Lockley: Birthright - actual fic

Awesome update ddlm! I too like the direction you're taking Kate's character in, it seems realistic somehow, and your description as always is great. And it really does seem to fit the character, given her circumstances. I also like how you put that pause in right before Kate ran into the alleyway, it seems important to the character in that you tell us how she didn't run out without a second thought (as that would almost contradict what we know of her right now), but she also couldn't just ignore it. So that was also a plus. 🙂

Only thing I found a LITTLE confusing was the part with the guy trying to sit down, at first I thought that there was another woman he was talking to or something... I think it was just the "a voice began behind the woman" that threw me, but I quickly reread it and get it now (probably just my blonde roots acting up... again lol 😉so no worries)

Anywho, awesome work!!! :thumbs: And since I'm not at all above begging: PLEASE add more soon, 'cause this is awesome! 😀
 
i left you a comment but my computer hates me and erased it. stupid computer. good job. its dark, you really ripped her down and made her blank. i like it. it is really good description of self-pity. I just hope you don't leave her there too long cause self-pity is some annoying sh*t. I like that she is hollow and alone. that is where growth happens, right? you are gonna do something really beautiful here. much love to you baby xoxoxoxo
 
I better watch what I'm saying.. One of your acolytes might attack me if I post anything less that holy worship and ultimate praise..

Who am I kidding, I eat acolytes for breakfast..

THIS IS UTTER CRAP! POOR CHARACTERIZATION AND BLAH BLAH..

I suspect I will like this story more than "Old Friends"..

I just hope you don't leave her there too long cause self-pity is some annoying sh*t.


I hope he does. I certainly don't want Kate to suddenly snap out of it.

This chapter is a lot more descriptive than the other fic, I don't know if this is a deliberate change integral to understanding Kate at this moment, or if you just want it to be more detailed.

Kate's wallowing in self-pity, but it seems to me, that it's a bit more than that. She is questioning existence and if she really has a place in it. She is trying to isolate herself, but existence is intruding into her isolationist life. The smoke, the water, the guy who wants a seat, the scream, all forcing itself into Kate's isolation. I'm kinda hoping, the more Kate tries to isolate herself, the more life forces itself onto her. The more she thinks she has no place in life, the more "life" needs her.

Well, I'm kinda assuming with the title "Birthright" and with Kates current disposition, that's what you're doing anyway.
 
phew, i actually got around to reading it...but in my defense, you know why i haven't.
anyway, wow. i'm surprised by the direction you took Kate in. she seems to depressed, but actually fairly believable, like this could have actually happened to the character had she reamined on the show.
like arabella said, i hope she doesn't stay like this forever, but i'm really curious to see how you manage to bring her out of it!
 
wow al, the way u write it is sooo Kate. That's exactly how i'd picture her to be now. The thing about her dad and how he called her "Katie" was a take back, I liked the feeling. Anyway Al you are getting good at this writing stuff this is just as good as old friends! cant wait for more. 😉
 
Give it time folkes she is in depression right now but she will find out her destiny soon enough and then she will find something to focas on.

Good description DDM, keep it up!
 
