Nicest way to dump...

[Christopher]

... someone?

While I did trick you into thinking this is about going to the toilet, the actual subject is more serious. I'm fed up with my girlfriend (2.5 years) and don't find her sexy or enjoy her company anymore. Every time I've split up with somebody it results in them crying and going a bit mental- I hate this and would rather avoid it if possible. Ideally we'd stay friends because we still get on well in that way. My only problem is that she is in her final year of Uni and has got two months left- I feel that splitting up at such an important time may be harsh, however I don't know how much longer I can do this. I've felt this way for about 6 months and tried to make things better, but don't think I can.

Please give me advice or let me know what you'd do in this situation.

 

[Bexieh]

Sounds like the only thing you can do is break up with her. I know the timing might be bad but at the same time I wouldn't want to string her along for another two months, especially if you've had enough too, y'know? It'd probably be best for both of you if you got it over and done with. Well, that's my thoughts anyway. As for how... I'm not sure there is a way to break up with someone and not have crying or anger thrown into the mix. It's just part of the break up package, really. Just be nice and honest about it is all I can suggest!

Good luck! I suppose... is this the kind of thing you wish luck for?!
And PS, I didn't think about that kind of dump!

 

[Washburne]

Best way? Be honest. In person. When things are calm. Since you don't want her out of your life completely. If you totally hated it her it could be different. Things have just changed. Maybe start with asking how she's feeling about the relationship. If you've felt this way for 6 months she at the very least should have noticed that things between you have changed. The timing might be awful but to continue isn't fair for any of you. If you do break up give her time, both at the moment of the break up and in the long run, to handle her feelings.

And if good luck is the thing to say, good luck!

 

[zobothehobo]

I agree with Tobais. Be honest. And it's a natural reaction when people get dumped to get emotional... I don't think you're going to find a way to do it where she doesn't cry. I wish I had more advice... but since I've never broken up with someone or had someone break up with me... I don't... Good luck!

And like Bex, you didn't trick me to thinking this was a thread about going to the toilet. Nice try though!

 

[LoveLoveLovix]

Like Zoe, I've never had a breakup, really... well, once, and it ended with me eating french fries and crying on the night of the dance. But everything else was very fally-aparty, not really a break.

But here's something I CAN tell you. No matter who's fault it is, if anyone's, you are both going to be upset. Don't try and prevent it, because that'll make it worse. Be honest, if you're sorry be honest about that, but she'll likely need a good cry and don't be surprised if you do too. Make an effort to be nice to her, but don't expect her to return the favor- if she does, good. Be nice to her friends, act as a friend.

And really, this IS a tough time to cut it off. It's a major point... but any time in somebody's life could be major. it's really up to you.

My last piece of advice- don't use cliches. They sound fake because they are used so often.

 

[Christopher]

Thanks for the advice guys, I'm going to try to hold out until she has finished her Uni I think because I'd hate for her to fail because I've put her in a bad state of mind. I just hope I can hold out- she currently spends 5 nights a week at mine and I feel trapped in my own place sometimes. Despite the fact that it's her and not me, I still think I should try to put up with it as long as I can because doing well in these final months of Uni is so vital to her future.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I think it's nice of you to try to wait til she finishes school, but you shouldn't make yourself miserable either. Honesty is the best policy, hon... I'm sorry you guys have come to that point, but it happens, I guess. I agree with everyone that you should sit down and have a calm talk with her and just let her know that your feelings have changed and you don't want to be in a romantic relationship anymore.

 

[November]

Thats really nice of you to stay with her until she has finished uni, you obviously still care about her on some level, even if it isnt romantically anymore. Could you encourage her to spend more time at her own house? Maybe suggest she could get more study done there.

I think when it does come time for you to break up, honesty is really important. Dont make up some bullshit story, just tell her the truth. And yeah you might have to put up with tears, but there is really no way around that. Good luck with it all.

 

[PrincessBuffy16]

I don't think there is a nice way to dump someone, unless the break up is mutual. But yeah, the best thing is too be honest.. but not harsh and insensitive. Saying to a woman that she's not sexy anymore can really mess her up, and I guess you don't want that since you pointed out she's in the important stage in her life.

 

[This Year's Girl]

I agree with everyone else. Be honest. If you don't love her anymore, you don't, and it's much better to say that (in a nice way of course) than to string somebody along just to be nice.

This "it's her not me"-stuff though... I don't know, unless she has really let you down, like cheated or abused you, I think it's usually a little dangerous to think only one part of the relationship is to "blame". Relationships is something that you both affect and are affected in, so I bet you've changed in the time you've been together, not just her. I don't say this to be mean or pick on you, I just think it's something to keep in mind when you break up; be humble and try to see that you can have been part in this too.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I
This "it's her not me"-stuff though... I don't know, unless she has really let you down, like cheated or abused you, I think it's usually a little dangerous to think only one part of the relationship is to "blame". Relationships is something that you both affect and are affected in, so I bet you've changed in the time you've been together, not just her. I don't say this to be mean or pick on you, I just think it's something to keep in mind when you break up; be humble and try to see that you can have been part in this too.

I agree... Sometimes it really is another person's fault, but no one is perfect and when you do sit down and talk with her, try to realize that you may have been doing things that weren't good for the relationship either, you know?

 

[Christopher]

Oh yeah, that didn't come across how I meant it. Of course it's not completely her fault, it does work both ways and while I've put up with a lot of shit from her the past six months (mainly completely unfounded jealousy) I could have done more to be accommodating. However.. I am the same person I was when we started dating and she is unrecognisable- almost completely different. I wouldn't tell her that I don't find her sexy anymore or that she is more responsible, I want her to come out of this with some confidence remaining. That's the advice I need, I'm not worried about coming out of this looking like the bad guy if it means she still has some self respect left.

 

[Washburne]

I really don't mean this in a specific way to your current situation but in the general sense. The whole "They've changed. I'm exactly the same" kind of thinking probably vary depending on who's point of view you have. Small changes in behavior, actions etc that you yourself don't notice or think about can be seen a "big" things to the other one. Besides, who's exactly the same for a long period? I might be more or less the same but how I am and behave can change a lot just during a day. Just less eye contact, to take one example, can be a huge change/difference in a relationship. People notice more than you think.

Once again just to be sure. Not aimed at Christopher but how I see things in general.

 

[Buffy Summers]

Yes, I cannot tell you how infuriating it is for girls that guys have such a problem just being honest. Stringing people along is MUCH more hurtful to a girl than a guy coming right out and saying "I'm not into you (anymore)." It's the not knowing what's going on that makes girls mental.