Question Marriage?

[arabella]

I love being married. My husband is amazing and we match each other perfectly.

 

[zobothehobo]

I am not married, but I am excited to get married in the future. I was one of those little girls who had their wedding planned when they were little. Obviously, noI am still quite excited

Classic example of why I have the "touch to click" disabled on my own computer, and why I shouldn't use my mother's. That was supposed to say "Obviously, not anymore as my tastes have changed since I was 5, but I am still quite excited."

 

[KellGreen]

I'm not married, and don't think I will. I have been alone for so long now, that I just can't imagine myself at a point where I would want to. I have grown very attached to the independence that was forced on me, and now I don't want to give it up (ironic, yes?). I won't say I never will, 'cause that word tends to bite in me in the butt...at this time in my life, though, I just can't picture anywhere in my future, except perhaps distantly... My trust and abandonment issues are just too much for anyone, including myself, to get past I think.

 

[Tome]

No, I am not(or maybe I am 😱).

I don't know if I'll marry someday, but one thing that is certain is that I personally have no interest in all the formality. I've always thought that if two people love each other and they wanna be together, they don't have to advise anyone, nor make it *official*. But obviously with how our society works, and the fact you HAVE to be LEGALLY married to obtain certain rights and advantages, well... I guess it's up to each couple. I would most likely go with whatever my partner wanted, as long as it wouldn't be religious. And even then I don't know, she might change my mind, lol. 😛

 

[Seeing Red]

I am not married yet. Though I do want to. Even though I have always been a tom-boy I always imagined my wedding. There are also a few people I would not mind marrying. 😀

 

[Lurconis]

I'm not married but I would like to be someday mainly as I would like kids. I know though I am not ready for it yet I am too selfish to think about having kids or a wife at this point in my life.

On another more comedic not I had a teacher who used to say "50% of marriages end in divorce the other 50% end in death."

Also 100 reasons not to get married
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/598795.html

 

[caritas08]

I'm kinda of up for anything though if I don't end up marrying that'll definitely be okay. As long as I don't feel trapped I'm good and hopefully with the right person I wouldn't feel trapped. I'd rather be alone and free than with someone who made me feel "held back". I do think society and some married people put too much pressure on other people to get married. It won't solve all your problems but some people act like it will. And I agree it's silly that so many marriages have both partners miserable while not everyone is even allowed to get married in this country. I definitely see more miserable marriages than happy ones but that doesn't make me want to give up on marriage altogether; just enter into much more cautiously if it ever happens.

For those of you who are happily married.....how long did you know your spouse before you knew you wanted to commit to them?

 

[November]

I never wanted to get married, I never saw myself being able to love someone like that, but things are changing now. Maybe one day I will get married but not for a fair few years yet!

 

[prophecygrrl]

I don't want to get married. Marriage in the traditional sense is a really weird concept for me because I have very little attachment to it. My parents have been married for 20+ years and they're still going strong, but their marriage isn't very traditional. They don't wear rings or celebrate anniversaries, they're not religious so the idea of marriage isn't related to God, but they still love each other, they've raised a family together and they make decisions together with equal input. I really like that. But I've just realized since that you don't necessarily need a marriage to have that. Just a partnership. That's why when I get older (I'm thinking 30's) I'd rather have a civil union or something. Also, considering that as of right now I could only get married to a man, a civil union/domestic partnership is just more convenient for me, I think. Hopefully by then most institutions will have extended full benefits to domestic parnerships.

 

[Professor Walsh]

They don't wear rings or celebrate anniversaries, they're not religious so the idea of marriage isn't related to God, but they still love each other, they've raised a family together and they make decisions together with equal input.

My marriage to a T. Except that I sometimes wear a smooth wedding band, an heirloom from my grandmother's aunt. It fits my right ring finger perfectly.

 

[VisionGirl]

For those of you who are happily married.....how long did you know your spouse before you knew you wanted to commit to them?

