Wow. When I connected myself to BB this morning, I didn't expect it at all.
When I saw «R.I.P. Christopher» I thought, you know "Nah, I'm sure it's not R.I.P R.I.P. But "he takes a break R.I.P."
Then I thought "Maybe he isn't really dead. Maybe he was so fed up with receiving nasty messages even tough he came clean, that he decided to fake his own death and to subscribe again under another name so he'll get more peace". Even tough I still hope with all my heart that it is that, I can't help but think that this is not something he would do.
Yep, all day long I hoped it was just a fake death/sick joke/disgruntling ex-girlfriend.
This whole thing is just so weird to me, because I actually dreamt of him last night. I don't know what he looks like or what he sounds like, but in the dream I just knew it was him. I was in the train to London with Christopher (my current slight crush), and I ran into BB-Christopher. And his girlfriend was called Marion. And I said "that so crazy, I'm Marion and I'm dating a Christopher and you are a Christopher and you are dating a Marion!" and he answered "You copycat bastard, you should know better, I'm the best of all Christophers, duh!". So finding out right after that that he is dead is just highly disturbing.
But in the same time, my dream is so him! The guy had sarcasm and humor. I think he was a great addition to the board and I remember being sad when I thought he was banned, because I loved his posts. And now, well, I really, really, will never get to read him ever again. I didn't know him extremelly well but I had-and still have- a very high opinion of him. He was intelligent, funny, witty, interesting. He created his own dynamic in the board. I bet he drove the mods crazy at times, but still, you immediately notice when he's here and when he isn't. He had the kind of job I want in the future and I wanted to ask him about it some day. I was too late.
And most of all, he was actually a real sweetheart, from what I've seen of him with Cait.
And oh god, Cait, when I read this I immediately thought "Oh no, if that's true, Cait must be devastated!". You were the closest to him here and I can't imagine how you feel. But I really, really think about you and hope you get better. With all my heart. And his family, and friends!
If Christopher could read all those messages, I imagine him still joking around and somehow managing to make jokes about his own death. I can almost picture him laughing. I feel like he wouldn't want us to be too sad about his death, like he would say "Just have the fun I can't have anymore".
And tonight, I went out. I wanted to do something. It wouldn't change anything to the situation, but symbolically, it would, to me. So I was torn between a cola and a beer. Then I thought "Heck. I'll take the beer. This one is for you, buddy!". Because raising my glass for him seemed like the best hommage I could do to him.
Christopher, rest in peace. Or if there is anything like a life after death...Well, rock that world like you rocked BB!
