A
Altoz
Guest
Ow. Ow Ow. Ow!
This really isn't fair at all. I'm only two and suddenly I get pregnant. All right, not so suddenly. All right, yes, I should've hinted that I wanted Tara and Willow to get me the snip, but obviously it's too late now. Anyhow, how was I to know that Oz' cyberzombie cat Patches was capable of fathering kittens? I should have checked? Sorry, that does sound slightly hypocritical, considering that you need a roadmap to chart the human relationships around me at present. Hey, that's it. Perhaps I can plead poor role modelling. Oh, you want an explanation, unknown telepathic message recipient?
Okay, it started like this. Daniel (Oz) Osborne returns to Sunnydale with his animal companion Patches. Technically. Patches is partially zombie, having been reanimated by a Nigerian mask several years ago. He came back to life, quite startled, and then became panicked because he expected to be dead but then realised that there was another paranormal quasi-animal type being in the Library (ie Oz). For some reason to do with conflicting magical influences around him, Patches got uncoupled from the Nigerian mask reanimation effects. And so, he wasn't deanimated when Buffy Summers and her friends destroyed the mask. After which, Patches adopted Oz and had adventures with him, having cybernetic surgery performed when bits of him dropped off.
Oh, you want to know how I got together with him? Well, it was that time of the month. I started singing and he turned up. To my pleasant surprise, I noticed that a certain bit of him was slightly anatomically incorrect so we did the deed and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. About two weeks later, I suddenly started getting sick in the morning. Well, carrying yours truly, Willow and Tara went over to the apartment where Oz and his new partner Doug lived. Willow wasn't very happy at Oz for not keeping Patches under control, at which point I spotted Patches again and got horny for him, trying to escape from Tara. I don't think Willow was particularly happy with my choice of kitten daddy. "Undead bag of bones" was how she defined the tom in question. Thereafter, I got sequestered at their place for the next eight weeks or so, to prevent me from straying any further.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!
And one kitten. And two. And three. And four. And five. And that's all, folks.
Oh. Oh, they're not casting reflections and they've gamefaced. I seem to have given birth to a litter of vampire kittens and they're hissing at my humans.
Hello, Patches. We seem to have a slight gynecological problem here. Apparently when your feline familiar gets horny for a cute undead cyborg tomcat and has her way with him, your kittens will turn out to be vampires. Oh. Tara has sprinkled magesalt around Patches and linked it to the kittens. Don't worry, I've warded myself, but how are we going to feed the little. Ah. They're running toward their daddy...and...they've turned back into almost normal kittens. Tara says it's got something to do with an empathic bond between me and my tom. So they'll only be vampires at night. And so, I become a mother.
What? May I refer you to the point I made above about the circuitous and needlessly confusing relationships that the humans around me manifest? I never really had a chance to have a normal kittenhood, did I? Yes, I'd blame society too. What chance did I have? I was a witches familiar before I turned one. Yes, I know the kittens are extremely cute, but you didn't have to carry them around inside you for eight weeks. Now if you'll excuse me, it's feeding time and I'm the resident milkbar.
This really isn't fair at all. I'm only two and suddenly I get pregnant. All right, not so suddenly. All right, yes, I should've hinted that I wanted Tara and Willow to get me the snip, but obviously it's too late now. Anyhow, how was I to know that Oz' cyberzombie cat Patches was capable of fathering kittens? I should have checked? Sorry, that does sound slightly hypocritical, considering that you need a roadmap to chart the human relationships around me at present. Hey, that's it. Perhaps I can plead poor role modelling. Oh, you want an explanation, unknown telepathic message recipient?
Okay, it started like this. Daniel (Oz) Osborne returns to Sunnydale with his animal companion Patches. Technically. Patches is partially zombie, having been reanimated by a Nigerian mask several years ago. He came back to life, quite startled, and then became panicked because he expected to be dead but then realised that there was another paranormal quasi-animal type being in the Library (ie Oz). For some reason to do with conflicting magical influences around him, Patches got uncoupled from the Nigerian mask reanimation effects. And so, he wasn't deanimated when Buffy Summers and her friends destroyed the mask. After which, Patches adopted Oz and had adventures with him, having cybernetic surgery performed when bits of him dropped off.
Oh, you want to know how I got together with him? Well, it was that time of the month. I started singing and he turned up. To my pleasant surprise, I noticed that a certain bit of him was slightly anatomically incorrect so we did the deed and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. About two weeks later, I suddenly started getting sick in the morning. Well, carrying yours truly, Willow and Tara went over to the apartment where Oz and his new partner Doug lived. Willow wasn't very happy at Oz for not keeping Patches under control, at which point I spotted Patches again and got horny for him, trying to escape from Tara. I don't think Willow was particularly happy with my choice of kitten daddy. "Undead bag of bones" was how she defined the tom in question. Thereafter, I got sequestered at their place for the next eight weeks or so, to prevent me from straying any further.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!
And one kitten. And two. And three. And four. And five. And that's all, folks.
Oh. Oh, they're not casting reflections and they've gamefaced. I seem to have given birth to a litter of vampire kittens and they're hissing at my humans.
Hello, Patches. We seem to have a slight gynecological problem here. Apparently when your feline familiar gets horny for a cute undead cyborg tomcat and has her way with him, your kittens will turn out to be vampires. Oh. Tara has sprinkled magesalt around Patches and linked it to the kittens. Don't worry, I've warded myself, but how are we going to feed the little. Ah. They're running toward their daddy...and...they've turned back into almost normal kittens. Tara says it's got something to do with an empathic bond between me and my tom. So they'll only be vampires at night. And so, I become a mother.
What? May I refer you to the point I made above about the circuitous and needlessly confusing relationships that the humans around me manifest? I never really had a chance to have a normal kittenhood, did I? Yes, I'd blame society too. What chance did I have? I was a witches familiar before I turned one. Yes, I know the kittens are extremely cute, but you didn't have to carry them around inside you for eight weeks. Now if you'll excuse me, it's feeding time and I'm the resident milkbar.