Soulmates

[eponinethen]

I think the notion of soul mates really deters love. Some people just sit around waiting for their soul mate to magically pop up in their arms, while instead they could go out, live a life and meet interesting people that they could potentially love.

It's most likely that no matter who you date, marry, fall in love with et cetera -- there is probably someone else out there who would be an even better match for you.

I very much agree. And the thing is, you'll never know if there is someone who would be even more perfect for you, and as long as you're happy with the one you're with, it's all good. The soul mate thought can be really romantic and sweet if you have found someone you think is your soul mate, but if you haven't it's nothing to stress about. Some people tend to obsess about that thought, "finding the right one", but there might not be a "right" person for you, or there might be lots of right people, if you want it to sound more optimistic, hehe..

 

[Willow Rosenberg]

I basically posed this question to get a gist of what you all thought and what your reasoning was because lately I've felt that if there is a such thing as soul mates, how often do they find each other and what happens when you're with someone, and you love them, but maybe there's someone else out there that's a better match...

I'm rambling, but thanks everyone for your two cents 😀

 

[Faith]

I believe in soulmates, but I don't believe that it has to be a romantic thing.

I met mine when I started a new job and he already knew me. He had seen me at the cinema several times and was going to come up and talk but I was with a group of friends. Ours was never physical or romantic it was more mentally and emotional. And now that he's no longer here I really do feel like half a person. Its amazing to meet and be with them but there are no words that I can use that describes the pain of loosing them and no longer having them there to share your life with. Even now I walk around talking to him and when I see places we were together, or things he gave me it makes me happy and a stronger person.

Yeah I know who would have thought that i'm a soppy thing.

 

[Pagan]

I honestly believe that the whole soulmate phenomenon is something that you have to experience to really understand or even believe in.

Until it happens to you it just seems like so much romantic nonsense, i know that i did for me anyway. With Maria though it absolutely makes sense.

What we have goes way beyong being right for each other. It just became so clear that we were meant to be together. Not just romantically but in every other way you can imagine.

It is a hard thing to explain the difference you feel between an incredible relationship and the soulmate thing. Like i said before it's something that has to happen to you before you get it.

 

[slayerpower]

I believe in soulmates because I think it is an incredibly romantic concept.

 

[Buffy Summers]

With billions and billions of people on the earth, it is very hard to picture that one person was destined for you. Or is your perfect match.

I think the notion of soul mates really deters love. Some people just sit around waiting for their soul mate to magically pop up in their arms, while instead they could go out, live a life and meet interesting people that they could potentially love.

It's most likely that no matter who you date, marry, fall in love with et cetera -- there is probably someone else out there who would be an even better match for you.

Boy and the statistical odds of you meeting this soul mate are really low. And somehow makes you question free will and puts predestination in perspective.

Then you have the timing and location (Don't get me started on Net Dating) and so many other possibilities that it just seems unbelievable to me.

But that's just my two cents.

The notion of having a "soulmate" isn't a scientific concept lol - if it were true that there was one person out there that's perfect for you, then it's not so far a leap to say that you will meet each other.

jmho 🙂

 

[Jacklyn]

By the way, let me just say that just because I believe I've found my soulmate, and I've married him, doesn't mean that means I can sit back and just let the relationship go. Every relationship needs work, no matter how how good it is. That's just something I meant to say earlier and forgot.

Oh, and Comma just because the notion of Soulmates may deter love, doesn't mean there's no such thing 😉

 

[killerdwarf]

Hmm...good question. I think it's not always immediately apparent to you, but maybe once you realize it you'll see that it was always there - if that makes sense... 🙂

Dunno, B, still sounds a lot like plain old falling in love to me!

I'd rep Cordy and Comma, but I'm fresh outta reps today...sorry!

 

[Buffy Summers]

Jeez I swear I set those reps to like 50...hmmm 🙁

All I'll say to you then kd, is you are really lucky to have loved like that on a regualr basis! 🙂

 

[Pagan]

I think the notion of soul mates really deters love. Some people just sit around waiting for their soul mate to magically pop up in their arms, while instead they could go out, live a life and meet interesting people that they could potentially love.

It's most likely that no matter who you date, marry, fall in love with et cetera -- there is probably someone else out there who would be an even better match for you.

Boy and the statistical odds of you meeting this soul mate are really low. And somehow makes you question free will and puts predestination in perspective.

Then you have the timing and location (Don't get me started on Net Dating) and so many other possibilities that it just seems unbelievable to me.

But that's just my two cents.

I get where you are coming from with that Comma, and wasn't so long ago i might have even agreed with you absolutely. Having been given a new perspective on the subject though i have to agree with Buffy and say that you are looking at this way too scientifically.

It's not about probabilities or statistics, the very nature of a soulmate suggests something on a much higher level. The "chances" of a person finding their soulmate are irrelevant, mainly because if you have one, fate will keep on bringing the two of you together throughout the various lives you live.

In my case it's not like i sat around waiting for my soulmate to arrive though. In my relatively short life (turned 24 last August) i've dated a lot of girls, some relationships being more serious than others. Some of the girls i liked, some i loved, one back when i was 16 that i loved with all my heart. Each one different though and each one bringing out a different part of me because of who they were. Maria has been the one girl i ever met though who honestly brings out the real me. No pretense, no trying to become something i'm not, just the person i know i am.

She knows me so well that the only way i can explain it is by the possibility we have always known one another for as long as our souls have existed. Now this may sound like a lot of spiritual rubbish and obviously, because i follow a neopagan faith anyway, i'm a lot more open to this possibility than others may be, but there is definately a connection between the two of us that goes back a lot longer than we have known one another in this lifetime.

I just think that you can't define the concept of a soulmate with statistical evidence simply because the very nature of a soulmate goes far beyond anything remotely logical.

Same thing again though, until you experience it for yourself nobody will be able to convince you.

 

[Buffy Summers]

If I may can I bring another aspect to this question?

What if you believe in the soulmate idea but the person you are with does not. Does that doom your relationship?

I don't have the answer here, just a curious thought 🙂

 

[Pagan]

Hmm, good question.

I suppose that it all would depend on how strongly the two of you disagreed on the subject. I mean if one of you kinda, sorta believed in the soulmate thing and the other was more "eh! Whatever!" then i would imagine you would just get on with you relationship regardless.

However if, for example, there was a girl who was intent on only ending up with her one true soulmate and the guy she was with didn't believe in that kind of thing at all it would more than likely get in the way. The point of two people being soulmates is that they both feel it so that lack of understanding would probably tell the girl that this guy wasn't the one for her.

 

[Willow Rosenberg]

If I may can I bring another aspect to this question?

What if you believe in the soulmate idea but the person you are with does not. Does that doom your relationship?

I don't have the answer here, just a curious thought 🙂

I think it can doom your relationship, but it depends on the circumstance. If the person who believes in soulmates knows they haven't found it in the other person, then the relationship is most definitely doomed as they probably will still keep their options open and not fully entrall themselves in the relationship.

 

[killerdwarf]

However if, for example, there was a girl who was intent on only ending up with her one true soulmate and the guy she was with didn't believe in that kind of thing at all it would more than likely get in the way. The point of two people being soulmates is that they both feel it so that lack of understanding would probably tell the girl that this guy wasn't the one for her.

See this is the kind of situation that makes me roll my eyes. In this example the girl has one foot out the door right off the bat, since she's "looking for something" that isn't the one she's with. I've known women who keep picking abuser after abuser. One particular girl (woman) I knew did date a friend of mine. He was stable, solid, caring, kind, and all the things you'd think she wanted. She dumped him after 8 months, because he "didn't touch her soul". She was with some slimy abuser within the month. What a load. For sure there are other things at work in my example, but the whole concept of "soul mate" is a contributing factor to this kind of stuff...it just makes people get into relationships with an eye on the door, and I think if you've got one eye on the door, you're not paying enough attention to what's going on in the room.