The cool night air collided with Lockleys face as walked down the sidewalk. In the bar she had been warm and maybe a little tipsy, but now she was standing in the cool night air, she began to shiver. Hands firmly in her pocket, she continued in the direction of her apartement, realising she had one stop along the way. Head down looking at the street, as to not make eye contact with anyone, Lockley started to speed up, she just wanted to get home.
The street itself was very quiet, a little odd for this time of day, but that didn't concern the woman, infact it made the walking easier. After walking the street for ten minutes, Lockley finally started to slow down, 'Joes Liquor Store' was just around the corner and she needed to stock up.
As she turned the corner, sure enough, the bright lights of the store seemingly splashed out onto the street, giving the sidewalk a weird yellow glow. Walking faster now, Lockley reached the door and firmly pushed.
There was no give. The door was locked.
This made no sense to Lockley, as the store generally stayed open till midnight, and it had only just past 10 when she left the bar. Looking through the window, Lockley saw Joe milling around in the back of his store, with a concerned look on his face. Not really sure what was going on, Lockley just wanted some whiskey so began to knock on the window.
Joe didn't even look at the knocking. This caused concern in Lockley, this wasn't normal, not at all, but she really didn't want to hang around. She hated to stay long in this part of Brooklyn, as opposite the shop was St. Maria's Church. The church itself wasn't an issue. Lockley had used this as her Church since she had arrived in Brooklyn. The issue was this was the Church Jason had planned to marry her in. They had discussed it long before Jason even proposed as Kate had grown quite friendly with Father Mulcahy.
Looking in the direction of the Church, Lockley saw a moving light in the window. Someone was inside the Church with a torch.
Hesistating slightly, Lockley realised she had to investigate, if only to put her mind at ease.
Walking across the street, the woman slowly pulled out her gun, again, going into 'cop mode', edged slowly towards the door.
The door was unlocked, which again was not right, as this time of night, in this neighborhood, the church would be locked down. Opening ever so slightly, Lockley tried to get a glimpse of the area near the window where the torchlight had been, but the area was dark again.
Pushing the door open just enough to allow the slender woman to move through, she quickly scanned the area for movement.
At the far end of the hall, by the altar, someone was moving. Whoever it was appeared to be re-arranging things, but it was too dark for Lockley to see who it was, and what they were doing.
Stalking, slowly, Lockley moved up the central passage of the church, making sure not to make a sound.
For the briefest moment, Lockley felt at home. Her gun in hand, moving in on a 'perp', it was almost like being back in the LAPD, but she snapped out of that rather quickly. She wasn't a cop anymore, she didn't want to be.
"Freeze," She shouted to the person at the Altar, as she drew up close enough.
The person stopped doing what they were doing, and began to turn to face Lockley.
As the person turned, the flashlight was still in, illuminating certain features of them.
"Father Mulcahy?" Lockley asked rhetorically.
Before her stood the priest who she had grown friendly with. She had not seen the man since before Jasons death. His face had weathered some since then. The light of the torch, gave a ghostly feel to the man, highlighting all his facial wrinkles, but it was his eyes that made Lockley feel the aged man had advanced. They seemed dark, lifeless, as if the soul inside him has withered and died leaving behind the slowly decaying body of a once proud man.
"Katie, its lovely to see you again," came the response in the Irish brogue, Lockley had found endearing at one time.
"Whats happening father, why are you here so late?"
The man moved from his place towards the first pew and took a seat.
"I bore witness to a heinous crime," the man began, "a crime of the Devil himself."
Lockley sat, wondering what the Priest was going on about.
"Three weeks ago, the Church was broken into. Nothing was taken but heathens desecrated this Holy House. Luckily, the congregation had left, for i know not what these people would have done to them. They were like wild animals, taking pleasure in the vandalism of the place."
Lockley looked on in concern. It was no secret that the area surrounding St Mariss wasn't exactly the safest area, but the local gangs tended to leave the Church alone.
"Did you recognise any of them?" She asked, almost wishing she had not come to the Church this evening.
Last thing she needed was to fight someone else's cause, especially the Church.
"Well, Katie, thats the thing. I recognised none of them, but i saw evil in their eyes. Their faces were demonic, with bulging brow and protruding teeth. If i didn't know better, i would have called them....well i would say they were....."
"Vampires," she interrupted.
"I'm a silly old fool," he finished, "you don't need to listen to the rantings of a man about these demons, especially as they are not real."
This made Lockley smile. For the first time in as long as she could remember she smiled, though it was one of bitterness. Life would have been so much easier had the Priests statement been real.
"Oh, Father, they are," Lockley replied.
Lockley looked into the mans eyes, but instead of seeing a look of horror, or realisation, she saw one of confirmation that he knew they existed, just wasn't sure she knew.
"This new gang have been plaguing these streets for weeks now. The people are scared. I know you have had troubles, but I would ask, can you help?"
This was tough. The Church was asking for her help, but she didn't have the strength to say yes. It pained her, but she had no will to do so.
"I'm sorry Father," she replied, "I, I can't."
She began to get up ready to go home.
"Please, I implore you to reconsider, if not for me, then for your God?"
This last comment made Lockley stand still.
"God?" She sneered. "Where was 'God' when my father was killed? Where was 'God' when Jason was? When my mother was taken from me, did 'God' help me? No."
Lockley felt a feeling of pain, anguish and hatred building inside her.
She turned towards the altar, looked upon the large Cross dominating the central space of the room with Jesus hanging from it.
"How dare you ask for my help in his name, when he had no time for my prayers, my life," she fumed.
Without a second thought, Lockley grabbed the gold cross around her neck, and with one swift tug broke the clasp. She threw it to the base of the cross, then turned to leave.
"I have no need for a 'God' in my life."
With that, she walked faster to the main entrance.
Father Mulcahy stood where Lockley had just been, and picked up her cross necklace.
"She has indeed lost all faith," the Priest said out loud.
"Excellent," came the reply of a man with an indistiguishable eastern European accent, walking from the shadows.
Standing at least 6 foot tall, the man was completely covered in a red robe, head covered by a hood.
"She is almost ready, I will make my presence known to her in a few days, when the time is right"
The man reached out his hand, old an withered, and took the cross from the Priests hand.
"Until then Father, i must insist on my existence to remain a secret from her."
The Priest nodded his head in agreement.
 
A
arabella
I LOVE YOU xoxox...rep for your fic
S
Spirit_Of_Fred
ooh, i like this part! doing a great job on your new fic Al! sorry i was so behind in reading it!
It almost sounds like when Darla was turned by the master? But the scene was in a church and there was no sizzle when the necklace was picked up, hmmm
Oh nice of you to respect St. Patricks day with the most Irish name for a priest...Mulcahy. Had a M*A*S*H flashback for a sec, lol.
 
I didn't yet i thought that the person talking to the preist was a baddie maybe..then thought about it the ones who show the destiny to the heros are usually mysterious...then again i hope Kate regains some faith...good description of her state of mind, it is starting to hot up .....DDM keep it up.I can't wait fro Andrew to show that will be pretty funny i guess...knowing his comedic timing.
 
Awesome update DDLM!🙂

I like how you put Kate in a place that meant so much to her, and your description of the preist is, as usual, amazing. You manage to capture this overall atmosphere to your story and really get the reader into it. I was surprised by how Kate reacted to the priest's asking for help, but it makes sense in a way, just keeping in mind her character. I almost get the feeling that because she's killed the vamps responsible for her pain, and she still feels like that, she really has lost her faith, and is blaming others (in this case, god) for her life. Just mindless babble though, as you can see this fic tends to get me thinking :blushy:

Anyway, great work, I love it, more soon please! 😀
 
Great chapter Al. I loved everything about it. The church scene was awesome. I loved everything about it. It was so unpredictable to have Kate not help the priest with the vampire problem. i was actually expecting her to say yes. And then to have her blame God for everything was genious. It shows that, unlike in Buffy and Angel, Lockley knows God is around but just not there for her. The part with the liquor store was weird but I'm sure there is an explanation. Maybe it's those darned vampires that have everyone freaked out. I cant wait to read more.
 
E
eunsoma
that banner is so good
Wow!!! You sure know how to grab a reader from the beginning. This fic is going to knock everyones socks off. Love, love, love your portrayal of Kate. After all that she has gone thru, in order for her to get back up, she will have to hit bottom. Cant wait till you finally introduce the man in red. Keep going Al, this one is destined for greatness!!!!!!!!!
 
