Need some advice..I just don't get this.

D

drtroy

BEER BAD!
Joined
Oct 29, 2005
Messages
253
Age
39
Location
Victorville Ca
Why when it comes to a guy..it never lasts..well the guy I had told a few of you about..were friends it's cool his name's brian so you don't get confused....we decided on that..the other guy I was kinda dating and liked more...I'm not sure what the heck to really make of it..that's why I decided to ask you guys..your all pretty intelligent and helpful.

Anyways we dated for a few weeks(his name was mike)..we did work together..I noticed that he was kinda flaky..and would tell me at the last mintute he had something to do..but it was crap like something with for his step dad helping..him move..and something else..

So..I didn't think anything of it..so for work him and many other people went to bigbear about 2 weeks ago..
and were going to stay for a week..and he said he'd call..the day before he left..well that never happened..
he ended up calling a few days after..but I missed the call..

And a few more times..but thanks to my lucky..my phone barely even works out here..so a few days later I called him back..didn't go on for a answser..and I haven't heard from him in a little over two weeks..I don't really understand..I even texted him a few times..asking him to call me..back..I didn't leave a voicemail.cus he probably wont even check it..

I just thought he liked..me...and then now he doesn't even call or make any type of attempt to contact me..
am I missing something?


As usual I'm assuming the worse..that he used me..didn't like me..and basically he knew he probably wouldn't see me after he went to big bear..just that he used me..

I feel pretty stupid..I don't know if he has..I'm sure he still has the same job..and they do travel to different parts of socal..but I just feel pretty stupid..cus i keep thinking he used me..and that I'm just bothering him by calling..feel like a damn loser..what do you guys think?
 
You know, men say that women are an eternal mystery and they can't understand us. Well, right back at ya pals. Men are the exact same way... playing games!
 
Yeah I dont get it..and I really don't want to have to work with him..and he'll probably act like that never happened..bout him not calling
 
I've actually had something like this happen to me before... I finally realized that even if I was being used, there was nothing I could do about it but move on... I decided to severe all ties I had with the guy... I mean, it's hard to get back into the groove of things after having been dealt a blow like this... I think you should go ahead and move on and if he does decide to call you back, tell him how you feel... He may deny it or he may fess up, but either way, I can't see how he would be any good for your future, because he would most likely pull something like this again... I hope I haven't been too harsh in saying this.... I'm simply trying to help...
 
Did you ever read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It's soooooo helpful and funny at the same time in figuring out the male species....
 
cordy: was just gonna say that... LOl... the aouther has been on oprah like twice with that book... a introduction show and then a follow up... so neat.

drtroy: did you answer? what happened...?
 
No, I was at the theatre..he texted me like 10 times.(not exagerrating)....then I answered the text..and he said he'd call back 2morrow that he was sorry..and he kept asking if i was going to talk 2 him..and 2 please talk 2 him..and how he wanted to talk 2 me..and it wasn't his fault..

so..i was like ok..whatever...just call me back later..id love to hear ur explanation.

Iunno maybe I should be forward and telling him exactly what I think about that..because men are 2 stupid to understand.

I was just going to tell them..that I do like him..but I don't like the fact that he is so flaky..and just that maybe he is just a little 2 busy..for us to be involved together..and that I don't exactly understand what he wants out of it..
anyways I asked him to hang out..tonight..but he was busy...out of the city..about an hour away...in colton..wouldnt get back for a while..so I was like whatever..I'll let him know about what I said earlier..then that's it..

I'm not going to jump for someone that is 2 lazy to really do anything..plus he seems a little 2 busy..not saying I have to have attention on me all the time..but he needs to make up his mind..now.

Because if I dont get a valid answer..from that.. than I sure as heck won't speak/hang out with him..even if he begs. lol as you can see I'm in a mood..tonight. 🙂
 
As a member of the much-maligned and deeply misunderstood male group, let me say that any actions of any idiots you ladies may encounter are not indicative of the behaviour of all of us, any more than the behaviour of some women are the way ALL women act.

drtroy, if you don't wanna be with this flake, DO NOT respond. If you do, he knows it takes 10 text messages and 2 calls to get your attention...and he will keep bugging you no matter what you tell him. To get a straight answer from him is a longshot. You don't give your ages, but the guy's a player, so if that's what you want, by all means, call back. If not, just ignore him. He won't tell the truth...so why even try? Do you want to be the type of girl who goes after the player/dangerous guy? As I've said in the past, be careful what you wish for. That edgy guy that excites you so much now won't be too exciting when he decides on a shady merchandise deal instead of paying the rent. I know, that probably is in the future, moving in together and all that, but if you don't learn early how not to pick the bad apples, you will probably just keep picking them...
 
drtroy said:
Iunno maybe I should be forward and telling him exactly what I think about that..because men are 2 stupid to understand.
Click to expand...

