Shadow Lane
Townie
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2003
- Messages
- 5
Hi:
So I read all the posts on virtual season 8, and the last I heard it was going like this:
There doesn't seem to be any kind of new plan since then so I'm going to post my Submission for a possible episode 1 to virtual season 8.
I tried to use as many ideas as I could from the virtual season 8 thread. This episode is overlength, because there were so many ideas I borrowed from you guys. It's OK. I can trim it once I know what you want (if you want any of it).
Here's my submission.
"THE GUARDIANS"
by
Shadow Lane
TEASER
1.
FADE IN:
INT. CLEVELAND GAY BAY - NIGHT
Willow sits on a bar stool at an up-class bar smiling, and
playing with the swizzle stick in a swirly green drink that
sits before her. She seems happy, and a little tipsy. The
bartender is serving two girls at the far end of the bar.
The two girls touch hands. They look into each other's eyes,
and giggle. Willow sneaks furtive glances over at the scene,
and smiles. Finally her glance concentrates into a stare at
the Bartender.
WILLOW
(Head-nodding the
bartender towards her)
Bentley. Over here I need to talk
to you
Bentley, the bartender gives Willow the one-sec single with
his fore-finger and continues serving the gay couple. A
large body-builder type walks up to the bar, and stands next
to Willow to wait for the bartender.
BODY-BUILDER 1
Hey Red
WILLOW
Who me?
BODY-BUILDER 1
Guess
WILLOW
(fingering her red hair)
Because of the red hair right?
BODY-BUILDER 1
Hey you got it on the first try.
You like to drink alone, Red?
WILLOW
Oh,I'm not alone. I'm keeping
Bentley company.
(whispers loudly from
behind her open hand)
I think he's lonely
(beat)
maybe a little depressed
2.
BODY-BUILDER 1
Yeah? I'm lonely too. Maybe you
should spread it around.
WILLOW
(Still smiling. She's
liquor happy)
You're not lonely. You have friends.
She gestures up to where four other body-builders sit.
WILLOW
(con't)
Look. Friends.
BODY-BUILDER 1
Those aren't friends. That's the
competition.
He flexes an Incredible Hulk pose for her, through his
muscle shirt. Bentley walks up to the cash register, and
deposits the money from the couple he was serving.
BENTLEY
(to body-builder)
What'll it be
BODY-BUILDER 1
Scotch. Straight up, and a Hieney
(beat)
and one of these green things for
Red, here.
Bentley looks down at Willow. She shrugs. She's enjoying
herself, and nothing's going to stop her. Bentley goes to
get the drinks.
BODY-BUILDER 1
(con't)
I'm thinking maybe you want to get
a seat with me, and share those
smiles
WILLOW
Nah.
(gestures with her
thumb towards Bentley)
Bentley
BODY-BUILDER 1
What is he your boyfriend, or
something?
3.
WILLOW
Boyfriend? No.
(beat)
You know this is a gay bar, right?
BODY-BUILDER 1
It was a gay bar. Then we came here.
Now it's just a bar, but if this
was a gay bar, where's your
girlfriend?
WILLOW
(Thinking)
Depressed now. Gotta go.
Turns to her drink. Makes a phony magic gesture over it.
WILLOW (CON'T)
Happy me greenie.
BODY-BUILDER 1
When that stops working, maybe you
wanna consider your alternatives
Willow sips her drink through a straw. and makes an A-OK
sign with her thumb, and fore-finger. Bentley comes up, and
deposits the drinks.
BODY-BUILDER 1(CON'T)
(to Bentley)
Card it. We'll settle the tip when
I see how fast you can keep em coming.
Bentley nods. The Body-builder grabs his two drinks, turns,
and begins to walk away, looking down at Willow as he does.
BODY-BUILDER 1 (CON'T)
So long Red. Keep in touch.
Willow gives him the A-OK signal again, sipping on her
drink, and not looking. The body-builder goes back to sit
with his friends who are also body-builders. They laugh, and
high five him as he arrives at the table.
BODY-BUILDER 1(CON'T)
(shouting from the
other side of the bar)
Hey Red!
Willow swivels on her chair, and looks back at the table.
The body-builder gives her another Hulk flex.
4
Willow smiles still sipping, gives him a thumbs up, and
swivels back towards Bentley?
WILLOW
You know what Bentley?
BENTLEY
What?
WILLOW
I'm thinking maybe those guys
aren't gay.
BENTLEY
You think?
WILLOW
Not-gay guys in a gay bar. That's
gotta break some rules. You want I
should go rough em up for ya?
Should we call the police?
BENTLEY
(chuckling. He
obviously enjoys Willow.)
Nah. That's OK We don't discriminate.
There's some kind of beefcake show
in the hotel. They're starring.
WILLOW
Yeah, OK. We'll let em go this time.
Hey Bentley, I used to have a
friend who was a bartender in
College
(beat)
well still is my friend, actually,
except he doesn't live here in
Cleveland. He used to keep a
lighter so he could light girl's
smokes. Where's your lighter?
Bentley pulls out his lighter, and shows it to her.
WILLOW
How come you're not offering to
light my smokes?
BENTLEY
You don't seem to smoke
5.
WILLOW
Well yeah, there's that.
(beat)
My friend Xander, who was the
bartender, he would stick out his
lighter to light a girl's cigarette,
then he would smile at her, and say
(deep, phony Xander-voice)
"Problems?".
BENTLEY
You don't seem to have any problems.
You seem pretty cheerful.
WILLOW
Well yeah, that's true, but I think
maybe I did have problems when I
came in here, and then I got into
the green swirlies, and "Poof",
problems gone.
BENTLEY
It's temporary
WILLOW
That's a gyp. Can I get my money back.
BENTLEY
No refunds.
WILLOW
Not even on returns
(Bentley laughs)
WILLOW
(con't)
That's shoddy magic.
BENTLEY
You know about magic?
Willow looks up. Tiny sparks fire from her eyes in front of
her face.
WILLOW
A little bit.
Bentley, startled, takes a quick step back.
BENTLEY
Whoa!
6.
WILLOW
(innocently)
What?
BENTLEY
Nothing.
(beat)
Too many hours for me, I think.
WILLOW
It happens
BENTLEY
Yeah
A second body-builder walks up next to Willow, leans against
the bar and bends to talk to her, beer in hand.
BIG PHIL
Hey Red.
WILLOW
Hey.
BIG PHIL
Me and the guys took a "fox of the
bar" poll. You won.
WILLOW
Cool. What did I win?
BIG PHIL
An all expense paid night out on
the town with me.
WILLOW
Sorry. Gotta pass. Bentley needs me.
We're gonna buy cigarettes.
BIG PHIL
I'm thinking maybe you wanna leave
the monkey, and come with the apes.
BENTLEY
Hey
BIG PHIL
What?
BENTLEY
(backing away)
Nothing
7.
WILLOW
You sure you don't want me to rough
em up for ya, Bentley?
BIG PHIL
(laughs)
I'd like to see that.
VI (OS)
How bad do you wanna see it?
OFF THOSE WORDS
Vi, Rona and Caridad stand behind Big Phil, pissed off
expressions on their faces.
BIG PHIL
Hey, look, it's the girl-guides.
You girls looking to sell some
cookies?
WILLOW
Oh oh.
(turns to Bentley)
Hey Bentley. Remember I was
suggesting you call the police, but
I was just joking?
BENTLEY
Yeah.
WILLOW
I'm not joking any more. Maybe you
wanna get your finger over a speed
dial.
BIG PHIL
Yeah Bentley. There's underage
girls in here. I think there's a
law against that.
WILLOW
On second thought, Bentley don't
call the police. Call an ambulance.
BIG PHIL
Come on Red. Do I look like a child
beater to you?
(beat)
They don't watch their lip though,
I just may have to give em a spanking.
8.
WILLOW
(Serious now)
The ambulance isn't for them. It's
for you.
Big Phil laughs loudly. Vi takes a step forward. Caridad
jumps between them.
CARIDAD
Hey. It's all good. We just came to
pick up our sister.
RONA
Huh?
CARIDAD
Willow. We gotta go.
BIG PHIL
Maybe she doesn't wanna go. Maybe
she wants to hang around, and get
to know Big Phil a little better.
WILLOW
Seriously. They call you Big Phil?
What about the guy at your table at
the far end. He's got about four
inches on you?
BIG PHIL
No he doesn't.
WILLOW
Huh
(beat)
Oh
(beat)
and Yuk. That's grotesque, Big Phil.
You understand about the gay woman
not being impressed thing, right?
BIG PHIL
Big Phil is an open-minded guy.
Open to all things. So whataya say
Red, let's go get open.
WILLOW
Hang on I have to talk to Bentley
Willow turns to Bentley, and starts to talk to him from
behind her hand
9.
WILLOW
(con't)
Bentley Get out your cigarette
lighter. I just thought of a
problem
(beat)
These girls here
(beat)
BENTLEY
Your sisters?
WILLOW
Right. My black and caramel
coloured sisters here. I love them
like sisters, but they're stepping
on my me time. Then there's Big
Phil, who no offense to him or his
but
(sour face)
yeeeuch. Even if I wasn't gay, I'd
be putting that one on the pass
train. So what do I do? You're the
expert here. I don't get out much.
RONA
Willow
WILLOW
Yeah.
RONA
We can hear you.
Willow spins around in her chair. From the look on Big
Phil's face we can tell he is fuming mad.
WILLOW
Oops. My bad.
BIG PHIL
Yeah, like I had any interest in
the dyke.
Turns to Caridad
BIG PHIL
How about you Senorita? You wanna
find out why they call me Big Phil?
VI
You take another step toward her,
and they won't.
10.
BIG PHIL
(To Vi)
You know, you're starting to piss
me off.
VI
Yeah well, you're slow, but you're
catching up.
CARIDAD
(stepping between
them again)
Hey it's Ok, we're going. Come on
Willow. Let's go.
BIG PHIL
Yeah Willow
(spits the word)
It's time for you to go. I'm tired
of looking at you.
Big Phil reaches over and grabs Willow, pulling her off her
stool. She falls to the floor. Big Phil stands there
laughing. Willow starts to get to her feet and looks up. Her
eyes are black
CARIDAD
Oh
VI
My
RONA
God
Rona puts her hands on Big Phil's chest pushing him away.
RONA (CON'T)
Get out of here, quick, before
(beat)
Big Phil grabs Rona under the arms and lifts her. Rona
instinctively gives him an elbow to the top of the head. Big
Phil falls to his knees then rises again with Rona still in
his hands and chucks her. She lands on her feet on a table.
Big Phil is crazed. He rushes her. From the table Rona
catches him coming in with a kick to the chin. Big Phil
lands with his chin to the table. He rises, grabs the table
and lets it fly. Rona tumbles to the floor. Vi grabs him by
the arm and flings him across the room. The other body-
builders start to arrive.
11.
BODY-BUILDER 1
What the Hell's going on here
He grabs Caridad to push her aside. With slayer instincts,
she grabs his arm and flips him. Another Body-builder comes
up behind her, grabs her by the shoulder, and spins her
around to face him. Vi comes out of nowhere, and roundhouses
him. He stumbles backwards, and the fight is on. We hear
crashing as the area in front of the bar is cleared leaving
an empty bar. Willow rises to her full height, leaving her
the only person at the bar. She shakes her head. She's back
to normal. She sits back on her stool, and watches the fight.
Bentley is frantically shuffling things around behind the
bar looking for something. Willow sees the action out of the
corner of her eye, spins towards him in her bar stool, and
looks over the bar to see what Bentley is looking for.
WILLOW
Whatcha looking for? Is it the
phone? Phone's over there.
She points. Bentley scrambles over to grab the phone. He
picks it up and looks puzzled. He can't remember the number.
WILLOW
I told you Bentley. Speed dial.
Bentley looks at the phone for a while then chucks it to the
floor with a flick of his wrist. He leans against the bar
head in hands and watches the fight. Willow spins to watch
it too.
WILLOW (CON'T)
Too cool, huh? I haven't seen one
of these since my best friend's
wedding. You should get us popcorn.
BENTLEY
What the Hell. why not.
He rises and walks slowly over to the popcorn bin to get
popcorn.
WILLOW
(watching the fight)
A big bag, OK?
(beat)
Ooh, Ow, that's gotta hurt.
CUT TO: the fight
The three girls are mopping the floor with the five body-
builders. The five don't have a chance, but they just refuse
to get it, and keep coming back for more.
12.
Finally the fight is over. The five squirm around on the
floor, or lay there unconscious. Willow walks over to Big
Phil with a bag of popcorn in her hand. She leans over and
shakes his shoulder. He wakes up.
WILLOW
(munching on Popcorn
from a bag)
Hey Big Phil. You OK?
BIG PHIL
Yeah I'm all right.
WILLOW
Good, good. That's great. So, you
still wanna get to know me better.
Big Phil looks up and smiles. He is missing his front tooth.
BIG PHIL
What the Hell. Why not?
WILLOW
Look into my eyes.
He does and instantly his eyes grow wide in horror.
MONTAGE
We see quick cuts of all the horrible stuff Willow has seen.
Warren being skinned alive, the gnarl peeling flesh from her
stomach, Tarah dying in front of her, and so on. Big Phil is
feeling what she felt. He starts to scream, then babble.
BIG PHIL
No. No. No
The three girls come up to Willow, and guide her away, out
the door. She looks back to the bar past the babbling Big
Phil, like he wasn't there. Bentley stands at the bar eating
popcorn.
WILLOW
(shouts)
So long Bentley. It's been a blast.
BENTLEY
So long Willow. Next time you bring
your sisters, tell them to bring ID.
WILLOW
OK. So long
13.
BENTLEY
So long.
Willow continues to wave. The three girls gently, but firmly
drag Willow out the door.
BLACK OUT
END OF TEASER
ACT 1
INT. XANDER'S BEDROOM IN LA - NIGHT
Xander rolls in his bed having a vivid dream
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. WILLOW'S HOUSE IN SUNNYDALE - DAYTIME
A moving van is parked outside. Movers are moving furniture
inside and they do not seem concerned about doing it
carefully. A haggard yet well dressed women stands outside
watching. She looks like she is about to protest the rough
treatment the furniture is getting, then she stops and
regains her composure. A small red-headed girl comes running
out of the house. It is young Willow.
YOUNG WILLOW
Mom, mom. They crashed the TV. They
were moving stuff, and they were
crashing.
WILLOW'S MOM
Calmly. Calmly now. we must
remember trades people have a
different way of viewing their
environment. We must try to
understand, and see things from
their perspective. Walk a mile in
their mocassins, so to speak.
A crash is heard from inside the house.
WILLOW'S MOM (CON'T)
Son of a
(beat)
YOUNG WILLOW
But mom. They're crashing stuff.
They're stuff crashers.
14.
WILLOW'S MOM
That's enough Willow. I want you to
go into the back yard, and play
until I call for you.
YOUNG WILLOW
But
(beat)
Willow's mom lifts her hand briskly into the air, to tell
Willow there will be no more discussion, then she points to
the backyard. The little girl walks by a gate towards the
back yard looking down at her shoes.
EXT. YOUNG WILLOW'S - BACKYARD DAY
It's quiet. Young Willow begins to hear an old
woman's voice humming a strange tune from behind a shed. A
cat walks around from behind the backyard gardening shed. It
watches Willow then turns and walks back behind the shed.
Willow walks back there to see who is singing. No one is
there. Even the cat is gone. The singing has stopped. She
walks back to the front of the shed. It is quiet again.
Suddenly there is another crash, but this time it comes from
the house, next door. The crash is followed by a
man and woman screaming at each other. Willow walks over to
the fence and peaks through a knot hole.
WILLOW'S KNOTHOLE POV; We see a man and woman arguing in the
neighbor's kitchen. The fence creaks.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE(OS)
I seen spooks back there.
Willow looks up and walks over to where she heard the voice.
A small boy's head disappears behind the fence. There is
another crash as whatever the boy was standing on behind the
fence has fallen.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE (CON'T OS)
Ow. Ow. OK that's a owie. Ow. OK
that's another one.
YOUNG WILLOW
Are you all right? Should I go get
my mom?
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE(OS)
I'm OK. I'm like Spiderman.
YOUNG WILLOW
Who?
15.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE(OS)
(from behind the
knot-hole now)
You don't even know who Spiderman is?
YOUNG WILLOW
(turning to speak to
the voice behind the
knot-hole)
My Mom says there's no such thing
as spidermen.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
You're just a dumb girl.
Willow now sees a small eye from behind the knot hole and
she steps over to talk to it.
YOUNG WILLOW
But my mom says...
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Your mom's a girl too.
YOUNG WILLOW
My mom says girls can do anything
boys can do if they really want to.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Then how come there's a Spiderman,
but there's no Spidergirl?
YOUNG WILLOW
There could be a Spidergirl.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Could not.
YOUNG WILLOW
Could too.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Could not
YOUNG WILLOW
Could too. Hey, what's your name?
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Xander. What's yours?
YOUNG WILLOW
Willow. Did you really see spooks?
16.
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup. Don't go away OK? I'm going to
make another fence bridge.
YOUNG WILLOW
OK
Things crash and bump and the fence shakes as Young Xander piles
things against it from the other side.
YOUNG XANDER.
I'm a good builder. If I was a
superhero, I would be builderman.
YOUNG WILLOW
Did you really see spooks?
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup.
YOUNG WILLOW
I heard a old lady singing.
YOUNG XANDER.
(busily building away
behind the fence)
That's the old spook lady. I seen
her back there from my bedroom
upstairs at my house, late at night.
I stay up till 9:30 sometimes, and
I seen her then.
YOUNG WILLOW
Wow.
(beat)
You stay up till 9:30
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup, and sometimes even later.
(beat)
OK, I built my fence bridge, so I'm
gonna climb up it so I can see you,
kay?
YOUNG WILLOW
Kay. Are you climbing now?
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup. Can you see me?
Willow see's the young Xander's head as it begins to appear
above the top of the fence.
17.
YOUNG WILLOW
I can. I can see you Xander. You
are a builderman.
YOUNG XANDER.
(His face in full
view now)
I know. I can build better than
anyone.
YOUNG WILLOW
Wow. Can you build me a fence
bridge too, so I can climb up, and
see you?
YOUNG XANDER.
OK
Xander's face disappears behind the fence. There is another
crash.
YOUNG XANDER (CON'T)
Ow. Ow. Owie. OK, that's a ouch.
YOUNG WILLOW
Is a ouch, worse than a owie?
YOUNG XANDER
Oh yeah.
YOUNG WILLOW
Are you OK, Xander?
(beat)
Xander?
Willow continues to call his name and walks back and forth
along the fence to look for cracks to look through. She gets
down on all fours, and crawls along the bottom, trying to
look under the fence.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm going to go get my mom, Xander.
You stay there, and I'll go get my
mom, OK? She'll come and help.
Young Willow gets up and turns to run for her mother. She
runs right into Young Xander who has run around the fence to
meet her. The two fall to the ground facing each other.
YOUNG XANDER.
HI
18.
YOUNG WILLOW
Hi
FADE TO:
INT. ROADSIDE RESTAURANT - TWILIGHT
Assorted groups of travelers sit in a roadside restaurant. A
juke box plays country music in the background. A family
sits at a large table. Assorted regulars sit at the front
coffee bar. A waitress walks about with a coffee pot. A
couple sits at the far side of the restaurant. The man wears
a black leather biker style jacket with a brace attached to
the arm, clasped together by a black bar. He has a a long
scar down the side of his face. His girlfriend sits with her
back to us. The front door swings open and the sherrif and
his deputy walk in. He nods to the waitress.
SHERRIF
Agnes
AGNES
Sherrif
Agnes the waitress walks over to the sherrif and his deputy.
She motions them to a booth with her coffee pot.
AGNES (CON'T)
Quite a night.
DEPUTY
You ever see fog like this Agnes?
AGNES
Maybe in London England.
SHERRIF
You spend a lot of time in London
England, do you Agnes?
AGNES
Nope, but I hear they get the fog.
Agnes pours coffee for the sherrif and his deputy, then sets
the coffee pot on the table, pulls out her serving pad and
pencil and stands there waiting.
AGNES (CON'T)
I heard a man got skinned alive
over at the motel, the other night.
SHERRIF
You hear too much Agnes. Let's your
imagination run away on you.
19.
AGNES
Never hurts to have another pair of
eyes and ears watchin out for you
sherrif. These eyes and ears have
helped you before, you may recall.
DEPUTY
You won't let us forget, Agnes.
AGNES
I'm just sayin
(beat)
Been a lot of strange people
passing through lately.
Agnes motions with her eyes to where the biker and his
girlfriend sit. The Sherrif and his deputy look over at the
couple. The biker looks back. He salutes them with his
coffee cup, nods and smiles. The sherrif and his deputy nod
back, and return suspicious half-smiles.
AGNES (CON'T)
So what'll it
(beat)
All of a sudden the power shuts down. The jukebox goes silent.
AGNES (CON'T)
be.
The restaurant is quiet everyone looks around and listens.
There is a crash of pots and pans in the back. There is a
period of silence
DEPUTY
Sounds like Cuthbert dropped
somethin big this time.
SHERRIF
Better check girl. Could of broke
his fool foot or somethin this time.
AGNES
(not moving)
Uh huh.
SHERRIF
Well. Git goin then.
AGNES
You come with me.
20.
SHERRIF
(to deputy)
Jacob you go back there, and see
what kind of stupidity that fool's
up to this time.
Deputy Jacob rises slowly, one hand on the pistol at his
side. He walks over to the alcove that leads to the back. A
small green shadow skitters out from the alcove. As it
tumbles past the deputy, it reaches out, and slashes the
deputy's ankle. The deputy staggers and falls. The shadow
scoots in under the coffee counter. Those who have been
sitting there, rise and jump back. The sherrif rises with
his pistol drawn. The biker starts to rise, and reaches for
his arm brace. A small female hand grabs the biker's arm. He
looks down questioning, then sits down. A larger green
shadow blurs out from the alcove. It stops in the center of
the room. It appears to be the Gnarl from Same Time, Same
Place. Four more of the same kind of creature walk out from
the alcove. They position themselves around the restaurant.
One stands by the front door. The other guards the alcove.
The Sherrif raises his pistol to fire. The small Gnarl
scutters out from beneath the counter and slashes the
sherrif's leg. The sherrif staggers and falls. A female and
what appears to be two child gnarls walk into the center of
the restaurant. Everyone in the restaurant with the
exception of the biker couple back up to huddle together
along the coffee bar. The children cry and scream and hug
against their parents. The woman's hand releases from the
biker's arm. He rises.