Before I knew I wanted to commit? Hmm...we met in July, I'm sure by that winter (if not earlier) we were talking about marriage. We got engaged the following April, then married the following November. So it was about almost 1.5 years from our first date to our wedding. But I'd say that we "knew" fairly quickly. But you have to remember that I was 29 when I got married, so by that point we both knew what we wanted.

 

[randiann]

Well, as some of you know, my husband was my first (and last) one night stand. Apparently I fail miserably at one night stands, lol. We started dating right after that, and it developed from there. Neither one of us were wanting anything serious, we were both coming out of really bad relationships and healing. I think that process of healing together actually brought us a lot closer. We dated fo over a year and a half before getting engaged. I always said I wouldn't get married till after I graduated college (uni for you brits), so my husband proposed 4 days after I graduated. That was in May, and we were married in October. To me, being married isn't being trapped or about papers or making it "official." It's more about celebrating the fact that this awesome person and I love each other. Its about knowing we have each other for support and love, and about a celebration of our family. I have and wear my ring (although my husband doesn't...long story that involves our dog that ate everything). We celebrate our anniversary, although it's not a big deal. We have fun and we don't take things too seriously, and just enjoy life together. We're both really laid back and not jealous people, which also helps. I'd marry him again in a heartbeat.

 

[VisionGirl]

I have and wear my ring (although my husband doesn't...long story that involves our dog that ate everything).

I want to hear about the ring LOL. My husband has a wedding band and wears it but he also has a clauddagh ring that he's had for a very long time, and he turned it facing in when he met me. 🙂

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

Are you married? If not do you want to get married? Do you think that marriages are a good thing or just a piece of paper?

Personally right now I have no intention of getting married, but who knows in the future that may change

No, I am not married. I would consider getting married someday if I ever found someone I liked that much, and who wanted to marry me. The idea of being with the same person forever sort of terrifies me. I like my independence. On other other hand, though, the idea of growing old alone terrifies me as well.

When I was in high school, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. I declined, and ending up moving to Seattle. He got married to some other girl, and now they're divorced. So, I'm glad I didn't do that, lol.

The more I think about it though, I think that long-term monogamy is not only very difficult, but impossible for some people. You all should read "Sex at Dawn." It's really interesting. It talks all about that.

 

[Willow My Love]

I want to be married someday, but I don't know. I thought I was going to marry the person I'm with now, but when I move to California, he's not coming with, so things are, unfortunately, going to end. 🙁 I think that's gonna put me off marriage for a while. I do want children though.

Personally, I don't find it hard at all to be with one person and only one person. I've only ever been with one person at a time.

I'm not married now, but I have been somewhat engaged before... It's complicated. Glad I didn't go through with it though!

 

[PassionBecoming]

I have been happily married for four years. My husband and I started dating when I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman in college. (We had met a long time before that.) We knew we would get married someday after only a couple months of dating, which really messed up my life plans at that point! I had never had the urge to get married or have kids or any of that.

I truly believe in the institution of marriage. Divorce doesn't happen because marriage doesn't work out, it happens because either two people didn't put enough thought or effort into their marriage, or one of the people got lazy. So many couples just get married on a whim these days - it does occasionally work out, but a person should really think things through before dedicating their lives to another person. I think there's a big thought of "Well, I'll try this and if it doesn't work I'll just get divorced." That gives us an "out" if we don't feel like working on it. It drives me nuts!

Marriage is difficult, it's work, and some days it makes you want to pull your hair out or set your partner on fire. 🙂 It's also beautiful, fulfilling, and gives you someone to spend a lifetime of happiness with. Love is a choice: you choose to wake up every day and love your spouse for all the good and bad he or she is.

