"Retarded"

[Robb Stark]

To be quite honest, any word used for the sole intention of offending or hurting someone is probably a word that doesn't need to be used at all.

To my mind stupid is nowhere in the league of "retarded" (ugh- I hate even typing it.) In my mind that word is a slur used with the sole intention of hurting someone. Stupid is innocuous in comparison and certainly not a word so closely associated with being offensive to a group of people.

I know everyone doesn't hear the offense in the word but my general rule is intention doesn't mater with words like this, perception does. If people with special needs are saying this word is offensive, then it is, and that's enough for me.

I understand your point. However, what you're writing in your first paragraph, to me at least, comes across as trying to avoid speaking in a negative context at all. If I tell someone that I think they really screwed up, and they take offense, does that mean I shouldn't ever say anything?

You can say that certain words are in different "leagues", and I suppose they are, but that's perception as much as anything dependent upon the speaker and the listener. My younger sister struggled tremendously in school when she was younger, and would take great offense whenever someone said she had "done something stupid". To you stupid isn't a huge word, but to her it was. Does that mean we should never say stupid?

I hope I'm coming across articulately, but I'm not sure if I am. I'm not saying the word "retarded" is an acceptable term to everyone, but I know (for a fact) that when I say it, I mean it in the sense that someone did something which retarded a process.

When my friend drove six miles in the wrong direction to get to my house before figuring it out, I said "that's retarded man". I wouldn't call him a "retard" however, because, to me, there's only a derogatory context to that word. Retarded is an actual word. "Retard" is a slur in the same sense that the N word is or the word "fag" is. There's a difference between a descriptive word used negatively ("retarded") and a slur ("retard").

 

[Black Eye Guy]

I understand your point. However, what you're writing in your first paragraph, to me at least, comes across as trying to avoid speaking in a negative context at all. If I tell someone that I think they really screwed up, and they take offense, does that mean I shouldn't ever say anything?

You can say that certain words are in different "leagues", and I suppose they are, but that's perception as much as anything dependent upon the speaker and the listener. My younger sister struggled tremendously in school when she was younger, and would take great offense whenever someone said she had "done something stupid". To you stupid isn't a huge word, but to her it was. Does that mean we should never say stupid?

I hope I'm coming across articulately, but I'm not sure if I am. I'm not saying the word "retarded" is an acceptable term to everyone, but I know (for a fact) that when I say it, I mean it in the sense that someone did something which retarded a process.

When my friend drove six miles in the wrong direction to get to my house before figuring it out, I said "that's retarded man". I wouldn't call him a "retard" however, because, to me, there's only a derogatory context to that word. Retarded is an actual word. "Retard" is a slur in the same sense that the N word is or the word "fag" is. There's a difference between a descriptive word used negatively ("retarded") and a slur ("retard").

I completely get what you mean there. But I think while there is technically a difference a between retarded and and retard, socially there isn't.

It's like if I wore a Swastika at Halloween, everyone is gonna associate it with Nazis but I might have been dressed up as good luck. Doesn't matter that I'm technically right, the real meaning of that symbol is lost.

I think it's the same with retarded, the real meaning for that word is lost, it's crossed into a section of language that 'stupid' has not.

 

[Blaze]

I was reading the replies and ends up I agree with both [MENTION=11975]Robb Stark[/MENTION] and [MENTION=7585]Kean[/MENTION], because both have great points. Thing is, the real meaning of the word really is lost, which is why it's offensive nowadays and why I don't use such words. In a few years, stupid might be just as offensive as "retarded" is.

I think it's playing on a dangerous field to try and say that one slur is worst than another. For example, I might say to someone "that was a stupid comment" if they say something that isn't appropriate, but I would never say "you're stupid", which is just as bad as saying another sort of slur. Just like I think saying "You retarded my plans" is fine to say, but in no circumstances I would say to someone that they are a "retard". So basically, the way it was used in Buffy would be deemed offensive nowadays. Another example that isn't used here (Canada) but is used a lot in the UK is the word mental. For now, I don't think people find it inappropriate (or maybe they do, I'm not sure), but it might as well be if we fallow the trend of how "retarded" is offensive. I'm not offended if someone says I'm mental, but others might be.

The point is, world evolve over time, when they are created they aren't offensive, they become offensive.

 

[Kean]

I understand your point. However, what you're writing in your first paragraph, to me at least, comes across as trying to avoid speaking in a negative context at all. If I tell someone that I think they really screwed up, and they take offense, does that mean I shouldn't ever say anything?

It's not about avoiding a negative context of discussion (my posts on BB are evidence that I have NO issue going negative 😉) but more to avoid a hurtful context of discussion. I just cannot think of a single situation where the word in question is the necessary word to use. There are so many others that are not anywhere near as loaded.

When my friend drove six miles in the wrong direction to get to my house before figuring it out, I said "that's retarded man". I wouldn't call him a "retard" however, because, to me, there's only a derogatory context to that word. Retarded is an actual word. "Retard" is a slur in the same sense that the N word is or the word "fag" is. There's a difference between a descriptive word used negatively ("retarded") and a slur ("retard").

I have to completely disagree here. There is absolutely no difference between calling some a "retard" and calling their actions "retarded." They carry exactly the same weight and offence.

I was reading the replies and ends up I agree with both [MENTION=11975]Robb Stark[/MENTION] and [MENTION=7585]Kean[/MENTION], because both have great points. Thing is, the real meaning of the word really is lost, which is why it's offensive nowadays and why I don't use such words. In a few years, stupid might be just as offensive as "retarded" is.

I think it's playing on a dangerous field to try and say that one slur is worst than another. For example, I might say to someone "that was a stupid comment" if they say something that isn't appropriate, but I would never say "you're stupid", which is just as bad as saying another sort of slur.
The point is, world evolve over time, when they are created they aren't offensive, they become offensive.

I think this is a very good point and it reminded me of something I'd forgotten. During college a few of my friends spent 6 months working in an orphanage in Ghana. Before they left they were given a list of customs and practices to adhere to and it turns out one of the most offensive words to use in Ghana is "silly." "Silly" is a word that Irish people would use almost affectionately, even when used to chide. The notion that it could be offensive was bizarre to my friends. So, in addition to [MENTION=8404]Blaze[/MENTION]'s point that words become offensive, there is also the issue that words are offensive in different places.

 

[Gum Gnome33]

I agree that both context and history play a big role here.


For many years, very many people with special needs have felt personally offended and hurt by the word "retarded," and so the world will always be inappropriate unless I literally want to say, "I retarded when I should have accelerated, " (this is common in my line of work).

Even though the swastika was at one time a Buddhist symbol for peace, because of its association with Nazi Germany and the Holocaust it will never be an acceptable or benign thing for a person to wear, draw, etc.

"Fag" I believe used to be a name for a cigarette but is obviously widely used specifically to hurt and insult those who are homosexual, and so it must forever be off limits.

Etc, etc...

So I think when looking for a "line," (and I do agree that there should be one), context and history have to be taken into account. And once a word or symbol has been tarnished with a specific association, it really will never be benign again.

 

[The Scourge]

I think this was back before everything became so PC and sensitive about everything.

I actually appreciated the show using the word because that was how real people actually talked. I used the work plenty back when I was a teen, and I wasn't as rude or tactless as Cordy had been known to be.

 

[BuffyElevated]

To be quite honest, any word used for the sole intention of offending or hurting someone is probably a word that doesn't need to be used at all.

To my mind stupid is nowhere in the league of "retarded" (ugh- I hate even typing it.) In my mind that word is a slur used with the sole intention of hurting someone. Stupid is innocuous in comparison and certainly not a word so closely associated with being offensive to a group of people.

I know everyone doesn't hear the offense in the word but my general rule is intention doesn't mater with words like this, perception does. If people with special needs are saying this word is offensive, then it is, and that's enough for me.

I couldn't rep you again, but YES. This is pretty much how I feel about it.

 

[shadcat]

So many people have said that word growing up - it was only recently (The last two years maybe) where I have seen people protest it. So I imagine during the time Buffy/Angel was filmed it wasn't seen as badly as it is now. ;o

"Retarded" and "stupid" - a lot of people use it as the same word

 

[Black Eye Guy]

I definitely think it was just a product of it's time.

when buffy used the phrase "I'm so mentally challenged" after working something out, I had no clue what that meant when it first aired, as she had figured something out I thought it meant she was smart. I used that saying for a while till the correct meaning was pointed out to me, so not only did I not fining it insulting the first time round, I had absolutely no clue what it meant and thought it was a good thing.