ana8
Missing you....
David Boreanaz, 1998
Scene: A FUNERAL at a FUNERAL HOME. A MAN is talking to ROXANNE.
MAN: "It's so terrible, Roxanne."
ROXANNE: "I know, I know."
They hug.
DAVID BOREANAZ enters, buttoning his solemn, funeral type suit. (Cheers and applause from the audience.)
He stands next to a GUY.
GUY, points to DAVID: "Do I know you??"
DAVID, quietly: "David Boreanaz."
GUY: "Man - you-the-guy-from-Footloose!" (does a little dance)
DAVID: "No."
GUY: "Ain't you?"
DAVID: "No."
ROXANNE approaches: "Oh my god, you caammme. Ohhh."
DAVID, hugs her: "Hi, Roxanne."
ROXANNE: "Oh, I am so glad you dragged yourself away from the set of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer to be here today..."
Roxanne is still clinging onto David as he makes his way to the casket.
DAVID: "So sorry to hear about Larry. I-- it's---"
Roxanne hugs David again.
DAVID: "---Really tragic. Such a terrible loss."
David laughs a little and politely pries her off.
ROXANNE: "Woww, you've been working out, haven't you?"
DAVID: "I try to keep in shape."
ROXANNE, dusting off David's suit: "Well, I'm just glad you actually... came."
DAVID: "What about you talking about? I mean, Larry and I have been friends for a long time. I mean, God, I couldn't miss his funeral."
ROXANNE: "I have to admit. I am very upset with you..."
DAVID: "Why?"
ROXANNE rolls her eyes: "Angel finally got his soul. You and Buffy were in love, and then you have to turn all evil again!"
DAVID: "Uh, sorry. I mean, the producers make all the choices."
A nervous but excited fan approaches with a camera. Her name is SHARON.
SHARON: "Um, excuse me, Mr. Boreanaz, I'm a *really* big fan of yours."
DAVID: "Thank you."
SHARON: "I was wondering, um, if maybe I could take a picture?"
DAVID: "Well, maybe this isn't quite the best time---"
ROXANNE: "Now, David, you better let her, otherwise she'll never go away."
DAVID: "Okay..."
SHARON: "Oh, okay, great! I just gotta set--- set this timer on the thing here--"
She flutters over to the casket, shuts the lid, and puts her camera on top of it. Lots of laughter.
SHARON: "Okay. That there, and okay!"
She grabs David's arm and poses for the camera.
ROXANNE: "You know, Sharon, there really is a time and place for these things..."
But Roxanne also squeezes into the picture, along with the guy who was talking to David earlier.
Camera flashes.
SHARON: "Ohhh! Yay, you're great, you're awesome - thank you!"
DAVID: "Thanks, thank you."
Sharon leaves happily giggling, while David walks over the casket and opens it again.
DAVID: "So, uh, at least he didn't suffer."
ROXANNE: "No, it was over in minutes, typical Larry." (laughter from audience)
ROXANNE, touchy/clingy again: "So... do you ever think about you and me?"
DAVID: "Uh, what do you mean?"
ROXANNE, who's now cornering David against the wall: "You know, that night we went parking down by the river..."
DAVID: "Uhhhh...."
ROXANNE: "Ahhhh..."
DAVID: "Uh-- look! It's the minister." (separates himself from Roxanne)
The MINISTER, an African-American woman, enters.
MINISTER: "Oh my goodness, wait a minute, is this who I think it is??"
ROXANNE: "Yes, Mr. David Boreanaz. Not too shabby."
MINISTER: "Mmmmm! You're not going to *suck my blood*, are you?"
She laughs and holds up her cross necklace.
MINISTER, mimics scream: "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah!"
DAVID: "Actually, Roxanne, maybe we should sit down so they can start the ceremony."
ROXANNE: "Okay, Mr. Party Pooper..."
David is caught off-guard as Roxanne practically throws him in the seat next to hers and puts her arm around him.
MINISTER: "We are gathered here today to pay our last respects to our dear departed brother, Larry Selby(?)."
Laughter from the audience as David attempts to push Roxanne away, who, from the looks of it, is actually trying to sit on him.
MINISTER: "And Larry, as you know had many caring and *wonderful* friends, such as... Mr. David Boreeaaanaz!"
SHARON, stands up, cheers: "Whoop, yeah, yeaaah!!"
MINISTER, in gospel voice: "But of course we were all hoping and praying that you would get together with Buffy--- can I get an "amen"?"
