Question Marriage?

[horrorshock666]

Im not married myself... partly because im too young and im not in a relationship but also because i cant technically in the Christian way anyway.

I would lke to think that one day i could though, but i wouldnt want a typical christian thing... I have the sort of Pick'n'mix beleif system and i borrow certain things from certain religions and mix and match them to my liking...

I dont know why i answered this thread really because im irrelevant in it but i would like to think i could in some way or another be able to prove my love in that way to someone...

 

[randiann]

How are you irrelevant? Your opinion is no less important than any one else's here. That makes me angry for you to say so. Never downplay your own importance; you have as much of a right to post your thoughts and opinions as anyone else, regardless of your (future) maritial status.

Now, If you are referring to the Christian marriage as being between two people of opposite sex, maybe you wouldn't like that (just getting that vibe from your post, no offense if that's not the case). But marriage is, simply put, a committment made between two (or more) people who love each other and want to be together forever (in my opinion). It is a very personal matter, between you and the one you love and noone else. You don't need a church or a piece of paper to say you are married. It's nice to be recognized by your government or your faith that you are bound to this other person, but really its not necessary. Plus you can always have your own private ceremony if you decide to someday get married with friends and family without having a marriage license. It's not like the police are going to come arrest you for it (well, in some places they might).

I know at least 3 people who were (first) married when they were 17 or younger by the way. Just to put some perspective on it. I keep seeing people posting about how they are too young, and technically you are not. I don't recommend it though.

Also, for anyone who is curious, I consider myself nondenominational Christian. I consider marriage seperate from religion though. It is a personal matter for you to decide. If you love someone and want to be with them, who am I to tell you it is wrong? What say should the government have in it? It's not them getting married. People get married for the wrong reasons all the time. They get pregnant, they need a green card, their families push them into it, etc. I say if you find someone you truly love with all your heart and you want to be with them for the rest of your life (I am, despite all this free loving talk, pretty darn anti-divorice), then you should make that commitment if you so choose. Bottom line: It's your choice who you marry, if you marry. No one else should have any say in it.

*ramble over*

 

[JenniferAlice]

I'm not Christian, I'd say I'm agnostic, and I have been brought up to respect and understand individuals religious beliefs. I would like to get married one day, maybe, I'm quite old fashioned like that, but just don't see it happening..

 

[Bluebird]

I'm not against marriage, if that's what people want. But, for me, I've never thought about it. I'm pretty sure it's not gonna happen anytime soon. Maybe I'll be one of those really old women who get married when they're 80 years old.:biggrin:

 

[palabravampiress]

About the name thing: I did change my name. I kind of wish I hadn't done so. My passport is still under my maiden name, credit reporting is kinda weird with two last names, and some things (like my school loans) are still under my maiden name. It's a pain, especially when it's not like I have an office set up with a fax machine and everything at home and ready to send proof to every government office (apparently, they don't communicate very well even after you change your name at the Social Security office, the DMV, and the courthouse) and every company from whom I've ever purchased anything. It's a hassle. I come by my avoidance of informing all of the various people who seem incapable of looking up public records honestly; my mom didn't change her name for five years -- until after I was born.

That said, I changed it because I liked the idea of having the same name as my husband (see above re: family). We both have last names that were easily turned into dirty jokes. Together, they sounded worse, so we both felt that a hyphen was out of the question. As I was never that attached to my last name and my hubby did feel kind of attached to his (and, also, the fact that it's easier for a woman to change her name upon marriage), we just took the path of least resistance.

I pretty much went the traditional route on everything just because it was easy and convenient. We were fortunate enough to end up in a relationship that has societal and legal perks, so we took them. That doesn't mean my beliefs re: marriage are traditional. I think any consenting individuals of legal age should be able to enter into any kind of familial relationship that they choose... and that the government should have no say over it. That means I'm for gay marriage and for polygamy (provided that all parties are consenting and of legal age) and for any possible variation on the theme.

 

[LittleMissLikesToFight]

i am not married although my boyfriend and i sure have been having "the talk" about possibly 2 years or so down the line, actually getting married. I am atheist and im not sure if he walks around saying he's atheist but he certainly has little if any belief in god as well. We want to do it because like others said, the level of commitment. As proof to each other and others that this is it. We've chosen one another to be the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Yes, i guess marriage isn't needed to do that, but also im sure there's a little bit of societal pressure. And besides, who doesn't like a good wedding? lol

 

[JenniferAlice]

I see misogyny in marriage. It's one big anachronistic deference of ownership. There's a reason why you traditionally had to ask a father. It's about male dominance.