Great fic, don't usually read these sort of things but your title hooked me and so did you story, it was great, can't wait for the next installment
 
E
Edmund Blackadder
Well i am glad you have enjoyed this so far, there will be more soon:)
A
arabella
interesting my love
OK, sorry its been a while, been busy recently, haven't even had time to post on other stuff much....

OK, well here is some more i hope you like.

Lockley slammed the door to the Church closed behind her. Immediately as the door closed, she felt as though she had slammed the doors to her Heaven, her salvation, and looked upon the street ahead, a sight akin to her perception of Hell.
In the time she had been inside the Church, two cars had been ignited, flames of golden orange with a mild ameythest heart had started a dance through the hood of a beat up Volkswagon, beautiful in a sinister way. The flames were almost hypnotizing the woman to stand and watch, ignoring the rest of the scene, her troubles, her life. Coming too and shaking that off, Lockley scanned the street, seeing things she had missed in her attempt to be as quick as possible in this area.
Graffiti strewn across anything big enough to be legible saying, 'Darkness of Hell, wash away thy hope', 'Night-Riders of Brogan' and 'The Blood of Innocent' labelling walls, abandoned cars and windows. Shop windows were bare of stock, even when Lockley looked back at Joes, all sale signs had been taken down, almost suggesting that no one was at home.
The air had a smell of death, one reminiscent of Lockley's last trip to L.A. This was not where she wanted, or needed, to be right now.
As she began to walk down the steps, a huge crash and smash followed by a heavy thump drew the womans eyes back to the store front of Joe's Liquor Store.
The sidewalk that was bathed in the yellow light earlier, now had the body of a man, Joe, covered and surrounded by glass from the window he had so obviously come through.
In the store, standing at the new opening, three men, shadowed by the the bright light behind them, appeared to be watching the crumpled form on the ground hoping for movement.
A scream, forced Lockley to take her eyes off this situation and look up at the window above.
Standing, banging on the glass, a woman was crying, pleading something, tones of anguish and pain in her voice, a feeling Lockley was more then able to understand.
Of course it was Joes wife who Lockley had seen a few times when she had been in the store for her supplies.
Lockley felt a need to help Joe, the need being stronger then her resolve to just walk away.
As she moved closer, the visage of one of the men became clearer.
The man was a Vampire, though, in honesty Lockley had known this from the moment she had seen them in the window.
Another urge to reach for her gun was submerged by the realisation it would have little effect.
On the ground she noticed exactly what she needed, a piece of wood about 10 inches long, a rough splintered edge to it, indicated it was from something carved, such as a piece of furniture, that had been ripped apart and left on the street.
Still in stealth mode, Lockley walked slower, hoping that none of the demons that had now moved from the window, to the body, had noticed her.
".......Brogan demands the money or next time its your child." the voice of the Vampire Lockley had been watching said to the unmoving form on the ground.
Another one of the men moved forwards.
The light from the window now illuminated the faces of the three men, who still had not noticed Lockley edging ever closer to them.
The faces of two lit up, at the prospect of devouring the life force of the man on the street, but the third seemed hesitant to begin kill him truly.
"If we kill the man, Brogan will kill us," The hesistant Vampire said, a tint of fear in the words, "or worse."
Mere meters away from them, Lockley was almost ready to pounce.
Lifting the stake in her hand, she began to count to herself.
"1" she whispered, more to reassure herself she was about to do what she planned.
"2", fingers gripping the stake harder, feeling the ragged wooden edges grate against her skin.
"3", a bead of sweat, trickled down the side of her face, drawn from the anticipation of her next move.
"4" final positioning ready to make the attack as swift, specific and powerful as possible.
"5," she bellowed.
But something held the woman back from her attack.
The back of her neck felt the pressure of something grabbing it. Head locked in place, Lockley had the unpleasant, but familiar, sensation of being lifted from the ground.
"Seems we have a new face." came the soft sutble tones of a very sensual, feminine voice.
The voice was too distant to be from whoever was holding Lockley up.
From the way Lockley was being held, she could still see the three Vampires, but could not see who the woman was, or the person holding her.
"Markus, Herc, I said no one is to feast on anyone in this neighbourhood, without my say so." The female continued, "I hope, that was never your intention."
Lockley noticed the two Vampires who had seemed to consider eating Joe, cower slightly behind the third.
"So, who do we have here," finsihed the female.
Lockley didn't answer, instead tried to wriggle ever so slightly to get the stake changing direction in her hand.
Movement in Lockley's peripheral vision, allowed her to know someone was moving.
Lockley didn't have time to think too much, she had to escape the clutches of who, or indeed what, ever was holding her.
Moving her arm slowly, Lockley was about to thrust with all her might the stake backwards and hope it would pierce whatever stood behind her, but an odd sensation in her arm told her this was not gonna happen.
Something sharp and pointed touched Lockley's wrist, indicating that the stake had been seen.
Breathing deeply now, Lockley felt concern in her stomach, concern that any moment she would be the thing that these Vampires would be feasting on tonight.
Walking into view, finally, the source of the voice had stepped.
Lockley was looking at a tall, beautiful black woman. The light from the store allowing Lockley to see every single feature of this woman. Her skin was perfect, flawless in design, no blemish needing covering from make-up. Her hair was perfect too, curls framing this beautiful face almost highlighting everything.
Her eyes were illuminating, brown in colour, almost like the most expensive Belgian chocolate drops swimming in an ocean of the purest milk.
As a hand slowly passed the face of the woman, Lockley noticed that each had a finger nail atleast 2 inches long with a point on each, giving her hands a claw-like feel.
"My name is Brogan, why are you in my neighbourhood?" she asked Lockley.
Still insistant to not say a word, Lockley just stared into the eyes of the woman. Further movement behind Brogan caught her attention. Joe was alive.
"Ahh, you are awake, I hope that my 'collegues' have instilled in you the importance of our business arrangement."
The man stood, shakily, and moved in closer to Brogan.
"Y-y-y-yes, i w-w-was going to pay everything tomorrow, I swear," he stammered, "its been a really p-p-poor weak...."
"These sound like excuses Joe, and you know I don't like them. I'll be sending Gustav here tomorrow night, if he doesnt bring me good news then you will have one less mouth to feed, ok?"
Joe quickly agreed.
"Now, go back in your store, clean up and look after that delightful child of yours."
Lockley noticed the look of horror in Joes eyes, obviously understanding the hidden threat within that last comment.
"As for you," the woman continued, "if you refuse to talk, then i'll have to have my own fun."
The beautiful vision of this woman, suddenly became distorted by the powerful cranial ridges of a Vampire. Long, pointed fangs, pearly white, protruded from the mouth.
 
A
arabella
interesting my love
Liked the heaven and hell comparison when she left the church. Good contrast. Especially seeing as how it woke something up in Kate.
Wow a gang of vamps acting like an organized crime outfit. Unique idea use the threat of eating the mark when it's necessary. The description of Brogan was great except for the Belgian choclate eyes a little over the top IMO. But for some reason as you described her I saw Halle Berry (then again I see Halle Berry in a lot of descriptions?lol).
Still curious about the dude in the red robe though.
 
Wow like i said to eunsoma wish i could write that good, i liked the heaven and hell comparisons and good cliff hanger...and iam curious as to the dude in the red robe too...you like toi keep us in suspense and tease us again keep it up *winks*
 
T
teentitan
that's why I think we should change his name from DDLM to Cheeky Little Monkey
Great chappie Al! I like the very first part, when you paralell the door to Kate's feelings on her salvation, I really liked it for some reason. Great writing on the rest of it as well, especially Kate's feelings on Joe's wife and the description in the action-y sequences (the stuff near the end), you wrote the perspective (or POV of Kate) really well. Tres good! More soon please! 😀
 
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