Just some thoughts.

[msfantastico87]

I havent't really been a very active member of BB for a while. I keep jumping in and out of the grid. Not only have I been busy with real life things such as school and trying to find work, but there are also other motives for me to hang out in the shadows.

One of the things I loved about this board was how nice and friendly the staff was. Everyone took great pride in helping out the fellow members and making sure that every one got along well and ultimately, being able to set a certain guideline so that everyone person could be able to enjoy the boards equally.

However, I've noticed that in the past few months, this is definitely not the case. There have been a few rotten members that ruin it for everyone else. I remember seeing some cool perks taken away because of them. But before, the rest of us never had to suffer extreme consequences. It seems to me, that instead of being helpful to all the other members, everyone else seems to be getting the shit end of the stick from all the rotten members that have been here.

There are few moderators that don't fall into this category. I will not say any names, but I just have to voice out my opinions...

I feel like the board staff is taking their "position" as if they were God's on their high horses and pretty much telling us we are measly shits.

Again, it's not all, but a large number.

I've come into a lot of trouble in these boards. Bullying was a major one. And nothing was done about that. But from lurking around trying to keep up on Buffy news, it seems like the staff are now the bullies.

I remember reading something about a thread not having been opened yet, and it sounded like an innocent question or concern to me. And then staff members just exploded like a time bomb telling a particular member that they are being rude or arrogant. It didn't seem like the case to me.

BUT

Back a while ago, we had a few rotten members that got away with EVERYTHING and other members complained and it literally took the fun out of being here, as is the case with me.

The lack of staff *privately* telling members specific rules or guidelines is what gets me. Yes, there is a FAQ. No, not everyone reads it. A lot of boards I used to frequent didn't have a FAQ. It used to be when this board use to kindly answer someone's question and then point them over in the right direction, to the FAQ. Now, it just seems like the staff just doesn't give put in the effort in being, well, nice. Instead it pretty much comes off as "i'm the MOD, you're nothing, so listen to me or your toys will be taken away. you should have thought about that before and read the FAQ. blah blah blah"

Again, not i'm not singling anyone out, nor am I saying this about all staff members.

Basically what I am trying to say, is that in the, errr, almost 3 years that I've been a part of this board, every single day just makes me regret the moment.

The staff on this board makes me hate and regret that decision every day. And I no longer wish to be a part of Buffy-Boards.

*shrugs*

To all my friends I've made on here, including awesome MOD's, I love ya's 🙂

 

[Buffy Summers]

I really like you msfantastico87, and I understand your decision. Because I feel exactly the same way you do. Because this used to be fun for me, and it just isn't anymore.

Cause it's never the members' fault, you see, no matter what's been said or done, it's always, always mine. And when I stand up for myself or my staff, I'm a bully. And when I try and give people the benefit of the doubt and send them pm after pm trying to get them to change so they can be a part of the community here, I'm doing nothing. And when I finally have to ban someone because they just can't change, I'm a bully again.

Should I ban every person the first time they say something they shouldn't to someone else? Some people say I do that already.

Please, tell me how I can make everyone get along, cause I just don't know how to do it anymore.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I really hate that you feel that way, Jo. I really wish you could see and know all that we put up with around here; maybe then you'd understand why some members of the staff are on edge lately.
You have no idea what goes on behind the scenes and the build up of negativity that has been going on around here with some of these members... To blame the current tone of negativity on the board completely on the staff is not only incredibly unfair, but it's a very one-sided viewpoint, since you don't know both sides of the story. All of us on this staff work hard to try to treat everyone fairly and make the board a nice place for everyone to post, but when you constantly have members who do everything they can to make that job harder, it gets to you.
We are human; we make mistakes just like everyone else. We have bad days, too, but apparently that is not ok. I'll tell you what else is not ok- the fact that people consistently meet every little decision or action on this board with so much negativity and hostility.
Again, I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I am also sorry you posted this as a public post on the board; you really should have sent this to Darla or Faith if you really feel so strongly that we, as a staff, suck so bad, and it's our fault that you're leaving. This is not really going to accomplish much except bad feelings and stirring a pot that's already been boiling for a while.