I pretty much agree with this statement. I understand what marriage is really about, ownership, it's like monkeys fighting in the jungle.

But, I'd still want to get married, I think it's because I see it as a cute tradition, kinda kitsch.

I guess you'll never know, your opinion could change in the future, you don't know what will happen in your life, or who you'll meet.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

Here is an interesting insight into BotD and I DON'T want any of the faux sympathy that generally comes with what I am about to say, I am simply telling you an event in my life that has lead me, in part but not wholly, to the belief I have today.

When I was 21 I was set to be married but my then fiance was killed in a car accident (details are unnecessary - though everyday I blame myself that little bit because I wasn't there).

We'd been together for 4 years and we'd been friends since we were like 2(neighbours, parents, play dates - you get the picture).

In the course of the relationship she 'cheated', I wasn't as attentive as I could/should have been and a multitude of other things that would have ULTIMATELY made that marriage a failure existed.

At the time I wasn't sure that I wanted to marry her BUT I thought that it was the thing to do.

From the moment I proposed, though there was never any doubt of love, there was a new pressure on that relationship that seemed to make it hard.
I have come to realise that the pressure was ALL me. I don't believe in marriage. I think that it is the pressure of external societal norms that make us think that we HAVE to be married or even in a relationship.

I don't doubt peoples love, but in my opinion, if you feel the need to hand-cuff yourself to one person for whatever reason then you are limiting your life.

It seems to me that marriage is another form of oppression we have been brainwashed into believing is something we want. I have no desire to be shackled in that construct to any one person.

Does that mean I would 'cheat' on someone I loved. Well, no, what it means is that IF I love a person then in that moment(and every moment it applies to) they are the one I want to be with, IF at any time that person changes, well you only get one shot at life - enjoy it as best you can. Only YOU know what will make you happy.

I ALSO don't ever ever ever want children.
I'm the first to admit that I would NOT be a good father. I am far to selfish. Obviously I would do what is required, maybe even enjoy it, BUT I also have aims and goals in life that having a child would impede, make difficult and/or not allow at all and my selfish attitude would then have me blaming the kid for my failures in life.
As it stands my life, be it a success or failure, is my doing and I have no one to thank or blame for this.

 

[The Chosen]

Well, for my whole life my mom told me I was a Lutheran and lately I'm not buying anything I've heard at church or read in the bible and whenever I get into a heated debate about religion (which was like, once) I tend to not side with religion...BUT, I am not atheist. I s'pose I'm another Pick'n'Mixer. Religion and marriage really have nothing to do with each other IMO. I'd like to someday get married I guess. Maybe not. I think I'd get bored really easily with marriage...

I dunno. *shrugs*

(So how much cyberspace did I waste right there? Also, were any two sentences in that post even relevant to each other? ???)

 

[La Luna Unita]

I am a Christian and also married. The faith I've been raised with (traditional Protestant) and the faith I pursue are two different things, however, they both agree that getting married is not our purpose in life.

You got God instituting marriage in the front of the Bible on one hand, and then St. Paul at the back talking about how Christian living is much better if you don't go in for all of that.

Here's why I got married: I felt called to the commitment of being with a single man whom I considered my best friend and lover for the rest of my life. I wanted to proclaim the promise to stick by him in a formal manner in front of my community. I don't care about paper and tax breaks and I don't care what other people think (okay, I care what my parents think, but not enough to change my life over it). But I care very much about my husband and this is the absolute best expression of my love that I can give. He doesn't own me - I'm giving myself to him. I don't own him - he's given himself to me. He's a gift to me, not a possession. Things simply were not the same when we were dating.

There's other important stuff in there - for example, we agree enough on religion to live with each other, but disagree enough to keep it interesting... we have similar life goals, etc. Also, bear in mind that a wedding is completely different from a marriage. I practically ran down the aisle and couldn't wait to get out of the dress. 😉 I looked forward to the life after, not the day of.

When it comes to the concepts of Christianity and marriage, I definitely do not believe that we all have a "One" or that we're all meant to be married. There are people in this world who do amazing things that would have been held back by the pressures of family and committed relationships. I have an aunt who works in public health in Cambodia, for example. She's gorgeous, smart, witty and a total superhero, however, she's single. It allows her to be in places and to help people, rather than raising rug rats and vacuuming the house, or working a nine-to-fiver here in the States.