BUFFY (OS)
I know these guys
(beat)
Buffy and Pike rise from their seats. Pike once more reaches
to his arm brace and pulls a miniature ninja-style sword
from it's sheath.
BUFFY
(quietly to Pike)
I'll clear the door. Guard it. Go
for the eyes.
Pike nods. The gnarl have been encircling the huddle of
people who are shaking and crying along the coffee bar. When
Buffy and Pike rise, the gnarl turn towards them, with
questioning Gnarl looks.
21.
BUFFY
(to the Gnarl)
Ahem
(beat)
No people served here. It's not on
the menu.
Buffy walks towards the door. The Gnarl quietly watch her
confused by what is taking place.
BUFFY (CON'T)
You know who I am?
MALE GNARL 1
(by the coffee bar)
You are
(beat)
MALE GNARL 2
(by the door)
Lunch.
BUFFY
Dzzzt. Wrong, but thank you for
playing. No I am what used to be
called the Slayer, as your Gnarl
cousin from Sunnydale could tell
you if he wasn't already slain, and
sold for demonburger meat by my
buddy Clem who traded it for like,
kittens, if you can believe that,
which
(beat)
eating kitten, bad I know, but
still not ripping strips of flesh
off your best friend's stomach bad.
PIKE
Buffy.
BUFFY
Yeah.
PIKE
You're rambling.
BUFFY
Sorry about that. Anyways boys
(beat)
who'd like to get killed first.
MALE GNARL 2
Slayer?
22.
MALE GNARL 1
Slayer of Popntop.
FEMALE GNARL
(worried now)
Slayer of the Grandfather. Slayer
of the Father of the children.
BUFFY
Huh? That's sick
(beat)
Anyhoo
Buffy nods to a lady who has her three children clinging
onto her, no longer sobbing, now more curious than afraid.
BUFFY (CON'T)
You. Mom. You wanna take the kids
over to stand by the nice man with
the little ninja sword.
She doesn't have to be asked twice. The woman shuffles her
son and two daughters towards Pike. Pike lifts his plate of
fries from the table. He offers one to the eldest; a fat boy.
The boy takes one and happily munches it down. The Gnarl by
the door becomes enraged. He screams and rushes Buffy
shrieking the gnarl tea kettle shriek. Buffy reaches into
her jacket sleeves, and zips out two knives with either hand.
She steps forward and drives the two knives through the
Gnarl's eyes. The child Gnarl that slashed the Sherrif and
the deputy, shrieks a smaller war-cry, pounces up onto one
table, then another leaping towards Buffy. Buffy catches the
Gnarl child under the chin with one knife, skewers it and
spins it to pin it in the air against the door jam. She
stabs it quickly in both eyes with the other knife. The
largest male Gnarl now begins to circle towards Buffy, more
cautious than the others. A sword taps it on the shoulder
from behind.
PIKE
Forget about me?
The Gnarl turns. A sword comes from nowhere and slashes it
across the eyes. The Gnarl turns in pain and Buffy drives
both knives through it's eyes just to make sure. The
remaining two Gnarl children run back to their mother, and
cling against her. She falls to her knees and cowers against
the coffe bar, just as the humans were cowering and sobbing
earlier. Buffy walks up to them.
BUFFY
(to the mother Gnarl)
Hands.
23.
The mother puts out her hands. Buffy bends down, and snaps
one of those plastic clasps around them the police use when
there are too many people for handcuffs.
BUFFY (CON'T)
(to Agnes)
The Sherrif and the deputy will be
a little groggy for a couple hours.
There's probably another paraletic
in the back there. Just keep em
warm, and don't pose em. It's rude.
Buffy finishes clasping the hands of the mother Gnarl, and
turns to the first Gnarl child.
BUFFY (CON'T)
Hands
The Gnarl child sticks out it's hands the way it saw it's
mother do. Pike lifts the hands of the last Gnarl with his
sword, and it immediatel holds them outwards like the two
before him. Pike hands a plastic clasper to the human
mother, and she readily binds the Gnarl child.
BUFFY (CON'T)
(to the three bound Gnarls)
Grab the rest of your family off
the floor, and pull em outside.
(turns to pike)
Hmm, I haven't said that since
Xander's wedding.
PIKE
I'll get the bill.
Pike starts to reach into his back pocket for his wallet.
People of the restaurant call from all around him, "Ill get
it".
SHERRIF
(trying to rise from
the floor)
I geh hih.
PIKE
(to all of them)
You sure?
All the people that can still stand, give him a "get out of
here you crazy kids kind of gesture". In the meantime Buffy
is supervising the now plastishackled Gnarl as they drag the
bodies of their dead family members out the door, and onto
the the front porch. Pike follows her.
24.
EXT. RESTAURANT NIGHT
PIKE
Ok, so where's a good spot?
BUFFY
For what?
PIKE
To dump the bodies
BUFFY
I don't know. I thought I'd let
them take care of that.
PIKE
Who huh, wha?
BUFFY
Yeah well, I figured they'd know
what to do.
BUFFY
(to the Gnarl)
you guys know what to to with these
bodies.right?
FEMALE GNARL
Oh yes, We eat them up. Keep
everything nice and clean for
mighty slayer of the Gnarl.
CHILD GNARL
Tasty, tasty
INFANT GNARL
Num, Num
BUFFY
You guys are just.
(makes an ick-face)
well there's just not a word for you.
MOTHER GNARL
We are the Gnarl, mighty slayer of
the Gnarl
Pike takes Buffy to the side.
25.
PIKE
And that's kind of my point Buffy,
these here are the Gnarl; demon
predators. These are what I wanted
to bury.
(beat)
All of them. I was thinking maybe,
we should bury all of them. Maybe
we might have to kill, and bury all
of them.
MOTHER GNARL
Oh no mighty Slayer of the Gnarl.
Not to us. Not to slay us. We are
the good Gnarl. Good are we. Good
we are. The evil Gnarl they made us
to attack the people in the smelly
house. I will kill the children of
Popntop they say. Didn't want to.
Didn't want to attack the people in
the smelly house. Mercy. Mercy,
mighty slayer of the Grandfather.
BUFFY
(to Pike)
You know, we went over this before.
I explained to you how things are
different, how we don't do the slay
thing anymore. That was something
thought up by a lot of crazy old
men. We do the Guardian thing now.
It's softer. More feminine. More Me.
Buffy gives Pike a flirty smile, and reaches around to give
him a half hug and a goose. Pike backs away.
PIKE
Now, now. None of that. Serious
conversation happening here. None
of these girlie tricks. They won't
work. At least not tonight, or more
specifically, not right now. What
we've got here is 3 man eating,
cannibalistic, grandpa diddling
demons, and I'm thinking this is a
bad time for a save the demon
campaign. I'm thinking
rehabilitation isn't an option
here, cause what I'm thinking is two
steps around the corner and these
guys are ripping the skin off some
six year old girl.
26.
BUFFY
Well yea, true, but on the other
hand the little guys are kind of
cute, and they need their mummy.
FEMALE GNARL
Yes. Yes great slayer.
(The Gnarl is on her
hands and knees
stroking Buffy's boots)
So wise. So wise.
PIKE
I need you to take me seriously
here Buffy. I'm giving my life to a
cause. I need to know it's right
BUFFY
All right already. I'll do my best
to explain.
(beat)
My mom told me one time. Evil is
everywhere. It's nature...And she
was dead at the time, and on a
higher spiritual plain, so she
oughta know. She said evil is
everywhere, and I believe her, but
that doesn't mean I have to like
evil, or even accept it. I don't,
and I won't, but I do have to
consider something else. If evil is
everywhere, then so is good.
PIKE
Huh?
BUFFY
It's real simple actually. I see
evil. I try to stop it. Something
dies. Oops.
(beat)
but the killing evil thing isn't
what I'm about anymore. I'm about
the "guarding good" thing now. You
understand what I'm saying? Can you
get on board that bus?
PIKE
Well yeah, maybe Buffy, but these
guys? These aren't the mouseketeers.
These guys are gonna grab a puppy
tonight, and a kid tomorrow.
27.
BUFFY
True, and to be honest, I was just
funning with you. I'm not going to
let them go.
FEMALE GNARL
Mercy. Mercy, butcher of the
Grandfather, slayer of the Gnarl.
Mercy.
BUFFY
Hush now. It's not seemly. No, I'm
not going to kill you.
(turning to Pike)
Listen. I'm not going to let them
go either. You see we did a little
studying after our last close
encounter with the Gnarl kind.
Buffy starts to drag the dead gnarl off the porch. Pike
motions with his sword for the live gnarl to do the same.
They do.
BUFFY(CON'T)
Turns out the Gnarl are not popular
with witches. Spells bounce off the
Gnarl like
(beat. can't think of
a good simile)
bouncy stuff. Witches don't like
that. They want to know why that is.
They'd like to study a Gnarl, but
they can't catch one. That's why I
didn't want to kill them all. My
best friend as you know is a witch.
I sent her a text message from the
restaurant. Pre-programmed, GPS,
very high-tech.
Buffy finishes dragging the gnarl corpse to the driveway in
front of the parking lot. She stops and stands up.
BUFFY(CON'T)
Anyway, my Willow has online
friends everywhere. Witch friends.
She called some close by here,
while we were fighting. Serious
witches all over the world have
been waiting for her call.
(MORE)
28.
(CONT'D)
I looked at my phone for a message
from her on my way out the door. Do
you know what it said?
Pike shakes his head. Buffy puts her phone in front of
Pike's face. He reads the text message.
PIKE
They're on their way.
FEMALE GNARL
Witches no! They hunts the gnarl
for things the Grandfather done.
Protect us guardian slayer of the
Gnarl. Protect us from the nasty
witches
Buffy shakes her head and the gnarl drops the corpse she has
been dragging, and tries to run with her hands tied in front
of her. Buffy jumps her from behind and grabs her by the
back of the neck and throat. Pike cocks his sword at the two
gnarl children. Silent warning. A large sedan peels into the
parking lot out of the fog. It parks in front of Buffy and
the gnarl. Three large, masculine looking woman jump out and
walk business-like up to where Buffy has the gnarl. They
have handcuffs, ropes and harnesses. In no time they have
the gnarl bound and are carrying them to the car. The trunk
pops open. None too gently they throw the Gnarl in. They
return, grab the corpses and chuck them on top the squirming
jumble of living gnarl. They jump in the car and speed away
without so much as a howdy do. Pike and Buffy stand there
watching.
BUFFY
There, you see? That is the new way. No more watcherman
pointing his finger at anything he doesn't like, going kill,kill, kill. This is the softer way. The female way. The Guardian way.
PIKE
If I was the Gnarl. I might prefer
it the old-fashioned way.
BUFFY
(chuckles)
Well yeah, and that's another good,
don't ja think? Come on. Let's go.
Long way to California.
(MORE)
29.
BUFFY (CONT'D)
By the way those knife holder,
brace thingies you made for me
(beat)
PIKE
Yeah?
BUFFY
Best invention since the water pic.
She grabs Pikes arm and they walk towards a Harley Davidson
in the parking lot.
PIKE
Really? You like those?
BUFFY
Definitely.
(beat)
Still
(beat)
You should see what I have at home.
They jump on the bike, and speed off into the fog.
End of Act 1
ACT 2
INT. THE KITCHEN OF A LARGE TUDOR STYLE MANOR - MORNING
Dawn sits at Willow's laptop. Upbeat music plays on the
radio. Dawn jives to it as she types. She finishes what
she's doing and clicks save.
DAWN
Save. Click. Click out da disk.
Click. Pull out da disk. Swish. And
off to the Mommaputer.
She rises and bounces out of the room to try the disk in
another computer.
DAWN (OS)
Click in da disk. Click. Double-
click, and
(beat)
huh?
We watch an empty kitchen as dawn smashes away on the
keyboard and mouse in the other room.
30.
DAWN(CON'T OS)
Damn
(more clicking)
Darn
(more clicking)
Damn-darn. Darn-damn.
(beat)
Ctrl alt delete, ctrl alt delete
and
(beat)
Damn
(beat)
Oh well. Crash and burn then.
There is more clicking as Dawn removes the disk and turns
off the computer in the other room. In the meantime Rona and
Vi have walked into the kitchen and have begun to make
cereal. They are continuing a conversation that began in the
hall.
VI
I think they're all right
RONA
Sure they're all right. That
cracking noise was just the air
conditioner.
VI
No. Cracking, that's OK. I mean all
right, all right.
RONA
Sure, except for maybe Big Phil.
DAWN
Wha, who, Big Phil?
VI
Nothing. Just this guy we met.
RONA
Yeah this guy that Willow totally
bent his brain.
DAWN
What?
VI
No, he was Ok. I went back and
looked. He was coming around. I
think it was just some kind of
temp, magic, loopie, thingie.
31.
DAWN
Once more in English.
Caridad saunters in.
CARIDAD
What's Andrew doing in the bathroom.
DAWN
(smiling)
Oh nothing much, just setting up
cameras.
RONA
What?! In the downstairs bathroom.
Why?
DAWN
Surveillance. He's setting up
surveillance around the whole manor.
RONA
Not in the bathroom he's not.
Rona tears out the hallway door, and down the hall. Vi
thinks a sec, then follows her.
DAWN
(to Caridad)
You're not concerned?
CARIDAD
Nah.
DAWN
You're easy
(beat)
to get along with.
CARIDAD
Yeah, I figure if it was a big
problem you'd be in the bathroom
yelling at Andrew.
DAWN
Busted. I saw the schematics. The
camera's outside the bathroom,
pointing at the lawn. He's running
wires in. Still a little supervision
on that guy is never a bad thing.
Where'd you get all the clever.
CARIDAD
Big family. You pick stuff up.
32.
DAWN
And Rona just lives alone with her
dad in the Rockies. Doesn't get in
much
CARIDAD
No house smarts
DAWN
So what happened with Willow last
night?
CARIDAD
Went downtown, picked her up, had a
little trouble getting a cab.
Finally got one. Came home.
DAWN
Still
(beat)
She's gone for two days. There's
gotta be a story.
CARIDAD
Yeah well, the Kennedy thing bummed
her out, I guess.
DAWN
Given. But there's gotta be a story.
CARIDAD
I didn't hear it.
Willow walks in, in morning clothes. None the worse for wear.
WILLOW
Morning.
CARIDAD
Morning
DAWN
Yes it is. Where were you?
WILLOW
Not right now, Dawn.
DAWN
Not feeling so hot?
WILLOW
Nothing a little nectar of the gods
won't fix.
33.
Willow walks over to the coffee pot, pours herself a cup,
and prepares it.
DAWN
Puffman's coming over later. He's
got news.
WILLOW
That'll make my day.
DAWN
I'm having a little trouble
programming my database.
WILLOW
OK. Two sips and I'm with you.
Willow takes two sips, and uses her coffee cup to motion
Dawn to the laptop. Rona and Vi return, looking a little
sheepish.
CARIDAD
How's Andrew
VI
He uh
(beat)
RONA
fell off his ladder
VI
Yeah. He fell.
CARIDAD
That's your story, and your
sticking to it?
Vi and Rona nod. Willow and Dawn don't seem to notice the
conversation. They're studying Dawn's project.
WILLOW
This is Microsoft crap. How
did you even do it?
Dawn grabs the mouse and points to a program with it.
DAWN
With this.
34
WILLOW
On Yeah, but Microsoft... Might as well
phone them and tell them what music
you play, what kind of toilet paper
you use. Microsoft is like taking a
web cam to the shower with you.
CARIDAD
(aside to Vi and Rona)
Quick. Go push em off their ladder.
WILLOW(CON'T)
Plus. Microsoft. Guaranteed Crash.
DAWN
Well how should I do it then.
WILLOW
Well, Linux is what the hackers use
for an OS. We can learn to program
from there. Thought you wanted to
learn to hack.
DAWN
That was when I thought I had a tutor.
WILLOW
OK. Touche. All right Dawn let's
get this done. I slipped. I
disappeared for a couple of days.
I'm back. I don't plan to go again.
Did you miss me.
DAWN
Well
(break)
Yeah. I sent the girls out all over
Cleveland looking for you.
WILLOW
I got that.
(Turns to slayer girls)
Thanks by the way.
VI
No problem. How you feeling.
WILLOW
Pretty perky, actually.
RONA
Oh oh that's bad.
35.
WILLOW
Feeling good is bad?
RONA
My dad says if you go out drinking
and you're not hung over in the
morning, you're cursed, because
you'll want to do it again. It's
even worse if you're a happy drunk.
VI
Oh Willow. You are. You're double-
cursed. Yow were so happy, even the
cab driver loved you. You're doomed
to be a rummy.
WILLOW
I think not. Only the second time
too many drinks in my life here
girls. A little tiny break here
(makes the tiny sign
with her thumb and forefinger)
not too much to ask for.
VI
Did you lose your girlfriend the
other time too, Willow.
RONA
(poking Vi in the ribs)
Tactless much
WILLOW
(grimacing)
No
Dawn mouths the word "Boyfriend", behind Willow's back.
WILLOW(CON'T)
Anyway. Back to this database
thingie Dawn. What were we doing
again?
DAWN
We're unifying the old Watcher
database, with the Sunnydale disks
Giles stashed, and the other ones
you and your friend are networking.
(beat)
Hey, yeah, Willow. Your friend,
isn't he with Microsoft?
36.
WILLOW
(coyly)
What makes you say that?
DAWN
I see all the emails in your email
folder.
WILLOW
Sheesh Dawn. Have you heard of
netiquette.
DAWN
Well half the time your email's
right in front of me. Look you're
doing it again. Right in front of
me. Microsoft tech support. Tech
support. Tech support. Why would
you need tech support from
Microsoft? You run a Mac. Who is
this guy?
CARIDAD
Or girl.
Willow angles her laptop away from Dawn and opens her email.
WILLOW
A friend. He's helping me build a
search engine to bot through all
this data.
A TWO SHOT OF VI AND RONA:
Rona scans a cabinet full of computer books. Vi watches Rona.
VI
What you doing?
RONA
I'm looking for a geek to human
dictionary.
VI
Try this. Windows for dummies.
RONA
Nah. I tried that. Too techy. Find
one that says click here. I can do
that.
37.
WILLOW(CON'T)
If this works it will be great
Dawny. We'll be going into channels
you didn't know existed. We'll be
looking over cops shoulders and
hospitals and you name it, and
we'll be doing it with a click.
RONA
Clicking. I can do that.
DAWN
Now that is a search engine, and
some would say impossible.
WILLOW
They don't have our resources.
Willow is leaning back against the chair now pointing at the
computer screen like it was a pistol, opening her emails
magically using her finger as the mouse.
DAWN
Willow I thought of a cool name.
WILLOW
Huh?
(only half-listening.
Concentrating more on
her email)
DAWN
For your search engine. Ok try this
on. It's a search engine like
Google, and you and me will be
working on it so we can call it the
Widoogle
(giggles)
WILLOW
(stops and thinks)
You know what? I'm thinking Widoozle.
DAWN
What? Why?
WILLOW
I like the sound.
38.
DAWN
(pouting)
Fine. Widoozle then.
(knowing she had no
real say in it
anyway, and just
happy to get a D in there.)
Willow is reading her email, lost in thought. CLOSE ON
Willow's computer screen. It scrolls down through a lot of
technical jargon. At the end of the email it reads Oz.
INT. WOOD'S CAR - MORNING
Faith and Wood sit in his car in a parking lot. You can tell
they've been waiting there a while.
WOOD
So how are you going to recognize
this guy even if he shows.
FAITH
He'll show. He's on time every
night like your favourite TV program.
WOOD
It's been canceled
FAITH
Jeeez. pout much.
WOOD
Not pouting.
(beat)
So how do we recognize this guy.
FAITH
Drives an 86 white n cherry Vette.
Can't miss it.
WOOD
There's better ways to do this you
know.
FAITH
Like what.
WOOD
Ever consider a lawyer.
39.
FAITH
Lawyers only work if you can afford
a good one, and I ca...
WOOD
I ca...
FAITH
No good Woodrow. Can't do it. He
might get me off, and that wouldn't
be right. It's a penance thing.
WOOD
Penance, right, for murder I get
that, but what about this last
thing. You lose your good time, right?
FAITH
Well yeah. Rules of the game.
WOOD
You lose your good time for saving
the world
(beat)
twice.
Faith shrugs
WOOD(CON'T)
Is that penance?
Faith shrugs
WOOD(CON'T)
I'm just saying
(beat)
in some cases people don't just
deserve what they get. Sometimes
they deserve what they can get.
FAITH
OK let me see if I'm reading you
right? You wanna get me a lawyer
right?
WOOD
Yes.
40.
FAITH
I'll tell you what. I'll let you,
cause what I think you're really
trying to say here is "test me". No
problem I'll play. You just keep
surprising me. I have to tell you,
I'm starting to like it, and by the
way, sticking with me this far
(beat)
you do get points for that.
WOOD
Fine. Let's go then.
Wood reaches for his ignition to turn the key. Faith puts
her hand on his.
FAITH
No. You don't get it. You get a
lawyer. You tell him to come here
to my office to talk to me. I'm in
all day.
WOOD
No. You don't get it. We go see a
lawyer from the outside. There are
cards we can play from the outside
that aren't available inside.
Stratagems.
FAITH
No. You don't get it.
(beat)
Sparky's here.
Faith reaches for the door handle, opens it, and gets out.
EXT. PRISON PARKING LOT - DAY
Faith gets out of the car. A tall man in a prison guard
uniform is walking past. He recognizes Faith, stops. looks
frightened, backs up, and reaches to the billy club attached
to his utility belt.
FAITH
Whoa Sparks. I thought you'd be
glad to see me.
SPARKY
Faith?
FAITH
In poison.
41.
SPARKY
What are you doing here?
FAITH
What can I say? Hi honey, I'm home.
SPARKY
You're here to turn yourself in?
FAITH
That's the sitch.
SPARKY
Yeah, but why here. Why don't you
get a lawyer.
FAITH
People keep saying that. You know
this turning myself in thing, is
harder than I thought it'd be.
SPARKY
But why me?
FAITH
I like you Sparky. I thought maybe
you'd get a merit badge or somethin.
SPARKY
I'll get three weeks of paper work,
and three days interrogation by the
FBI and the sherrif's department is
what I'll get.
FAITH
Oh hey, sorry about that. I'll just
walk around to the front.
SPARKY
No. That's just going to pass my
problem on to someone else. What
about city lockup, did you try
there? Try there. I hate those guys.
FAITH
Well, me too Sparky. That's kind of
the problem. Plus, have you seen
the toilets in that place. Disgusting.
SPARKY
Oh, all right then. Turn around.
I'll have to cuff you.
Faith turns. Wood has gotten out of his door and stands by it.
42.
WOOD
So you'll put me on your list?
FAITH
Sure. Why not. Angel can't visit in
the daytime, and Wes only drops by
if there's an apocalypse.
(beat)
A real visitor. The girl's won't
stop talking.
Faith is shackled and Sparky starts to lead her to the steel
gate that encircles the staff entrance to the prison from
the parking lot. Faith turns for one last goodbye.
FAITH
Hey Woodrow.
(beat)
You're the best.
WOOD
My Momma raised me right, I guess.
FAITH
No. I mean, really. You're the best.
WOOD
(to be polite)
No. you're the best
FAITH
Really?
Wood doesn't reply. He just watches Sparky walk Faith away.
Faith turns finally, and walks away with her back to Wood.
SPARKY
So how you been, Faith?
FAITH
Five by Five.
Faith and Sparky disappear behind the fence. CLOSE ON: Wood
WOOD
Really.
End of Act 2
ACT 3
INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT
Two plainclothes types walk up a hospital hallway. A doctor
is talking to a nurse at a hospital nursing station. He
finishes and begins to walk away
43.
INSPECTOR TURS
Doctor Philipson
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Yes
INSPECTOR TURS
Inspector Turs. Inspector Jurkwa.
You're expecting us?
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Yes.
(beat)
She's up here.
The two inspectors walk up alongside the doctor and the
three of them head up the hallway.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
What've we got.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
I'm not sure. Possibly an assault
of some kind.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
How so?
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Five year old girl. Brought in by
her mother. The girl was asleep.
The mother walked in to check on
her, surprised someone or some
thing standing over her daughter.
It ran and she found her daughter
in the condition you'll see for
yourself.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
Signs of attack? Cuts. Contusions.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Not exactly. Well here we are come
on in. You'll see.
The three walk into a hospital room. There are three
patients in the room. The one they walk up to is a small
girl. She lays in bed with her eyes staring blankly up at
the ceiling. Doctor Philipson reaches down, grips the girl
by the forehead, and angles her head to expose the neck. On
the neck we see two sucker shaped marks like she was gripped
by an octopus. The doctor angles the head in the other
direction. We see a similar mark on the other side.
44.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Slight signs of bruising around the
wound, but the blood shows signs of
a coagulating agent. Also there
appears to be minute puncture
wounds and an unknown irritant. If
I didn't know better I'd say this
girl was attacked by some kind of
large external parasite.
INSPECTOR TURS
Is that it?
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Pretty much.
INSPECTOR TURS
I want this girl in a private room.
We'll have our own people come in
to take it from there.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
I don't think...
INSPECTOR TURS
We'll be in touch with your
Administrator. Thank you Doctor.
Inspector Turs turns and walks out the door. Inspector
Jurkwa remains and extends his hand to the doctor.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
Thank you for your time doctor.
Doctor Philipson extends his hand and shakes the inspector's.
He is confused, but going through the motions.
INSPECTOR JURKWA(CON'T)
We'll be in touch. Have a nice
evening.
Inspector Jurkwa walks out the door. Inspector Turs is
waiting at the entrance.
INSPECTOR TURS
Well. Whataya think?
INSPECTOR JURKWA
I think it's begun.
INSPECTOR TURS
So it would seem.
The two walk away down the hall turn the corner, and are gone.
45.
INT. YOUNG XANDER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Xander sits on the floor by his bed with a walky-talky in
one hand and a Sergeant Rock comic book in the other. He
reads the comic book, and talks into the other.
YOUNG XANDER.
Nighthawk to Spidergirl. Nighthawk
to Spidergirl. Roger, Foxtrot,
Zulu, Charlie. Over.
(repeat and then a beat)
Willow?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS ON A WALKY-TALKY)
Yes.
YOUNG XANDER.
Your s'posed to say Spidergirl to
Nighthawk.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Why?
YOUNG XANDER.
It's army talk. It's what army guys
say.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Oh. OK. Spidergirl to Nighthawk.
YOUNG XANDER.
Then you have to say over.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Why?
YOUNG XANDER
(exasperated)
Cause. It's what army guys say.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Oh Ok. Over.
YOUNG XANDER
See any spooks?
There is a long pause
YOUNG XANDER(CON'T)
Willow?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
You didn't say over.
46.
YOUNG XANDER
(exasperated)
See any spooks. Over
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No. None. No spooks. Hey Xander. I
can see the school. Can you see the
school.
YOUNG XANDER
No. Your window is higher than mine.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Xander. I see something.
Xander drops his comic book, and jumps to the window.
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T OS)
Oh it's OK. It's just a cat.
YOUNG XANDER.
Just a cat. Willow, when the spook-
lady comes, there's always a cat.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
You're just trying to scare me.
YOUNG XANDER.
No really. The spook-lady has a
whole big bunch of cats.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Xander. I see another cat.
EXT. THE SHED - WILLOW'S BACKYARD - NIGHT
Two cats walk around the shed. Another appears then another.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Xander.
WIDE ANGLE WILLOW AND XANDER'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The sky lights up in front of Xander and Willow's bedrooms.
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD - THE SHED - NIGHT
A huge ball of light appears from behind the shed. An old
lady in a long black trenchcoat walks out from behind the shed.
INT. WILLOW'S ROOM - NIGHT
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T)
Xander. I see her! I see the spook-
lady!
47.
YOUNG XANDER(OS)
Me too.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm going to go tell my Mom.
INT. XANDER'S ROOM - NIGHT
YOUNG XANDER.
Willow. Don't
(beat)
Willow.
WIDE ANGLE; EXT. WILLOW'S HOUSE - NIGHT
YOUNG WILLOW(OS SCREAMING)
Mom! Mom! Spook-Lady! Spook-lady!
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD - THE SHED - NIGHT
The old lady in the black trench coat looks up at Willow's
bedroom window.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS STILL SCREAMING)
Spook-lady! Spook-lady! Spook-lady!
FADE TO:
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD - MORNING.
Young Xander and Willow stand by the shed.
YOUNG WILLOW
My Mom didn't believe me.
YOUNG XANDER.
My Dad didn't believe me the first
time I told him either. He said it
was just a dream.
YOUNG WILLOW
That's the same thing my mom said.
YOUNG XANDER.
Did she call you a little prick?
YOUNG WILLOW
No.
YOUNG XANDER.
Not the same then.
48.
YOUNG WILLOW
The spook-lady was gone, when my
mom came.
YOUNG XANDER.
She ran away. She always runs away.
Sergeant Rock would catch her.
YOUNG WILLOW
How would he catch her?
YOUNG XANDER.
He would put a net, way up high,
and then when the Spook-lady walked
underneath it, he would catch her
in it.
YOUNG WILLOW
(thinking)
Xander?
YOUNG XANDER.
Yeah.
YOUNG WILLOW
We gotta net.
INT. THE MANOR DINING ROOM - MORNING
Dawn sits at a desk in front of a PC. Willow sits at the
table with her laptop.
WILLOW
OK let's try this.
DAWN
What should I do.
WILLOW
I don't know. Just start searching
for stuff.
DAWN
What kind of stuff?
WILLOW
Just try to think of suspicious
stuff that may be happening in
Cleveland.
The two of them start typing.
DAWN
Oh. I got something.
49.
WILLOW
Yeah? What search string did you use.
DAWN
Suspicious stuff that may be
happening in Cleveland. Rats.
WILLOW
Rats? There's Rats.
DAWN
No. Well, maybe. There's twelve
hundred entries. Oh, hey, I forgot
to tell you Buffy called the other
night when you were away.
WILLOW
Oh?
DAWN
Yeah. It came up online, on that
thing you set up.
WILLOW
Oh?
DAWN
Yeah. They caught a Gnarl.
WILLOW
What?
DAWN
Yeah. It's OK. She thought I was
you. I just did what you showed me.
Worked like a charm.
WILLOW
So they caught it then?
DAWN
As far as I know. She TMed again
yesterday.
WILLOW
What did it say.
DAWN
It said. "Checking in. On our way
to LA."
WILLOW
So it worked then.
50.
DAWN
Oh yeah. It was very nifty. Very
Charlies Angels.
Phone Rings.
DAWN
I'll get it.
Dawn jumps up and runs to the land line.
DAWN
Hello.
(beat)
Xander!
Willow gets up slowly and sidles out quietly towards the
hallway entrance.
DAWN
You haven't called in such a long
time. How you been?
(beat)
Yeah two days. That's a long time.
How you been?
(beat)
Willow
(looks around. A hand
shakes from behind
the door, giving Dawn
the "not here" signal.)
No she's not here. She's uh,
outside.
(beat)
No she's OK, she's just helping
Andrew.
(beat)
No, uh I can't get her cause
(beat)
She's helping Andrew. He fell off a
ladder.
(beat)
No he's OK. They're just waiting
for the ambulance.
Willow's hand appears from behind the entranceway again,
gives Dawn the the "AOK, right-on" sign.
DAWN
(Sits in a chair.
Leans back and gets
ready to talk)
So, how are you doing?
51.
INT. YOUNG XANDER'S ROOM NIGHT
Young Xander looks out his bedroom window. He has a rope in
one hand and talks into his walky-talky with the other.
YOUNG XANDER.
Nighthawk to Spidergirl. 10-4.
Roger. Wilco. Charlie, Tango,
Foxtrot. Over.
Silence
YOUNG XANDER(CON'T)
Willow?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Yes.
YOUNG XANDER
See any spooks?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No, and I'm not looking
YOUNG XANDER.
Why.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Cause we can't catch her.
YOUNG XANDER.
Sure we can.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No we can't. You fell out of the
tree. My mom says you broke your leg.
YOUNG XANDER.
No I didn't. I've fallen lots worse
than that, lots of times.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Yeah but you couldn't get the
baminton net up there.
YOUNG XANDER.
Look out your window.
WIDE ANGLE: EXT WILLOW AND XANDER'S HOUSES.
Willow comes to her window. Xander sticks his head out the
window and waves the rope at her.
52.
INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE - NIGHT
YOUNG WILLOW
Xander. When?
INT. XANDER'S ROOM NIGHT
YOUNG XANDER.
After dinner. I went back. Look I
hooked a hook to the baminton net,
and when the Spook-lady walks
underneath, I'll pull.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
You really are a Builderman, Xander.
YOUNG XANDER.
I know. Hey. What's that?
Pause and then
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
It's a cat.
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD NIGHT
Cats circle the shed. A ball of light appears from behind
the shed. The Spook-lady walks from behind the shed. She
walks underneath the tree where Xander has the badminton net
set up.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS WILLOW'S WALKY-
TALKY VOICE)
Pull it Xander. Pull it.
We hear a rope brush against trees. Branches break. A large
black clump falls from the tree. It lands square on the
Spook-lady and she falls to the ground motionless. All is
quiet. Finally we here Willow's back door open and slam shut.
Xander's door opens and shuts from the other side of the
fence. Young Willow runs out in her night clothes to where
the spook-lady lies. Young Xander climbs over the fence
bridge he built to climb into Willow's backyard. He runs up
to Willow and the two of them stand over the prone Spook-lady.
YOUNG WILLOW
It didn't open Xander. It was
s'posed to open
YOUNG XANDER.
I can fix that.
53.
YOUNG WILLOW
It's too late now! Do you think we
kilt her? My mom's gonna be so mad
if we kilt her.
YOUNG XANDER.
My dad's gonna kill me, if we kilt
her.
The two of them of one mind lean over, and push the
badminton net off the Spook-Lady, then stand there wondering
what to do next.
The Spook-lady's hands jolt forward's and grab both
children's ankles.
TWO SHOT WILLOW AND XANDER SCREAMING
INT. THE MANOR - DAY.
DAWN
Oh, here's something. Sick kids.
Unnatural causes Let's go there.
WILLOW
Where?
DAWN
Cleveland Medical. Second page.
WILLOW
Oh yeah. OK.
The two of them work in unison, clicking away on separate
computers.
DAWN
So why don't you wanna talk to Xander.
WILLOW
Oh you know. Xander. Doing so good.
new job, new girlfriend. Me. Not so
good. Skank-Ho ex girlfriend, no
real job, brawling in bars. He's
gonna be all Mr. sympathy, wanna
help guy. He'll offer to come out.
and I'll want him to, and maybe
I'll say yes, and tell him to, and
he'll come ruin his perfect little
California life.
(MORE)
54.
WILLOW (CONT'D)
and the two of us will become like,
old winos on a Cleveland street
corner telling old Sunnydale stories.
DAWN
Really? Brawling in Bars?
WILLOW
Never mind.
DAWN
Anyway, I don't think it would be
like that. I don't think he's happy.
WILLOW
(surprised and almost glad to hear it)
Really. Wh...
The doorbell rings
RONA(OS)
I'll get it.
Dawn and Willow look up from their computer screens, waiting
to see who it is.
RONA(OS)
Hi Puffman.
PUFFMAN(OS)
Good day. Are the rest in.
RONA(OS)
Yeah Willow and Dawn are in there.
PUFFMAN(OS)
Very well. Get the others will you?
RONA(OS)
Well Andrew, he's uh out. He uh
slipped this morning. He's in
emergency.
PUFFMAN(OS)
Fine, fine. It's only you girls I
have to talk to actually. Get the
other two will you? Thatta girl.
Puffman enters. He is small and frail. Kind of a Mr. Bean type.
DAWN
Hi Mr. Puffman.
55.
WILLOW
Puffman.
PUFFMAN
Good day. Good day.
Without so much as a word Puffman walks over to the dining
room table and sets his briefcase at the head of the table,
opens it and begins organizing papers onto the table in
front of him. He then walks over to three chairs opposite
where Willow is sitting and begins arranging them. Finished
he looks at Dawn and points to the chair opposite Willow.
PUFFMAN
Miss Summers.
DAWN
It's a chair.
PUFFMAN
Yes, quite. Would you mind sitting
in it, please?
DAWN
Nah. It's OK. I'm working.
PUFFMAN
(exasperated)
As you wish.
Vi, Rona, and Caridad come bounding into the room, grab the
chairs and arrange them the way they want them, then wait to
hear what's going on.
PUFFMAN
(To himself)
Why do I even try.
WILLOW
News from the home front, Puffman?
PUFFMAN
Yes. Quite. You'll be pleased to
hear the Watcher estate has been
settled.
WILLOW
Why? Is that good?
56.
PUFFMAN
From your standpoint you may think
so. Rupert Giles as senior survivor
of the watcher council has been
appointed executor of the Watcher
council estate with pretty much
carte blanche as to how the estate
will be managed.
RONA
(to Willow)
And that means?
WILLOW
He gets the money.
Rona makes a pumping action with her fist.
RONA
Whoa. Go Giles.
PUFFMAN
Not exactly. What that means to be
more precise is Mr. Giles will
heretofore be assuming
responsibility of all funds,
assets, and managerial tasks as
pertains to the Watchers council.
WILLOW
He gets the money.
PUFFMAN
As you will.
DAWN
So what does that mean? Can we stay
here?
PUFFMAN
If you'll allow me to continue...
Willow gives Puffman a "you have the floor" wave with her hand
PUFFMAN(CON'T)
Thank you. Now. I have received a
fax from our new administrator in
which he instructs me as follows.
DAWN
This is so exciting. This is just
like an old english movie.
57.
VI
Yeah like the one where all those
people get invited to the reading
of the will, and then one by one
they get murdered.
DAWN
Yeah, or that one where...
PUFFMAN
If I may.
DAWN
Sorry. Go on.
PUFFMAN
Has instructed me as follows.
Pause
PUFFMAN(CON'T)
Let's see shall we. Long boring
preamble.
(beat)
Doesn't really concern you.
Financial figures. The same. Blah,
blah blah and the Cleveland estate.
(beat)
The Cleveland estate shall be
managed by blah, blah blah and Mr.
Puffman shall take an office there
wherein he shall assist, a slight
typo there should be instruct, and
to continue... All financial
matters shall be channeled through
Mr. Puffman's office wherein he
shall blah, blah, blah.
WILLOW
Puffman.
PUFFMAN
One moment please child. Mr.
Puffman's office wherein he shall...
Willow holds out her hand.
WILLOW
Puffman. Document.
PUFFMAN
It's really nothing to concern
yourself with young Miss Rosenberg.
A lot of legal mumbo jumbo really.
58.
Willow grabs a cell phone with her free hand.
WILLOW
Puffman. Giles. Speed dial. I count
to three. One...
PUFFMAN
Well of course you can read the
document. It's instructed you're to
read the document.
WILLOW
Hand it over then.
Puffman reaches across the table and passes the document to
Willow like it's killing him to do so. Willow takes it, puts
it on the table and runs her finger down each page, speed
reading. In no time she finishes, and puts it down. The girls
wait silently in anticipation. Puffman sits and sulks.
DAWN
So...
CARIDAD
I so don't wanna leave this place.
I got my own room.
DAWN
So...
WILLOW
We get the estate.
The girls jump up and celebrate.
WILLOW(CON'T)
And there are percs.
Girls stop celebrating.
RONA
Percs?
WILLOW
Yeah there are jobs.
CARIDAD
Jobs?
VI
We get paid?
WILLOW
Hell yeah. Not bad either.
59.
RONA
What? We're like watchers or
something?
WILLOW
Or something.
VI
We're slayers then.
CARIDAD
We get paid for being Slayers?
WILLOW
Not exactly. Hang on. There's a
section here about Buffy. Yeah here
it is. At the bequest of Miss
Summers and recognizing her
authority as the last of the old
line of council-recognized Slayers,
what was once referred to as a
Slayer shall hitherto be recognized
as a Guardian, and the Watcher's
Council shall from this point be
known as the Guardian Council.
Guardians officially recognized by
the council shall be reimbursed as
follows for so long as they shall
agree to remain in employment of
the Guardian Council.
Willow points at the section where the numbers are written
and shows them to the three girls opposite her. They are
quite pleased.
RONA
My Dad's gonna flip. He just
thought he was saving my life
sending me to Sunnydale. When I
tell him I'm going to be making
this kind of cash he's gonna flip.
VI
My watcher told my parents I was
going to a special school. I'm
gonna be like Mom, Dad, I graduated,
Bye. It's all they ever wanted.
Their job is done.
CARIDAD
Five words will sell my mom.
(counts five with the
fingers of one hand)
Mom. I got a job.
60.
WILLOW
Miss Summers has agreed to accept
the position of Guardian personnel
manager of the American chapter.
Willow Rosenberg shall be offered
the position of estate manager.
Dawn Summers, Secretary to the
manager. Dawn your in. Dawn?
Dawn is not paying any attention to the proceedings. She is
in rapt attention on her computer screen.
DAWN
One sec.
WILLOW
Mr. Puffman shall continue his
position as accounts administrator
of the American office, and be
answerable to the manager of the
Cleveland estate.
PUFFMAN
This should never have happened,
you know? There was a much more
worthy candidate for head
administrator. He outranked Mr.
Giles by significant seniority.
WILLOW
Significant?
PUFFMAN
All right, one day, but apparently
some obscure section of the charter
awards extra seniority by field time.
WILLOW
Field time huh? What's the name of
this other candidate.
Puffman leans back in his chair. He is beaten, and he knows it.
PUFFMAN
Horatios S. Puffman.
Vi has made her way over to behind Dawn. She starts to read
Dawn's computer screen.
VI
Whatcha doin?
DAWN
Willow?
61.
WILLOW
Huh?
DAWN
What is it that feeds on children
and leaves a ring mark on their neck.
PUFFMAN
Good God.
WILLOW
What?
PUFFMAN
The Lamia.
WILLOW
I've heard that word.
End of Act 3
ACT 4
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD NIGHT
The Spook-lady wrestles Young Xander and Young Willow to the
ground. they scream. The Spook-lady attempts to muffle
Xander's screams with her body, while placing a hand over
Willow's mouth. The lights begin to click on in the Harris
and Rosenberg households. The Spook-lady raises her hand
towards the two houses.
SPOOK-LADY
Sleep. Sleep. All is well. Sleep.
The lights click off.
SPOOK-LADY
Quiet. Quiet children. No-one can
hear you.
Xander and Willow begin to quiet down.The Spook-lady grabs
the two children by the hand and rises with them. They
struggle as she does.
SPOOK-LADY
Come around to the back children.
We have things to discuss.
She begins to drag the children to the back of the shed.
Once there she pins them both against the shed.
SPOOK-LADY
Now. Who's house is this?
Willow raises her hand.
62.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
It's new isn't it?
YOUNG WILLOW
Yes.
SPOOK-LADY
Why. Why here? Why did you build it
here?
YOUNG WILLOW
I asked my Daddy to build it here.
He told me the story. He was
looking for a place to build a
house, and we were driving around
looking for a place, and I said
"Here. Here."
SPOOK-LADY
Ah yes. The pure of heart. I should
have known. All these Guardian
spells with the pure of heart.
Fairy-tale drek. It's embarrassing.
(beat)
Nevertheless, I see now I've been
trying to open the chamber the hard
way. Trying to muscle through the
barrier. There's an easier way. I
see that now. What's your name child?
WILLOW
Willow
SPOOK-LADY
Can you sing Willow?
WILLOW
I can sing Frere Jacques.
SPOOK-LADY
Wonderful. Well I'm going to teach
you a new kind of song. Are you ready?
WILLOW
No.
The Spook-lady tightens her grasp on Willow's neck, choking
her.
SPOOK-LADY
Are you ready?
Willow nods.
63.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T SINGING)
Look into the heart of one who
seeks the way. Return to her the
wage, her virtue thou must pay.
Lead her to the prize, she alone
must seek. Guidance to the lost.
Power to the meek.
YOUNG XANDER.
We're just kids lady. She'll never
remember that.
The Spook-lady drives Young Willow's head against the wall,
choking her.
SPOOK-LADY
(to Willow)
Sing!
Willow sings the song exactly the way the Spook-lady.sang it
to her.
SPOOK-LADY
That will do. Now stand back from
the wall.
She pulls the children three steps back from the wall and
spins them around. The three of them stand facing the wall.
The Spook-lady holds the two children by their hands. She
looks into the air. The wind begins to blow. The hair of the
three begins to blow about in the wind. The trenchcoat of
the Spook-lady begins to blow about in the wind, as does the
night clothes of the two children.
SPOOK-LADY
(singing)
Inculbus. Give all attention to me.
She raises her hand. A blast of black energy expells from it.
It bounces off an invisible barrier and creates and
explosion of light.
SPOOK-LADY
Now child. Sing your song.
Willow does not sing. The Spook-lady grabs Young Willow by
the hair, and pulls her head backwards.
SPOOK-LADY
Sing!
64.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Look into the heart of one who
seeks the way. Return to her the
wage her virtue thou must pay. Lead
her to the prize she alone must
seek. Guidance to the lost. Power
to the meek.
The Spook-lady releases Young Willow's hand.
SPOOK-LADY
Now walk three steps forward.
Willow does, then stops and turns. Suddenly she realizes,
she is free. She looks towards her house, thinking to run.
SPOOK-LADY
Try it and I'll crush his neck like
a sausage.
She grabs Xander by the hair and the neck.
YOUNG XANDER.
Run Willow! Run!
SPOOK-LADY
Shut up.
She chokes Xander so hard he can't speak.
SPOOK-LADY
Now Willow. Do you see that little
crawl space behind you.
Willow looks and nods.
SPOOK-LADY
I want you to crawl into it. Crawl
to the center until you feel a
large smooth stone.
YOUNG WILLOW
I don't want to.
SPOOK-LADY
But your going to, and do you know
why?
Willow shakes her head.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Look around you.
65.
Willow does. All around her are the Spook-lady's cats.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Have you ever seen cats feed on
human flesh?
YOUNG WILLOW
No. Just cat food.
SPOOK-LADY
It's ugly, and it's bloody, and
trust me you and your little friend
won't like it. Now listen I have
one last little verse to teach you.
Are you listening?
YOUNG WILLOW
Yes.
SPOOK-LADY
It goes like this. Reveal to her
the passage. Turn the night to day.
I bequest Inculbus, not to block
the way.
(beat)
Now Sing.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Reveal to her the passage. Turn the
night to day. I bequest Inculbus
not to block the way.
SPOOK-LADY
Now go.
Young Willow turns, gets down on all fours and disappears
into the crawl-space.
SPOOK-LADY
(to Xander)
Are you going to be good?
Xander nods. The Spook-lady releases her grip on the boy's
throat and grasps his arm.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Hey Xander.
YOUNG XANDER.
Yeah.
66.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
This is like that movie The
Rescuers, where the little girl
goes into the spooky cave to get
that thing for the ugly witch.
YOUNG XANDER.
(looking up at the
Spook-lady)
Yeah.
(then to willow)
Except there were alleegators. Are
there any aleegators?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No.
YOUNG XANDER.
It's OK. Alleegators don't eat
people.Only Crockeediles.
SPOOK-LADY
(to Xander)
I have a crocodile at home that
would like to eat, I mean meet you.
Would you like to come home with me
to see it?
Xander shakes his head.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Then shut the Hell up.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
I found it. I found the rock.
SPOOK-LADY
Then sing you silly girl
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Reveal to her the passage. Turn the
night to day. I bequest Inculbus,
not to block the way
Instantly the crawl-space is bathed in light. Light escapes
the cracks, and shines out the entrance.
FULL SHOT YOUNG WILLOW'S FACE
Young Willow looks down. She is shining in light that is
glowing upwards from beneath her
67.
WILLOW'S POV; A staircase cut in stone, lit up like daytime.
The staircase starts small, then grows steadily outward like
it follows the inside of a funnel.
SPOOK-LADY
Do you see the staircase?
WILLOW
Yes.
SPOOK-LADY
Go down it. You'll see a room. In
the room you'll see a bureau. On
the bureau you'll see a small hand
mirror. Bring the mirror to me.
YOUNG WILLOW
OK.
Willow does as the Spook-lady tells her. She returns out the
crawl-space on her hands and knees, with the mirror in her
hand. The light vanishes. Willow stands in front of Xander
and the Spook lady with the mirror in her hand.
SPOOK-LADY
Guardian Magic.
(spits the words)
Surprised they didn't add a
handsome prince and a toad. So
unnecessary.
Willow and Xander shrug.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Hand the mirror to me.
Willow does. The Spook-lady looks into it and smiles.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
(Singing)
Release to me the power of my own
reflection. Release to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
The glass of the mirror shatters and explodes into the
Spook-lady's face. She lifts her free hand to her face and
touches the tiny rivulets of blood pouring down it.
68.
SPOOK-LADY
Hmm. I'm afraid there's one last
song you must sing for me my dear.
Listen carefully. Reveal to me the
power of own my reflection. Reveal
to me the power of the slain
Inculbus. Now you try.
YOUNG WILLOW
Release to me the power of my own
reflection.
SPOOK-LADY
No you little nit. Not release.
Reveal.
YOUNG WILLOW
But you said release.
SPOOK-LADY
I say release. You say reveal.
YOUNG WILLOW
OK.
SPOOK-LADY
Sing it again. Reveal to me the
power of my own reflection. Reveal
to me the power of the slain Inculbus.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Reveal to me the power of my own
reflection. Reveal to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
SPOOK-LADY
Yes now take the mirror hold it to
your face and sing.
YOUNG WILLOW
(looking in the mirror)
There's glass in the mirror again.
I don't want glass in my face.
SPOOK-LADY
You won't get any. That's just a
Guardian trick. It only works on
foolish old ladies.
YOUNG WILLOW
Why do I have to do it? Why can't
you do it again.
69.
SPOOK-LADY
Don't you get it you foolish little
girl. The power may only be
unlocked by the pure of heart. It's
like a tedious Guardian combination
lock.
YOUNG WILLOW
I don't want to do it. The mirror
doesn't want me to do it.
YOUNG XANDER.
She doesn't want to do it. Let me.
I'll do it.
SPOOK-LADY
Don't be ridiculous. I might as
well do it myself.
She grabs Xander by the throat, and flings him violently to
the ground, pinning him there with her knee. Instantly the
cats are all around him.
YOUNG XANDER.
Don't do it Willow I ain't scared
of no cats.
The Spook-lady strikes Xander a violent backhand across the
mouth.
SPOOK-LADY
Silence.
YOUNG WILLOW
Don't hit him. I'll do it.
YOUNG XANDER.
Don't do it Willow. My Dad hits
lots harder than her.
The Spook-lady begins striking Xander again and again,
harder and harder.
SPOOK-LADY
Silence! Silence!
YOUNG WILLOW
I'll do it. Stop hitting him. I'll
do it. I'll do it.
Willow lifts the mirror to her face
70.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Release to me the power of my own
reflection. Release to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
The Spook-lady stops hitting Xander. She realizes Willow has
said release instead of reveal.
SPOOK-LADY
No. No. Not release.
Light blasts from the mirror. Young Willow particalizes into
a prism of multi-coloured dust then reforms once more into
Young Willow mirror in hand. She staggers from the impact of
what has happened to her. She drops the mirror. The Spook-
lady releases Xander and scrambles over on all fours to
retrieve the mirror. She picks it up, looks into it and
cries out.
SPOOK-LADY
You've cracked it. It's ruined.
Ruined.
(sobbing and singing)
Release to me the power of my own
reflection. Release to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
The mirror shudders in her hands. Looking into it, the
spook-lady screams.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Ahhh! The Lamia. What have you done.
You've opened the portal to the
Guardian prison of the Lamia.
You've corrupted the power of the
mirror.
YOUNG WILLOW
I didn't do it. You did it.
SPOOK-LADY
What does it matter who did it.
It's done. Do you even know what
you've done?
(beat)
But wait. Some good can come of this.
She points the mirror away from her.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Give me three.
71.
A black ooze squirts from the mirror. It forms into three
puddles. The puddles congeal and form three creatures, each
one the size of a labrador retriever. One is female the
other two male. They hunch over on all fours ape-like. Their
faces are human, except their top lip disappears into their
mouth. They have an extra set of limbs on their torso; a
kind vestigial arm-leg thing with hands that could be feet
attached. They are an odd mixture of flesh and fur. Fur
covers the breasts of the female. Their hands are long, thin
and bony. Their ears are rat-like.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Kill them both. The girl first.
The female Lamia leaps at Willow. Xander jumps between the
two tumbling to the ground with the Lamia. The two males
move towards Willow, more cautious than the first. Young
Willow raises her hands to one.
YOUNG WILLOW
Get back!
Light mushrooms from her hands, and strikes one of the Lamia.
It explodes. The other backs away. Young Xander is wrestling
on the ground with the female. It has Xander pinned. It
opens it's mouth. A long finger of flesh uncurls from the
Lamia's mouth. From Xander's POV we see the tentacle thing
coming towards him. It has a pink tip. Tiny probing needles
stick out from it, and it is getting closer. Young Willow
raises her hands toward's the Lamia on Xander.
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T)
Get back!
Again light blasts from Willow's hands, and again the Lamia
explodes. Young Willow raises her hands towards the Spook-lady.
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T)
I don't like you.
SPOOK-LADY
Ah, I see you like power little one.
You like to kill, to destroy.
Careful the perversion of the power
you now hold leads to the creature
you see cowering behind me. You
don't understand now, but you will.
YOUNG WILLOW
(Still holding out
her hands)
I don't like you.
72.
SPOOK-LADY
Yes. You said that. This is too
much for you right now, I think.
Right now you need to sleep.
The Spook-lady holds out her hand towards Willow, then
alternates it between Xander and Willow.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Yes sleep. Sleep and forget. Forget
me and everything connected to this
night. Sleep.
The heads of Young Willow and Xander begin to nod. Their
eyes begin to close. They crumple to the ground and sleep.
The Lamia sneaks over to Willow to feed.
SPOOK-LADY
Not just yet pet. I spoke out of
impatience before. I'm better now.
These two must live. I may need
them. There may be a way to release
the power of Inculbus from the
little redheaded rodent. Some time
in the future, perhaps.
The Spook-lady turns to walk away. The Lamia hesitates.
SPOOK-LADY
Come along then.
The Spook-lady and her cats walk away down the alley. The
Lamia gets down on all six limbs and skitters after them
like some kind of giant flesh and furry bug.
INT. XANDER'S BEDROOM - MORNING.
Xander lay's in bed. The door bell rings. Xander rouses. He
rises groggily and makes his way to the front door. He opens
the door to find Buffy and Pike standing there. Buffy
instantly grips Xander and hugs him tightly.
BUFFY
Big brother.
Xander bends and arcs the bottom half of his torso away from
Buffy, gripping just behind her shoulders, hugging her, yet
at the same time half pushing her away.
73.
XANDER
Buffy. Whoa, not feeling all that
brotherly this morning.
BUFFY
Huh?
XANDER
It's a guy thing.
BUFFY
Huh?
Xander looks past Buffy to Pike and extends his hand to Pike.
XANDER
You Pike.
Pike half smiles.
XANDER(CON'T)
You can explain to Buffy about the
guy thing, right? About the waking
up in the morning, guy thing.
BUFFY
(to Pike)
And again. Huh?
PIKE
Later.
XANDER
So come on in. My Casa et soo Casa.
Buffy and Pike walk in. Buffy finds a seat. Pike walks
directly into Xander's kitchen looks at the empty coffee
pot, and starts searching around for coffee. Xander doesn't
seem to notice.
XANDER
So... Buffy on a hog. Buffy the hog
lady.
BUFFY
There's gotta be a better name for
that.
PIKE
Biker chick?
BUFFY
(to Pike)
Sometimes no help is the best help.
74.
XANDER
I was expecting you yesterday.
BUFFY
Had a little trouble on the road.
Gnarl.
XANDER
The Gnarl, but wasn't there only
supposed to be one.
BUFFY
Apparently not. I think it's an
interdimensiony thing, or a Firstie,
crack in the Hellmouth. Gate-
crashers got in, kind of thing.
PIKE
That a record for you guys? Thirty
seconds and talking shop.
BUFFY
Ignore him. Anyway I lied. The
Gnarl didn't take that long. We had
to stop off in Flagstaff to talk to
another girl. It took a while to
find her.
XANDER
(ignoring her.
Fascinated with Pike)
You Ok in there Pike. Finding
everything you need?
Pike has found the coffee, and is putting it together.
PIKE
Uh huh.
XANDER
I don't see any recent bruises on
him, so he must get the Buffy seal
of approval.
BUFFY
Well, he keeps coming back, so I
thought I might as well keep him.
XANDER
That's right you two went together
before, here in LA right.
BUFFY
Briefly.
75.
PIKE
Rocked my world.
BUFFY
It isn't "rocked my world, honey".
It's "changed my life".
XANDER
Not very PC?
BUFFY
We're working on it.
(beat)
So what about you.The new girl, and
the new job, and the new place, and
the new life. Tell all.
XANDER
Yeah well the place; close to the
beach, kind of "Three's company". I
like it. The job: it's a job. The
girl: well that's kind of a jump-
how-high kind of thing.
BUFFY
And you are the jumpee, or the
jumper.
(beat)
That didn't come out right.
The phone rings. Xander walks over to it, and reads the
call-display.
XANDER
I've gotta feeling you're about to
find out.
Xander picks up the phone.
XANDER(CON'T)
Hello.
(beat)
Yeah.
(beat)
OK
(beat)
I can't right now. I have company.
(beat)
Yeah, she just got in.
(beat)
We went through this.
Xander starts speaking into the phone behind his hand.
76.
XANDER(CON'T)
She's just a friend, more like a
sister, really. Plus. Boyfriend,
Hello.
(beat)
Whattaya mean, she was single most
of the time I knew her. Still the
sister thing.
Buffy begins to shuffle around. Looking uncomfortable.
XANDER(CON'T)
Look I'll pick it up later. You can
drop by and get it, when you get a
chance.
(beat)
Ok
(beat)
OK
(beat)
OK. Bye.
(beat)
Ok. Bye
(beat)
Ok. Bye.
Xander hangs up the phone.
BUFFY
(anxious to change
the subject)
So, you hear anything from back East.
XANDER
I think Willow's trying to avoid me.
BUFFY
How so?
XANDER
I don't know. It's just a vibe. I'm
getting. She's never around when I
call. She never calls back, and I
think Dawn's covering for her.
BUFFY
Yeah well, you heard about the
whole Kennedy thing, right?
77.
XANDER
More the reason she should want to
talk to me. Hey if I caught my
girlfriend with her tennis pro when
she was supposed to be visiting her
family, you can bet I'd be putting
in for a little Willow shoulder
cry-time.
BUFFY
Yeah that was ugly, and apparently
a medical marvel.
XANDER
What?
BUFFY
Yeah apparently it's not easy to
dislodge that much tennis equipment
from a person's rectum. It's
getting written up in some journal
somewhere.
XANDER
For I am Willow Goddess of vengeance.
BUFFY
Speaking of which
Buffy nods to a picture on an end table of Anya at the beach
from Buffy vs Dracula.
BUFFY(CON'T)
How did you Robin Hood that?
XANDER
My Mom had it with her when she
left Sunndale, and that's another
bee in the girlfriend bonnet.
BUFFY
She thinks there's a better place
for the picture of the ex-
girlfriend? Like a photo album
somewhere?
XANDER
More like the bottom of the ocean
somewhere.
BUFFY
And you...
78.
XANDER
Not gonna happen.
BUFFY
So...
XANDER
So, it's my day off. We got all day.
I'll set you guys up in the spare
room, then we'll reminisce.
INT. THE MANOR - MORNING.
The Manor doorbell buzzes and Dawn arrives to answer it. She
opens the door and finds Puffman standing there.
PUFFMAN
Good morning.
Stepping in.
DAWN
Morning. What's up?
PUFFMAN
Is Miss Rosenberg in?
DAWN
Yeah, she's in the kitchen. C'mon in.
INT. THE MANOR KITCHEN.
Willow sits at a counter sipping coffee. Puffman enters the
kitchen with Dawn.
PUFFMAN
Miss Rosenberg
WILLOW
Puffman.
PUFFMAN
I have a volume here you may wish
to peruse.
Willow grabs an old leather bound manuscript from Puffman
and walks over to a table to set it down and read it.
WILLOW
This is a Watcher Manuscript,
Puffman. How come we haven't seen
it yet?
79.
PUFFMAN
Private collection.
Vi, Rona, and Caridad enter and circle around Willow
snooping for a peek at the manuscript.
WILLOW
Anything with Watcher on it is no
longer private. Remember Puffman,
speed dial.
PUFFMAN
Yes, well. Not to worry. My gift to
you, really. There are some
interesting passages in there
concerning the prophecy of the Lamia.
WILLOW
Prophecy and Apocalypse my two not
so favourite words. They're not
together-words in here, are they?
PUFFMAN
Not exactly. The Lamia you see are
kind of a mutated vampire thing. No
real power. They're forced to live
on the blood of children. Also a
Lamia differs from a vampire in
that a vampire has had it's soul
removed. A Lamian soul is corrupted.
They devolve from the souls of
demon worshippers.
Vi points to a graphic in the book.
VI
Ooh. Picture. Ugly.
CLOSE ON: A graphic of the Lamia
At one time the Lamia were used as a kind of servant by more
powerful demons. Then, and for no apparent reason the Lamia
suddenly disappeared. There was a myth concerning a race of
Guardian women, that were said to have had something to do
with it.
DAWN
Oh, Guardians. Not, us Guardians,
but the Guardian, Guardians. We've
met them. Or at least Buffy has.
Met them.
80.
PUFFMAN
Preposterous. They're the mystic
equivalent of an urban legend.
WILLOW
So, these Lamia. There's a Prophecy
concerning them.
PUFFMAN
Yes, kind of vague really, but it
seems to suggest that when the
Lamia return they will do so by the
multidude, and all of man shall
become corrupted, and become as them.
WILLOW
So it's an apocalypse then. You
promised me we weren't going to use
the A word.
DAWN
We don't like apocali-lypses,
whatever.
VI
(to Willow)
Why not?
WILLOW
They're redundant.
VI
(aside to Rona)
What's redundant mean?
RONA
I think it means "again", like we-
dun-dat.
Caridad has leaned into the conversation, and nods in
agreement.
PUFFMAN
Well to be perfectly accurate, it's
not actually an apocalypse, because
an apocalypse implies annihilation.
The prophecy of the Lamia doesn't
imply destruction only corruption.
VI
Still I don't want to look like that.
CLOSE SHOT: Graphic of the Lamia
81.
EXT. THE ALLEY BEHIND YOUNG WILLOW'S HOUSE - DAWN.
Young Willow and Xander begin to awake in the alley. Xander
is beat up and covered in dried Lamia ectoplasm. They sit up
and look at each other.
YOUNG WILLOW
Hi.
YOUNG XANDER.
Hi.
YOUNG WILLOW
What are you doing out here?
YOUNG XANDER.
What are you doing out here?
Young Willow starts to cry, blubbering real water-works.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm scared Xander how come I'm so
scared. What are we doing out here?
YOUNG XANDER.
Dunno.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm scared, Xander. Aren't you scared.
YOUNG XANDER.
I dunno. What of?
YOUNG WILLOW
I don't know. Don't you ever get
scared?
YOUNG XANDER.
I dunno. What does it feel like
YOUNG WILLOW
It feels like, bad, like real bad.
YOUNG XANDER.
I don't wanna feel like that.
YOUNG WILLOW
I can't help it.
YOUNG XANDER.
You don't have to be scared Willow.
YOUNG WILLOW
Why not?
82.
YOUNG XANDER.
Cause I'm here. I'll look after you.
The two sit in the alley. Young Willow, stops sniffling, and
wipes the tears out of her eyes.
YOUNG WILLOW
Well what about when you're not there?
YOUNG XANDER.
That's easy. You just call me.
YOUNG WILLOW
And whaddo I say?
YOUNG XANDER.
We should have a code.
YOUNG WILLOW
A code.
YOUNG XANDER.
Yeah a secret code for what to say,
for when you want me to come cause
you're scared, and you need me.
YOUNG WILLOW
Like what?
YOUNG XANDER.
I dunno. Just say
(beat)
just say
(beat)
I need you
(beat)
Kay?
YOUNG WILLOW
Kay.
EXT. QUIET URBAN CLEVELAND STREET - NIGHT
The quiet of the street is interrupted by footsteps. A group
of yuppie types walk in view and out of it.They are enjoying
a joke. As they pass, a small shadow appears at a wall
corner, and stops as if to watch them. The group of friends
pass and disappear from view. A Lamia skitters across the
street and into an alley. A moment passes then two more
Lamia follow the first.
ESTABLISHING SHOT: A Cleveland brownstone.
83.
The three Lamia scale the outside of the brownstone along
the corner ridges. they reach the third story and leap along
window sills to an open third story window.
FULL SHOT; An open bedroom window from the POV of the occupant
The Lamia crawl into the open window, and we hear their toe
nails as they skitter across the floor
INT. CHILD'S BEDROOM - BROWNSTONE APARTMENT - NIGHT
A young boy about 6 years old lays in his bed fast asleep.
One Lamia is by the bedroom door as lookout. Another watches
out the window. The third climbs onto the bed and perches
itself over the boy. The Lamia opens it's mouth, and the
fleshy tentacle begins to protrude from the Lamia's mouth.
It gets closer and closer to the boy's neck. Finally it
connects.
CLOSE ON; Boy's head and neck.
The boy's eye's open wide in fear and freeze. From off-
camera two more fleshy tentacles connect with different
areas of the boy's neck, and we hear slurping sounds.
INT. XANDER'S BEDROOM NIGHT
The phone rings. Half asleep, but still getting it on the
first ring, Xander reaches out, grabs the phone and puts it
to his ear.
XANDER
Hello
(beat)
Hi
(beat)
OK
Xander hangs up the phone.
INT. XANDER'S LIVING ROOM NIGHT
Buffy and Pike sit watching television on the couch. From
the background music, and screams we can tell it's some kind
of slasher flic. Pike sips a beer. Buffy holds an orange
soft drink on her lap. Xander enters fully clothed.
BUFFY
Oh. I forgot to tell you. Your
girlfriend called earlier. She
wants you to pick up a punch bowl,
and take it to her parents.
84.
XANDER
For I am Xander. Prince of whipped.
Xander goes to his front closet, takes out a jacket and puts
it on. He goes back into the closet, bends over, and picks
up a large pre-packed suitcase. He reaches up to the top
shelf and grabs a smaller one. He turns, looks around and
walks over to the picture of Anya. He puts the small
suitcase down, grabs the picture and stuffs it under the
crook of his other arm. He then turns and begins to walk
towards the door.
BUFFY
Xander?
XANDER
Oh right, uh, Buffy, Pike, forgot,
uh I've gotta go. Fridge is full.
Paid up till a month after this one.
I'll call later, and straighten
things out.
BUFFY
What's up? Where are you going? Who
was that on the phone?
XANDER
Uh...Price of gas, Cleveland, Willow.
BUFFY
Willow, well what? why? What did
she say?
XANDER
(looking kind of embarrassed)
She said, "Builderman. I need you".
FADE OUT.
THE END
So I read all the posts on virtual season 8, and the last I heard it was going like this:
Buffy Summers
There doesn't seem to be any kind of new plan since then so I'm going to post my Submission for a possible episode 1 to virtual season 8.
