People who don't want children

[EvilBuffy]

What are your thoughts on women and men who don't want children? Do you think it's wrong for a woman not to want to be a mother? Do you look down on those who wish to remain childless?

I know I'm not fit to be a mother and never will be. I've had a few people comment on how selfish I am not to 'do my job as a woman' so I'm just curious on the general opinion of my fellow BBers.

 

[Cast No Shadow]

Wow, people actually said you weren't 'doing your job as a woman'? That's ridiculous, and angers me. Your identity isn't caught up in your ability to reproduce.

I don't think it's wrong, and I certainly wouldn't look down on anyone for it.
Personally, I can't imagine not wanting children. To me, it's one of the biggest things I want to do with my life. I love children anyway, I love working with them, watching them grow and helping them reach milestones, and I can't imagine anything better than doing the same with my own children.

 

[david4wt]

I actually don't have an opinion about it, it's a choice that the individual person does and that shouldn't be even discussed by others. There's not right or wrong, there's just freedom to choose.

 

[sosa lola]

The world will be a much better place if people stopped interfering with other people's business.

It's your choice not to have a child. And there's nothing wrong with a person who doesn't want to have a child.

 

[VisionGirl]

I feel like we've had this conversation before (deja-ing that vu lol). I have always wanted children. I have three, and we probably would've had more if we hadn't made the decision that we were done (I love pregnancy and babies, and am fertile-myrtle). I respect any woman's & family's choice in this matter: no children, one children, 15 children. I don't think it's necessary to have children to have a fulfilling life or be a fully actualized person (whatever that is LOL!).

I do think that adults should be responsible in their choices. So, while I'm pro-choice, if someone doesn't want children ever, they need to be proactive about that & not always resort to abortion as a main source of birth control. If someone wants a big family, they need to be able to support those children. (although I'm fully in support of a safety net for families who are having difficulties) Does that make any sense?

 

[sisterofmercy]

I never want children. I don't judge those that do, but for me it's my idea of hell. I don't want to carry a child or look after one or spend my hardearned money on brining it up. I'm glad that people do and that my parents raised me, but I'd never want to do the same.

I don't want to be tied down for 18+ years and go through physical torture to then have the deal with constant screaming, puking and everything else. I think those who do all of that are amazing for having the patience, but it's just not in me.

It irritates me to no end when people say things like 'oh you'll change your mind one day' or 'just wait until you find a nice man' as if having a man come and sweep me off my feet is all it takes to make me want to sacrifice a portion of my life for another human being. I think that the way the world is with its slowly dwindling resources and overpopulation, if I can make the choice not to have a child then that potentially leaves more resources for those who do want a family.

In some ways it's selfish, as I want to live my own life and not be too attached to anyone like that. But I don't think that's a bad kind of selfishness- would be much worse to have a kid and then resent it (which I'm sure doesn't happen often but you get what I mean).

 

[Enemies]

It's personal choice. I don't understand how anyone can say a woman isn't doing her womanly duties by not reproducing, that's ridiculous and unbelieveably old fashioned. I'd rather someone admit that they have no interest in having children than have them and ultimately neglect, abuse and mistreat them. It takes a lot to make such a massive decision, either way, to have kids or not and sometimes nowadays it's taken to lightly.

 

[SlayerFest]

No...if you don't want kids, please don't have them haha. I mean some people say they don't and they end up loving being a mother but for the most part, if you don't want them, I certainly don't look down on you or any other woman (or man) who just doesn't want kids. It's an incredibly hard job/responsibility. My cousin hates kids, told herself she'd never have one...but she did, and she practically neglects him. Whenever I visit I try to play with him and read to him because I don't want him to feel lonely 🙁. If I was 30, married, and incapable of having children, I'd adopt him and we'd all move to London.

No child should be subjected to such neglect, and if you really are not interested in being a mom, I say good for you if you stick to that. I'd have less respect if someone knew they didn't want kids, yet went through with it for the sake of appearances. I mean it's not anyone's business whether you or anyone else has a kid or not.

 

[WileyDairyGnome]

I think it's perfectly fine if you don't want to have children whether you're a man or woman. I didn't know that it was actually a big deal?

I personally would like to adopt rather than have my own children. There are thousands of babies being born all the time without a future with their birth parents who need a loving home.

 

[NY State of Mind]

I like kids just not for me....thats why when I receive letters in the mail telling me I have to take some blood test I rip it right up!!!! I'm joking ofcourse or am I??? Mwuhahahaha

Seriously some people want kids and some don't and theres nothing wrong with either choice

 

[arabella]

I'm all for the decision to procreate being a personal choice. I'd rather people not have children if they don't want them! It only gets complicated when there is a disagreement between partners about wanting or not wanting children.

 

[Mr Giles]

I've never even contemplated having kids, maybe in years i'l change my mind. For the time being though, no. Bottom line is, the majority of people will have children, so if the minority decides not to, it wont make a difference.