Buffy: Yeah, I am lucky, believe me! That being said, it's a LOT of work, for both of us. Love isn't an easy state of being, and any relationship needs constant maintenance. How you deal with the maintenance...humour, kindness, compassion, passion...is what keeps everything moving in the right direction. If you're looking for something "better", you won't put the work into what you've got.

 

[Pagan]

See this is the kind of situation that makes me roll my eyes. In this example the girl has one foot out the door right off the bat, since she's "looking for something" that isn't the one she's with.

Not disagreeing with you there. Like i said, if one person in the relationship is only going to settle for that perfect soulmate situation and the other person isn't it, then things aren't gonna work out.

None of my previous relationships ended because i, or the girl in question, wasn't commited to making it work. In each one various things got in the way but never once did i think to myself "maybe this girl isn't my soulmate, think i'll move on!".

However now i'm in the relationship i'm in it's very clear to me what was missing from all the previous attempts i had at finding the right girl. I could very easily have lived my life out with one of several of my previous partners and been very happy, but it wouldn't have been the same as this.

Personally i would never recommend you hold out for your soulmate. For one thing there is no guarantee you even have one. You don't have to have Miss Perfectly Right because can be very happy with Miss Nearly Right.

If you have a soulmate then fate will bring you together regardless. In the meantime you live your life and be happy that you have found happiness with anyone at all because a lot of people don't even get that.

 

[eponinethen]

Um, if one of them believes in soul mates and the other one doesn't... Well, if one of them thinks they've found their soul mate, and that person is equally in love, but doesn't believe in the "soul mate" thing.. It shouldn't matter if both or them are still as commitet to the relationship. Just cause you don't believe in soul mates doesn't mean you don't believe you've found the person who is perfect for you. It doesn't mean you don't feel the same.

I used to think I had found my soul mate, although I was (and am still) young, but it felt just like.. really... But.. well, never mind..

 

[Pagan]

Um, if one of them believes in soul mates and the other one doesn't... Well, if one of them thinks they've found their soul mate, and that person is equally in love, but doesn't believe in the "soul mate" thing.. It shouldn't matter if both or them are still as commitet to the relationship. Just cause you don't believe in soul mates doesn't mean you don't believe you've found the person who is perfect for you. It doesn't mean you don't feel the same...

No that is very true, but we were discussing an extreme situation where one partner was absolutely determined to only end up with their one true soulmate. For that to be the case he or she would have to know that the other was feeling it too.

 

[eponinethen]

Yeah I know, I wasn't trying to argue against you, I was just answering Buffy Summer's question:

What if you believe in the soulmate idea but the person you are with does not. Does that doom your relationship?

 

[Pagan]

Sorry Epo, i didn't think you were actually arguing against me but i did think you had misunderstood what i had been saying.

My bad! 😉

 

[Wicca]

i would just also like to say that believing in the existance of soulmates is not sitting on your ass, waiting for mr. right that might never come. a soulmate is not the only person in the world you can be happy with because it goes way beyond that. you can be happy with many people. but nor do i think you should embrace that and be with a person that's wrong for you just for the sake of being with someone and not being alone. i had boyfriends before i met jason, hell, i almost married one. but that only comes to show that what seems to be perfect isn't always that.
i am with the man i should be with right now and not only do i love him with every fiber of my being and can't imagine the rest of my life without him, he is most certainly the missing piece of my soul, the one that'd been missing all that time before i met him, the one that brings together everything i've been looking for and fits it into one person, the one that completes my soul. like he said, there's no more hiding, no more changing, what's left is just me, and for whatever reason he loves me.
and will that relationship take work? of course. but it's clearly important enough to bo of us to make.