I know some of you know of my problem, for those who dont a few months a go i spent a long time writing the perfect personal statement for my university application. However the original has gone and now i cant get any help from teachers as its gone past the deadline and they all stikc to the rules incredibly. So i am at a serious disadvantage so i'm hoping someone on here can help me. This is my new, unimproved statement but its no were near good enough so i was wondering if you all could do me the biggest favour in the world and criticise my statement, so i can improve and also tell me what impression it gives, from an objective observer
I would like to pursue a career in Accountancy and I feel that taking a course in Accounting and finance will provide me with a good foundation to build upon so I can achieve my aspiration of becoming a chartered accountant. My interest in the course has also grown since I started studying A level economics, which is my favourite subject, I particularly enjoy the way in which you can see economics at work in nearly all aspects of everyday life, for example something so simple as the price of a can of coke is determined by more complex and greater things, such as interest rates, the exchange rate etc. The results I achieved in lower sixth have confirmed my ability in economics and have given me the confidence to apply for a similar course at university.
I also study A level philosophy, which has been a great help to me in economics as it has greatly developed my analytical and evaluative skills, which are essential in economics as well as many other subjects. I also gained further skills in teamwork, communication and business at school when I was chosen to attend a business school managed by Bolton University, which have helped me at college and will continue to do so at university.
I was also selected by my teachers at college to attend a Winter School for a week, also managed by Bolton University, which was designed to give students an idea of what university life is like. During this winter school we went to lectures given by members of staff from the university as well as other professionals in law and criminology. This I feel has given me an advantage as it means I now have an idea of what to expect, which means I am more prepared for the problems I will face at university.
In college I have also enrolled in a peer mentor support program, which is designed by the sixth form to give us an opportunity to give something back to the school. I have decided to do this by becoming an assistant form teacher for lower school tutor groups and by taking part in the challenge reading program, where I will be helping pupils from lower school with their literacy problems.
In addition I have also been involved in numerous activities for charities. I took part in the 11th Great British swim as part of the national asthma campaign, I did a one mile run for sports relief and at college I helped raise money for St. Banardos children's charity.
In my spare time I do many activities, one of which is socialising with friends by going to the cinema, attending college events or by going to David Lloyds gym where I play tennis, badminton and do a lot of swimming. In order to relax from my A level studies I enjoy reading a wide variety of books, in particular I enjoy reading books by Raymond E. Feist, Christopher Golden, Nancy Holder, although my favourite author is Frank McCourt.
I also have a part time job, which comes with a lot of responsibility, a position of trust and pressure; it involves selling various items online. I then have to post these items using recorded delivery, create spreadsheets or databases and then have to use these in order keep a detailed record of every transaction, if I make a single mistake then potentially the effects can be disastrous. My job has taught me the valuable skill of working under pressure, which I put into use regularly at college and will continue to do so at university.
Personal Statement
I would like to pursue a career in Accountancy and I feel that taking a course in Accounting and finance will provide me with a good foundation to build upon so I can achieve my aspiration of becoming a chartered accountant. My interest in the course has also grown since I started studying A level economics, which is my favourite subject, I particularly enjoy the way in which you can see economics at work in nearly all aspects of everyday life, for example something so simple as the price of a can of coke is determined by more complex and greater things, such as interest rates, the exchange rate etc. The results I achieved in lower sixth have confirmed my ability in economics and have given me the confidence to apply for a similar course at university.
I also study A level philosophy, which has been a great help to me in economics as it has greatly developed my analytical and evaluative skills, which are essential in economics as well as many other subjects. I also gained further skills in teamwork, communication and business at school when I was chosen to attend a business school managed by Bolton University, which have helped me at college and will continue to do so at university.
I was also selected by my teachers at college to attend a Winter School for a week, also managed by Bolton University, which was designed to give students an idea of what university life is like. During this winter school we went to lectures given by members of staff from the university as well as other professionals in law and criminology. This I feel has given me an advantage as it means I now have an idea of what to expect, which means I am more prepared for the problems I will face at university.
In college I have also enrolled in a peer mentor support program, which is designed by the sixth form to give us an opportunity to give something back to the school. I have decided to do this by becoming an assistant form teacher for lower school tutor groups and by taking part in the challenge reading program, where I will be helping pupils from lower school with their literacy problems.
In addition I have also been involved in numerous activities for charities. I took part in the 11th Great British swim as part of the national asthma campaign, I did a one mile run for sports relief and at college I helped raise money for St. Banardos children's charity.
In my spare time I do many activities, one of which is socialising with friends by going to the cinema, attending college events or by going to David Lloyds gym where I play tennis, badminton and do a lot of swimming. In order to relax from my A level studies I enjoy reading a wide variety of books, in particular I enjoy reading books by Raymond E. Feist, Christopher Golden, Nancy Holder, although my favourite author is Frank McCourt.
I also have a part time job, which comes with a lot of responsibility, a position of trust and pressure; it involves selling various items online. I then have to post these items using recorded delivery, create spreadsheets or databases and then have to use these in order keep a detailed record of every transaction, if I make a single mistake then potentially the effects can be disastrous. My job has taught me the valuable skill of working under pressure, which I put into use regularly at college and will continue to do so at university.