xgirlanachronism245x
Cutest Of The Scoobies
Short little ficlet.
Spike's POV.
Set a few months after Buffy died.
Season 6 never happened.
She's a good kid. The niblet is. She's strong, just like her sis, and in front of them she acts like nothing's wrong. Like it's not killing her.
I know. It kills her everyday like it kills me.
She's taken over you know. Patrol. Even though they beg her not to go, she does. I go with her. A silent bodygaurd. She's in rare form tonight though. She's not "chosen", but she's damn near close to it. She's had to be I guess. She had to grow up fast. She's still a kid though. Sometimes I forget that. Like tonight. She's killed seven vamps, without my help and without effort. Muscle memory I suppose. She's got fire in her, just like big sis. She forgets I'm there sometimes, just fights and fights and kills. It's a release. The hunt enthralls her.
For all intents and purposes, she's the slayer now.
Of course, the Scoobies would say different. Tara and Willow are witchy type women now, big girls playing with magic they won't ever understand. That's why I stopped them from bringing her back. I didn't want to risk it, something going wrong. I wouldn't have been able to let go. The bit heard them talking about it. She stood by me and held my hand as I told them that I'd find a way to kill the lot of them if they did it. She held my hand, like I was the one hurting the most.
When we get home, she kisses me goodnight. A sweet tender kiss on the cheek. I love you, she whispers. And I know she does. I love her too. I catch a whiff of vanilla, and I know she's been using her sister's shampoo. God, I don't know how she can put on that face everyday. I can't do it. She disappears behind the door to her room and maybe an hour later I hear it. Soft sobs. I should open the door and comfort her but I can't. Instead, I sit outside of her room, smoking a cigarette and cry with her.
A couple hours later, I get up and walk downstairs. The house is empty, so empty and so quiet. If I close my eyes, I can hear her voice, her laughter. I can almost see her in the kitchen, eating some of Tara's funny shape pancakes and wincing at Xander's lame attempts at jokes. I don't belong in that world. I live in shadows and darkness and I am everything that is tainted by evil in her world. She doesn't belong in my world. She's light and I am dark. Yet, I love her, with everything I am.
The sun's coming up. I walk to the door and put my hand on the handle. Perhaps I can make this pain go away. If I could just muster up the strength to open the door and walk three feet, it will all be over. I'll be gone. I don't even notice as the tears start to fall. I don't do it though. I have to stay here, on this godforsaken earth for the niblet. Only for the niblet now that the slayer is gone.
Speaking of the niblet, I head upstairs to check on her. I can't leave her side for too long. I'm afraid I might lose her too. She's lying on her bed, tear stained cheeks, clutching a knife in one hand and the other is over her mouth. I know what she wants to do and I know she'll do it if I don't stop her. She's resillent like that. Just like her sis. Once she's made up her mind, there is no persudaing her otherwise. She looks up at me and I reach out for the knife. She hands it to me and says,
"I can't do it. I'm not strong like she is. Was."
Christ, she doesn't know. Doesn't see.
"Dawn, the monks made you from her. You ARE her. You are exactly like her in every way. Beautiful and smart and kind. And strong."
She curls up into my arms and sobs. The first time she's shown anyone besides her pillow that she's human. Heart-wrenching sobs. It was dusk when her sobs finally died down and she was able to breathe normally, I tucked her into bed. She hadn't really slept in months, she's been too busy to sleep. So have I. Eyes half-lidded, sleep addled, she grasped my hand and said, in a hushed tone that I almost didn't hear it,
"She loved you, you know. Didn't say it but she did. First time since Angel that she felt something real. Never told you. Afraid. But I knew. I knew Spike. I knew. Buffy loved you."
I let go of her hand, stunned. Then I walked downstairs and out the door. It was time for me to do something I should have done months ago. I bent down and placed my two white roses on her grave. One for me and one for the lil bit. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. But for now, we must be brave and live. For her.
I went home and sat down by the niblet's door, smoking a cigarette, and smiled. For the first time in 148 days.