 

[msfantastico87]

I really like you msfantastico87

I didn't think you did 😛

Cause it's never the members' fault, you see, no matter what's been said or done, it's always, always mine. And when I stand up for myself or my staff, I'm a bully.

I get that. I really do. I've gone through that a lot. I'm not saying the main issue here is the MOD's. It's definitely some member issues there as well. There's no real way I can get into this specifically without naming certain people, but, as I recall, there was a certain member here not too long ago, which pretty much upset everyone. And he was able to stay for a ridiculously long time. Because of that, I was bullied. I contacted staff members and only one replied. One. Out of gee, idek how many there are of you now. Like twenty something? I understand that now things get under staff member's skin. It happens to everyone. But the thing that used to stand out about BB above all other websites, is the fact that the staff was nice and respectable. Now, as far as I can see, all there is is a lot of godly attitudes.

Should I ban every person the first time they say something they shouldn't to someone else? Some people say I do that already.

No. Definitely not. But keeping someone for THAT long is damaging. See above.

Please, tell me how I can make everyone get along, cause I just don't know how to do it anymore.

I would think about reevaluating your decision to promote members to staff members. Just a suggestion. I think they should go through a much more rigorous interview or something. Know what I mean. Other than that, there really isn't much more you can do expect try to get back that quality which I, and most of us loved.

Again, I don't mean this in an ill way, I'm just posting my opinions, as I'm sad that my favorite website is now my least favorite.

Edit:

@HisMrs: The reason I post this publicly is because I've tried to do it privately before, and that never worked. Also, I do know what kind of stuff you guys have to go through and have to put up with. Trust me. But there is no need for the staff members to think themselves better than anyone else. Like I said, the thing I loved most about these boards, is the nice and helpful staff. At least it used to be what I liked.

 

[xfivebyfive]

You've been here two years... but not the point.

I don't know... I feel like yes the staff have been on edge and at first I thought they were being unfair when I would see them flying off the handle at people but then I started noticing the extreme rudeness from the members. There are more and more members that I really cant stand because they are just so rude and don't seem to care. I find myself having to wait before posting because people here get me so angry that if I replied I would only make it worse.

I do feel like something is really wrong on the boards at the moment. It shouldn't be a place you dread coming to. There have always been disagreements on the board and there always will be but people to seem to be a little out of control in the way they speak to people. Like they can get away with anything.

Now this is just from a members pov. A member who like you doesn't even post as much as before. So if I notice all the outrageous behavior from members I can only imagine the shit that the mods are putting up with. So I really don't know if its fair to just call the mods out on shit. When there are a lot of members who are just out right rude to people and dont see one problem with their behavior.

 

[msfantastico87]

Now this is just from a members pov. A member who like you doesn't even post as much as before. So if I notice all the outrageous behavior from members I can only imagine the shit that the mods are putting up with. So I really don't know if its fair to just call the mods out on shit. When there are a lot of members who are just out right rude to people and dont see one problem with their behavior.

I'm not *just* calling out the MOD's. Yes, I am putting emphasis on the MOD's because it's what concerns me most.

Also, yeah, I don't post much. I lurk. A lot of people lurk. And look at all the stuff I notice. You know who else lurks? Potential members. They'll notice this stuff too. Disrespectful members and MOD's that are a bit rude. You think they'd register to sign up after seeing that? Just an opinion. *shrug*

 

[Buffy Summers]

I contacted staff members and only one replied. One. Out of gee, idek how many there are of you now. Like twenty something?

Looking back in the logs, only one mod (Mumrik) reported receiving a pm from you and it wasn't about bullying. Checking my pm's (I never delete any) the only one I received from you was a reply in response to me contacting you about going after him on the open board in which you apologized.

Regardless, we usually discuss things as a group and one mod will reply. I know back then I was talking to you and letting you know what was going on with that member - and you weren't exactly innocent yourself of certain comments back then. That members' actions got them banned.

I'm sorry you felt bullied. I wish if you really felt that strongly that you had come to me directly and said as much.

 

[Buffy Summers]

Also, yeah, I don't post much. I lurk. A lot of people lurk. And look at all the stuff I notice. You know who else lurks? Potential members. They'll notice this stuff too. Disrespectful members and MOD's that are a bit rude. You think they'd register to sign up after seeing that? Just an opinion. *shrug*

Just want to say that we don't so this to have the most members, it's never been about that.

 

[xfivebyfive]

I'm not *just* calling out the MOD's. Yes, I am putting emphasis on the MOD's because it's what concerns me most.

Also, yeah, I don't post much. I lurk. A lot of people lurk. And look at all the stuff I notice. You know who else lurks? Potential members. They'll notice this stuff too. Disrespectful members and MOD's that are a bit rude. You think they'd register to sign up after seeing that? Just an opinion. *shrug*

I lurk too. I don't post as often but I visit BB at least 5 times a day and read everything going on. And I dont think the mods are the biggest problem. I think they're fed up because the members are becoming....well rude is the nicest way to put it.

I felt the same way you a couple weeks ago. And then I started posting again and was met with extremely nasty replies from members. Nasty karmas. And people just being completely rude without hesitation. And I wanted to post back calling them and telling them off just like I've seen mods do. Because no one should have to put up with being treated that way!

So yeah what I thought were mods over reacting was actually human beings being fed up. And I don't blame them. I dont agree with everything the mods do or say and I may complain at times but often when I look back at what I was complaining about I see it completely differently.

 

[msfantastico87]

and you weren't exactly innocent yourself of certain comments back then.

I know I wasn't. I never claimed I was. But the purpose of this post isn't to talk about myself. I'm trying to voice out the opinions of other members that feel....err...victimized (?) by your staff members.

Pretty much, all I'm trying to say, is that I miss the previous, kind interaction that members could have with the staff members. And I hope you guys can go back to that.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I lurk too. I don't post as often but I visit BB at least 5 times a day and read everything going on. And I dont think the mods are the biggest problem. I think they're fed up because the members are becoming....well rude is the nicest way to put it.

I felt the same way you a couple weeks ago. And then I started posting again and was met with extremely nasty replies from members. Nasty karmas. And people just being completely rude without hesitation. And I wanted to post back calling them and telling them off just like I've seen mods do. Because no one should have to put up with being treated that way!

So yeah what I thought were mods over reacting was actually human beings being fed up. And I don't blame them. I dont agree with everything the mods do or say and I may complain at times but often when I look back at what I was complaining about I see it completely differently.

Can I just say that it's really, truly refreshing to see that at least some people get it?? That we are human beings who get fed up at the rudeness and meanness going on around here and sometimes we snap? Thank you for noticing that. 'Cause a lot of people seem to think everything is so unfair and unjust when we happen to lose our cool.

 

[msfantastico87]

I think they're fed up because the members are becoming....well rude is the nicest way to put it.

Which I understand. Completely. But there are better ways to handle the situation than taking it out on the lesser rude members.

 

[Buffy Summers]

Pretty much, all I'm trying to say, is that I miss the previous, kind interaction that members could have with the staff members.

I miss it too, but frankly, it pretty much stopped working 5 years ago...

 

[Buffy Summers]

But there are better ways to handle the situation than taking it out on the lesser rude members.

But what do you do when asking privately stops working or doesn't work at all? That's what happened with karma. I honestly don't think everyone on this board wants to see the members who kept doing it (and there were a lot) all banned. I mean, honestly, if that happened there would be a major uproar worse than 2008 or 9 or whenever that was. When we post about it on the board, it's never on the first time it happens. And the other thing about that is, when we used to do EVERYTHING privately, everyone criticized us for not doing anything. Frankly, like we got accused of with Christopher. I have a long document listing every time we contacted him leading up to his banning. We weren't doing nothing. But unless we post about it on the board, that's what everyone thinks.