GROUP: "AMEN!!"
MINISTER: "But NOOO. Nah-uh. This season--- I said *this season*--- You had to go and lose your soul and become a dirty regular ol' ******* again!"
GROUP: "BOOOOO! BOOO!"
David rubs his eyes.
DAVID: "Excuse me, can I say something?"
MINISTER: "Hahaha, should we let Mr. David Boreanaz say something?"
ROXANNE: "Action."
Everyone laughs. David gets up in front of the room, next to the casket.
DAVID: "You know, to be perfectly honest, I'm feeling really uncomfortable with all this attention---"
GUY: "Man, do Footloose!"
DAVID: "I'M NOT DOIN' FOOTLOOSE!"
GUY: "Please!"
DAVID: "YOU'RE THINKIN' OF SOMEONE ELSE! Mnh---GOD!"
DAVID: "Our good friend Larry Selby is lying here, dead. And all you can think about, talk about, is my career. It's wrong. It's terrible, and it's wrong. 'Cause you know what? - I'd give it up all right now, if my good friend Larry Selby could be alive today."
Larry sits up with a huge smile at the funeral attendees.
LARRY: "Yessss! I *told* you he still liked me!"
DAVID, looks at Larry: "'Course I do!---"
DAVID, registers Larry, jumps back: "Geeez!! - You're alive. He's alive! What the *HELL*?!"
LARRY: "These guys were trying telling me that you'd forgotten all about me, you know? They said that even if I died, you wouldn't come to the funeral."
DAVID, points to Larry: "You're sick, you're sick---"
LARRY: "But you're here, man! You came!"
DAVID, points to rest of the funeral attendees: "You're sick, you're sick, you're sick---!"
David turns back to Larry, shoves him back in the casket.
DAVID: "You're sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick sick sick!"
He finally slams the casket lid down.
DAVID, turns back to the others: "You're all sick! - You know what the worst part of it was, huh? - I gave up a meeting, with Martin Scorcese, to be here today. He gave the part to *Kevin Bacon*."
GUY: "Kevin Bacon! That's who I was thinking of---"
DAVID: SHUT UP!
He storms out of there with one last frustrated grunt.
transcripted by Dianna
------------------
OMG that was hilarious, please sweet Magui find me a clip with this🙂
SOURCE
Scene: A FUNERAL at a FUNERAL HOME. A MAN is talking to ROXANNE.
MAN: "It's so terrible, Roxanne."
ROXANNE: "I know, I know."
They hug.
DAVID BOREANAZ enters, buttoning his solemn, funeral type suit. (Cheers and applause from the audience.)
He stands next to a GUY.
GUY, points to DAVID: "Do I know you??"
DAVID, quietly: "David Boreanaz."
GUY: "Man - you-the-guy-from-Footloose!" (does a little dance)
DAVID: "No."
GUY: "Ain't you?"
DAVID: "No."
ROXANNE approaches: "Oh my god, you caammme. Ohhh."
DAVID, hugs her: "Hi, Roxanne."
ROXANNE: "Oh, I am so glad you dragged yourself away from the set of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer to be here today..."
Roxanne is still clinging onto David as he makes his way to the casket.
DAVID: "So sorry to hear about Larry. I-- it's---"
Roxanne hugs David again.
DAVID: "---Really tragic. Such a terrible loss."
David laughs a little and politely pries her off.
ROXANNE: "Woww, you've been working out, haven't you?"
DAVID: "I try to keep in shape."
ROXANNE, dusting off David's suit: "Well, I'm just glad you actually... came."
DAVID: "What about you talking about? I mean, Larry and I have been friends for a long time. I mean, God, I couldn't miss his funeral."
ROXANNE: "I have to admit. I am very upset with you..."
DAVID: "Why?"
ROXANNE rolls her eyes: "Angel finally got his soul. You and Buffy were in love, and then you have to turn all evil again!"
DAVID: "Uh, sorry. I mean, the producers make all the choices."
A nervous but excited fan approaches with a camera. Her name is SHARON.
SHARON: "Um, excuse me, Mr. Boreanaz, I'm a *really* big fan of yours."
DAVID: "Thank you."
SHARON: "I was wondering, um, if maybe I could take a picture?"
DAVID: "Well, maybe this isn't quite the best time---"
ROXANNE: "Now, David, you better let her, otherwise she'll never go away."
DAVID: "Okay..."
SHARON: "Oh, okay, great! I just gotta set--- set this timer on the thing here--"
She flutters over to the casket, shuts the lid, and puts her camera on top of it. Lots of laughter.
