Not Good Enough

[Tainted Hope]

Title: Not Good Enough
Author: Tainted Hope aka Kuku4Wikka aka CharmedbyAngel
Email: Ask me if you want it.
Rating: PG-13 for swearing.
Category: Angst, Character Death
Content: A hint of C/A, not really based on it though.
Summary: Cordelia reflects after she dies.
Spoilers: All up to S4 in Angel.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss
Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Anywhere, just ask.
Notes: This was inspired by a death challenge, but I changed it to suit my self.
Feedback: Please!

Death really puts some things in perspective.

And I mean real death- not the kind where your friends pull you from heaven and *poof* your alive again. I mean the kind where no one wants you back alive, and if they did want you back alive, you would be deliriously happy.

(deliriouslyhappy)
(didntwantyou
alivenotlike
buffynotalive)
(notgoodenoughtobring)
(notbuffy)

"˜Cause your not in heaven anyways, because apparently you didn't do as good as you thought you did.

(not
notin
notinheaven)
(notgoodenoughforheaven)
(didntdoenough)

Everything is in perspective in purgatory. Stuck between heaven and hell, gives you some things to think about. Oh, hell, why am I speaking in second person? I'm in ****ing purgatory, and I'm probably going to burn. Swearing in purgatory probably doesn't give you any brownie points either.

(****
****ingpu
****ingpurgatory)

Why is Cordelia Chase in purgatory?

(cordy
(notbuffy)
cordyin
(notbuffy)
cordyinpurgatory)

I don't know. Maybe the PTB are punishing me"¦ God knows I deserve it. I mean, I was superbitch in high school, still was in L.A, took those ****ing visions from Doyle and complained the whole ****ing while my head was becoming mush. Maybe I'm stuck because I kept them. I was ****ing selfish, keeping the ****ing visions because Angel was going ****ing nuts.

(bitch)
(deservebitch)
(selfishselfishselfish)

And maybe it was my fault some power hungry and people hungry peace declaring bitch hijacked my body, and no one knew. Maybe it was my fault I was raped, body and ****ing mind, and NOBODY noticed.

(hijacked)
(myfaultmyfault)
(nobody
nobodysaw
nobodyNOTICED)

Yes, that was it. I wasn't good enough for people to notice, I wasn't good enough to ****ing come BACK, and I wasn't good enough for heaven. And I wasn't good enough for Angel.

(notgood
notgoodenough
enoughnotgood)
(notbuffy)

Because I'm not Buffy. Never was, never will be.

 

[Xin Rong]

I dont get this, it seems sort of just a cordy bashing thing and a buffys gr8 thing, lil 2 muh swearing, not that i mind but it doesn't really fit cordelia either

 

[Tainted Hope]

It's basically a little self-indulgence. My favorite character is Cordelia, and I was just doing a reflection she had.

She was bitter. After all she had done, after all she had suffered through, no one saw fit to at least TRY and ressurect her like the Scoobies had Buffy? And she was in purgatory. After all she had tried to do, after all she had gave up for the cause. I was in an angsty mood, I don't know why I was cussing as much as that. :-/

 

[faiths5x5]

I like it. I think it works well. Cursing may not totally be a cordy thing, but being in purgatory and the rest of what you said and all the stuff she went through can cause people to start cursing.
Lil confused on the () placements but other than, it was pretty great. 🙂 I'd like to read more of your stuff too.

 

[Mr. Pointy]

Very good - I love the stream of consciousness thing that you have going.

OK, so Cordy didn't swear much on screen but we never saw her subconscious on screen...and we all swear a lot down there, little id-monsters that we are🙂

Is it set before or after "You're Welcome"? I'm guessing before, when she is in the "coma" - purely because I remember Charisma portraying a happy Cordy in that ep.

IMO the parentheses work really well.

Over all I got quite a Neil Gaiman vibe from this piece and, believe me, that is one big Pointy compliment :: tu :: . I don't mean that to sound like you're copying Neil, just that your story evokes the kind of response in me that his work often does - which is quite a thoughtful one btw 🙂

We're getting quite the crop of writers here, aren't we? Enough for Corma Publishing's initial author list to do pretty well...🙂

 

[Xin Rong]

You know what i never got is why there was no way of bringing cordy back, i mean if its possible to bring someone back from the dead then it must be possible for someone to have lifeforce put back into them, they could even do like they did on x-men in the phoenix saga and take a bit of all her friends life force, or maybe there was a way but the senior partners didnt let angel and co find out because they knew that cordy was angels link to the ptb and they wouldnt have realy wanted angel to hav a link to them would they!!!