Just a quick point I forgot to make earlier...MEN do understand...BOYS do not...and this is not a function of age, either. My son, at 15, sounds more mature than this guy...

I know I'm opening myself up to some angry posts (maybe) but I'd like to quote Dr. Phil here: You teach people how to treat you...if you don't accept bad behaviour, they won't treat you badly, either because you've cut them out of your life, or they know they won't get anywhere with it. The minute you tell this boy that you like him DESPITE his bad treatment of you, you are giving him the green light to keep on treating you badly. Is that what you want? Don't think so...
 
killerdwarf said:
Just a quick point I forgot to make earlier...MEN do understand...BOYS do not...and this is not a function of age, either. My son, at 15, sounds more mature than this guy...

I know I'm opening myself up to some angry posts (maybe) but I'd like to quote Dr. Phil here: You teach people how to treat you...if you don't accept bad behaviour, they won't treat you badly, either because you've cut them out of your life, or they know they won't get anywhere with it. The minute you tell this boy that you like him DESPITE his bad treatment of you, you are giving him the green light to keep on treating you badly. Is that what you want? Don't think so...
Click to expand...
Couldn't agree more with KD/Dr Phil on this...it's a lesson that I wished I'd learned a lot earlier...
 
K
killerdwarf
Ahhh, but you've learned that and more, oh wise Pointy...thanks for all your support, here and elsewhere!
i used to go out with a guy about 3 years ago and i cant believe what i let him get away with. i guess it was cos he was my first real boyfriend that i acted so stupid. but he had this friend called adie. he was best friends with her. he would see her all the time. for the whole 3 months i was seeing him i asked him if he was sleeping with her too. for 3 months he kept on saying no. turns out he was. luckily i had come to my senses by the time i found this out and broke up with him.

but it turns out not only did he lie about her, he lied about his age too. and not just to me. he told me he was 23 (i was 21) he told my friend that he was 21 (she was19) and we eventually found out he was 25. he'd even gone so far as to scratch the date of birth off his id so we wouldnt know.

however, after i broke up with him (and this may sound harsh but let me explain) i took all his friends away from him and he ended up banned from the club we go to.

this guy turned out to be a real psycho. he has weapons. so does my boyfriend but the difference is, ritchie used to use them. one night he sprayed one of the djs with pepper spray. then when i was out with my next boyfriend after him one night, he kept burning me with a ciggarette when i walked past him. so my then boyfriend decided to have words with him. so ritchie hit him over the head with a thing he got in as a keyring, when in actual fact it is actually a weapon. cant remember whats its called. its a heavy metal stick thing. so we all ended up banned.

so not a nice guy really but i didnt know any of this til i broke up with him. sometimes you just have to wake up and realise that nothing good will come of being with someone. sooner rather than later.

every time i see ritchie now he's begging to be my friend. trying to apologise and trying to get me to talk to him. most people in the cathouse (the club i go to) now know what he's like and tend to stay away from him. he doesnt go out too much now and im quite glad really. as far as im concerned he deserves it.

oh, and so i can make this more relevant to the thread, he started out like the guy youre seeing.

sorry about the rant. just kinda makes me angry when people are treated like that!
 
Gosh, I forgot that there were guys out there like that. I dated one many, many moons ago (way before I got married) and he acted the same way. He was never available when I needed him or wanted to talk to him, but I was to be available when he wanted something. My best friend finally told me that he made the comment that he was only dating me because the girl he really wanted wasnt available. Believe me, that hurt!! I realised that I was allowing him to hurt me and that stopped real quick. To make a long story short, he lied about having to work, I went to my best friends house (he lived next door) and he was outside working on his car. I took that opportunity to set him straight and never spoke to him again. It hurt and I cried but it felt good to know that I stood up for my own self respect. You can only be treated like a doormat if you allow it. Trust me, nip it in the bud now and save yourself a lot of heartache. This dude sounds like a player. Mine was and he is now a lonely man. Me? Happily married (although we do have our moments) and I couldnt love life more!!
 
SlayersDestiny said:
Happily married (although we do have our moments) and I couldnt love life more!!
Click to expand...

Sounds like a carbon copy of my life too! If you don't have "moments" you're not doing it right, IMO! It means someone is subverting their feelings/opinions to the detriment of the relationship. It's amazing how unstressful a relationship is overall when both parties are truthful and trustworthy...so my suggestion is to find a guy who is willing to live by the rules of truth and trustworthiness...any guy that falls short is not worth the time you take to hang out with him. drtroy, you deserve better, so don't settle for less!
 
E
eponinethen
I'm too young, I wish I was older and had been in a relationship for a long time and wouldn't have to worry so much.. I'm like jealous! Heh..
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom