Re-write a Line

[Weslyrria]

So, first, I do apologize if this has been posted/done before, as I do remember there being a thread about re-writing a scene.

I'm currently on S4E19 New Moon Rising, and Buffy's about to explain the Willow/Oz sitch to Riley:

R: I mean, breakups are tough, but when Oz walked in, it seemed like emotions were running extra high."
B: Oz and Willow had a rough breakup.

Yes... that's pretty obvious, as Riley clearly pointed out. Perhaps there a distinction between "tough" and "rough", but both in context mean "hard", which is applicable to all, if not, most breakups. I personally think this line could have been written differently.

What are some of your line re-writes?

 

[thrasherpix]

"So what you're basically saying is ignore him and maybe he'll go away?"

CHANGE: "Of course not! This is Angelus. I've already called in special ops who should've already made your home uninhabitable due to busted pipes, and you and your mother can stay with me [*], or in a safehouse we have set up that we will call an 'insurance benefit.' He is too dangerous to ignore."

[* I say his place, but as apparently Angelus was able to redecorate his apartment and dump a body there, it implies he managed to get an invite before, so even Giles would have to be relocated. Hmm, it would be easy enough for Jenny to offer Giles her place, he goes, and the same scene happens as once Jenny's dead then Jenny's lack of an invite would no longer keep Angelus out. I always hated that Giles could stay there after that incident anyway.*]