Keeping the Faith

[wehappyfew]

Hm...well, here I go. Hoping that once again something Buffy-related will be the ultimate form of catharsis.

Lately, I've been down. A little background: I spent a year in a big city, working lame jobs, not going to school, doing a lot of drugs now, for the past few months, i'm living back with my mom, going to school, getting good grades, in a new town.

And I absolutely hate it. Never felt more alone. I've always felt like I'm the type of person who could make friends anywhere...but for some reason, now, it's never been harder. Or maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. I have friends. But I'm used to these profound connections that seem etched in fate & glory & unconditonal love.

This lonliness has taken a horrible toll on my spirit (I used to dance, not so much anymore), on my mind (I'm constantly thinking that I have no place in the world) and my heart (to be so faraway from the person i'm in love with and the friends that I would die for)

:::sob story ends here:::

Then I turn on Buffy.

Truth, the girl's got gumption. Cause her lonliness? Not a choice...not even a consequence. It just is.
So maybe I need to shut the bitca up....

So to you all, the input I would like as since last September, you all have been the only *new* people I've been connecting with....

What keeps you up? What keeps your belief set in stone instead of etched in sand? Cause I feel like I've lost it.
Really, I feel like I've been ripped from heaven and I hate myself for it. And YES, that means I seek out casual sex....

Then I feel like a whiny brat, so maybe I'm missing something that you all have been enlightened to?

I could use some faith, some assurance, heck even some understanding and relation....
We've all watched Buffy, Willow, Xander get through their stuff...yet, they had a big mission to live for.
So, what's in it for the rest of us?

Thanks pals 🙂

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

You look to TV to find your place in the world the only friend you'll have is the couch!

Sounds to me like you have decided (conciously or not) to rebel against the 'system' of going to school, getting good grades and starting a life.

If you fail at 'life' going the conventional route, then you have something to blame.
You can say, 'oh when I was doing this that and the other my life was so much better' - yadda yadda bore bore.

You want someone to tell you that you should go back to your old life is that is what makes you happy, but to me it sounds like you're not even giving the new one a fair chance, you've stubbornly decided that your old life is the only one that works for you and you'll not be happy anywhere else.



In June '07 I made a decision to leave ALL my family and friends and start an entirely new life in London.
I knew 1 person in the whole of the capital BUT within a couple of months I had a job, some friends and a very active social life - why is that?
Its because I decided that I wanted to be there and that I wanted to get something out of it.

If you don't like your new life just because you don't want it, fair game, go back to your old life, BUT if you wanted to try this new life to see if you could do it, well sounds to me like you've not given it a fair go so either do that, or shush with the whining.