I'm very liberal when it comes to the concepts of committed homosexual relationships, and other types of relationships. As was stated above, "different strokes"... I guess I'm trying to express that what works for my life isn't required to work for yours and all opinions are valid, as long as there's no judgement involved. No matter what I believe, I know it's not my job to judge you. 🙂

 

[Airam]

I'm agnostic, but I'm also still that little girl inside that's always dreamed of her wedding day. The church aspect of that dream is no longer in the equation because the last thing I'd ever want to be is a hypocrite eventhough it'll break my mom's heart, she still has no clue that I don't read the bible and pray every night... I guess ideally I'd love to have a wedding somewhere outside, maybe the beach, and be married by a judge in a ceremony strictly about love, partnership the beauty of wanting to build a life together... no need at all for religion to be included or ever mentioned. For many people marriage is this religious thing and I guess by traditional definitions it is, but really, screw tradition... I think it should just be abut love about wanting to spend the rest of your life with somebody so badly that you want everyone in the world to know it by making it official... then of course there's the practical legal reasons too. I just hope I don't inadvertently wind up falling in love with someone hyper religious without knowing it... that would just be a huge ol' mess, lol.

 

[Edmund Blackadder]

making it official...

Thanks Airam - that line bugs me the MOST.

Official.

IF your life entwined with another is the way you want to go, why on earth do you need to make it 'official' and who are you doing that for?

Does signing a piece of paper mean you love a person more or less?

If you are religious, does 'Gods acknowledgement' mean you love that person more or less?

 

[Airam]

Thanks Airam - that line bugs me the MOST.

Official.

IF your life entwined with another is the way you want to go, why on earth do you need to make it 'official' and who are you doing that for?

Does signing a piece of paper mean you love a person more or less?

If you are religious, does 'Gods acknowledgement' mean you love that person more or less?

Lol, Jeez, okay, that probably wasn't the best word i could have used. I don't mean "official" in the sense that it didn't count before or wasn't validated until signatures were on paper. Actually if it weren't for all the legal benefits that being legally "officially" married brings I'd see no need for it. I'd be happy with just an unofficial ceremony, a forum in which my husband and I could share and celebrate our love with our friends and family... and party like rock stars of course :biggrin:

 

[Lindsey McDonald]

Lol, Jeez, okay, that probably wasn't the best word i could have used. I don't mean "official" in the sense that it didn't count before or wasn't validated until signatures were on paper. Actually if it weren't for all the legal benefits that being legally "officially" married brings I'd see no need for it. I'd be happy with just an unofficial ceremony, a forum in which my husband and I could share and celebrate our love with our friends and family... and party like rock stars of course :biggrin:

Exactly. The official aspect can be extremely important. That side is all about you and your partner's legal situation regarding one another, and for me, I'd see that as a huge advantage. The religious side, take it or leave it. You can now. But you can't ignore the legal advantages. To say that making it official is stupid, is just stupid. Of course you're doing it for yourself and your partner - who else benefits?

 

[hannahfngrl26]

So religion. That is fun. My mother grew up devout catholic and was basically shunned from the church so religion in regards to how I grew up was very new agey. I think there is some higher power, what ever it may be, but I absolutely abhor orginized religion. They are all cults if you ask me 🙂 Okay maybe not cults but fanatics totally freak me out so there you have it.

As for marriage I went down that road at a very young age (which I will never do again) and got divorced after five years which is easily the best thing that ever happened to me. Marriage is something that I may consider in the future but I dont feel like I have to be married. I have decided to totally take the Goldie Hawn/Kurt Douglas approach and so far I like it. I do have a live in boyfriend and for now that works for me.

 

[Relic]

I have been taught that love is a decision, that when you love someone you love them for better and worse. Marriage is not the only way that can be implemented, I just consider it a way to take action and lend weight to my words. It's also the way my God wants things....not the 'everyone must be married' but more of 'if you are secure in your love/faith proclaim it and stand by it.'

You also get a reception, an open bar, as well as a vacation and way to many blenders out of it. 🙂 (and as fivexfive put it so well, you get $$ benefits as well via taxcode)

Do I feel that my marriage has somehow short changed me opportunity? Absolutely Not. It has impossed no limit on me, not by my way of thinking.

Has it short changed me possibilty? Yes, thats why I agreed to it in the first place. I would not enjoy the possibility of a life without my wife and kids.

marriage is not for everyone, but its certainly not for no one.