I tried to use as many ideas as I could from the virtual season 8 thread. This episode is overlength, because there were so many ideas I borrowed from you guys. It's OK. I can trim it once I know what you want (if you want any of it).
Here's my submission.
"THE GUARDIANS"
by
Shadow Lane
TEASER
1.
FADE IN:
INT. CLEVELAND GAY BAY - NIGHT
Willow sits on a bar stool at an up-class bar smiling, and
playing with the swizzle stick in a swirly green drink that
sits before her. She seems happy, and a little tipsy. The
bartender is serving two girls at the far end of the bar.
The two girls touch hands. They look into each other's eyes,
and giggle. Willow sneaks furtive glances over at the scene,
and smiles. Finally her glance concentrates into a stare at
the Bartender.
WILLOW
(Head-nodding the
bartender towards her)
Bentley. Over here I need to talk
to you
Bentley, the bartender gives Willow the one-sec single with
his fore-finger and continues serving the gay couple. A
large body-builder type walks up to the bar, and stands next
to Willow to wait for the bartender.
BODY-BUILDER 1
Hey Red
WILLOW
Who me?
BODY-BUILDER 1
Guess
WILLOW
(fingering her red hair)
Because of the red hair right?
BODY-BUILDER 1
Hey you got it on the first try.
You like to drink alone, Red?
WILLOW
Oh,I'm not alone. I'm keeping
Bentley company.
(whispers loudly from
behind her open hand)
I think he's lonely
(beat)
maybe a little depressed
2.
BODY-BUILDER 1
Yeah? I'm lonely too. Maybe you
should spread it around.
WILLOW
(Still smiling. She's
liquor happy)
You're not lonely. You have friends.
She gestures up to where four other body-builders sit.
WILLOW
(con't)
Look. Friends.
BODY-BUILDER 1
Those aren't friends. That's the
competition.
He flexes an Incredible Hulk pose for her, through his
muscle shirt. Bentley walks up to the cash register, and
deposits the money from the couple he was serving.
BENTLEY
(to body-builder)
What'll it be
BODY-BUILDER 1
Scotch. Straight up, and a Hieney
(beat)
and one of these green things for
Red, here.
Bentley looks down at Willow. She shrugs. She's enjoying
herself, and nothing's going to stop her. Bentley goes to
get the drinks.
BODY-BUILDER 1
(con't)
I'm thinking maybe you want to get
a seat with me, and share those
smiles
WILLOW
Nah.
(gestures with her
thumb towards Bentley)
Bentley
BODY-BUILDER 1
What is he your boyfriend, or
something?
3.
WILLOW
Boyfriend? No.
(beat)
You know this is a gay bar, right?
BODY-BUILDER 1
It was a gay bar. Then we came here.
Now it's just a bar, but if this
was a gay bar, where's your
girlfriend?
WILLOW
(Thinking)
Depressed now. Gotta go.
Turns to her drink. Makes a phony magic gesture over it.
WILLOW (CON'T)
Happy me greenie.
BODY-BUILDER 1
When that stops working, maybe you
wanna consider your alternatives
Willow sips her drink through a straw. and makes an A-OK
sign with her thumb, and fore-finger. Bentley comes up, and
deposits the drinks.
BODY-BUILDER 1(CON'T)
(to Bentley)
Card it. We'll settle the tip when
I see how fast you can keep em coming.
Bentley nods. The Body-builder grabs his two drinks, turns,
and begins to walk away, looking down at Willow as he does.
BODY-BUILDER 1 (CON'T)
So long Red. Keep in touch.
Willow gives him the A-OK signal again, sipping on her
drink, and not looking. The body-builder goes back to sit
with his friends who are also body-builders. They laugh, and
high five him as he arrives at the table.
BODY-BUILDER 1(CON'T)
(shouting from the
other side of the bar)
Hey Red!
Willow swivels on her chair, and looks back at the table.
The body-builder gives her another Hulk flex.
4
Willow smiles still sipping, gives him a thumbs up, and
swivels back towards Bentley?
WILLOW
You know what Bentley?
BENTLEY
What?
WILLOW
I'm thinking maybe those guys
aren't gay.
BENTLEY
You think?
WILLOW
Not-gay guys in a gay bar. That's
gotta break some rules. You want I
should go rough em up for ya?
Should we call the police?
BENTLEY
(chuckling. He
obviously enjoys Willow.)
Nah. That's OK We don't discriminate.
There's some kind of beefcake show
in the hotel. They're starring.
WILLOW
Yeah, OK. We'll let em go this time.
Hey Bentley, I used to have a
friend who was a bartender in
College
(beat)
well still is my friend, actually,
except he doesn't live here in
Cleveland. He used to keep a
lighter so he could light girl's
smokes. Where's your lighter?
Bentley pulls out his lighter, and shows it to her.
WILLOW
How come you're not offering to
light my smokes?
BENTLEY
You don't seem to smoke
5.
WILLOW
Well yeah, there's that.
(beat)
My friend Xander, who was the
bartender, he would stick out his
lighter to light a girl's cigarette,
then he would smile at her, and say
(deep, phony Xander-voice)
"Problems?".
BENTLEY
You don't seem to have any problems.
You seem pretty cheerful.
WILLOW
Well yeah, that's true, but I think
maybe I did have problems when I
came in here, and then I got into
the green swirlies, and "Poof",
problems gone.
BENTLEY
It's temporary
WILLOW
That's a gyp. Can I get my money back.
BENTLEY
No refunds.
WILLOW
Not even on returns
(Bentley laughs)
WILLOW
(con't)
That's shoddy magic.
BENTLEY
You know about magic?
Willow looks up. Tiny sparks fire from her eyes in front of
her face.
WILLOW
A little bit.
Bentley, startled, takes a quick step back.
BENTLEY
Whoa!
6.
WILLOW
(innocently)
What?
BENTLEY
Nothing.
(beat)
Too many hours for me, I think.
WILLOW
It happens
BENTLEY
Yeah
A second body-builder walks up next to Willow, leans against
the bar and bends to talk to her, beer in hand.
BIG PHIL
Hey Red.
WILLOW
Hey.
BIG PHIL
Me and the guys took a "fox of the
bar" poll. You won.
WILLOW
Cool. What did I win?
BIG PHIL
An all expense paid night out on
the town with me.
WILLOW
Sorry. Gotta pass. Bentley needs me.
We're gonna buy cigarettes.
BIG PHIL
I'm thinking maybe you wanna leave
the monkey, and come with the apes.
BENTLEY
Hey
BIG PHIL
What?
BENTLEY
(backing away)
Nothing
7.
WILLOW
You sure you don't want me to rough
em up for ya, Bentley?
BIG PHIL
(laughs)
I'd like to see that.
VI (OS)
How bad do you wanna see it?
OFF THOSE WORDS
Vi, Rona and Caridad stand behind Big Phil, pissed off
expressions on their faces.
BIG PHIL
Hey, look, it's the girl-guides.
You girls looking to sell some
cookies?
WILLOW
Oh oh.
(turns to Bentley)
Hey Bentley. Remember I was
suggesting you call the police, but
I was just joking?
BENTLEY
Yeah.
WILLOW
I'm not joking any more. Maybe you
wanna get your finger over a speed
dial.
BIG PHIL
Yeah Bentley. There's underage
girls in here. I think there's a
law against that.
WILLOW
On second thought, Bentley don't
call the police. Call an ambulance.
BIG PHIL
Come on Red. Do I look like a child
beater to you?
(beat)
They don't watch their lip though,
I just may have to give em a spanking.
8.
WILLOW
(Serious now)
The ambulance isn't for them. It's
for you.
Big Phil laughs loudly. Vi takes a step forward. Caridad
jumps between them.
CARIDAD
Hey. It's all good. We just came to
pick up our sister.
RONA
Huh?
CARIDAD
Willow. We gotta go.
BIG PHIL
Maybe she doesn't wanna go. Maybe
she wants to hang around, and get
to know Big Phil a little better.
WILLOW
Seriously. They call you Big Phil?
What about the guy at your table at
the far end. He's got about four
inches on you?
BIG PHIL
No he doesn't.
WILLOW
Huh
(beat)
Oh
(beat)
and Yuk. That's grotesque, Big Phil.
You understand about the gay woman
not being impressed thing, right?
BIG PHIL
Big Phil is an open-minded guy.
Open to all things. So whataya say
Red, let's go get open.
WILLOW
Hang on I have to talk to Bentley
Willow turns to Bentley, and starts to talk to him from
behind her hand
9.
WILLOW
(con't)
Bentley Get out your cigarette
lighter. I just thought of a
problem
(beat)
These girls here
(beat)
BENTLEY
Your sisters?
WILLOW
Right. My black and caramel
coloured sisters here. I love them
like sisters, but they're stepping
on my me time. Then there's Big
Phil, who no offense to him or his
but
(sour face)
yeeeuch. Even if I wasn't gay, I'd
be putting that one on the pass
train. So what do I do? You're the
expert here. I don't get out much.
RONA
Willow
WILLOW
Yeah.
RONA
We can hear you.
Willow spins around in her chair. From the look on Big
Phil's face we can tell he is fuming mad.
WILLOW
Oops. My bad.
BIG PHIL
Yeah, like I had any interest in
the dyke.
Turns to Caridad
BIG PHIL
How about you Senorita? You wanna
find out why they call me Big Phil?
VI
You take another step toward her,
and they won't.
10.
BIG PHIL
(To Vi)
You know, you're starting to piss
me off.
VI
Yeah well, you're slow, but you're
catching up.
CARIDAD
(stepping between
them again)
Hey it's Ok, we're going. Come on
Willow. Let's go.
BIG PHIL
Yeah Willow
(spits the word)
It's time for you to go. I'm tired
of looking at you.
Big Phil reaches over and grabs Willow, pulling her off her
stool. She falls to the floor. Big Phil stands there
laughing. Willow starts to get to her feet and looks up. Her
eyes are black
CARIDAD
Oh
VI
My
RONA
God
Rona puts her hands on Big Phil's chest pushing him away.
RONA (CON'T)
Get out of here, quick, before
(beat)
Big Phil grabs Rona under the arms and lifts her. Rona
instinctively gives him an elbow to the top of the head. Big
Phil falls to his knees then rises again with Rona still in
his hands and chucks her. She lands on her feet on a table.
Big Phil is crazed. He rushes her. From the table Rona
catches him coming in with a kick to the chin. Big Phil
lands with his chin to the table. He rises, grabs the table
and lets it fly. Rona tumbles to the floor. Vi grabs him by
the arm and flings him across the room. The other body-
builders start to arrive.
11.
BODY-BUILDER 1
What the Hell's going on here
He grabs Caridad to push her aside. With slayer instincts,
she grabs his arm and flips him. Another Body-builder comes
up behind her, grabs her by the shoulder, and spins her
around to face him. Vi comes out of nowhere, and roundhouses
him. He stumbles backwards, and the fight is on. We hear
crashing as the area in front of the bar is cleared leaving
an empty bar. Willow rises to her full height, leaving her
the only person at the bar. She shakes her head. She's back
to normal. She sits back on her stool, and watches the fight.
Bentley is frantically shuffling things around behind the
bar looking for something. Willow sees the action out of the
corner of her eye, spins towards him in her bar stool, and
looks over the bar to see what Bentley is looking for.
WILLOW
Whatcha looking for? Is it the
phone? Phone's over there.
She points. Bentley scrambles over to grab the phone. He
picks it up and looks puzzled. He can't remember the number.
WILLOW
I told you Bentley. Speed dial.
Bentley looks at the phone for a while then chucks it to the
floor with a flick of his wrist. He leans against the bar
head in hands and watches the fight. Willow spins to watch
it too.
WILLOW (CON'T)
Too cool, huh? I haven't seen one
of these since my best friend's
wedding. You should get us popcorn.
BENTLEY
What the Hell. why not.
He rises and walks slowly over to the popcorn bin to get
popcorn.
WILLOW
(watching the fight)
A big bag, OK?
(beat)
Ooh, Ow, that's gotta hurt.
CUT TO: the fight
The three girls are mopping the floor with the five body-
builders. The five don't have a chance, but they just refuse
to get it, and keep coming back for more.
12.
Finally the fight is over. The five squirm around on the
floor, or lay there unconscious. Willow walks over to Big
Phil with a bag of popcorn in her hand. She leans over and
shakes his shoulder. He wakes up.
WILLOW
(munching on Popcorn
from a bag)
Hey Big Phil. You OK?
BIG PHIL
Yeah I'm all right.
WILLOW
Good, good. That's great. So, you
still wanna get to know me better.
Big Phil looks up and smiles. He is missing his front tooth.
BIG PHIL
What the Hell. Why not?
WILLOW
Look into my eyes.
He does and instantly his eyes grow wide in horror.
MONTAGE
We see quick cuts of all the horrible stuff Willow has seen.
Warren being skinned alive, the gnarl peeling flesh from her
stomach, Tarah dying in front of her, and so on. Big Phil is
feeling what she felt. He starts to scream, then babble.
BIG PHIL
No. No. No
The three girls come up to Willow, and guide her away, out
the door. She looks back to the bar past the babbling Big
Phil, like he wasn't there. Bentley stands at the bar eating
popcorn.
WILLOW
(shouts)
So long Bentley. It's been a blast.
BENTLEY
So long Willow. Next time you bring
your sisters, tell them to bring ID.
WILLOW
OK. So long
13.
BENTLEY
So long.
Willow continues to wave. The three girls gently, but firmly
drag Willow out the door.
BLACK OUT
END OF TEASER
ACT 1
INT. XANDER'S BEDROOM IN LA - NIGHT
Xander rolls in his bed having a vivid dream
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. WILLOW'S HOUSE IN SUNNYDALE - DAYTIME
A moving van is parked outside. Movers are moving furniture
inside and they do not seem concerned about doing it
carefully. A haggard yet well dressed women stands outside
watching. She looks like she is about to protest the rough
treatment the furniture is getting, then she stops and
regains her composure. A small red-headed girl comes running
out of the house. It is young Willow.
YOUNG WILLOW
Mom, mom. They crashed the TV. They
were moving stuff, and they were
crashing.
WILLOW'S MOM
Calmly. Calmly now. we must
remember trades people have a
different way of viewing their
environment. We must try to
understand, and see things from
their perspective. Walk a mile in
their mocassins, so to speak.
A crash is heard from inside the house.
WILLOW'S MOM (CON'T)
Son of a
(beat)
YOUNG WILLOW
But mom. They're crashing stuff.
They're stuff crashers.
14.
WILLOW'S MOM
That's enough Willow. I want you to
go into the back yard, and play
until I call for you.
YOUNG WILLOW
But
(beat)
Willow's mom lifts her hand briskly into the air, to tell
Willow there will be no more discussion, then she points to
the backyard. The little girl walks by a gate towards the
back yard looking down at her shoes.
EXT. YOUNG WILLOW'S - BACKYARD DAY
It's quiet. Young Willow begins to hear an old
woman's voice humming a strange tune from behind a shed. A
cat walks around from behind the backyard gardening shed. It
watches Willow then turns and walks back behind the shed.
Willow walks back there to see who is singing. No one is
there. Even the cat is gone. The singing has stopped. She
walks back to the front of the shed. It is quiet again.
Suddenly there is another crash, but this time it comes from
the house, next door. The crash is followed by a
man and woman screaming at each other. Willow walks over to
the fence and peaks through a knot hole.
WILLOW'S KNOTHOLE POV; We see a man and woman arguing in the
neighbor's kitchen. The fence creaks.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE(OS)
I seen spooks back there.
Willow looks up and walks over to where she heard the voice.
A small boy's head disappears behind the fence. There is
another crash as whatever the boy was standing on behind the
fence has fallen.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE (CON'T OS)
Ow. Ow. OK that's a owie. Ow. OK
that's another one.
YOUNG WILLOW
Are you all right? Should I go get
my mom?
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE(OS)
I'm OK. I'm like Spiderman.
YOUNG WILLOW
Who?
15.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE(OS)
(from behind the
knot-hole now)
You don't even know who Spiderman is?
YOUNG WILLOW
(turning to speak to
the voice behind the
knot-hole)
My Mom says there's no such thing
as spidermen.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
You're just a dumb girl.
Willow now sees a small eye from behind the knot hole and
she steps over to talk to it.
YOUNG WILLOW
But my mom says...
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Your mom's a girl too.
YOUNG WILLOW
My mom says girls can do anything
boys can do if they really want to.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Then how come there's a Spiderman,
but there's no Spidergirl?
YOUNG WILLOW
There could be a Spidergirl.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Could not.
YOUNG WILLOW
Could too.
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Could not
YOUNG WILLOW
Could too. Hey, what's your name?
LITTLE BOY'S VOICE
Xander. What's yours?
YOUNG WILLOW
Willow. Did you really see spooks?
16.
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup. Don't go away OK? I'm going to
make another fence bridge.
YOUNG WILLOW
OK
Things crash and bump and the fence shakes as Young Xander piles
things against it from the other side.
YOUNG XANDER.
I'm a good builder. If I was a
superhero, I would be builderman.
YOUNG WILLOW
Did you really see spooks?
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup.
YOUNG WILLOW
I heard a old lady singing.
YOUNG XANDER.
(busily building away
behind the fence)
That's the old spook lady. I seen
her back there from my bedroom
upstairs at my house, late at night.
I stay up till 9:30 sometimes, and
I seen her then.
YOUNG WILLOW
Wow.
(beat)
You stay up till 9:30
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup, and sometimes even later.
(beat)
OK, I built my fence bridge, so I'm
gonna climb up it so I can see you,
kay?
YOUNG WILLOW
Kay. Are you climbing now?
YOUNG XANDER.
Yup. Can you see me?
Willow see's the young Xander's head as it begins to appear
above the top of the fence.
17.
YOUNG WILLOW
I can. I can see you Xander. You
are a builderman.
YOUNG XANDER.
(His face in full
view now)
I know. I can build better than
anyone.
YOUNG WILLOW
Wow. Can you build me a fence
bridge too, so I can climb up, and
see you?
YOUNG XANDER.
OK
Xander's face disappears behind the fence. There is another
crash.
YOUNG XANDER (CON'T)
Ow. Ow. Owie. OK, that's a ouch.
YOUNG WILLOW
Is a ouch, worse than a owie?
YOUNG XANDER
Oh yeah.
YOUNG WILLOW
Are you OK, Xander?
(beat)
Xander?
Willow continues to call his name and walks back and forth
along the fence to look for cracks to look through. She gets
down on all fours, and crawls along the bottom, trying to
look under the fence.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm going to go get my mom, Xander.
You stay there, and I'll go get my
mom, OK? She'll come and help.
Young Willow gets up and turns to run for her mother. She
runs right into Young Xander who has run around the fence to
meet her. The two fall to the ground facing each other.
YOUNG XANDER.
HI
18.
YOUNG WILLOW
Hi
FADE TO:
INT. ROADSIDE RESTAURANT - TWILIGHT
Assorted groups of travelers sit in a roadside restaurant. A
juke box plays country music in the background. A family
sits at a large table. Assorted regulars sit at the front
coffee bar. A waitress walks about with a coffee pot. A
couple sits at the far side of the restaurant. The man wears
a black leather biker style jacket with a brace attached to
the arm, clasped together by a black bar. He has a a long
scar down the side of his face. His girlfriend sits with her
back to us. The front door swings open and the sherrif and
his deputy walk in. He nods to the waitress.
SHERRIF
Agnes
AGNES
Sherrif
Agnes the waitress walks over to the sherrif and his deputy.
She motions them to a booth with her coffee pot.
AGNES (CON'T)
Quite a night.
DEPUTY
You ever see fog like this Agnes?
AGNES
Maybe in London England.
SHERRIF
You spend a lot of time in London
England, do you Agnes?
AGNES
Nope, but I hear they get the fog.
Agnes pours coffee for the sherrif and his deputy, then sets
the coffee pot on the table, pulls out her serving pad and
pencil and stands there waiting.
AGNES (CON'T)
I heard a man got skinned alive
over at the motel, the other night.
SHERRIF
You hear too much Agnes. Let's your
imagination run away on you.
19.
AGNES
Never hurts to have another pair of
eyes and ears watchin out for you
sherrif. These eyes and ears have
helped you before, you may recall.
DEPUTY
You won't let us forget, Agnes.
AGNES
I'm just sayin
(beat)
Been a lot of strange people
passing through lately.
Agnes motions with her eyes to where the biker and his
girlfriend sit. The Sherrif and his deputy look over at the
couple. The biker looks back. He salutes them with his
coffee cup, nods and smiles. The sherrif and his deputy nod
back, and return suspicious half-smiles.
AGNES (CON'T)
So what'll it
(beat)
All of a sudden the power shuts down. The jukebox goes silent.
AGNES (CON'T)
be.
The restaurant is quiet everyone looks around and listens.
There is a crash of pots and pans in the back. There is a
period of silence
DEPUTY
Sounds like Cuthbert dropped
somethin big this time.
SHERRIF
Better check girl. Could of broke
his fool foot or somethin this time.
AGNES
(not moving)
Uh huh.
SHERRIF
Well. Git goin then.
AGNES
You come with me.
20.
SHERRIF
(to deputy)
Jacob you go back there, and see
what kind of stupidity that fool's
up to this time.
Deputy Jacob rises slowly, one hand on the pistol at his
side. He walks over to the alcove that leads to the back. A
small green shadow skitters out from the alcove. As it
tumbles past the deputy, it reaches out, and slashes the
deputy's ankle. The deputy staggers and falls. The shadow
scoots in under the coffee counter. Those who have been
sitting there, rise and jump back. The sherrif rises with
his pistol drawn. The biker starts to rise, and reaches for
his arm brace. A small female hand grabs the biker's arm. He
looks down questioning, then sits down. A larger green
shadow blurs out from the alcove. It stops in the center of
the room. It appears to be the Gnarl from Same Time, Same
Place. Four more of the same kind of creature walk out from
the alcove. They position themselves around the restaurant.
One stands by the front door. The other guards the alcove.
The Sherrif raises his pistol to fire. The small Gnarl
scutters out from beneath the counter and slashes the
sherrif's leg. The sherrif staggers and falls. A female and
what appears to be two child gnarls walk into the center of
the restaurant. Everyone in the restaurant with the
exception of the biker couple back up to huddle together
along the coffee bar. The children cry and scream and hug
against their parents. The woman's hand releases from the
biker's arm. He rises.
BUFFY (OS)
I know these guys
(beat)
Buffy and Pike rise from their seats. Pike once more reaches
to his arm brace and pulls a miniature ninja-style sword
from it's sheath.
BUFFY
(quietly to Pike)
I'll clear the door. Guard it. Go
for the eyes.
Pike nods. The gnarl have been encircling the huddle of
people who are shaking and crying along the coffee bar. When
Buffy and Pike rise, the gnarl turn towards them, with
questioning Gnarl looks.
21.
BUFFY
(to the Gnarl)
Ahem
(beat)
No people served here. It's not on
the menu.
Buffy walks towards the door. The Gnarl quietly watch her
confused by what is taking place.
BUFFY (CON'T)
You know who I am?
MALE GNARL 1
(by the coffee bar)
You are
(beat)
MALE GNARL 2
(by the door)
Lunch.
BUFFY
Dzzzt. Wrong, but thank you for
playing. No I am what used to be
called the Slayer, as your Gnarl
cousin from Sunnydale could tell
you if he wasn't already slain, and
sold for demonburger meat by my
buddy Clem who traded it for like,
kittens, if you can believe that,
which
(beat)
eating kitten, bad I know, but
still not ripping strips of flesh
off your best friend's stomach bad.
PIKE
Buffy.
BUFFY
Yeah.
PIKE
You're rambling.
BUFFY
Sorry about that. Anyways boys
(beat)
who'd like to get killed first.
MALE GNARL 2
Slayer?
22.
MALE GNARL 1
Slayer of Popntop.
FEMALE GNARL
(worried now)
Slayer of the Grandfather. Slayer
of the Father of the children.
BUFFY
Huh? That's sick
(beat)
Anyhoo
Buffy nods to a lady who has her three children clinging
onto her, no longer sobbing, now more curious than afraid.
BUFFY (CON'T)
You. Mom. You wanna take the kids
over to stand by the nice man with
the little ninja sword.
She doesn't have to be asked twice. The woman shuffles her
son and two daughters towards Pike. Pike lifts his plate of
fries from the table. He offers one to the eldest; a fat boy.
The boy takes one and happily munches it down. The Gnarl by
the door becomes enraged. He screams and rushes Buffy
shrieking the gnarl tea kettle shriek. Buffy reaches into
her jacket sleeves, and zips out two knives with either hand.
She steps forward and drives the two knives through the
Gnarl's eyes. The child Gnarl that slashed the Sherrif and
the deputy, shrieks a smaller war-cry, pounces up onto one
table, then another leaping towards Buffy. Buffy catches the
Gnarl child under the chin with one knife, skewers it and
spins it to pin it in the air against the door jam. She
stabs it quickly in both eyes with the other knife. The
largest male Gnarl now begins to circle towards Buffy, more
cautious than the others. A sword taps it on the shoulder
from behind.
PIKE
Forget about me?
The Gnarl turns. A sword comes from nowhere and slashes it
across the eyes. The Gnarl turns in pain and Buffy drives
both knives through it's eyes just to make sure. The
remaining two Gnarl children run back to their mother, and
cling against her. She falls to her knees and cowers against
the coffe bar, just as the humans were cowering and sobbing
earlier. Buffy walks up to them.
BUFFY
(to the mother Gnarl)
Hands.
23.
The mother puts out her hands. Buffy bends down, and snaps
one of those plastic clasps around them the police use when
there are too many people for handcuffs.
BUFFY (CON'T)
(to Agnes)
The Sherrif and the deputy will be
a little groggy for a couple hours.
There's probably another paraletic
in the back there. Just keep em
warm, and don't pose em. It's rude.
Buffy finishes clasping the hands of the mother Gnarl, and
turns to the first Gnarl child.
BUFFY (CON'T)
Hands
The Gnarl child sticks out it's hands the way it saw it's
mother do. Pike lifts the hands of the last Gnarl with his
sword, and it immediatel holds them outwards like the two
before him. Pike hands a plastic clasper to the human
mother, and she readily binds the Gnarl child.
BUFFY (CON'T)
(to the three bound Gnarls)
Grab the rest of your family off
the floor, and pull em outside.
(turns to pike)
Hmm, I haven't said that since
Xander's wedding.
PIKE
I'll get the bill.
Pike starts to reach into his back pocket for his wallet.
People of the restaurant call from all around him, "Ill get
it".
SHERRIF
(trying to rise from
the floor)
I geh hih.
PIKE
(to all of them)
You sure?
All the people that can still stand, give him a "get out of
here you crazy kids kind of gesture". In the meantime Buffy
is supervising the now plastishackled Gnarl as they drag the
bodies of their dead family members out the door, and onto
the the front porch. Pike follows her.
24.
EXT. RESTAURANT NIGHT
PIKE
Ok, so where's a good spot?
BUFFY
For what?
PIKE
To dump the bodies
BUFFY
I don't know. I thought I'd let
them take care of that.
PIKE
Who huh, wha?
BUFFY
Yeah well, I figured they'd know
what to do.
BUFFY
(to the Gnarl)
you guys know what to to with these
bodies.right?
FEMALE GNARL
Oh yes, We eat them up. Keep
everything nice and clean for
mighty slayer of the Gnarl.
CHILD GNARL
Tasty, tasty
INFANT GNARL
Num, Num
BUFFY
You guys are just.
(makes an ick-face)
well there's just not a word for you.
MOTHER GNARL
We are the Gnarl, mighty slayer of
the Gnarl
Pike takes Buffy to the side.
25.
PIKE
And that's kind of my point Buffy,
these here are the Gnarl; demon
predators. These are what I wanted
to bury.
(beat)
All of them. I was thinking maybe,
we should bury all of them. Maybe
we might have to kill, and bury all
of them.
MOTHER GNARL
Oh no mighty Slayer of the Gnarl.
Not to us. Not to slay us. We are
the good Gnarl. Good are we. Good
we are. The evil Gnarl they made us
to attack the people in the smelly
house. I will kill the children of
Popntop they say. Didn't want to.
Didn't want to attack the people in
the smelly house. Mercy. Mercy,
mighty slayer of the Grandfather.
BUFFY
(to Pike)
You know, we went over this before.
I explained to you how things are
different, how we don't do the slay
thing anymore. That was something
thought up by a lot of crazy old
men. We do the Guardian thing now.
It's softer. More feminine. More Me.
Buffy gives Pike a flirty smile, and reaches around to give
him a half hug and a goose. Pike backs away.
PIKE
Now, now. None of that. Serious
conversation happening here. None
of these girlie tricks. They won't
work. At least not tonight, or more
specifically, not right now. What
we've got here is 3 man eating,
cannibalistic, grandpa diddling
demons, and I'm thinking this is a
bad time for a save the demon
campaign. I'm thinking
rehabilitation isn't an option
here, cause what I'm thinking is two
steps around the corner and these
guys are ripping the skin off some
six year old girl.
26.
BUFFY
Well yea, true, but on the other
hand the little guys are kind of
cute, and they need their mummy.
FEMALE GNARL
Yes. Yes great slayer.
(The Gnarl is on her
hands and knees
stroking Buffy's boots)
So wise. So wise.
PIKE
I need you to take me seriously
here Buffy. I'm giving my life to a
cause. I need to know it's right
BUFFY
All right already. I'll do my best
to explain.
(beat)
My mom told me one time. Evil is
everywhere. It's nature...And she
was dead at the time, and on a
higher spiritual plain, so she
oughta know. She said evil is
everywhere, and I believe her, but
that doesn't mean I have to like
evil, or even accept it. I don't,
and I won't, but I do have to
consider something else. If evil is
everywhere, then so is good.
PIKE
Huh?
BUFFY
It's real simple actually. I see
evil. I try to stop it. Something
dies. Oops.
(beat)
but the killing evil thing isn't
what I'm about anymore. I'm about
the "guarding good" thing now. You
understand what I'm saying? Can you
get on board that bus?
PIKE
Well yeah, maybe Buffy, but these
guys? These aren't the mouseketeers.
These guys are gonna grab a puppy
tonight, and a kid tomorrow.
27.
BUFFY
True, and to be honest, I was just
funning with you. I'm not going to
let them go.
FEMALE GNARL
Mercy. Mercy, butcher of the
Grandfather, slayer of the Gnarl.
Mercy.
BUFFY
Hush now. It's not seemly. No, I'm
not going to kill you.
(turning to Pike)
Listen. I'm not going to let them
go either. You see we did a little
studying after our last close
encounter with the Gnarl kind.
Buffy starts to drag the dead gnarl off the porch. Pike
motions with his sword for the live gnarl to do the same.
They do.
BUFFY(CON'T)
Turns out the Gnarl are not popular
with witches. Spells bounce off the
Gnarl like
(beat. can't think of
a good simile)
bouncy stuff. Witches don't like
that. They want to know why that is.
They'd like to study a Gnarl, but
they can't catch one. That's why I
didn't want to kill them all. My
best friend as you know is a witch.
I sent her a text message from the
restaurant. Pre-programmed, GPS,
very high-tech.
Buffy finishes dragging the gnarl corpse to the driveway in
front of the parking lot. She stops and stands up.
BUFFY(CON'T)
Anyway, my Willow has online
friends everywhere. Witch friends.
She called some close by here,
while we were fighting. Serious
witches all over the world have
been waiting for her call.
(MORE)
28.
(CONT'D)
I looked at my phone for a message
from her on my way out the door. Do
you know what it said?
Pike shakes his head. Buffy puts her phone in front of
Pike's face. He reads the text message.
PIKE
They're on their way.
FEMALE GNARL
Witches no! They hunts the gnarl
for things the Grandfather done.
Protect us guardian slayer of the
Gnarl. Protect us from the nasty
witches
Buffy shakes her head and the gnarl drops the corpse she has
been dragging, and tries to run with her hands tied in front
of her. Buffy jumps her from behind and grabs her by the
back of the neck and throat. Pike cocks his sword at the two
gnarl children. Silent warning. A large sedan peels into the
parking lot out of the fog. It parks in front of Buffy and
the gnarl. Three large, masculine looking woman jump out and
walk business-like up to where Buffy has the gnarl. They
have handcuffs, ropes and harnesses. In no time they have
the gnarl bound and are carrying them to the car. The trunk
pops open. None too gently they throw the Gnarl in. They
return, grab the corpses and chuck them on top the squirming
jumble of living gnarl. They jump in the car and speed away
without so much as a howdy do. Pike and Buffy stand there
watching.
BUFFY
There, you see? That is the new way. No more watcherman
pointing his finger at anything he doesn't like, going kill,kill, kill. This is the softer way. The female way. The Guardian way.
PIKE
If I was the Gnarl. I might prefer
it the old-fashioned way.
BUFFY
(chuckles)
Well yeah, and that's another good,
don't ja think? Come on. Let's go.
Long way to California.
(MORE)
29.
BUFFY (CONT'D)
By the way those knife holder,
brace thingies you made for me
(beat)
PIKE
Yeah?
BUFFY
Best invention since the water pic.
She grabs Pikes arm and they walk towards a Harley Davidson
in the parking lot.
PIKE
Really? You like those?
BUFFY
Definitely.
(beat)
Still
(beat)
You should see what I have at home.
They jump on the bike, and speed off into the fog.
End of Act 1
ACT 2
INT. THE KITCHEN OF A LARGE TUDOR STYLE MANOR - MORNING
Dawn sits at Willow's laptop. Upbeat music plays on the
radio. Dawn jives to it as she types. She finishes what
she's doing and clicks save.
DAWN
Save. Click. Click out da disk.
Click. Pull out da disk. Swish. And
off to the Mommaputer.
She rises and bounces out of the room to try the disk in
another computer.
DAWN (OS)
Click in da disk. Click. Double-
click, and
(beat)
huh?
We watch an empty kitchen as dawn smashes away on the
keyboard and mouse in the other room.
30.
DAWN(CON'T OS)
Damn
(more clicking)
Darn
(more clicking)
Damn-darn. Darn-damn.
(beat)
Ctrl alt delete, ctrl alt delete
and
(beat)
Damn
(beat)
Oh well. Crash and burn then.
There is more clicking as Dawn removes the disk and turns
off the computer in the other room. In the meantime Rona and
Vi have walked into the kitchen and have begun to make
cereal. They are continuing a conversation that began in the
hall.
VI
I think they're all right
RONA
Sure they're all right. That
cracking noise was just the air
conditioner.
VI
No. Cracking, that's OK. I mean all
right, all right.
RONA
Sure, except for maybe Big Phil.
DAWN
Wha, who, Big Phil?
VI
Nothing. Just this guy we met.
RONA
Yeah this guy that Willow totally
bent his brain.
DAWN
What?
VI
No, he was Ok. I went back and
looked. He was coming around. I
think it was just some kind of
temp, magic, loopie, thingie.
31.
DAWN
Once more in English.
Caridad saunters in.
CARIDAD
What's Andrew doing in the bathroom.
DAWN
(smiling)
Oh nothing much, just setting up
cameras.
RONA
What?! In the downstairs bathroom.
Why?
DAWN
Surveillance. He's setting up
surveillance around the whole manor.
RONA
Not in the bathroom he's not.
Rona tears out the hallway door, and down the hall. Vi
thinks a sec, then follows her.
DAWN
(to Caridad)
You're not concerned?
CARIDAD
Nah.
DAWN
You're easy
(beat)
to get along with.
CARIDAD
Yeah, I figure if it was a big
problem you'd be in the bathroom
yelling at Andrew.
DAWN
Busted. I saw the schematics. The
camera's outside the bathroom,
pointing at the lawn. He's running
wires in. Still a little supervision
on that guy is never a bad thing.
Where'd you get all the clever.
CARIDAD
Big family. You pick stuff up.
32.
DAWN
And Rona just lives alone with her
dad in the Rockies. Doesn't get in
much
CARIDAD
No house smarts
DAWN
So what happened with Willow last
night?
CARIDAD
Went downtown, picked her up, had a
little trouble getting a cab.
Finally got one. Came home.
DAWN
Still
(beat)
She's gone for two days. There's
gotta be a story.
CARIDAD
Yeah well, the Kennedy thing bummed
her out, I guess.
DAWN
Given. But there's gotta be a story.
CARIDAD
I didn't hear it.
Willow walks in, in morning clothes. None the worse for wear.
WILLOW
Morning.
CARIDAD
Morning
DAWN
Yes it is. Where were you?
WILLOW
Not right now, Dawn.
DAWN
Not feeling so hot?
WILLOW
Nothing a little nectar of the gods
won't fix.
33.
Willow walks over to the coffee pot, pours herself a cup,
and prepares it.
DAWN
Puffman's coming over later. He's
got news.
WILLOW
That'll make my day.
DAWN
I'm having a little trouble
programming my database.
WILLOW
OK. Two sips and I'm with you.
Willow takes two sips, and uses her coffee cup to motion
Dawn to the laptop. Rona and Vi return, looking a little
sheepish.
CARIDAD
How's Andrew
VI
He uh
(beat)
RONA
fell off his ladder
VI
Yeah. He fell.
CARIDAD
That's your story, and your
sticking to it?
Vi and Rona nod. Willow and Dawn don't seem to notice the
conversation. They're studying Dawn's project.
WILLOW
This is Microsoft crap. How
did you even do it?
Dawn grabs the mouse and points to a program with it.
DAWN
With this.
34
WILLOW
On Yeah, but Microsoft... Might as well
phone them and tell them what music
you play, what kind of toilet paper
you use. Microsoft is like taking a
web cam to the shower with you.
CARIDAD
(aside to Vi and Rona)
Quick. Go push em off their ladder.
WILLOW(CON'T)
Plus. Microsoft. Guaranteed Crash.
DAWN
Well how should I do it then.
WILLOW
Well, Linux is what the hackers use
for an OS. We can learn to program
from there. Thought you wanted to
learn to hack.
DAWN
That was when I thought I had a tutor.
WILLOW
OK. Touche. All right Dawn let's
get this done. I slipped. I
disappeared for a couple of days.
I'm back. I don't plan to go again.
Did you miss me.
DAWN
Well
(break)
Yeah. I sent the girls out all over
Cleveland looking for you.
WILLOW
I got that.
(Turns to slayer girls)
Thanks by the way.
VI
No problem. How you feeling.
WILLOW
Pretty perky, actually.
RONA
Oh oh that's bad.
35.
WILLOW
Feeling good is bad?
RONA
My dad says if you go out drinking
and you're not hung over in the
morning, you're cursed, because
you'll want to do it again. It's
even worse if you're a happy drunk.
VI
Oh Willow. You are. You're double-
cursed. Yow were so happy, even the
cab driver loved you. You're doomed
to be a rummy.
WILLOW
I think not. Only the second time
too many drinks in my life here
girls. A little tiny break here
(makes the tiny sign
with her thumb and forefinger)
not too much to ask for.
VI
Did you lose your girlfriend the
other time too, Willow.
RONA
(poking Vi in the ribs)
Tactless much
WILLOW
(grimacing)
No
Dawn mouths the word "Boyfriend", behind Willow's back.
WILLOW(CON'T)
Anyway. Back to this database
thingie Dawn. What were we doing
again?
DAWN
We're unifying the old Watcher
database, with the Sunnydale disks
Giles stashed, and the other ones
you and your friend are networking.
(beat)
Hey, yeah, Willow. Your friend,
isn't he with Microsoft?
36.
WILLOW
(coyly)
What makes you say that?
DAWN
I see all the emails in your email
folder.
WILLOW
Sheesh Dawn. Have you heard of
netiquette.
DAWN
Well half the time your email's
right in front of me. Look you're
doing it again. Right in front of
me. Microsoft tech support. Tech
support. Tech support. Why would
you need tech support from
Microsoft? You run a Mac. Who is
this guy?
CARIDAD
Or girl.
Willow angles her laptop away from Dawn and opens her email.
WILLOW
A friend. He's helping me build a
search engine to bot through all
this data.
A TWO SHOT OF VI AND RONA:
Rona scans a cabinet full of computer books. Vi watches Rona.
VI
What you doing?
RONA
I'm looking for a geek to human
dictionary.
VI
Try this. Windows for dummies.
RONA
Nah. I tried that. Too techy. Find
one that says click here. I can do
that.
37.
WILLOW(CON'T)
If this works it will be great
Dawny. We'll be going into channels
you didn't know existed. We'll be
looking over cops shoulders and
hospitals and you name it, and
we'll be doing it with a click.
RONA
Clicking. I can do that.
DAWN
Now that is a search engine, and
some would say impossible.
WILLOW
They don't have our resources.
Willow is leaning back against the chair now pointing at the
computer screen like it was a pistol, opening her emails
magically using her finger as the mouse.
DAWN
Willow I thought of a cool name.
WILLOW
Huh?
(only half-listening.
Concentrating more on
her email)
DAWN
For your search engine. Ok try this
on. It's a search engine like
Google, and you and me will be
working on it so we can call it the
Widoogle
(giggles)
WILLOW
(stops and thinks)
You know what? I'm thinking Widoozle.
DAWN
What? Why?
WILLOW
I like the sound.
38.
DAWN
(pouting)
Fine. Widoozle then.
(knowing she had no
real say in it
anyway, and just
happy to get a D in there.)
Willow is reading her email, lost in thought. CLOSE ON
Willow's computer screen. It scrolls down through a lot of
technical jargon. At the end of the email it reads Oz.
INT. WOOD'S CAR - MORNING
Faith and Wood sit in his car in a parking lot. You can tell
they've been waiting there a while.
WOOD
So how are you going to recognize
this guy even if he shows.
FAITH
He'll show. He's on time every
night like your favourite TV program.
WOOD
It's been canceled
FAITH
Jeeez. pout much.
WOOD
Not pouting.
(beat)
So how do we recognize this guy.
FAITH
Drives an 86 white n cherry Vette.
Can't miss it.
WOOD
There's better ways to do this you
know.
FAITH
Like what.
WOOD
Ever consider a lawyer.
39.
FAITH
Lawyers only work if you can afford
a good one, and I ca...
WOOD
I ca...
FAITH
No good Woodrow. Can't do it. He
might get me off, and that wouldn't
be right. It's a penance thing.
WOOD
Penance, right, for murder I get
that, but what about this last
thing. You lose your good time, right?
FAITH
Well yeah. Rules of the game.
WOOD
You lose your good time for saving
the world
(beat)
twice.
Faith shrugs
WOOD(CON'T)
Is that penance?
Faith shrugs
WOOD(CON'T)
I'm just saying
(beat)
in some cases people don't just
deserve what they get. Sometimes
they deserve what they can get.
FAITH
OK let me see if I'm reading you
right? You wanna get me a lawyer
right?
WOOD
Yes.
40.
FAITH
I'll tell you what. I'll let you,
cause what I think you're really
trying to say here is "test me". No
problem I'll play. You just keep
surprising me. I have to tell you,
I'm starting to like it, and by the
way, sticking with me this far
(beat)
you do get points for that.
WOOD
Fine. Let's go then.
Wood reaches for his ignition to turn the key. Faith puts
her hand on his.
FAITH
No. You don't get it. You get a
lawyer. You tell him to come here
to my office to talk to me. I'm in
all day.
WOOD
No. You don't get it. We go see a
lawyer from the outside. There are
cards we can play from the outside
that aren't available inside.
Stratagems.
FAITH
No. You don't get it.
(beat)
Sparky's here.
Faith reaches for the door handle, opens it, and gets out.
EXT. PRISON PARKING LOT - DAY
Faith gets out of the car. A tall man in a prison guard
uniform is walking past. He recognizes Faith, stops. looks
frightened, backs up, and reaches to the billy club attached
to his utility belt.
FAITH
Whoa Sparks. I thought you'd be
glad to see me.
SPARKY
Faith?
FAITH
In poison.
41.
SPARKY
What are you doing here?
FAITH
What can I say? Hi honey, I'm home.
SPARKY
You're here to turn yourself in?
FAITH
That's the sitch.
SPARKY
Yeah, but why here. Why don't you
get a lawyer.
FAITH
People keep saying that. You know
this turning myself in thing, is
harder than I thought it'd be.
SPARKY
But why me?
FAITH
I like you Sparky. I thought maybe
you'd get a merit badge or somethin.
SPARKY
I'll get three weeks of paper work,
and three days interrogation by the
FBI and the sherrif's department is
what I'll get.
FAITH
Oh hey, sorry about that. I'll just
walk around to the front.
SPARKY
No. That's just going to pass my
problem on to someone else. What
about city lockup, did you try
there? Try there. I hate those guys.
FAITH
Well, me too Sparky. That's kind of
the problem. Plus, have you seen
the toilets in that place. Disgusting.
SPARKY
Oh, all right then. Turn around.
I'll have to cuff you.
Faith turns. Wood has gotten out of his door and stands by it.
42.
WOOD
So you'll put me on your list?
FAITH
Sure. Why not. Angel can't visit in
the daytime, and Wes only drops by
if there's an apocalypse.
(beat)
A real visitor. The girl's won't
stop talking.
Faith is shackled and Sparky starts to lead her to the steel
gate that encircles the staff entrance to the prison from
the parking lot. Faith turns for one last goodbye.
FAITH
Hey Woodrow.
(beat)
You're the best.
WOOD
My Momma raised me right, I guess.
FAITH
No. I mean, really. You're the best.
WOOD
(to be polite)
No. you're the best
FAITH
Really?
Wood doesn't reply. He just watches Sparky walk Faith away.
Faith turns finally, and walks away with her back to Wood.
SPARKY
So how you been, Faith?
FAITH
Five by Five.
Faith and Sparky disappear behind the fence. CLOSE ON: Wood
WOOD
Really.
End of Act 2
ACT 3
INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT
Two plainclothes types walk up a hospital hallway. A doctor
is talking to a nurse at a hospital nursing station. He
finishes and begins to walk away
43.
INSPECTOR TURS
Doctor Philipson
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Yes
INSPECTOR TURS
Inspector Turs. Inspector Jurkwa.
You're expecting us?
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Yes.
(beat)
She's up here.
The two inspectors walk up alongside the doctor and the
three of them head up the hallway.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
What've we got.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
I'm not sure. Possibly an assault
of some kind.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
How so?
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Five year old girl. Brought in by
her mother. The girl was asleep.
The mother walked in to check on
her, surprised someone or some
thing standing over her daughter.
It ran and she found her daughter
in the condition you'll see for
yourself.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
Signs of attack? Cuts. Contusions.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Not exactly. Well here we are come
on in. You'll see.
The three walk into a hospital room. There are three
patients in the room. The one they walk up to is a small
girl. She lays in bed with her eyes staring blankly up at
the ceiling. Doctor Philipson reaches down, grips the girl
by the forehead, and angles her head to expose the neck. On
the neck we see two sucker shaped marks like she was gripped
by an octopus. The doctor angles the head in the other
direction. We see a similar mark on the other side.
44.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Slight signs of bruising around the
wound, but the blood shows signs of
a coagulating agent. Also there
appears to be minute puncture
wounds and an unknown irritant. If
I didn't know better I'd say this
girl was attacked by some kind of
large external parasite.
INSPECTOR TURS
Is that it?
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
Pretty much.
INSPECTOR TURS
I want this girl in a private room.
We'll have our own people come in
to take it from there.
DOCTOR PHILIPSON
I don't think...
INSPECTOR TURS
We'll be in touch with your
Administrator. Thank you Doctor.
Inspector Turs turns and walks out the door. Inspector
Jurkwa remains and extends his hand to the doctor.
INSPECTOR JURKWA
Thank you for your time doctor.
Doctor Philipson extends his hand and shakes the inspector's.
He is confused, but going through the motions.
INSPECTOR JURKWA(CON'T)
We'll be in touch. Have a nice
evening.
Inspector Jurkwa walks out the door. Inspector Turs is
waiting at the entrance.
INSPECTOR TURS
Well. Whataya think?
INSPECTOR JURKWA
I think it's begun.
INSPECTOR TURS
So it would seem.
The two walk away down the hall turn the corner, and are gone.
45.
INT. YOUNG XANDER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Xander sits on the floor by his bed with a walky-talky in
one hand and a Sergeant Rock comic book in the other. He
reads the comic book, and talks into the other.
YOUNG XANDER.
Nighthawk to Spidergirl. Nighthawk
to Spidergirl. Roger, Foxtrot,
Zulu, Charlie. Over.
(repeat and then a beat)
Willow?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS ON A WALKY-TALKY)
Yes.
YOUNG XANDER.
Your s'posed to say Spidergirl to
Nighthawk.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Why?
YOUNG XANDER.
It's army talk. It's what army guys
say.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Oh. OK. Spidergirl to Nighthawk.
YOUNG XANDER.
Then you have to say over.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Why?
YOUNG XANDER
(exasperated)
Cause. It's what army guys say.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Oh Ok. Over.
YOUNG XANDER
See any spooks?
There is a long pause
YOUNG XANDER(CON'T)
Willow?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
You didn't say over.
46.
YOUNG XANDER
(exasperated)
See any spooks. Over
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No. None. No spooks. Hey Xander. I
can see the school. Can you see the
school.
YOUNG XANDER
No. Your window is higher than mine.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Xander. I see something.
Xander drops his comic book, and jumps to the window.
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T OS)
Oh it's OK. It's just a cat.
YOUNG XANDER.
Just a cat. Willow, when the spook-
lady comes, there's always a cat.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
You're just trying to scare me.
YOUNG XANDER.
No really. The spook-lady has a
whole big bunch of cats.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Xander. I see another cat.
EXT. THE SHED - WILLOW'S BACKYARD - NIGHT
Two cats walk around the shed. Another appears then another.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Xander.
WIDE ANGLE WILLOW AND XANDER'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The sky lights up in front of Xander and Willow's bedrooms.
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD - THE SHED - NIGHT
A huge ball of light appears from behind the shed. An old
lady in a long black trenchcoat walks out from behind the shed.
INT. WILLOW'S ROOM - NIGHT
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T)
Xander. I see her! I see the spook-
lady!
47.
YOUNG XANDER(OS)
Me too.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm going to go tell my Mom.
INT. XANDER'S ROOM - NIGHT
YOUNG XANDER.
Willow. Don't
(beat)
Willow.
WIDE ANGLE; EXT. WILLOW'S HOUSE - NIGHT
YOUNG WILLOW(OS SCREAMING)
Mom! Mom! Spook-Lady! Spook-lady!
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD - THE SHED - NIGHT
The old lady in the black trench coat looks up at Willow's
bedroom window.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS STILL SCREAMING)
Spook-lady! Spook-lady! Spook-lady!
FADE TO:
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD - MORNING.
Young Xander and Willow stand by the shed.
YOUNG WILLOW
My Mom didn't believe me.
YOUNG XANDER.
My Dad didn't believe me the first
time I told him either. He said it
was just a dream.
YOUNG WILLOW
That's the same thing my mom said.
YOUNG XANDER.
Did she call you a little prick?
YOUNG WILLOW
No.
YOUNG XANDER.
Not the same then.
48.
YOUNG WILLOW
The spook-lady was gone, when my
mom came.
YOUNG XANDER.
She ran away. She always runs away.
Sergeant Rock would catch her.
YOUNG WILLOW
How would he catch her?
YOUNG XANDER.
He would put a net, way up high,
and then when the Spook-lady walked
underneath it, he would catch her
in it.
YOUNG WILLOW
(thinking)
Xander?
YOUNG XANDER.
Yeah.
YOUNG WILLOW
We gotta net.
INT. THE MANOR DINING ROOM - MORNING
Dawn sits at a desk in front of a PC. Willow sits at the
table with her laptop.
WILLOW
OK let's try this.
DAWN
What should I do.
WILLOW
I don't know. Just start searching
for stuff.
DAWN
What kind of stuff?
WILLOW
Just try to think of suspicious
stuff that may be happening in
Cleveland.
The two of them start typing.
DAWN
Oh. I got something.
49.
WILLOW
Yeah? What search string did you use.
DAWN
Suspicious stuff that may be
happening in Cleveland. Rats.
WILLOW
Rats? There's Rats.
DAWN
No. Well, maybe. There's twelve
hundred entries. Oh, hey, I forgot
to tell you Buffy called the other
night when you were away.
WILLOW
Oh?
DAWN
Yeah. It came up online, on that
thing you set up.
WILLOW
Oh?
DAWN
Yeah. They caught a Gnarl.
WILLOW
What?
DAWN
Yeah. It's OK. She thought I was
you. I just did what you showed me.
Worked like a charm.
WILLOW
So they caught it then?
DAWN
As far as I know. She TMed again
yesterday.
WILLOW
What did it say.
DAWN
It said. "Checking in. On our way
to LA."
WILLOW
So it worked then.
50.
DAWN
Oh yeah. It was very nifty. Very
Charlies Angels.
Phone Rings.
DAWN
I'll get it.
Dawn jumps up and runs to the land line.
DAWN
Hello.
(beat)
Xander!
Willow gets up slowly and sidles out quietly towards the
hallway entrance.
DAWN
You haven't called in such a long
time. How you been?
(beat)
Yeah two days. That's a long time.
How you been?
(beat)
Willow
(looks around. A hand
shakes from behind
the door, giving Dawn
the "not here" signal.)
No she's not here. She's uh,
outside.
(beat)
No she's OK, she's just helping
Andrew.
(beat)
No, uh I can't get her cause
(beat)
She's helping Andrew. He fell off a
ladder.
(beat)
No he's OK. They're just waiting
for the ambulance.
Willow's hand appears from behind the entranceway again,
gives Dawn the the "AOK, right-on" sign.
DAWN
(Sits in a chair.
Leans back and gets
ready to talk)
So, how are you doing?
51.
INT. YOUNG XANDER'S ROOM NIGHT
Young Xander looks out his bedroom window. He has a rope in
one hand and talks into his walky-talky with the other.
YOUNG XANDER.
Nighthawk to Spidergirl. 10-4.
Roger. Wilco. Charlie, Tango,
Foxtrot. Over.
Silence
YOUNG XANDER(CON'T)
Willow?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Yes.
YOUNG XANDER
See any spooks?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No, and I'm not looking
YOUNG XANDER.
Why.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Cause we can't catch her.
YOUNG XANDER.
Sure we can.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No we can't. You fell out of the
tree. My mom says you broke your leg.
YOUNG XANDER.
No I didn't. I've fallen lots worse
than that, lots of times.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Yeah but you couldn't get the
baminton net up there.
YOUNG XANDER.
Look out your window.
WIDE ANGLE: EXT WILLOW AND XANDER'S HOUSES.
Willow comes to her window. Xander sticks his head out the
window and waves the rope at her.
52.
INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE - NIGHT
YOUNG WILLOW
Xander. When?
INT. XANDER'S ROOM NIGHT
YOUNG XANDER.
After dinner. I went back. Look I
hooked a hook to the baminton net,
and when the Spook-lady walks
underneath, I'll pull.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
You really are a Builderman, Xander.
YOUNG XANDER.
I know. Hey. What's that?
Pause and then
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
It's a cat.
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD NIGHT
Cats circle the shed. A ball of light appears from behind
the shed. The Spook-lady walks from behind the shed. She
walks underneath the tree where Xander has the badminton net
set up.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS WILLOW'S WALKY-
TALKY VOICE)
Pull it Xander. Pull it.
We hear a rope brush against trees. Branches break. A large
black clump falls from the tree. It lands square on the
Spook-lady and she falls to the ground motionless. All is
quiet. Finally we here Willow's back door open and slam shut.
Xander's door opens and shuts from the other side of the
fence. Young Willow runs out in her night clothes to where
the spook-lady lies. Young Xander climbs over the fence
bridge he built to climb into Willow's backyard. He runs up
to Willow and the two of them stand over the prone Spook-lady.
YOUNG WILLOW
It didn't open Xander. It was
s'posed to open
YOUNG XANDER.
I can fix that.
53.
YOUNG WILLOW
It's too late now! Do you think we
kilt her? My mom's gonna be so mad
if we kilt her.
YOUNG XANDER.
My dad's gonna kill me, if we kilt
her.
The two of them of one mind lean over, and push the
badminton net off the Spook-Lady, then stand there wondering
what to do next.
The Spook-lady's hands jolt forward's and grab both
children's ankles.
TWO SHOT WILLOW AND XANDER SCREAMING
INT. THE MANOR - DAY.
DAWN
Oh, here's something. Sick kids.
Unnatural causes Let's go there.
WILLOW
Where?
DAWN
Cleveland Medical. Second page.
WILLOW
Oh yeah. OK.
The two of them work in unison, clicking away on separate
computers.
DAWN
So why don't you wanna talk to Xander.
WILLOW
Oh you know. Xander. Doing so good.
new job, new girlfriend. Me. Not so
good. Skank-Ho ex girlfriend, no
real job, brawling in bars. He's
gonna be all Mr. sympathy, wanna
help guy. He'll offer to come out.
and I'll want him to, and maybe
I'll say yes, and tell him to, and
he'll come ruin his perfect little
California life.
(MORE)
54.
WILLOW (CONT'D)
and the two of us will become like,
old winos on a Cleveland street
corner telling old Sunnydale stories.
DAWN
Really? Brawling in Bars?
WILLOW
Never mind.
DAWN
Anyway, I don't think it would be
like that. I don't think he's happy.
WILLOW
(surprised and almost glad to hear it)
Really. Wh...
The doorbell rings
RONA(OS)
I'll get it.
Dawn and Willow look up from their computer screens, waiting
to see who it is.
RONA(OS)
Hi Puffman.
PUFFMAN(OS)
Good day. Are the rest in.
RONA(OS)
Yeah Willow and Dawn are in there.
PUFFMAN(OS)
Very well. Get the others will you?
RONA(OS)
Well Andrew, he's uh out. He uh
slipped this morning. He's in
emergency.
PUFFMAN(OS)
Fine, fine. It's only you girls I
have to talk to actually. Get the
other two will you? Thatta girl.
Puffman enters. He is small and frail. Kind of a Mr. Bean type.
DAWN
Hi Mr. Puffman.
55.
WILLOW
Puffman.
PUFFMAN
Good day. Good day.
Without so much as a word Puffman walks over to the dining
room table and sets his briefcase at the head of the table,
opens it and begins organizing papers onto the table in
front of him. He then walks over to three chairs opposite
where Willow is sitting and begins arranging them. Finished
he looks at Dawn and points to the chair opposite Willow.
PUFFMAN
Miss Summers.
DAWN
It's a chair.
PUFFMAN
Yes, quite. Would you mind sitting
in it, please?
DAWN
Nah. It's OK. I'm working.
PUFFMAN
(exasperated)
As you wish.
Vi, Rona, and Caridad come bounding into the room, grab the
chairs and arrange them the way they want them, then wait to
hear what's going on.
PUFFMAN
(To himself)
Why do I even try.
WILLOW
News from the home front, Puffman?
PUFFMAN
Yes. Quite. You'll be pleased to
hear the Watcher estate has been
settled.
WILLOW
Why? Is that good?
56.
PUFFMAN
From your standpoint you may think
so. Rupert Giles as senior survivor
of the watcher council has been
appointed executor of the Watcher
council estate with pretty much
carte blanche as to how the estate
will be managed.
RONA
(to Willow)
And that means?
WILLOW
He gets the money.
Rona makes a pumping action with her fist.
RONA
Whoa. Go Giles.
PUFFMAN
Not exactly. What that means to be
more precise is Mr. Giles will
heretofore be assuming
responsibility of all funds,
assets, and managerial tasks as
pertains to the Watchers council.
WILLOW
He gets the money.
PUFFMAN
As you will.
DAWN
So what does that mean? Can we stay
here?
PUFFMAN
If you'll allow me to continue...
Willow gives Puffman a "you have the floor" wave with her hand
PUFFMAN(CON'T)
Thank you. Now. I have received a
fax from our new administrator in
which he instructs me as follows.
DAWN
This is so exciting. This is just
like an old english movie.
57.
VI
Yeah like the one where all those
people get invited to the reading
of the will, and then one by one
they get murdered.
DAWN
Yeah, or that one where...
PUFFMAN
If I may.
DAWN
Sorry. Go on.
PUFFMAN
Has instructed me as follows.
Pause
PUFFMAN(CON'T)
Let's see shall we. Long boring
preamble.
(beat)
Doesn't really concern you.
Financial figures. The same. Blah,
blah blah and the Cleveland estate.
(beat)
The Cleveland estate shall be
managed by blah, blah blah and Mr.
Puffman shall take an office there
wherein he shall assist, a slight
typo there should be instruct, and
to continue... All financial
matters shall be channeled through
Mr. Puffman's office wherein he
shall blah, blah, blah.
WILLOW
Puffman.
PUFFMAN
One moment please child. Mr.
Puffman's office wherein he shall...
Willow holds out her hand.
WILLOW
Puffman. Document.
PUFFMAN
It's really nothing to concern
yourself with young Miss Rosenberg.
A lot of legal mumbo jumbo really.
58.
Willow grabs a cell phone with her free hand.
WILLOW
Puffman. Giles. Speed dial. I count
to three. One...
PUFFMAN
Well of course you can read the
document. It's instructed you're to
read the document.
WILLOW
Hand it over then.
Puffman reaches across the table and passes the document to
Willow like it's killing him to do so. Willow takes it, puts
it on the table and runs her finger down each page, speed
reading. In no time she finishes, and puts it down. The girls
wait silently in anticipation. Puffman sits and sulks.
DAWN
So...
CARIDAD
I so don't wanna leave this place.
I got my own room.
DAWN
So...
WILLOW
We get the estate.
The girls jump up and celebrate.
WILLOW(CON'T)
And there are percs.
Girls stop celebrating.
RONA
Percs?
WILLOW
Yeah there are jobs.
CARIDAD
Jobs?
VI
We get paid?
WILLOW
Hell yeah. Not bad either.
59.
RONA
What? We're like watchers or
something?
WILLOW
Or something.
VI
We're slayers then.
CARIDAD
We get paid for being Slayers?
WILLOW
Not exactly. Hang on. There's a
section here about Buffy. Yeah here
it is. At the bequest of Miss
Summers and recognizing her
authority as the last of the old
line of council-recognized Slayers,
what was once referred to as a
Slayer shall hitherto be recognized
as a Guardian, and the Watcher's
Council shall from this point be
known as the Guardian Council.
Guardians officially recognized by
the council shall be reimbursed as
follows for so long as they shall
agree to remain in employment of
the Guardian Council.
Willow points at the section where the numbers are written
and shows them to the three girls opposite her. They are
quite pleased.
RONA
My Dad's gonna flip. He just
thought he was saving my life
sending me to Sunnydale. When I
tell him I'm going to be making
this kind of cash he's gonna flip.
VI
My watcher told my parents I was
going to a special school. I'm
gonna be like Mom, Dad, I graduated,
Bye. It's all they ever wanted.
Their job is done.
CARIDAD
Five words will sell my mom.
(counts five with the
fingers of one hand)
Mom. I got a job.
60.
WILLOW
Miss Summers has agreed to accept
the position of Guardian personnel
manager of the American chapter.
Willow Rosenberg shall be offered
the position of estate manager.
Dawn Summers, Secretary to the
manager. Dawn your in. Dawn?
Dawn is not paying any attention to the proceedings. She is
in rapt attention on her computer screen.
DAWN
One sec.
WILLOW
Mr. Puffman shall continue his
position as accounts administrator
of the American office, and be
answerable to the manager of the
Cleveland estate.
PUFFMAN
This should never have happened,
you know? There was a much more
worthy candidate for head
administrator. He outranked Mr.
Giles by significant seniority.
WILLOW
Significant?
PUFFMAN
All right, one day, but apparently
some obscure section of the charter
awards extra seniority by field time.
WILLOW
Field time huh? What's the name of
this other candidate.
Puffman leans back in his chair. He is beaten, and he knows it.
PUFFMAN
Horatios S. Puffman.
Vi has made her way over to behind Dawn. She starts to read
Dawn's computer screen.
VI
Whatcha doin?
DAWN
Willow?
61.
WILLOW
Huh?
DAWN
What is it that feeds on children
and leaves a ring mark on their neck.
PUFFMAN
Good God.
WILLOW
What?
PUFFMAN
The Lamia.
WILLOW
I've heard that word.
End of Act 3
ACT 4
EXT. WILLOW'S BACKYARD NIGHT
The Spook-lady wrestles Young Xander and Young Willow to the
ground. they scream. The Spook-lady attempts to muffle
Xander's screams with her body, while placing a hand over
Willow's mouth. The lights begin to click on in the Harris
and Rosenberg households. The Spook-lady raises her hand
towards the two houses.
SPOOK-LADY
Sleep. Sleep. All is well. Sleep.
The lights click off.
SPOOK-LADY
Quiet. Quiet children. No-one can
hear you.
Xander and Willow begin to quiet down.The Spook-lady grabs
the two children by the hand and rises with them. They
struggle as she does.
SPOOK-LADY
Come around to the back children.
We have things to discuss.
She begins to drag the children to the back of the shed.
Once there she pins them both against the shed.
SPOOK-LADY
Now. Who's house is this?
Willow raises her hand.
62.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
It's new isn't it?
YOUNG WILLOW
Yes.
SPOOK-LADY
Why. Why here? Why did you build it
here?
YOUNG WILLOW
I asked my Daddy to build it here.
He told me the story. He was
looking for a place to build a
house, and we were driving around
looking for a place, and I said
"Here. Here."
SPOOK-LADY
Ah yes. The pure of heart. I should
have known. All these Guardian
spells with the pure of heart.
Fairy-tale drek. It's embarrassing.
(beat)
Nevertheless, I see now I've been
trying to open the chamber the hard
way. Trying to muscle through the
barrier. There's an easier way. I
see that now. What's your name child?
WILLOW
Willow
SPOOK-LADY
Can you sing Willow?
WILLOW
I can sing Frere Jacques.
SPOOK-LADY
Wonderful. Well I'm going to teach
you a new kind of song. Are you ready?
WILLOW
No.
The Spook-lady tightens her grasp on Willow's neck, choking
her.
SPOOK-LADY
Are you ready?
Willow nods.
63.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T SINGING)
Look into the heart of one who
seeks the way. Return to her the
wage, her virtue thou must pay.
Lead her to the prize, she alone
must seek. Guidance to the lost.
Power to the meek.
YOUNG XANDER.
We're just kids lady. She'll never
remember that.
The Spook-lady drives Young Willow's head against the wall,
choking her.
SPOOK-LADY
(to Willow)
Sing!
Willow sings the song exactly the way the Spook-lady.sang it
to her.
SPOOK-LADY
That will do. Now stand back from
the wall.
She pulls the children three steps back from the wall and
spins them around. The three of them stand facing the wall.
The Spook-lady holds the two children by their hands. She
looks into the air. The wind begins to blow. The hair of the
three begins to blow about in the wind. The trenchcoat of
the Spook-lady begins to blow about in the wind, as does the
night clothes of the two children.
SPOOK-LADY
(singing)
Inculbus. Give all attention to me.
She raises her hand. A blast of black energy expells from it.
It bounces off an invisible barrier and creates and
explosion of light.
SPOOK-LADY
Now child. Sing your song.
Willow does not sing. The Spook-lady grabs Young Willow by
the hair, and pulls her head backwards.
SPOOK-LADY
Sing!
64.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Look into the heart of one who
seeks the way. Return to her the
wage her virtue thou must pay. Lead
her to the prize she alone must
seek. Guidance to the lost. Power
to the meek.
