only friends??

M

mire

procrastinator at work.
Joined
Mar 3, 2004
Messages
651
Location
under your bed.
i've got a litlle problem, and i would like to have you're help..
do you think it's possible to be just friend with somone you really like (or love, don't know) or there has to be some time apart? did you ever had any situation like this? what did you did then?
 
yea i think it is possible. it might be hard at times, but its still possible. a break might be helpful but...it depends on the ppl and the sitch.
i think you can really like a friend, and still be friends with them, and still be ok. its hard but...i...guess you'd say had a crush on one of my best friends,...we're still friends. never mentioned it (which is just my chickenness partially. and fear of screwing up and all...it mightnt be best for all. this part not advice) and tried not to let it influence me too much. hope it goes well.
 
faiths5x5:
yea i think it is possible. it might be hard at times, but its still possible. a break might be helpful but...it depends on the ppl and the sitch.
i think you can really like a friend, and still be friends with them, and still be ok. its hard but...i...guess you'd say had a crush on one of my best friends,...we're still friends. never mentioned it (which is just my chickenness partially. and fear of screwing up and all...it mightnt be best for all. this part not advice) and tried not to let it influence me too much. hope it goes well.
Click to expand...
weel, it's a bit diferent, we weren't best friends..and he was actully my boyfriend for a while.. we just understand that altough we liked very mutch eatch other, we couldn't be togeder (arguing everyday is not very nice..)..we both dated someone after it.. but there is no point in being with someone thinking about other..it's not fair to the other person..it's just hard seing him every day..oh well ::uh:: i'm just confused..
thanks for the advice anyway 🙂
 
yea arguing too much is bad, healthy every once in awile, not like a big fight or anythign but....dbz or duck dodgers? (random cartoons to sorta illustrate a pt im not making very well, for those of you who were wondering)

yea i understand what you mean with the dating other thing,...its a hard thing but...eventually it'll get better, im not sure how but something....eh its a confusing situation....
my advice isnt that great but..hope i helped just a wee bit, and really hope i didn't make it worse...
 
no.
if it was a serious relationship, being friends afterwards is so awkard because every time you will look at the person you will see them as something more than friends.
im not saying dont talk to him, but being around him a lot may make things worse as he may feel awkard too.. however, play hard to get and make him come to you 😀
 
Trying to have a friendship with someone you have romantic feelings towards usually doesn't end well. Too much emotion involved.

I mean, when they start dating other people the jealousy will kick in. Feelings of rejection start to take hold.

Also, the object of the affection will probably end up getting "weird vibes". Uncomfortable feelings all around. You for wanting more and not getting it, him for putting you in that position.

I'm not saying it can't work out, but I don't think it's likely. Not an easy situation... hope you work something out.
 
Rather not...It's really hard to separate ex-boyfriend from friend.He'll jusy reminds you of your relationship every time you see him..If you really want to give it a try also give yourslef a few months apart..
 
You can never have a platonic friendship with someone you have feelings for or vice versa. I know that it seems enticing to think that you can but you will be miserable if you try to pursue it as only a friendship always wanting more. I suggest you let that person know exactly how you feel, he might just feel the same way.

If this is a friendship you want after the relationship (bofriend status) died then you definitly need time apart. Some relationships never can obtain that "pure" friendship status again, especially if there was a sexual connection. You will not let your heart truly heal and you will experience more pain longer than necessary if you try to stay in contact. Once you have fully healed and know that this person can not affect you emotionally anymore then you can try to be friends again.

I have had this happen to me three times. The first time I was able to be just friends again three years after we broke up, the second time... I don't want to be friends again and the third time...well, I'm not over that one-I'm in the time apart phase.

Hang in there sweetie, I know you don't believe it but there are people all over the world that have gone through or currently know your pain!
 
i understand what you're all saying but in my case is almost impossible NOT seing him as he is in my school and most of our friends are common..that's the problem..and it's making even more confused..i wanted us to be friends again since we both liked each other and cannot actually be together without hurting eatch other..
i've never been very good with ex-boyfriends.. my last hardly talks to me..but i got over because it was his falt anyway and i realized the mistake i had done by staying with him..but this one..i don't know, he's different.. ::dk:: why are ex/s so difficult to handle??
but thanks anyway to all of you for the advices, you were really great 🙂
 
well let me ask you this, is it more awkard when you two hang out when you are alone, or with a group of friends.

if it is when you are alone with him, then i suggest to end it. you will end up hating yourself even more because self-blame might kick in, and trust me, that feeling blows.
 
I had this major crush on one of my best friends but we never really got it together. He knew i liked him like that and we were friends for about a year before he told me he felt the same. He confused me so much. We kissed a few times but nothing came of it cos he would avoid me for ages after it. He used to say that he didn't want to ruin the friendship because he had friends who fancied him before and it just made things weird between them. I didn't want that so I didn't demand any answers from him.

His ex-girlfriend was also my friend. She used to keep telling me that he wasn't looking for a relationship just then and I would back down some more. But the real reason she kept saying that was because she didn't want him to get a new girlfriend. And he used to tell me this as well... so i asked him what he wanted and he said he didn't know. But he wasn't ready for a relationship. So I said that was fair enough but I liked him and the offer was there. When I moved away to university he didn't stay in touch. I go home every now and again and he doesn't talk to me. All I wanted was to be friends in the end. I have low self esteem and that doesn't help matters much. I got a new boyfriend to take my mind off him because he was bringing me down.

Anyway, my point is... sometimes these things are best left alone. If you can't stay away from him then I think you might have to find yourself another love interest to take your mind off him. But make sure he doesn't mess with your head.
 
So...mire...what is the update? How have you been holding up? Have you two been conversing or seeing each other at all?
 
-Groo-: well in group we can still pretend that we aren't looking at each other, and we can talk not directly..but in private there's no scape..
Chasity: updates..well i see him almost every day..but i've been avoiting speak to him..and as he cameback to his ex (post me), and she kinda od hates me, and doesn't want us to be seen toguether, i guess this is the best for everybody..
i guess i'll follow your advices, kind of avoit him for a while..untill it's less painfull, or weird... i really can't be only his friend right now...maybe in some time..
thanks to all of you for the advices, you've beeen great :: tu ::
 
well, i'm kinda in a similar situation...the only thing i can tell you is that, if you can't be boyfriends and you can't be frieds, just try to not see each other for a while, for at leats while its painfull. hope you wok that out 🙂
 
I think I'm in a smiliar situation. Me and one of my guy friends dated for over a year, then he ended it. The relationship was never serious, and it started out on the presumption that it was just a "fun, little high school thing". No sex, either. He ultimately decided a few months ago that, since our relationship wasn't serious, there was no point in it. He wanted to live the single life, I guess. We remained friends - one of our little pacts before the relationship - and I thought I was doing okay, until I started going over what he said were his reasons for breaking up. It just didn't add up, at least not to me, and that rejection feeling started to sink in. Then this girl who's after one of his friends started hanging around all the guys. And of course, I'm super sensitive to the fact that she's become all the guy's new best friend - including my ex's. I always swore that I would never be one of those girls that get into a huff when they're ex's start showing interest in other girls, because, hey! - they're ex's. But, friendships after relationships, no matter how "light" the relationship was, is harder than hell. When they work out, thought, they're a wonderful thing, because you have a friend who knows you better than anyone could ever.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom