Love or to be loved?

Chosen Enemy

Chosen Enemy

Losing my soul
Joined
Aug 11, 2010
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Age
40
To be loved is nice. To love is nice. But in a relationship, which one is better? I mean, which one is more important to you (to you I'm talking in general, not just you)?

I always hear (and partly agree) that Buffy loves Angel more than Spike, but Spike loves Buffy more than Angel loves her. Don't argue about that here please, I'm just telling you how I came up with this question of the thread, so stick with the original question, as it's not about Buffy, it's in the real world (that's why it's in the Bronze section)!

Which is more important in a relationship, being loved or love? which is healthier (don't say both, that's the obvious answer which I'm not looking for)?
 
That is a difficult question to answer, as the obvious answer to that, and we all know it, is both.

However, I think that it's fairly important to be loved. For me, knowing i'm genuinely loved give me hope and this kind of satisfaction that i'm doing something right. If you're not loved by the person you love, then everything you're doing for them, for the both of you, kind of goes to waste, don't you think? I can give the person I love the entire world in the palm of their hand, but it would mean nothing if they didn't love me in return.
 
I think it's important to love. By doing so it shows you care about something that's bigger than yourself, something important and transcendent. Like Spike loving Buffy (some of the time), loving someone makes you want to try harder in everything you do and can motivate you at times of trouble. Knowing that you're loved is nice and comforting, but loving someone without expecting anything in return is much more special, imo.
 
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Ms.Trick
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mayfever
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Ozgal
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That is a very tough question but I am going to go ahead and say to be loved. I think it is important for the relationship because you could be heavily in love with someone and they may not even return the sentiment. So when you know you are loved it is great to know. I think both are important but with actions these days I would rather be loved as of now.
 
Hands down to love. If you're going to be in a relationship, the most important feelings are yours IMO. I mean, of course your significant other is extremely important and his/her feelings matter a great deal, but if you're at a point where "love" is a factor in the relationship, you better be feeling it. If a relationship is that serious, there is no reason for you to be there if *you* don't feel seriously about the relationship. I dunno. Maybe I'm a selfish bitca, but in a relationship, it comes down to how you feel.
 
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InsaneMystic
hey, don't destroy my metaphor by over-analyzing! *custard pie, with gravy, in da face! SPLAT!* :p
I think it's always more important to love. If you don't love then what does it matter if others love you or not..
 
I don't see how someone can choose? Where is the point of loving if the love is not returned? Both is needed, some people only love to give or love more than to recieve or to be loved, and vice versa.
 
Both are essential. Having one and not the other is a one way road to heartbreak.
 
Since I have to chose only one side, I'd say it's healthier to be loved (unless it's a psycho who is in love with you). Being loved is good for your self-esteem, and in some ways, better than loving without being loved in return.

That's what I think is ultimately the healthiest for a person (if we can only have one side).
But I'm not really healthy I guess. I already have been deeply, madly in love without it was shared, and I was okay. I got my heart broken like that but I was happy to know I was able to love someone so much. Now the guy I loved, I still wish him the best, without hard feelings.
And I can't imagine myself being with someone who loves me and not loving the person in return. It would be a waste of my time and of the person's time.

If I don't love, the whole relationship is kin of pointless, and I think I'd rather be the one who loves without being loved than the one who is loved without loving.

If any of that made any sense, I kinda got lost in my mind 😀
 
It should be equal for relationship to be truly healthy, of course. The who is loved the most, is the one with the power in the relationship; i.e. the one with more invested has more to lose. I'm sure it doesn't matter as much if there is not much of a discrepancy, though.

A lot of it also depends on personality; I love like Spike - completely (& rather stupid). When I fall in love, it is really like falling off of a cliff - that's it & i'm in all the way with nothing held back. The love I feel for others gives me something as well, and it doesn't matter what I get in return, if anything. Love, to me, isn't a transaction that requires something in return; rather, it's more of an autonomous gift that exists for its own sake (i hope i'm making sense, 'cause it's really hard to translate these thoughts into words).
 
Love, without a shadow of a doubt. Being loved is a mere bonus - kinda like a splash of whipped cream topping - while loving is the actual meat and potatoes.
 
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faeriegrrl27
whipped cream on meat and potatoes? Eugh!
Personally I would say Love, as I've been in a relationship where I've been loved but didn't love the person back. It didn't feel right to be with the person when I didn't feel the same way they did.
 
Obviously there needs to be a balance, but as you said, this is the answer you were not looking for.

I think loving is more important. Learning to love someone/something is a huge, magical thing (unless you take it to extremes!), it's unselfish and it can be beautiful and fulfilling.
 
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