The Spook-lady releases Young Willow's hand.
SPOOK-LADY
Now walk three steps forward.
Willow does, then stops and turns. Suddenly she realizes,
she is free. She looks towards her house, thinking to run.
SPOOK-LADY
Try it and I'll crush his neck like
a sausage.
She grabs Xander by the hair and the neck.
YOUNG XANDER.
Run Willow! Run!
SPOOK-LADY
Shut up.
She chokes Xander so hard he can't speak.
SPOOK-LADY
Now Willow. Do you see that little
crawl space behind you.
Willow looks and nods.
SPOOK-LADY
I want you to crawl into it. Crawl
to the center until you feel a
large smooth stone.
YOUNG WILLOW
I don't want to.
SPOOK-LADY
But your going to, and do you know
why?
Willow shakes her head.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Look around you.
65.
Willow does. All around her are the Spook-lady's cats.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Have you ever seen cats feed on
human flesh?
YOUNG WILLOW
No. Just cat food.
SPOOK-LADY
It's ugly, and it's bloody, and
trust me you and your little friend
won't like it. Now listen I have
one last little verse to teach you.
Are you listening?
YOUNG WILLOW
Yes.
SPOOK-LADY
It goes like this. Reveal to her
the passage. Turn the night to day.
I bequest Inculbus, not to block
the way.
(beat)
Now Sing.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Reveal to her the passage. Turn the
night to day. I bequest Inculbus
not to block the way.
SPOOK-LADY
Now go.
Young Willow turns, gets down on all fours and disappears
into the crawl-space.
SPOOK-LADY
(to Xander)
Are you going to be good?
Xander nods. The Spook-lady releases her grip on the boy's
throat and grasps his arm.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Hey Xander.
YOUNG XANDER.
Yeah.
66.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
This is like that movie The
Rescuers, where the little girl
goes into the spooky cave to get
that thing for the ugly witch.
YOUNG XANDER.
(looking up at the
Spook-lady)
Yeah.
(then to willow)
Except there were alleegators. Are
there any aleegators?
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
No.
YOUNG XANDER.
It's OK. Alleegators don't eat
people.Only Crockeediles.
SPOOK-LADY
(to Xander)
I have a crocodile at home that
would like to eat, I mean meet you.
Would you like to come home with me
to see it?
Xander shakes his head.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Then shut the Hell up.
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
I found it. I found the rock.
SPOOK-LADY
Then sing you silly girl
YOUNG WILLOW(OS)
Reveal to her the passage. Turn the
night to day. I bequest Inculbus,
not to block the way
Instantly the crawl-space is bathed in light. Light escapes
the cracks, and shines out the entrance.
FULL SHOT YOUNG WILLOW'S FACE
Young Willow looks down. She is shining in light that is
glowing upwards from beneath her
67.
WILLOW'S POV; A staircase cut in stone, lit up like daytime.
The staircase starts small, then grows steadily outward like
it follows the inside of a funnel.
SPOOK-LADY
Do you see the staircase?
WILLOW
Yes.
SPOOK-LADY
Go down it. You'll see a room. In
the room you'll see a bureau. On
the bureau you'll see a small hand
mirror. Bring the mirror to me.
YOUNG WILLOW
OK.
Willow does as the Spook-lady tells her. She returns out the
crawl-space on her hands and knees, with the mirror in her
hand. The light vanishes. Willow stands in front of Xander
and the Spook lady with the mirror in her hand.
SPOOK-LADY
Guardian Magic.
(spits the words)
Surprised they didn't add a
handsome prince and a toad. So
unnecessary.
Willow and Xander shrug.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Hand the mirror to me.
Willow does. The Spook-lady looks into it and smiles.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
(Singing)
Release to me the power of my own
reflection. Release to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
The glass of the mirror shatters and explodes into the
Spook-lady's face. She lifts her free hand to her face and
touches the tiny rivulets of blood pouring down it.
68.
SPOOK-LADY
Hmm. I'm afraid there's one last
song you must sing for me my dear.
Listen carefully. Reveal to me the
power of own my reflection. Reveal
to me the power of the slain
Inculbus. Now you try.
YOUNG WILLOW
Release to me the power of my own
reflection.
SPOOK-LADY
No you little nit. Not release.
Reveal.
YOUNG WILLOW
But you said release.
SPOOK-LADY
I say release. You say reveal.
YOUNG WILLOW
OK.
SPOOK-LADY
Sing it again. Reveal to me the
power of my own reflection. Reveal
to me the power of the slain Inculbus.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Reveal to me the power of my own
reflection. Reveal to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
SPOOK-LADY
Yes now take the mirror hold it to
your face and sing.
YOUNG WILLOW
(looking in the mirror)
There's glass in the mirror again.
I don't want glass in my face.
SPOOK-LADY
You won't get any. That's just a
Guardian trick. It only works on
foolish old ladies.
YOUNG WILLOW
Why do I have to do it? Why can't
you do it again.
69.
SPOOK-LADY
Don't you get it you foolish little
girl. The power may only be
unlocked by the pure of heart. It's
like a tedious Guardian combination
lock.
YOUNG WILLOW
I don't want to do it. The mirror
doesn't want me to do it.
YOUNG XANDER.
She doesn't want to do it. Let me.
I'll do it.
SPOOK-LADY
Don't be ridiculous. I might as
well do it myself.
She grabs Xander by the throat, and flings him violently to
the ground, pinning him there with her knee. Instantly the
cats are all around him.
YOUNG XANDER.
Don't do it Willow I ain't scared
of no cats.
The Spook-lady strikes Xander a violent backhand across the
mouth.
SPOOK-LADY
Silence.
YOUNG WILLOW
Don't hit him. I'll do it.
YOUNG XANDER.
Don't do it Willow. My Dad hits
lots harder than her.
The Spook-lady begins striking Xander again and again,
harder and harder.
SPOOK-LADY
Silence! Silence!
YOUNG WILLOW
I'll do it. Stop hitting him. I'll
do it. I'll do it.
Willow lifts the mirror to her face
70.
YOUNG WILLOW
(singing)
Release to me the power of my own
reflection. Release to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
The Spook-lady stops hitting Xander. She realizes Willow has
said release instead of reveal.
SPOOK-LADY
No. No. Not release.
Light blasts from the mirror. Young Willow particalizes into
a prism of multi-coloured dust then reforms once more into
Young Willow mirror in hand. She staggers from the impact of
what has happened to her. She drops the mirror. The Spook-
lady releases Xander and scrambles over on all fours to
retrieve the mirror. She picks it up, looks into it and
cries out.
SPOOK-LADY
You've cracked it. It's ruined.
Ruined.
(sobbing and singing)
Release to me the power of my own
reflection. Release to me the power
of the slain Inculbus.
The mirror shudders in her hands. Looking into it, the
spook-lady screams.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Ahhh! The Lamia. What have you done.
You've opened the portal to the
Guardian prison of the Lamia.
You've corrupted the power of the
mirror.
YOUNG WILLOW
I didn't do it. You did it.
SPOOK-LADY
What does it matter who did it.
It's done. Do you even know what
you've done?
(beat)
But wait. Some good can come of this.
She points the mirror away from her.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Give me three.
71.
A black ooze squirts from the mirror. It forms into three
puddles. The puddles congeal and form three creatures, each
one the size of a labrador retriever. One is female the
other two male. They hunch over on all fours ape-like. Their
faces are human, except their top lip disappears into their
mouth. They have an extra set of limbs on their torso; a
kind vestigial arm-leg thing with hands that could be feet
attached. They are an odd mixture of flesh and fur. Fur
covers the breasts of the female. Their hands are long, thin
and bony. Their ears are rat-like.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Kill them both. The girl first.
The female Lamia leaps at Willow. Xander jumps between the
two tumbling to the ground with the Lamia. The two males
move towards Willow, more cautious than the first. Young
Willow raises her hands to one.
YOUNG WILLOW
Get back!
Light mushrooms from her hands, and strikes one of the Lamia.
It explodes. The other backs away. Young Xander is wrestling
on the ground with the female. It has Xander pinned. It
opens it's mouth. A long finger of flesh uncurls from the
Lamia's mouth. From Xander's POV we see the tentacle thing
coming towards him. It has a pink tip. Tiny probing needles
stick out from it, and it is getting closer. Young Willow
raises her hands toward's the Lamia on Xander.
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T)
Get back!
Again light blasts from Willow's hands, and again the Lamia
explodes. Young Willow raises her hands towards the Spook-lady.
YOUNG WILLOW(CON'T)
I don't like you.
SPOOK-LADY
Ah, I see you like power little one.
You like to kill, to destroy.
Careful the perversion of the power
you now hold leads to the creature
you see cowering behind me. You
don't understand now, but you will.
YOUNG WILLOW
(Still holding out
her hands)
I don't like you.
72.
SPOOK-LADY
Yes. You said that. This is too
much for you right now, I think.
Right now you need to sleep.
The Spook-lady holds out her hand towards Willow, then
alternates it between Xander and Willow.
SPOOK-LADY(CON'T)
Yes sleep. Sleep and forget. Forget
me and everything connected to this
night. Sleep.
The heads of Young Willow and Xander begin to nod. Their
eyes begin to close. They crumple to the ground and sleep.
The Lamia sneaks over to Willow to feed.
SPOOK-LADY
Not just yet pet. I spoke out of
impatience before. I'm better now.
These two must live. I may need
them. There may be a way to release
the power of Inculbus from the
little redheaded rodent. Some time
in the future, perhaps.
The Spook-lady turns to walk away. The Lamia hesitates.
SPOOK-LADY
Come along then.
The Spook-lady and her cats walk away down the alley. The
Lamia gets down on all six limbs and skitters after them
like some kind of giant flesh and furry bug.
INT. XANDER'S BEDROOM - MORNING.
Xander lay's in bed. The door bell rings. Xander rouses. He
rises groggily and makes his way to the front door. He opens
the door to find Buffy and Pike standing there. Buffy
instantly grips Xander and hugs him tightly.
BUFFY
Big brother.
Xander bends and arcs the bottom half of his torso away from
Buffy, gripping just behind her shoulders, hugging her, yet
at the same time half pushing her away.
73.
XANDER
Buffy. Whoa, not feeling all that
brotherly this morning.
BUFFY
Huh?
XANDER
It's a guy thing.
BUFFY
Huh?
Xander looks past Buffy to Pike and extends his hand to Pike.
XANDER
You Pike.
Pike half smiles.
XANDER(CON'T)
You can explain to Buffy about the
guy thing, right? About the waking
up in the morning, guy thing.
BUFFY
(to Pike)
And again. Huh?
PIKE
Later.
XANDER
So come on in. My Casa et soo Casa.
Buffy and Pike walk in. Buffy finds a seat. Pike walks
directly into Xander's kitchen looks at the empty coffee
pot, and starts searching around for coffee. Xander doesn't
seem to notice.
XANDER
So... Buffy on a hog. Buffy the hog
lady.
BUFFY
There's gotta be a better name for
that.
PIKE
Biker chick?
BUFFY
(to Pike)
Sometimes no help is the best help.
74.
XANDER
I was expecting you yesterday.
BUFFY
Had a little trouble on the road.
Gnarl.
XANDER
The Gnarl, but wasn't there only
supposed to be one.
BUFFY
Apparently not. I think it's an
interdimensiony thing, or a Firstie,
crack in the Hellmouth. Gate-
crashers got in, kind of thing.
PIKE
That a record for you guys? Thirty
seconds and talking shop.
BUFFY
Ignore him. Anyway I lied. The
Gnarl didn't take that long. We had
to stop off in Flagstaff to talk to
another girl. It took a while to
find her.
XANDER
(ignoring her.
Fascinated with Pike)
You Ok in there Pike. Finding
everything you need?
Pike has found the coffee, and is putting it together.
PIKE
Uh huh.
XANDER
I don't see any recent bruises on
him, so he must get the Buffy seal
of approval.
BUFFY
Well, he keeps coming back, so I
thought I might as well keep him.
XANDER
That's right you two went together
before, here in LA right.
BUFFY
Briefly.
75.
PIKE
Rocked my world.
BUFFY
It isn't "rocked my world, honey".
It's "changed my life".
XANDER
Not very PC?
BUFFY
We're working on it.
(beat)
So what about you.The new girl, and
the new job, and the new place, and
the new life. Tell all.
XANDER
Yeah well the place; close to the
beach, kind of "Three's company". I
like it. The job: it's a job. The
girl: well that's kind of a jump-
how-high kind of thing.
BUFFY
And you are the jumpee, or the
jumper.
(beat)
That didn't come out right.
The phone rings. Xander walks over to it, and reads the
call-display.
XANDER
I've gotta feeling you're about to
find out.
Xander picks up the phone.
XANDER(CON'T)
Hello.
(beat)
Yeah.
(beat)
OK
(beat)
I can't right now. I have company.
(beat)
Yeah, she just got in.
(beat)
We went through this.
Xander starts speaking into the phone behind his hand.
76.
XANDER(CON'T)
She's just a friend, more like a
sister, really. Plus. Boyfriend,
Hello.
(beat)
Whattaya mean, she was single most
of the time I knew her. Still the
sister thing.
Buffy begins to shuffle around. Looking uncomfortable.
XANDER(CON'T)
Look I'll pick it up later. You can
drop by and get it, when you get a
chance.
(beat)
Ok
(beat)
OK
(beat)
OK. Bye.
(beat)
Ok. Bye
(beat)
Ok. Bye.
Xander hangs up the phone.
BUFFY
(anxious to change
the subject)
So, you hear anything from back East.
XANDER
I think Willow's trying to avoid me.
BUFFY
How so?
XANDER
I don't know. It's just a vibe. I'm
getting. She's never around when I
call. She never calls back, and I
think Dawn's covering for her.
BUFFY
Yeah well, you heard about the
whole Kennedy thing, right?
77.
XANDER
More the reason she should want to
talk to me. Hey if I caught my
girlfriend with her tennis pro when
she was supposed to be visiting her
family, you can bet I'd be putting
in for a little Willow shoulder
cry-time.
BUFFY
Yeah that was ugly, and apparently
a medical marvel.
XANDER
What?
BUFFY
Yeah apparently it's not easy to
dislodge that much tennis equipment
from a person's rectum. It's
getting written up in some journal
somewhere.
XANDER
For I am Willow Goddess of vengeance.
BUFFY
Speaking of which
Buffy nods to a picture on an end table of Anya at the beach
from Buffy vs Dracula.
BUFFY(CON'T)
How did you Robin Hood that?
XANDER
My Mom had it with her when she
left Sunndale, and that's another
bee in the girlfriend bonnet.
BUFFY
She thinks there's a better place
for the picture of the ex-
girlfriend? Like a photo album
somewhere?
XANDER
More like the bottom of the ocean
somewhere.
BUFFY
And you...
78.
XANDER
Not gonna happen.
BUFFY
So...
XANDER
So, it's my day off. We got all day.
I'll set you guys up in the spare
room, then we'll reminisce.
INT. THE MANOR - MORNING.
The Manor doorbell buzzes and Dawn arrives to answer it. She
opens the door and finds Puffman standing there.
PUFFMAN
Good morning.
Stepping in.
DAWN
Morning. What's up?
PUFFMAN
Is Miss Rosenberg in?
DAWN
Yeah, she's in the kitchen. C'mon in.
INT. THE MANOR KITCHEN.
Willow sits at a counter sipping coffee. Puffman enters the
kitchen with Dawn.
PUFFMAN
Miss Rosenberg
WILLOW
Puffman.
PUFFMAN
I have a volume here you may wish
to peruse.
Willow grabs an old leather bound manuscript from Puffman
and walks over to a table to set it down and read it.
WILLOW
This is a Watcher Manuscript,
Puffman. How come we haven't seen
it yet?
79.
PUFFMAN
Private collection.
Vi, Rona, and Caridad enter and circle around Willow
snooping for a peek at the manuscript.
WILLOW
Anything with Watcher on it is no
longer private. Remember Puffman,
speed dial.
PUFFMAN
Yes, well. Not to worry. My gift to
you, really. There are some
interesting passages in there
concerning the prophecy of the Lamia.
WILLOW
Prophecy and Apocalypse my two not
so favourite words. They're not
together-words in here, are they?
PUFFMAN
Not exactly. The Lamia you see are
kind of a mutated vampire thing. No
real power. They're forced to live
on the blood of children. Also a
Lamia differs from a vampire in
that a vampire has had it's soul
removed. A Lamian soul is corrupted.
They devolve from the souls of
demon worshippers.
Vi points to a graphic in the book.
VI
Ooh. Picture. Ugly.
CLOSE ON: A graphic of the Lamia
At one time the Lamia were used as a kind of servant by more
powerful demons. Then, and for no apparent reason the Lamia
suddenly disappeared. There was a myth concerning a race of
Guardian women, that were said to have had something to do
with it.
DAWN
Oh, Guardians. Not, us Guardians,
but the Guardian, Guardians. We've
met them. Or at least Buffy has.
Met them.
80.
PUFFMAN
Preposterous. They're the mystic
equivalent of an urban legend.
WILLOW
So, these Lamia. There's a Prophecy
concerning them.
PUFFMAN
Yes, kind of vague really, but it
seems to suggest that when the
Lamia return they will do so by the
multidude, and all of man shall
become corrupted, and become as them.
WILLOW
So it's an apocalypse then. You
promised me we weren't going to use
the A word.
DAWN
We don't like apocali-lypses,
whatever.
VI
(to Willow)
Why not?
WILLOW
They're redundant.
VI
(aside to Rona)
What's redundant mean?
RONA
I think it means "again", like we-
dun-dat.
Caridad has leaned into the conversation, and nods in
agreement.
PUFFMAN
Well to be perfectly accurate, it's
not actually an apocalypse, because
an apocalypse implies annihilation.
The prophecy of the Lamia doesn't
imply destruction only corruption.
VI
Still I don't want to look like that.
CLOSE SHOT: Graphic of the Lamia
81.
EXT. THE ALLEY BEHIND YOUNG WILLOW'S HOUSE - DAWN.
Young Willow and Xander begin to awake in the alley. Xander
is beat up and covered in dried Lamia ectoplasm. They sit up
and look at each other.
YOUNG WILLOW
Hi.
YOUNG XANDER.
Hi.
YOUNG WILLOW
What are you doing out here?
YOUNG XANDER.
What are you doing out here?
Young Willow starts to cry, blubbering real water-works.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm scared Xander how come I'm so
scared. What are we doing out here?
YOUNG XANDER.
Dunno.
YOUNG WILLOW
I'm scared, Xander. Aren't you scared.
YOUNG XANDER.
I dunno. What of?
YOUNG WILLOW
I don't know. Don't you ever get
scared?
YOUNG XANDER.
I dunno. What does it feel like
YOUNG WILLOW
It feels like, bad, like real bad.
YOUNG XANDER.
I don't wanna feel like that.
YOUNG WILLOW
I can't help it.
YOUNG XANDER.
You don't have to be scared Willow.
YOUNG WILLOW
Why not?
82.
YOUNG XANDER.
Cause I'm here. I'll look after you.
The two sit in the alley. Young Willow, stops sniffling, and
wipes the tears out of her eyes.
YOUNG WILLOW
Well what about when you're not there?
YOUNG XANDER.
That's easy. You just call me.
YOUNG WILLOW
And whaddo I say?
YOUNG XANDER.
We should have a code.
YOUNG WILLOW
A code.
YOUNG XANDER.
Yeah a secret code for what to say,
for when you want me to come cause
you're scared, and you need me.
YOUNG WILLOW
Like what?
YOUNG XANDER.
I dunno. Just say
(beat)
just say
(beat)
I need you
(beat)
Kay?
YOUNG WILLOW
Kay.
EXT. QUIET URBAN CLEVELAND STREET - NIGHT
The quiet of the street is interrupted by footsteps. A group
of yuppie types walk in view and out of it.They are enjoying
a joke. As they pass, a small shadow appears at a wall
corner, and stops as if to watch them. The group of friends
pass and disappear from view. A Lamia skitters across the
street and into an alley. A moment passes then two more
Lamia follow the first.
ESTABLISHING SHOT: A Cleveland brownstone.
83.
The three Lamia scale the outside of the brownstone along
the corner ridges. they reach the third story and leap along
window sills to an open third story window.
FULL SHOT; An open bedroom window from the POV of the occupant
The Lamia crawl into the open window, and we hear their toe
nails as they skitter across the floor
INT. CHILD'S BEDROOM - BROWNSTONE APARTMENT - NIGHT
A young boy about 6 years old lays in his bed fast asleep.
One Lamia is by the bedroom door as lookout. Another watches
out the window. The third climbs onto the bed and perches
itself over the boy. The Lamia opens it's mouth, and the
fleshy tentacle begins to protrude from the Lamia's mouth.
It gets closer and closer to the boy's neck. Finally it
connects.
CLOSE ON; Boy's head and neck.
The boy's eye's open wide in fear and freeze. From off-
camera two more fleshy tentacles connect with different
areas of the boy's neck, and we hear slurping sounds.
INT. XANDER'S BEDROOM NIGHT
The phone rings. Half asleep, but still getting it on the
first ring, Xander reaches out, grabs the phone and puts it
to his ear.
XANDER
Hello
(beat)
Hi
(beat)
OK
Xander hangs up the phone.
INT. XANDER'S LIVING ROOM NIGHT
Buffy and Pike sit watching television on the couch. From
the background music, and screams we can tell it's some kind
of slasher flic. Pike sips a beer. Buffy holds an orange
soft drink on her lap. Xander enters fully clothed.
BUFFY
Oh. I forgot to tell you. Your
girlfriend called earlier. She
wants you to pick up a punch bowl,
and take it to her parents.
84.
XANDER
For I am Xander. Prince of whipped.
Xander goes to his front closet, takes out a jacket and puts
it on. He goes back into the closet, bends over, and picks
up a large pre-packed suitcase. He reaches up to the top
shelf and grabs a smaller one. He turns, looks around and
walks over to the picture of Anya. He puts the small
suitcase down, grabs the picture and stuffs it under the
crook of his other arm. He then turns and begins to walk
towards the door.
BUFFY
Xander?
XANDER
Oh right, uh, Buffy, Pike, forgot,
uh I've gotta go. Fridge is full.
Paid up till a month after this one.
I'll call later, and straighten
things out.
BUFFY
What's up? Where are you going? Who
was that on the phone?
XANDER
Uh...Price of gas, Cleveland, Willow.
BUFFY
Willow, well what? why? What did
she say?
XANDER
(looking kind of embarrassed)
She said, "Builderman. I need you".
FADE OUT.
THE END