SHARON: "Okay. That there, and okay!"
She grabs David's arm and poses for the camera.
ROXANNE: "You know, Sharon, there really is a time and place for these things..."
But Roxanne also squeezes into the picture, along with the guy who was talking to David earlier.
Camera flashes.
SHARON: "Ohhh! Yay, you're great, you're awesome - thank you!"
DAVID: "Thanks, thank you."
Sharon leaves happily giggling, while David walks over the casket and opens it again.
DAVID: "So, uh, at least he didn't suffer."
ROXANNE: "No, it was over in minutes, typical Larry." (laughter from audience)
ROXANNE, touchy/clingy again: "So... do you ever think about you and me?"
DAVID: "Uh, what do you mean?"
ROXANNE, who's now cornering David against the wall: "You know, that night we went parking down by the river..."
DAVID: "Uhhhh...."
ROXANNE: "Ahhhh..."
DAVID: "Uh-- look! It's the minister." (separates himself from Roxanne)
The MINISTER, an African-American woman, enters.
MINISTER: "Oh my goodness, wait a minute, is this who I think it is??"
ROXANNE: "Yes, Mr. David Boreanaz. Not too shabby."
MINISTER: "Mmmmm! You're not going to *suck my blood*, are you?"
She laughs and holds up her cross necklace.
MINISTER, mimics scream: "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah!"
DAVID: "Actually, Roxanne, maybe we should sit down so they can start the ceremony."
ROXANNE: "Okay, Mr. Party Pooper..."
David is caught off-guard as Roxanne practically throws him in the seat next to hers and puts her arm around him.
MINISTER: "We are gathered here today to pay our last respects to our dear departed brother, Larry Selby(?)."
Laughter from the audience as David attempts to push Roxanne away, who, from the looks of it, is actually trying to sit on him.
MINISTER: "And Larry, as you know had many caring and *wonderful* friends, such as... Mr. David Boreeaaanaz!"
SHARON, stands up, cheers: "Whoop, yeah, yeaaah!!"
MINISTER, in gospel voice: "But of course we were all hoping and praying that you would get together with Buffy--- can I get an "amen"?"
GROUP: "AMEN!!"
MINISTER: "But NOOO. Nah-uh. This season--- I said *this season*--- You had to go and lose your soul and become a dirty regular ol' ******* again!"
GROUP: "BOOOOO! BOOO!"
David rubs his eyes.
DAVID: "Excuse me, can I say something?"
MINISTER: "Hahaha, should we let Mr. David Boreanaz say something?"
ROXANNE: "Action."
Everyone laughs. David gets up in front of the room, next to the casket.
DAVID: "You know, to be perfectly honest, I'm feeling really uncomfortable with all this attention---"
GUY: "Man, do Footloose!"
DAVID: "I'M NOT DOIN' FOOTLOOSE!"
GUY: "Please!"
DAVID: "YOU'RE THINKIN' OF SOMEONE ELSE! Mnh---GOD!"
DAVID: "Our good friend Larry Selby is lying here, dead. And all you can think about, talk about, is my career. It's wrong. It's terrible, and it's wrong. 'Cause you know what? - I'd give it up all right now, if my good friend Larry Selby could be alive today."
Larry sits up with a huge smile at the funeral attendees.
LARRY: "Yessss! I *told* you he still liked me!"
DAVID, looks at Larry: "'Course I do!---"
DAVID, registers Larry, jumps back: "Geeez!! - You're alive. He's alive! What the *HELL*?!"
LARRY: "These guys were trying telling me that you'd forgotten all about me, you know? They said that even if I died, you wouldn't come to the funeral."
DAVID, points to Larry: "You're sick, you're sick---"
LARRY: "But you're here, man! You came!"
DAVID, points to rest of the funeral attendees: "You're sick, you're sick, you're sick---!"
David turns back to Larry, shoves him back in the casket.
DAVID: "You're sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick sick sick!"
He finally slams the casket lid down.
DAVID, turns back to the others: "You're all sick! - You know what the worst part of it was, huh? - I gave up a meeting, with Martin Scorcese, to be here today. He gave the part to *Kevin Bacon*."
GUY: "Kevin Bacon! That's who I was thinking of---"
DAVID: SHUT UP!
He storms out of there with one last frustrated grunt.
transcripted by Dianna
------------------
OMG that was hilarious, please sweet Magui find me a clip with this🙂
SOURCE
