Question Marriage?

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JCC

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A bunch of BBers are married, and I've encountered a lot of atheist/agnostic or Buddhist/Pagan/Whatever other non-Abrahamic religious denomination married couples, and I was wondering: Are most of you Christians? If not; what is it about marriage that seems relevant to your secular self?
 
My husband is agnostic and I'm dealing with a religious crisis (though if pressed, I generally say that I'm a deist). The marriage thing, for us, was a way to affirm our dedication to each other and show it to others. Also (although this was kind of ancillary), we managed to get "independent student" status from it, which made financial aid for college much much easier. 😀

I'm not quite sure if that's what you were asking, but I hope it somewhat answers your question.
 
November
November
ooh I see flashing birthday lights! Happy Birthday!!
I consider myself a Christian, or at least an imperfect man aspiring to that goal, and I have no doubts whatsoever that the wonderful lady that I married was a gift from God, and one much more than I will ever be good enough to truly deserve, if for no other reason than that she has put up with me and my ways for the last quarter of a century.

Like BB above, I'm not really sure just what you want, but that's my answer as best as I can state it.
 
Well, I'm technically Wiccan as that was the main religion in my house growing up but we've never been a religion dominated family. We're more 'believe what you believe' sort. A Pic'n'Mix, if you will, of religion, haha. And Hubby's family are technically Church of England but yet again not a big religious family so it never really comes into it from his side either. I mean we have beliefs, just not religion per se.

For us, marriage was just something we wanted to do. It was something we'd always imagined in our future, and as, BB said, it's a way to show your dedication and love in the relationship. We didn't get married in a religious location- in fact we decorated my Mom's house in Cheviot Hills and got married there because it's just such a beautiful place- and we didn't have a religous person performing the ceremony but rather stole an idea from Friends and had a friend of ours ordained so they could perform the ceremony. It was very religious-avoidant. I think it's only occasionally that marriage is completely religious nowadays because there's so many different beliefs and options.
 
The Chosen
The Chosen
lol "Pic'n'Mix". i'm going to remember that word!
I'm a Christian, and my husband is somewhat, he's just there... 🙂 We got married because we wanted to have that level of commitment. It was an important step for us as a couple. Everybody gets married (or not married, just together) for a different reason. We were married in a church, and we did pre-marital counciling, because we do believe that having some type of faith helps make our relationshp nd marriage stronger.
 
I'm an anti-theistic sex-positive polyamorous radical feminist, it would be like punching myself in the face constantly.
 
J
Joyce Summers
Ah. So that's a definite no then.
I'm christian and I have no problem with marriage. I do plan to get married someday 🙂
 
I don't know what I am. But I did all the things that christian person needs to do (on my age, my parents...). Though I'd like to marry anyway, it seems so woow when you're standing there in this white dress.
 
I'm an atheist and I don't want to get married. But not for religious reasons, rather because I know I would be a bad husband and a worse father, and no woman out there deserves to be stuck with me holding them back all their lives.
 
Airam
Airam
Xander much?! I'm sure you are being way too hard on yourself.
To me marriage is a beautiful thing. To love someone so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. If you go into it willingly and freely and because it is what's right for you I don't see how it can be anything but good.
 
Kemy said:
I'm an atheist and I don't want to get married. But not for religious reasons, rather because I know I would be a bad husband and a worse father, and no woman out there deserves to be stuck with me holding them back all their lives.
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You mustn't say such things about yourself. How can you know you'd be a bad husband and worse father though you never have been one. And btw there IS walking someone on this planet that is destined for you, there is for everyone of us, just that you didn't find that person yet.
 
I´m torn towards marriage. It should be this wonderful thing, but it seems like eveywhere I look it just ends badly. People rushing in and out just for the "fun" of it. Like marriage is the "thing" to do. Not that every marriage around me has fallen apart but then it comes to younger people it only seems to get worse and worse. Now I sound very pessimistic.It´s really not that bad. I wish everyone who´s married or are planning to get married all the best of luck. Do I want to get married? Not a goal in life but it´s not like I would turn it down just for the sake of it if the opportunity would come up.

Basically I see marriage as Keano but reality has shown me something else far from the fairytale (not that I´m saying that it should be "easy"). People (in general) needs to take it more seriously.
 
L
Lou
Man! Who gave you the downer pills today?
V
Violette
I agree
The Kinslayer said:
I´m torn towards marriage. It should be this wonderful thing, but it seems like eveywhere I look it just ends badly. People rushing in and out just for the "fun" of it. Like marriage is the "thing" to do. Not that every marriage around me has fallen apart but then it comes to younger people it only seems to get worse and worse. Now I sound very pessimistic.It´s really not that bad. I wish everyone who´s married or are planning to get married all the best of luck. Do I want to get married? Not a goal in life but it´s not like I would turn it down just for the sake of it if the opportunity would come up.