~Fin
So, what to you think?
Spike's POV.
Set a few months after Buffy died.
Season 6 never happened.
She's a good kid. The niblet is. She's strong, just like her sis, and in front of them she acts like nothing's wrong. Like it's not killing her.
I know. It kills her everyday like it kills me.
She's taken over you know. Patrol. Even though they beg her not to go, she does. I go with her. A silent bodygaurd. She's in rare form tonight though. She's not "chosen", but she's damn near close to it. She's had to be I guess. She had to grow up fast. She's still a kid though. Sometimes I forget that. Like tonight. She's killed seven vamps, without my help and without effort. Muscle memory I suppose. She's got fire in her, just like big sis. She forgets I'm there sometimes, just fights and fights and kills. It's a release. The hunt enthralls her.
For all intents and purposes, she's the slayer now.
Of course, the Scoobies would say different. Tara and Willow are witchy type women now, big girls playing with magic they won't ever understand. That's why I stopped them from bringing her back. I didn't want to risk it, something going wrong. I wouldn't have been able to let go. The bit heard them talking about it. She stood by me and held my hand as I told them that I'd find a way to kill the lot of them if they did it. She held my hand, like I was the one hurting the most.
When we get home, she kisses me goodnight. A sweet tender kiss on the cheek. I love you, she whispers. And I know she does. I love her too. I catch a whiff of vanilla, and I know she's been using her sister's shampoo. God, I don't know how she can put on that face everyday. I can't do it. She disappears behind the door to her room and maybe an hour later I hear it. Soft sobs. I should open the door and comfort her but I can't. Instead, I sit outside of her room, smoking a cigarette and cry with her.
A couple hours later, I get up and walk downstairs. The house is empty, so empty and so quiet. If I close my eyes, I can hear her voice, her laughter. I can almost see her in the kitchen, eating some of Tara's funny shape pancakes and wincing at Xander's lame attempts at jokes. I don't belong in that world. I live in shadows and darkness and I am everything that is tainted by evil in her world. She doesn't belong in my world. She's light and I am dark. Yet, I love her, with everything I am.
The sun's coming up. I walk to the door and put my hand on the handle. Perhaps I can make this pain go away. If I could just muster up the strength to open the door and walk three feet, it will all be over. I'll be gone. I don't even notice as the tears start to fall. I don't do it though. I have to stay here, on this godforsaken earth for the niblet. Only for the niblet now that the slayer is gone.
Speaking of the niblet, I head upstairs to check on her. I can't leave her side for too long. I'm afraid I might lose her too. She's lying on her bed, tear stained cheeks, clutching a knife in one hand and the other is over her mouth. I know what she wants to do and I know she'll do it if I don't stop her. She's resillent like that. Just like her sis. Once she's made up her mind, there is no persudaing her otherwise. She looks up at me and I reach out for the knife. She hands it to me and says,
"I can't do it. I'm not strong like she is. Was."
Christ, she doesn't know. Doesn't see.
"Dawn, the monks made you from her. You ARE her. You are exactly like her in every way. Beautiful and smart and kind. And strong."
She curls up into my arms and sobs. The first time she's shown anyone besides her pillow that she's human. Heart-wrenching sobs. It was dusk when her sobs finally died down and she was able to breathe normally, I tucked her into bed. She hadn't really slept in months, she's been too busy to sleep. So have I. Eyes half-lidded, sleep addled, she grasped my hand and said, in a hushed tone that I almost didn't hear it,
"She loved you, you know. Didn't say it but she did. First time since Angel that she felt something real. Never told you. Afraid. But I knew. I knew Spike. I knew. Buffy loved you."
I let go of her hand, stunned. Then I walked downstairs and out the door. It was time for me to do something I should have done months ago. I bent down and placed my two white roses on her grave. One for me and one for the lil bit. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. But for now, we must be brave and live. For her.
I went home and sat down by the niblet's door, smoking a cigarette, and smiled. For the first time in 148 days.
~Fin
So, what to you think?
T
tearsong
i liked it :)