 

[xfivebyfive]

Which I understand. Completely. But there are better ways to handle the situation than taking it out on the lesser rude members.

Yes I'm sure there is but that what happens when you get fed up. Something you and I dont perceive as rude pisses off a staff member because the members have been so rude lately. So they over react.

The mods have said that they know this is a problem that they've been getting frustrated with the members. Its like a lose/lose though because the mods are frustrated with us so we get angry at them and it just gets worse. And it's been escalating like this for a couple of months now.

The real problem though, and I don't know how to fix it, is the members that don't care. They dont think they're rude and they dont think theyre doing anything wrong. And they have lots of friends here on BB so they have support. So if the mods say something to them they get attacked in numbers. I've seen this. In fact I just saw like 30 mins ago.

 

[BuffyElevated]

Which I understand. Completely. But there are better ways to handle the situation than taking it out on the lesser rude members.

It sucks to have to do things that affect everyone as a group because of the people who can't act right. I know we all try really hard not to let interactions with one person get in the way of interactions with all, but it's really hard to do sometimes. Especially when the solution is like the one with the board's layout, and the solution is to take something away from everyone to make the complaints and fighting stop, you know?

 

[msfantastico87]

It sucks to have to do things that affect everyone as a group because of the people who can't act right. I know we all try really hard not to let interactions with one person get in the way of interactions with all, but it's really hard to do sometimes. Especially when the solution is like the one with the board's layout, and the solution is to take something away from everyone to make the complaints and fighting stop, you know?

Yeah. I know. I completely understand. It's very similar to having children and learning how to discipline them. Except the fact that we aren't children. And that we, as adults (or young adults) should know and boost morale. Instead of wrecking it for everyone else. So trust me when I tell you that I know what you all go through. But like I said, there are better ways of handling the situations.

I've pretty much said all I've wanted to say. If talks haven't been started about banning me, I'd like you to keep me on. Who know's, maybe I'll return and everything will be the way I remember BB being when I first joined. But If you are talking about banning me, well, it was nice while it lasted.

 

[Buffy Summers]

No one has suggested anything about banning you, public or privately.

Which illustrates the difference between giving feedback civilly and throwing out a rant calling people Nazis and such.

 

[msfantastico87]

Okay. Well I'll take this as my cue to take a really really long break. Thank you Darla for all your hard work, as well as some of the MOD's. I'll return when things have simmered down 🙂

 

[Spiral]

I lurk too. I don't post as often but I visit BB at least 5 times a day and read everything going on. And I dont think the mods are the biggest problem. I think they're fed up because the members are becoming....well rude is the nicest way to put it.

i've been here off & on over the years & i'd say this sums it up quite nicely. & Darla has been the target of alot of rude, unkind, ungrateful attitudes...despite being a dedicated, long suffering member of staff.

Ppl offline wouldnt tolerate even half of the BS that gets thrown her & the staff's way & yet the staff on here are expected to take whatever's thrown @ them...& often times over the most trivial, foolish things....like game thread approval.

I felt the same way you a couple weeks ago. And then I started posting again and was met with extremely nasty replies from members. Nasty karmas. And people just being completely rude without hesitation. And I wanted to post back calling them and telling them off just like I've seen mods do. Because no one should have to put up with being treated that way!

exactly. im not gonna tolerate ppl who think they're more than what they are....on a MESSAGE BOARD no less...trying to be rude & condescending to me. Ill fire back & i dont care about karma points or whatever. I dont blame the staff for drawing the line either.

So yeah what I thought were mods over reacting was actually human beings being fed up. And I don't blame them. I dont agree with everything the mods do or say and I may complain at times but often when I look back at what I was complaining about I see it completely differently.

there comes a point where enough is enough. the staff has to do what they feel is best & the shouldnt have to be subject to abuse for trying to maintain a board.