Is it me, or was Xander done dirty?

[ILLYRIAN]

It wasn't that Xander was done dirty by all of the scriptwriters, more that Xander was done dirty by he who cast his eye over what was presented to him, Joss just didn't have the ability to develop Xander in a way that would have promoted the show. Had any of the scriptwriters been able to give Xander a subtle sense of humour in his insults, in a way that we the audience could have seen the humour in his insult. Xander could have so easily become a character for the show to value and be a character of value for the show.

 

[AlphaFoxtrot]

Nota B. The early date for Nicholas's "personal demons" seems to be Season 4, which roughly aligns with the point where he becomes a side character and gains weight. If you can't trust the actor, you can't use the character, that's just a fact of life.

 

[hoponlilmama]

I definitely agree that Xander's development was undercut, but I'd say it was mostly in the last two seasons. They became too wedded to him as the comic relief and (with exceptions of course) little more. It's especially aggravating because they had the perfect opportunity to take his growth in a new direction- if he'd simply been more affected going forward by the suave side after he was split in two. I feel like his making something of himself and his life were his character arc, and it needed more.

Also, as a hardcore Bander shipper, I feel like this is a big part of why Buffy and Xander getting together near the end would have been a great tie off to their individual arcs. Xander would've been the ultimate expression of Buffy coming to understand that she'd been looking for the wrong things in men, and that she was strong enough herself that she didn't need her boyfriend to be someone who could keep up with her in battle. Rather she needed someone who could pull tether her to the light when she started to fall into her own darkness.

And for Xander, Buffy's falling for him would be the ultimate expression of his growth: the biggest emblem of his feeling like he wasn't good enough early on was that Buffy just didn't see him in any kind of romantic way. What better way to showcase his growth than for her to see who he's become and fall in love with him?

I like this take. Shows growth in Buffy too. I understand SMG floated the idea of Buffy and Xander ending up together in s7.

Ultimately though, I'm glad she ended up with no one. She still got herself a happy ending and we don't always need to see a woman ride off into the sunset with a man on her arm to be whole.

His character does seem to get a fair amount of hate - perhaps if he was cooler or more attractive that wouldn't be the case. Or fans mix up NB the person, with Xander the character.

 

[NotASlayer]

I like this take. Shows growth in Buffy too. I understand SMG floated the idea of Buffy and Xander ending up together in s7.

There is even a point in S7 when Xander, Buffy and Dawn are effectively acting like two working parents with a daughter.

we don't always need to see a woman ride off into the sunset with a man on her arm to be whole.

😉 😀

His character does seem to get a fair amount of hate - perhaps if he was cooler or more attractive that wouldn't be the case. Or fans mix up NB the person, with Xander the character.

It seems to be a combination of not being considered as cool (he needed bleached blonde hair and a cool leather duster), NB's issues, Joss saying, originally, that Xander was based on him and Xander not being fond of Buffy's vampires (though he is actually oddly tolerant of the idea of Spike).

 

[hoponlilmama]

It seems to be a combination of not being considered as cool (he needed bleached blonde hair and a cool leather duster), NB's issues, Joss saying, originally, that Xander was based on him and Xander not being fond of Buffy's vampires (though he is actually oddly tolerant of the idea of Spike).

Ah yes, I forgot to mention that, thank you for bringing it up! The Joss/Xander comparison also seems to contribute to the Xander hate.

He's oddly tolerant (or quietly lusting after Spike(?), who's strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled 😉 ) in s5 when Buffy's under a lot of pressure, and he's understanding of the fact she may want to....relieve...some pressure. 🤣

 

[NotASlayer]

He's oddly tolerant (or quietly lusting after Spike(?), who's strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled 😉 )

Xander/Spike is one of the more popular fan fiction pairings on AO3.

in s5 when Buffy's under a lot of pressure, and he's understanding of the fact she may want to....relieve...some pressure. 🤣

Tension relief can be important. Fortunately, there are some... battery powered options too. 😀

 

[garfan]

I like this take. Shows growth in Buffy too. I understand SMG floated the idea of Buffy and Xander ending up together in s7.

Ultimately though, I'm glad she ended up with no one. She still got herself a happy ending and we don't always need to see a woman ride off into the sunset with a man on her arm to be whole.

His character does seem to get a fair amount of hate - perhaps if he was cooler or more attractive that wouldn't be the case. Or fans mix up NB the person, with Xander the character.

The story I heard when that rumored was clarified was SMG and NB just basically asked if that was the direction things were going

Buffy had wanted a relationship. Whether you need one or not, if a character wants something for most of the show and fails to get it in the end it feels like a failure to me.

Nota B. The early date for Nicholas's "personal demons" seems to be Season 4, which roughly aligns with the point where he becomes a side character and gains weight. If you can't trust the actor, you can't use the character, that's just a fact of life.

Possibly were Joss told him to stop working out so much, cause he was in to good a shape?

Ah yes, I forgot to mention that, thank you for bringing it up! The Joss/Xander comparison also seems to contribute to the Xander hate.

He's oddly tolerant (or quietly lusting after Spike(?), who's strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled 😉 ) in s5 when Buffy's under a lot of pressure, and he's understanding of the fact she may want to....relieve...some pressure. 🤣

yeah, lots of people get with the Xander is a Joss self insert. Recently saw a great tumblr post about it

https://coraniaid.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F793310575376613376

 

[hoponlilmama]

The story I heard when that rumored was clarified was SMG and NB just basically asked if that was the direction things were going

Buffy had wanted a relationship. Whether you need one or not, if a character wants something for most of the show and fails to get it in the end it feels like a failure to me.

I think you missed the message of Buffy's 'cookie dough' speech. A relationship isn't everything to her. And ending up on the arm of a man (or woman!) is a typical television trope.

Buffy wants a normal life, that's what she tells us. Yes, a romantic relationship is part of that but it's not everything.

So it's not a failure. In fact, it's breaking free from what audiences are typically fed.

yeah, lots of people get with the Xander is a Joss self insert. Recently saw a great tumblr post about it

https://coraniaid.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F793310575376613376

That post from tumblr is a great reminder to separate the art from the artist.

Post automatically merged: Aug 31, 2025

Xander/Spike is one of the more popular fan fiction pairings on AO3.

On my Spillow journeys, I have come across Spander fic!

Tension relief can be important. Fortunately, there are some... battery powered options too. 😀

Indeed!

 

[Plasma]

Xander is a weird character that I never feel like ever really found a good place.

He started as the kind of “oh I’m so into you Buffy” character, but I think they saw how popular Angel was an absolutely dumped the Xander romance angle as quick as possible. So then he has some fling with Willow that goes…nowhere. Then during Season 4 he's only really Anya’s sex toy and Buffy’s conscience, which bleeds a little in S5 with that weird scene where he just comes out of nowhere to tell her to go tell Riley she loves him.

I really really like a lot of the ideas with his character and I honestly feel like in a different show, he could’ve had more time to shine. The problem is that his issues are largely….quaint compared to the rest of the cast and plot material.

Like his dream in Restless is FASCINATING. He feels like he’s stuck in place, accomplishing nothing in life, like his friends are all leaving him behind. His greatest fear is something so mundane and real: that he’s going to become his father. We’ve seen hints before of Xander’s home life and know that, at the very least, it’s not ideal.

The problem is all of what I just mentioned would make for really boring television, especially when you consider that at this time Buffy was about to fight a literal god. While his conflicts and ideas are fantastic and would make a really great character arc, he’s in the wrong show for that to happen and it all shows up too late. If this was established by season 2, there’s more time to develop it. As is, over halfway through the show Xander gets an actual character and then his friends are off fighting gods, coming back to life, and fighting the literal concept of evil itself. There’s no time to stop anymore for a real problem like self hatred or feelings or inadequacy. Heck, even a concept as simple as addiction becomes a full supernatural saga by the time of Season 6, with a big villain to fight by the end.

I like Xander a lot because I think he’s the most relatable of all the Scoobies. The problem is that it makes him an Everyman and the least interesting person to watch in a show filled with witches, werewolves, and vampires.