So turns out my daughter is gay....

GoSpuffy

GoSpuffy

Vampire Lover, I mean Slayer
Joined
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Vancouver, BC
Black Thorn
Completely out of the blue, seriously, no one saw this coming, my 21 year old daughter is dating a woman. I'm surprised but fine with it. However, being the chatty Cathy progressive Mum I think I am I just want to say to on facebook or conversationally with my friends: hey, guess who has a girlfriend? She has updated her facebook status to being in a relationship with this woman but I'm not supposed to mention it unless someone approaches me and asks questions. Now I think I'm going to look like I don't support her 🙁

So now I have to keep a secret that isn't a secret. This feels odd although I support her in whatever she wants and even if I can only say it here where no one really knows me.

Being a Mum has been an interesting journey since day one......
 
My suggestion: imagine what you would do if she had been dating a guy, and do the same thing.

If you would do due diligence on guys, you need to investigate the girl as well. It seems wrong to cut slack just to avoid embarrassments.
 
If she had a new boyfriend I would definitely mention it. There are people she would rather not know and it seems she did not know herself until recently, late bloomer? So I think she is taking some time to transition the news. But yeah typically if friends ask what my kids are up to I mention significant others, school, recent events. I will keep this to myself because I know it's her decision on how how and when she shares her news. The girlfriend has been invited to come and meet the family but we haven't seen her yet, but it's pretty recent news. After telling me what was up I asked what the girlfriend was like and my daughter said "you''ll like her Mum, she watches all the same TV shows as you, even Buffy". I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a future buffy viewing partner!
 
Skanky Vamp
Skanky Vamp
I'd give you kudos if George Takei even knew you.
GoSpuffy said:
Now I think I'm going to look like I don't support her
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That's only because the media teaches you are you supposed to shout it from rooftops and make a big deal about it. Don't buy into the hype. You ARE supporting her by doing as she wants. Well, except on here of course.

At the end of the day she'll know that her mum has her back by keeping her yap shut.
 
GoSpuffy
GoSpuffy
but what if George Takei thinks I'm a bad parent?
My best advice is do NOT out her to anyone unless you have her consent. As queer myself, there's nothing worst than being outed by someone without knowing, especially when it's people that you do not want to come out too.

I know this is hard because you may want to tell your friends, ect, but keep in mind that being gay can still affect her life, for example her career. So even if she's "out" on fb, it might not mean that's she's out to everyone. And it really is for her to decide who to come out too. This is why it's not the same matter as her having a boyfriend, because sadly there are still moments in her life where she may want, or feel the need, to hide her sexuality, or where it may be best for her to do so. Like Pole said, best way to support her is to do as she wants 🙂

That being said, sounds to me like you're being really supportive and doing all the right things! You're daughter is really lucky to have an awesome mom!
 
the tricky thing is I'm friends with the Mum's of many of her friends. I'm expecting them to start asking me if what their kids are saying is correct or not. I'm allowed to confirm but not initiate conversations, that's the thing I find odd. Either it's a secret, or it's not, but in this case it's both. But I agree, it's her call.
 
You could always quote the illustrious William Jefferson Clinton and say "It depends on what the meaning of the word is is"
 
Does her girlfriend know that she has a girlfriend whose mum wants to tell the whole world about her?
Have you asked her?
 
GoSpuffy said:
the tricky thing is I'm friends with the Mum's of many of her friends. I'm expecting them to start asking me if what their kids are saying is correct or not. I'm allowed to confirm but not initiate conversations, that's the thing I find odd. Either it's a secret, or it's not, but in this case it's both. But I agree, it's her call.
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It's not that strange. That's also how I do it. It's not a big secret that I dig chicks, but I'm not going to tell people unless they ask. Someone's sexuality is nobodies business, so even if it's no secret, it doesn't mean she wants it screamed around.
 
We haven't been introduced yet. I just want to live in a world where I can say my daughter has blue eyes, or my daughter is left handed, or my daughter has a girlfriend and all those statements are equally as interesting. Most things parents say about their kids really only interest themselves, our friends just nod and know when we say anything about our kids it is because we love them so much we get joy talking about them. And maybe get a little recognition for creating such wonderful human beings 🙂

My daughter is pretty incredible in all ways, this is just one tiny thing that makes up her whole package. The fact I'm attracted to men means very little about who I am as a person, it says about as much as my eye color does, since I didn't actually pick either trait. It's more important that she is a social democrat because I get some credit on teaching her those values.
 
Blaze
Blaze
I hope that one day this will be true
Mr. Pole said:
I have known enough left-handed people to know never to trust them. That's too bad. Has she tried being right-handed?
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I don't see that working out well for anyone. She won't feel comfortable and she'll have a harder time forcing herself to be right handed than the rest of the world will have doing absolutely nothing about her being left handed
 
GoSpuffy said:
I don't see that working out well for anyone. She won't feel comfortable and she'll have a harder time forcing herself to be right handed than the rest of the world will have doing absolutely nothing about her being left handed
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She will have a lot of problems being left handed. She wont ever really fit in. I worked next to a lefty once and our hands kept bumping. You can never work side-by-side with a lefty. I secretly think all the lefties I know are jealous of me because I am normal. But screw it, she's Canadian anyway so she's already screwed. Left-handedness is the least of her worries then.
 
ILLYRIAN
ILLYRIAN
What were you doing that meant you kept bumping the lefty?
And in case it isn't obvious @Mr. Pole that goes for the hair color and sexuality too. Why would we want to be normal like you when we can be extraordinary?
 
GoSpuffy said:
Why would we want to be normal like you when we can be extraordinary?
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Dont forget at the heart of extraordinary is still someone that is ordinary. Why be ordinary? Even if you are extra ordinary... just means you got more of that which makes you ordinary.
 
Mr. Pole said:
Dont forget at the heart of extraordinary is still someone that is ordinary. Why be ordinary? Even if you are extra ordinary... just means you got more of that which makes you ordinary.
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You're such a card. I'm going to be on the border helping to build the trump wall this weekend. Want to meet up and work on it together? I'll bring you a double double and some Tim bits and you can bring me some dunkin donuts. I hear America runs on Dunkins
 
Blaze
Blaze
lol
GoSpuffy said:
I hear America runs on Dunkins
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If you're stuck on the 80's marketing slogans, maybe. You need to stay current.
I would love to help build the wall with you. Just as long as I can shout if you dont eat your meat you cant have any pudding.
 
For what it's worth, my granny knows I'm a lesbian, and she was the one to tell me not to tell others in the family. I know she did it because she doesn't want me hurt, not because it would embarrass her or something. She's pretty unorthodox herself (and she probably wants me to be spared that which was inflicted upon her for being so different in her own way). That is, I feel she's supportive and protective of me by not telling others in the family and town about it (even if she did hurt my feelings a little by treating my orientation like something that happened to me because of how I was raised, and that if she'd fought harder to gain custody of me then I'd be into men, but that aside, she's supportive).

It doesn't make you looked "ashamed" because you're respecting your daughter's request for a little privacy, it makes you look caring and respectful to your daughter, and like someone she can trust with her secrets, and I think she's lucky to have you.
 
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