---------- Post added at 08:24 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:29 AM ----------

[MENTION=9799]Taake[/MENTION]

Thank you! The last part about love being a choice is taken from the homily at my wedding. 🙂

 

[This Year's Girl]

I've been married for 4 years. In retrospect it wasn't a decision that we had thought about enough - we had only been together a year and a half when we got married, and we were both really young at the time (21 and 23). When we did it I think we saw it as a romantic thing to do and that was about it. We're not religious, it was a civil cermony, and we didn't have any ideas about ying and yang and marriage completing us. That being said, I'm really happy I got married. I've come to realise that it has allowed me to work harder om my relationship. If I hadn't married I probably wouldn't be together with My husband right now. I would have given up when things got tough. For me that commitment was needed. That probably sound incredibly unromantic, but I think it's beautiful to stay true to that promise even when it's really difficult. To have faith in that things will get better. Had I not been married I would have been fine, I have no illusions about needing someone to complete me, I rely on myself. But I would have missed out of all the great times that I'm having now with my partner and that would be a real shame. I may not NEED him in my life, but I WANT him there - he makes me happy, I have fun with him, he is kind and he makes me want to be a better person.

 

[Washburne]

Not married and doubt I ever will. The part of finding someone that want to be with you is difficult enough. 😉 I take marriage seriously and it makes me sad to see how few people respect it and get married just because the fun of it, because it's the thing to do or to show your love. That last part sounds bad I know. Let me try to explain. I think weddings can be very romantic and a good way to show commitment. It's just that so many seem to think they're done once they get married. "I've made my love official. Now I don't have to work on it anymore." People getting married for a few months and then divorces. Also, a few years isn't for life.

It might just be me, but rather a commited relationship for a long time without marriage than a marriage that shortly (relatively) after the wedding goes south. If you're in love and you both want marriage then by all means go for it. If you're both adults and not married to someone else. Just try and think about it carefully, and the future and not rush into it.

It may sound like I'm 100% against divorce. I'm not. At all. I just think people use marriage and divorce too lightly. All personal opinions of course.

Being impulsive might be good in some ways but the way I look on marriage it's not something to be impulsive about.

Edit: Not all impulsive and "rushed" marriages fail and not all planned and thought out marriages work out. I apologize if I made it sound that way. Life is way too complicated for it being so easy.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I have been married for 9 years. My husband and I have had a lot of bumps in the road, but we have chosen to work through it because we believe in the sanctity of marriage and how beautiful it is to be with the same person for the rest of your life.
As a child of divorce, I swore I'd never put my children through that. When we got engaged, I told my husband then and there that if he married me he would be stuck with me, and if he couldn't handle that, he had better move on. Thankfully he shares the same belief as me that if you truly love someone, you should fight to save your relationship instead of jumping ship the first time the waters get rough.
I am aware that there are some things you just can't forgive, though, and now that I'm a little older and wiser, I realize that some couples are better off apart. That being said, it would still take a pretty horrible thing to make me divorce someone.

 

[Kean]

I thought I'd post this here. It's a column on how people are entering into marriage in Ireland, but I think it would apply to any Western nation's society.

Men Still Propose Marriage, But it is Not About Love

I DO NOT believe that marriage proposals are accompanied by even the slightest element of surprise.
This was recently brought home to me again when an acquaintance, let's call her Aine, told me the story of her engagement. It involved a trip to Paris, his romantic proposal in the shadow of the Eiffel Tour and her gushing acceptance to be his wife. A little cliché I thought, but my scepticism faded away in the face of this demonstratively happy woman.
I subsequently discovered through a mutual friend that not only had this woman chosen her own engagement ring, it had to be returned to the jewellers some months previously for alterations. She had also organised the couples' trip to Paris leaving her fiancé with little to do but propose on cue. Aine's construction of her marriage proposal narrative, complete with her feigned surprise when he "˜popped the question' would undoubtedly be told and retold to their family and children becoming part of their own intimate history. The story encapsulates what love is meant to be "“ spontaneous, passionate, unbridled "“ but to what extent does the decision to marry live up to the romantic ideal?
I interviewed many older men who had become engaged and married in the years 1963-80 when I was writing a book on the topic. It analysed the letters received by popular agony aunt, Angela Macnamara in The Sunday Press to chart how the rules governing dating, sex and marriage had evolved over this seventeen-year period. These men were making their decisions about their intimate lives at a time of unprecedented social change in Ireland. Older practices in rural areas, such as match making and dowries, had died out and throughout the country young people were governed more by their hearts than their obligation to family, religion or class as they chose a mate. Greater levels of car ownership allowed couples escape the surveillance of their local communities to meet men and women in neighbouring towns. Greater privacy was secured and compatibility tested, often as the couple holidayed alone. However, not all men availed of the greater freedom and possibility offered by these new dating innovations.
"˜I'm pushing on a bit'

One man I interviewed, Patrick, who was 75 years old and had inherited his parent's large Co Cork farm spoke of their influence over the woman he would choose to marry. "˜I knew the type of girl that would suit them' he explained. "˜I also knew the girl I would marry would have to come into our house, their house and be with me and them while they were alive.'
There was also an absence of any "˜love-at-first-sight' story lines where for many men the importance of timing, compatibility and economics would play an important role in their decision to marry. Men like Liam, a 63 year old, although having dated several women never considered marriage until he deemed himself to be in a stronger financial position. He also felt that after years of caution and reluctance around relationships, that his age would soon be an impediment to marriage. He told me: "˜I began to realise that I'm pushing on a little bit now and if I get a chance again I better do something about it.' He did just that and married the next woman he dated. His story is reminiscent of the Sex and the City character Miranda Hobbs, who compared men's availability for marriage to that of taxi cabs. "˜When they are available, their light goes on,' she explained "˜They wake up one day and decide they're ready to settle down, have babies, whatever "¦ The next woman they pick up, boom, that's the one they'll marry.'
This tendency towards the instrumental rather than the emotional in the timing and marriage decision-making process is borne out in my research but also in more contemporary research in the United States. Sociologist Ann Swidler's interviewees in her study also revealed a similar reluctance to describe their courtship and the decision to marriage in very romantic terms. Interviewees would more frequently talk of the decision as the outcome of a "˜steady growth of support and friendship' or a feeling that the couple met at "˜the right time' or, more dubiously of all that both partners "˜kind of grew on each other.'
So what are the factors motivating couples to marry in contemporary Ireland? The social landscape is almost unrecognisable from the 1960s. The role of marriage in Irish society has changed. It no longer facilitates couples to have sex. Or to have children. I argue that the decision to marry is an increasingly rational one. It often marks, not the beginning of a life together, rather the recognition and formalisation of an existing co-habiting relationship, often accelerated by the birth or the desire to have children.
Stability in a risky world

Marriage is a decision we are taking later in life with Central Statistics Office figures published in 2010 showing the average age of a groom is now 33 years old. While marriage itself represents a decision to commit, it is done so when the risk of failure has already been minimised. Couples have spent years waiting until what they consider as the ideal conditions of success have been achieved. Compatibility has been checked, a degree of financial security and homeownership achieved.
Marriage is all about risk. It offers couples stability in a world of increasing risk. Here, I do not mean physical or financial risk, although those dangers do manifestly exist. I mean those prevalent within modern relationships, where couples stay together only as long as their union remains mutually satisfying to both parties. This requires a greater deal of emotional work, where couples disclose their needs and wants in a relationship. It requires couples to become proficient in a language of intimacy in which these desires are communicated. It requires couples to harmonise their need for individual fulfilment most commonly in the pursuit of joint "˜projects'. In Celtic Tiger Ireland, projects were often the wedding itself "“ sometimes lavish affairs that represented the next phase of the relationship. Other projects would follow "“ house restorations, longer periods of travel or the decision to have children.
Although the reasons for entering marriage may appear increasingly less romantic, does this minimisation of risk before entering it actually produce happier, longer unions? The evidence suggests so. The Economic and Social Research Institute's analysis of census data in 2010 suggested that the rate of marriage breakdown actually declined since the introduction of divorce in 1997, while the rate of marriage breakdown is one of the lowest in Europe. It would appear that in Ireland our cautious, rational and yes, somewhat unromantic approach to marriage really does win the day.

Source: The Journal.ie