 

[Kean]

I'm very maternal. I like to take care of people. I treat my neice and nephew like they were my own. However, it is really nice to be able to hand them back to my sister and brother-in-law. I want kids but I really really don't want them now. I don't think there is anything "wrong" with someone not wanting children. If things don't turn out the way I want in terms of career and financial stability, I could very well end up choosing not to have children.

To be quite honest, I wish that people who do decide that they want kids, had to go through the process that those who adopt have to go through. There's far too many people having kids who really have no business having them.

 

[PassionBecoming]

Well, that's just insane! Pretty sure that anyone who said that to me would get the retort of "go take a long walk off a short pier".

The decision to have a family is between you and your spouse (and your god, if there is one in your life.) For someone to say it is your "duty" to have children...well, no.
[MENTION=10446]sisterofmercy[/MENTION] - I giggled at your post because that's pretty much what happened to me. (I am not saying it will or should happen to you!) I never wanted to get married or have kids - the idea never appealed to me, either. Then I started dating my now-husband and I was like, "Craaaaaap." Life plans turned upside-down!

 

[SlayerOfVampyrs]

First of all, I think whoever said that to you is absolutely ridiculous and beyond out of line. It also is a complete backtrack of how we, as women, have fought SO HARD to be seen in these past years. Oft times, the decision to HAVE a kid is wrong, rather than the decision to NOT have them. I know so many people who decided to have kids, but then they just up and neglect them, or abuse them, or don't have money to take care of them. I, myself, was a severe victim of all three.

I think the people who DO decide to have children should go through a bit of a 'screening' process. For the reasons I stated up there, and simply because this world is FAR too overpopulated. (The Firefly situation WILL have to happen at some point, people. Mark my words. 😛)

All of that said, and probably many tomatoes thrown my way, I DO NOT want children. I just moved out of a place to get AWAY from them. After a year of living with them, I still couldn't learn the patience it took to be around them. I know it's supposed to be different if you have your own...But honestly...I really couldn't see it being THAT much different. The only way I can see it being different is because the headaches, the pissed off moments, the moments when you wanna cry and tear your hair out...You HAVE to put up with those. I don't want children, nor do I want to be married. I don't judge someone who wants either of those things, but they just are not for me. I don't want to have to be tied down to another human being for the rest of my life, I don't want to share my personal space with someone for the rest of my life, I don't want to have to make 'compromises' on the way my house/bedroom looks. I just..Don't want it. I would feel far too suffocated.


((Cept @NY State of Mind or [MENTION=10496]Zeppo[/MENTION]. I'd marry them in a heartbeat. They are quality beefstick! 😛 😉 ))

 

[HalloweenRain]

I never wanted children of my own. I always thought I would meet someone and settle down, but I always figured we would be a couple that would not procreate. I assumed I would have to adopt. I looked forward to it. Then some weird Asian guy swept me off my feet very unexpectedly and I ended up wanting nothing more than to have his little Asian kids running around my house.
Things change, but it should ALWAYS be up to you whether or not you want to have kids. If you don't want kids then don't have them. Nobody should make you feel like less of a woman for not wanting children. It's important to make that decision for yourself, don't let others bully you into making one of the largest decisions ever. I don't care a bit, in fact some of my best friends refuse to bring children into the world. They are still freaking amazing people. Anyone who thinks a person's lack of children-wanting makes them less great, totally sniffs butt.

 

[Selfless705]

Having children should be a completely personal choice. Something that shouldnt be judged in anyway. Story end of.

Personally, at this point in my life I dont know if I want children, but time will tell 🙂

 

[Bexieh]

I don't think anyone should feel obligated to have children. Having kids is a big thing and a lot of responsibility, if someone doesn't want to then telling them to have kids would be putting a huge burden on them that they don't want and that's not really fair on them or the kids. Some people are the mothering/fathering type, some people aren't. That's all there is too it as far as I'm concerned. If you want kids, have kids. If you don't want kids, don't have kids. It's all down to how you want to live your life!

I personally love the idea of having kids (even though the idea of actual labour scares the hell out of me.) I'm not at a point in my life where I would want to have them right now, but in the future I'd love kids!

 

[EvilWillow]

It's very rude of someone to condemn you for not wanting to have children. Having children is not for everyone. And I would much rather someone not have kids that didn't want them, then have them.

I have a friend that is married and doesn't want children, and she makes sure that she won't have them, and I respect her completely.

By the way, I am completely insulted that someone said it's a woman's job to have babies. Like we are some kind of machine. How close-minded.

 

[VisionGirl]

I absolutely do not agree with some kind of test for a person to procreate- my body, my choice. And really, HOW would you do that, & WHO would do that? It's not feasible & against my right to privacy.

I do think that some or many people change their mind. Especially when you're young, it's hard to know what you want a little later in life. But I would never say that to anyone because it's NOMB. Plus they might NOT change their minds. Also where a person is at in their life & how they feel is totally valid for them at that time. Everybody has their own journey in life.