Joke of the day.....

S

Soulgasm

Brainzzz~~~
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post your jokes and react to jokes here...some of you may have heard of this one....

A man dies and appears at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done a good deed?" asks St. Peter.

"Sure, one time I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a woman," the man says. "I walked up to the leader and punched him in the face, kicked over his bike, and told him, "˜You leave her alone or you'll answer to me.'"

"That was very brave of you," says St. Peter. "When did this happen?"

"About twoseconds ago."
 
Peter called his doctor's office for an appointment. "I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appoitment."
 
Not so much a joke, as something I found amusing.




How to Shower Like a Woman


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make
mental note to do more sit-ups

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold
spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man


1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the
size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If
you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.
 
A man was happily driving along in his car late one Saturday night when a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to him and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?"

Confused, the man replied, "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"

"No," said the policeman. "You were driving splendidly. It was the incredibly ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."

lol....splendid is a cool word...your looking splendid
 
Oh I have a blonde joke. No offence to blondes.

A man is outside clipping his hedge when his attractive blonde neighbor walks out looks in the mailbox and slams it shut and stamps off inside.
Five minutes later she walks out again opens the mailbox, looks inside, slams it shut, and stamps off back inside.
Five minutes later she does it again. Finally the man askes "Is there somethign wrong?"
The blonde says "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps on saying I've got mail!"
 
LOL I love blonde jokes, here goes:

A man walks in to a bar sits down and says to the barman, "hey wanna hear a blonde joke?" To which the barman replies "I wouldn't mate, you see the two blonde women sitting next to you? well they're wrestling tag team champions, and you see the blonde doorman just over there? well he's the heavy weight boxing champion of England, and that blonde woman sitting on your left has just been released from jail" he then goes on to say "and I am also naturally blonde, my hair is dyed"
to which the man replies "well I'm not gonna bother telling it then if i'm gonna have to explain it 5 times"
 
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