to me that it was to be an open casket and that ment that we would be able to see Jeremy sleeping but he wouldn't wake, I didnt want to see Jeremy sleeping knowing he would never play with me again. I sat at school with the few other kids who's parents wouldnt allow them to go or had decided not to and we colored instead...glancing at Jeremy's assigned desk knowing that it would remain empty the rest of the school year. That year the schools yearbook was dedicated to Jeremy's memory the school had his parents come to a ceremony where we had arragned a special song sung by the entire fifth grade (Heal the World) and they were brought on stage to recieve a yearbook with the dedication inside and signed by every member of the staff and all the kids in Jeremy's class. Inside that dedication was a picture of the red ribbons and a note that a memory tree had been planted in the school yard to honor Jeremy. He had touched the lives of the faculty and students and the tree would be a part of the future at Curtis Elementary and tell the story of the brave young boy who touched a town.
Poppy stood up brave and strong at Sethy's funeral. He told us all that had Seth been there alive he would have asked "Why did I have to come? and how long do we have to stay here?!" Everyone laughed knowing that that is exactally what Seth would have said. There were so many many people there....over a hundred at least. All to mourn the passing of this young boy who had made so many people laugh and smile. I remember singing a song to him outside of the building where his viewing was. "Dreaming of you tonite" by Selena. I remember feeling hopeless when I went into his house and saw Gram cry her friends and family holding her. I remeber sitting on the couch and looking out the window tears streaming down my face and then apologizing when Poppy came to hold me. He had lost his 15 year old son and he took the time to comfort me saying that it was ok to cry that I loved Seth and my tears were because I loved him and that they honored him and he gave me a picture to keep. We celebrated Sethy's 21st birthday almost two years ago. He would have been nearly 23 now. It has been 7 years and still he touches the life of my family. Gram has gotten better as time has gone by. Though she still keeps the soda pop he had been drinking that day. The bottle is all crystalized now. I asked her one day why she keeps it in the kitchen for everyone to see and she told me once that she could not bear to move it. That in an odd way she still expects him to come in and finish it. One day when she is ready though...I am sure she will do something with it. But none of us would ever force her to move it. Seth is still so much alive today its unreal. And when I see my sisters son Jonah play in Sethy's tree house I can't help but feel that God gave us Jonah to help us let go of Seth. And I can't help but think my God he is so like him. What a blessing that we have someone so like him.
🙂
Susan was the next to go. Every time I think of Susan I cant help but smile. She was diagnosed with cancer and two weeks later she was gone. She was 42. A neighbor of mine that I had befriended. We spent several afternoons chatting in eachothers living rooms and she would often come to my church to hear me sing. She loved my voice. She would tell me that the angels in heaven must sound like that and it always put butterflys in my stomach. Sometimes she would come to my apartment and ask me to sing to her and I would. Her favorite song I sang to her the day she died. I had gone to the hospital to see her, the last time anyone would see her. Her mother was there and asked me to sing to Susan (who at this point was unable to speak and mostly unresponsive) I sang her favorite of all the songs I ever sang to her all the while holding her hand. When I finished I kissed her hand and hugged her mother and started to walk out of the room. The sound I heard from that bed I will never forget. Susan took her last breath as I began to walk out the door. Her mother cried and we clung to eachother and she THANKED me. I will never forget her thanking me for helping Susan let go. She had been suffering for days and unwilling to let go...my song her mother believes relaxed her enough to let go peacefully. I will always think of susan as an angel in heaven singing with them as she had always with me.
last but certianly not least is Heather.
Heather was my best friend. We knew eachother only a few years but in those 4 years we had such a bond. There was this unspoken understanding, a mutual love for one another and I would have to say our friendship was beautiful. filled with respect and awe for eachother. Heather was here one day and gone the next. To this day I mourn her the most. She wasnt there to stand at the altar when I FINALLY married my husband. She isnt there for me to call when I want to tell her something. She just simply isnt here with me anymore and I miss her so much! Thats all I can say about Heather as I am still learning to cope with her death. I spent a year angry with God that he took her from me. And that is how I have determined that Death is selfish. Buffy actually has helped me cope with her death. I had just started collecting the seasons right before she died. I had season 1-3 and I bought 5 right after she died and remember collapsing when I watched the body...trembling and shaking. They captured almost exactally how I felt on film....I wanted her back on earth with me! then watching season 6 I realized that I would never pull Heather out of the heaven she seeked and believed so much in to have her come back to earth with me. As much as I miss her and want her here I would never want her to suffer on Earth a single day. I realized that she is free from all pain and suffering and that while she is not suffering anymore (she struggled with an addiction to pain meds having lived her whole life in pain, I am convinced that while she didnt overdose it was the addiction that killed her. She was only in her 20's when she died.) those that loved her are...the only comfort I and they have is that she is in Heaven. and that is a great gift!
that is all I have to say on the matter I wrote a novel here...I just well I hope those that read my words will find some comfort in the same thoughts or similar. Hugs to everyone on the board. Remember this...you will be held. dont believe me listen to this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkwIYzp8Sok&feature=related