Basically I see marriage as Keano but reality has shown me something else far from the fairytale (not that I´m saying that it should be "easy"). People (in general) needs to take it more seriously.
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Now that I read back my post it seems very idealistic. I am not that naive, I know marriage rarely ends happily ever after but I also think that people give up too easily as well. If and when I get married it will be for keeps, at least that is my intention.

Personally, I think alot of people get married thinking that their other half can complete them or fill some void they have inside themselves. To me that is complete and utter shite and the first step on the road to ruin. I firmly believe if you are going to give your marriage a genuine shot you have to be at a stage where you can be happy on your own, where you don't need anyone to fulfill you as a person. I think if you and your partner can be who you want to be on your own then you have a much better chance at a happy and stable marriage.
 
I'm not against marriage in any way. If I do eventually find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I'll happily get married. But the religion thing is a bit of an issue. I was raised Jewish, but now, I'm agnostic, so I'm not sure what I'd do...I'd probably just let my fiancee decide.
 
Blackloliita said:
You mustn't say such things about yourself. How can you know you'd be a bad husband and worse father though you never have been one. And btw there IS walking someone on this planet that is destined for you, there is for everyone of us, just that you didn't find that person yet.
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I don't agree... I'm pretty sure you can tell beforehand that you'd suck at something without having tried it, judging from what you know about your likes, dislikes, general personality, talents and incompetences.

Also, being a polyamorist myself (basing my polyamorist conviction in my religious beliefs as a non-confessional pantheist mystic, btw), I don't like the concept of "one destined person somewhere out there" at all either. If someone told me that loving him/her meant I shouldn't love anyone else at the same time, they'd be in trouble - it would never work out, they'd probably never feel loved by me, as there will always be others. Exclusivity just isn't how love works (at least, the way I understand the concept 🙂 ).

So, definite no to marriage or any other exclusive commitment type relationships, from my side.
 
InsaneMystic said:
I don't agree... I'm pretty sure you can tell beforehand that you'd suck at something without having tried it, judging from what you know about your likes, dislikes, general personality, talents and incompetences.

Also, being a polyamorist myself (basing my polyamorist conviction in my religious beliefs as a non-confessional pantheist mystic, btw), I don't like the concept of "one destined person somewhere out there" at all either. If someone told me that loving him/her meant I shouldn't love anyone else at the same time, they'd be in trouble - it would never work out, they'd probably never feel loved by me, as there will always be others. Exclusivity just isn't how love works (at least, the way I understand the concept 🙂 ).

So, definite no to marriage or any other exclusive commitment type relationships, from my side.
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I like you a lot. There is not someone out there for everyone. That would imply some sort of premeditation to falling in love, which would be absurd. Also, to love once does not mean to love best, in a Don Juan style rebuke of marriage. : king :
 
Marriage! Me? What, with like a wife, and kids and careers and stuff? Noooooooooooooooooooo. SCARY BISCUITS.. *runs away from thread*
 
Well, I'm married and I love it. I'm not at all religious. What it boils down to, I guess, is that my husband and I wanted to be family -- and in our society and in our family, marriage is how you do that. Plus, marriage works like a contract. You make promises to one another in exchange for certain benefits. Should one partner break those promises, there are potential consequences. It's much more clearly defined than the much more amorphous term "lovers." I like the structure and stability of marriage. I like the way the law and society views our relationship as we do: as next of kin. I also like the legal protections and perks that marriage affords. Basically, my husband and I are living as we would have chosen to have lived anyway, but we have the added benefit of societal approval. It's nice.

The question of why one would choose to stick with just one person forever is a separate matter. That notion used to terrify me. I was afraid I would be missing out on potential lovers. I was afraid I'd lose my sense of identity by being too wrapped up in one person. I was afraid I'd put my trust in the wrong person and end up hurt not just emotionally, but in pretty much every possible aspect of life. Then one winter, I went to the Big Apple. I had a great internship, went out with friends, was flirted with, etc. It was great. But something was missing. That something eventually became my husband. 🙂 I just sort of realized that all of those things that I feared meant little and were worth risking when compared to the idea of living my life with a piece of it missing. I love my husband so much that other men don't really register on my radar screen anymore, anyway. Even when we disagree or when things get rough, I don't think anyone could compare or be as right for me in so many ways. It's easy to choose just one person to love; I'm just so content in this relationship that I lack the desire to go build another one -- one that I doubt could work as well.
 
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