scared of life?

the thing is for me im going towards 31yrs now and it scares me that i have a career that i might have to change cause of my health, i need to earn a set amount of money to survive as i used to shop way too much and am now dealing with that, my body clock is ticking faster than most girls, still no sign of ever having a good long lasting relationship, i need to change my life but i dont know how or where to start, i spend hours online looking for jobs but none that suit me turn up...and as i said i very good at wollowing🙂
probably spured on by being scared of what the surgeon may say to me next week🙁
im normally a positive person that always is there for others, it just gets too much sometimes and the only peeps that i can tell my feelings too are online..
i have experienced some bad stuff in my life and basically im fed up..i want some nice **** to happen to me for a change...im sure i'll be ok next week or so..just sometimes its nice to let it all out as there is only so much i can hold in when staying positive🙂
 
I can totally see your point Foi, I guess my post was directed mainly at the people who were scared about what is gonna happen after college or university or when they walk down a street at night.

I know how it could be daunting to change your circumstances for whatever reason, I recently had to leave a band that I have commited the last 7 years of my life to, so I understand to a certain extent. Personally I'm just focusing on my college course and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've decided that from now on, I'm gonna plow all my heart and soul into acheiving what I want to acheive, and nothing is gonna slow me down, but I suppose its difficult if you can't seem to find anything to grab onto.

I hope you feel better soon though Foi, and I hope everything works out for ya.
 
Foi,
Didn't realise you were waiting for surgery. Hope it works out well for you sweetie. If I prayed I'd say one for you but I'll think positive thoughts for you anyway. Good luck kid.
I know what you mean about having to be positive for others when there's no-one there to be positive for you.
Seems to be plenty of folks hereabouts that care so that can't be too bad, can it?
 
I kinda read parts here and there instead of every post...but I walk around with a mini light, Pocket knife, paper clip, listerine pack, cell phone, and wallet at all times. I figure if you have all of those your prepared for anything.

(I don't wear my pocket knife at school though).

Pepper spray may work....

I;m gonna get a shoulder cam, so anytime I feel as if I;m in danger I'll turn it on. That way if I die, There will be a record. (probobly sound nerdy or stupid, but it works, and you wouldn't know I had most fo that with me f you saw me).
 
aww bless zand you sound like me in 1995-2001

Mr.Pointy hun thanks, i have had the surgery already and i know whats wrong with me but i just dont know how bad it is or how many more times im guna have to have treatment or if they will put me on drug therapy etc etc all i know is how much pain i still have🙁
 
It angers and upsets me whenever I'm reminded of the falsehoods in life: concerns about education, occupation, etc. I have them and resent them - I think most people are aware at some basic level that these fears are useless, ultimately meaningless, and instilled in us by our respective authority figures.

I don't fear death and I've subdued any preoccupations with relationship expectations - finding that "true love" etc. Living a mostly solitary life can do that, or the exact opposite; a reclusive lifestyle seems to cause extremes and emotional unbalances regarding these things.

There are things that keep me awake at night. I fear having lived life and not externalised any of what I've got to offer the world, having not realised those wild childhood fantasies or those not-so-wild latter year fancys. I think most people have this burning desire to share themselves. We're brought up to believe any openness, any means of expression, creativity, catharsis, any practice that could lead to some realisation of how useless and hilarious it all is - these things are weaknesses, selfish, pointless... and these falsehoods anger me, because the ability to create and love and be everything you can be is taken away by meaningless fears.
 
Sometimes I worry, if I look at how different I am from anyone else, I sometimes think I'm bound to end up alone, without a job. Maybe even on the streets or in a mental insitution.
 
Foi-I'm so sorry that you're hurting!!!!!I would give you a huge hug if only I could.I know how srtessful it can be to wait for answer about health.
So sorry girl!!!!
 
No one is alone in this...color me terrified...life is nothing but uncertainties...tearing into you as if you're Hell's own construction zone...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom