Spin off topic: SEX

[Spiral]

An idea that was generated from this thread...the topic of SEX. Buffy suggested I create a spin off thread so here it is.

Sex is everywhere...TV, Movies, advertisement, in our minds (whether some will admit to that or not), on the internet...EVERYWHERE. but while we may SEE it all around it, its not the same for everyone.

Each of us is here because someone had SEX.

Despite that basic fact, why are so many people embarrassed by the topic of Sex? why is "sex" seen as dirty when its a natural thing?

The worse part about it is, in america (for example) while so many people have such an uptight attitude toward sex, we have the highest reported rates of RAPE in the world, gennerations of children are coming up and are unable to have the very necessary discussions about sex with their parents and then wind up finding out TOO MUCH from a stranger.

Why do you think this is? are YOU embarrassed to talk about sex? if so, why? be prepared to defend your statements if challenged. thats part of a healthy discussion 🙂

 

[Flannen]

I'm not. I used to be when I was a kid, but I have no idea why. My parents weren't funny about it at all, but I just used to think it was something I shouldn't know about. Until I had Sex Ed at school then I was fine and could talk about it with my parents and ask any questions I had.

But I'm not embarrassed to talk about it. I don't go around running my mouth about it and stuff, but I can happily have a conversation about it.

I think there are too many people/countries who need to be more open about it. Especially contraception. I've seen a few documentaries recently about celibacy and stuff, where parents/schools are so against sex before marriage that its just deemed as bad, and there are no explanations about it whatsoever. Which results in some kids not actually knowing what they are doing, have no concept of contraception (try saying that really fast, over and over again!) and end up pregnant...and then disowned by their families.

I can't make my mind up about all the 'when should start sex education' and stuff, but I do think it needs to be more open and there should be more about 'sexual health' as opposed to just teaching about puberty and the act of sex itself, because I think this leads to children/teenagers not actually knowing their own bodies or what's normal/abnormal.

 

[skooks]

I once said to my friend that I didn't see why sex was considered such an embarrassing thing because of how natural it is, and she said "Um, you put bits of yourself INSIDE OF ONE ANOTHER." I had no comeback.

I'm not embarrassed by it though, I mean I can talk about it to most people except my mother and sister. That's just a big no for me.
I'm also really put off by people who think everyone else cares about their sex life and wants to hear really graphic stories. It seems that most people only talk about sex so they can mention how much they're having. Newsflash, no one cares about your sex life except you.

I guess a lot of people see it as a private and intimate thing that's not to be shared with just anyone, but then that need for privacy gets misconstrued as avoiding the subject because it's dirty.

 

[Fredsicle]

I'm a seventeen year old boy who attends an American public school. Sex is everywhere. Not necessarily for me, what with the recently gay thing and the conservativeness of my Arizona town. Kids are having sex left and right like it's nothing. Parents here aren't very into their childrens' lives. Sure, I make the occasional sexual innuendo, and I'm not really uncomfortable or embarrassed talking about it. I see a lot of kids look flustered when questioned about such things. My school doesnt teach sex ed, and I think they should, to raise the awareness of consequences of sexual activity. Parents need to learn to be more involved with their child's life. Many kids at my school talk about what they did last night "😉" and I almost feel bad for them. If their parents knew about this, they would whoop these childrens' arses. I think rape is a touchy subject around here because it happens a lot in these parts, mostly little kids, and it breaks my heart. My mom is a foster parent, and the stories of some of these kids would just reduce anyone to tears. I saw an article on the web yesterday about a group of teens who raped an older woman and forced her to do things to her son. It was the most sickening thing I've ever heard.

 

[Spiral]

I'm not. I used to be when I was a kid, but I have no idea why. My parents weren't funny about it at all, but I just used to think it was something I shouldn't know about. Until I had Sex Ed at school then I was fine and could talk about it with my parents and ask any questions I had.

do you think its a good idea for schools to include sex education (or as more doctors are coming to refer to it as: "body knowledge" ) in school?

i think alot of parents (especially the older baby boomers ) think that "sex ed" is some how a way for schools to encourage children to have sex. really its not. but every youngster is different and for those who are bound and determined to have sex at an early age...shouldnt they be INFORMED about their bodies, what kinds of STDs they could contract if they have UNprotected sex and WHY contraception is important for women and men? no teenager should be clueless about their body or sex. thats a disaster waiting to happen.

But I'm not embarrassed to talk about it. I don't go around running my mouth about it and stuff, but I can happily have a conversation about it.

usually the people who run their mouths about it are the ones who are getting the LEAST of it LOL!

I think there are too many people/countries who need to be more open about it. Especially contraception. I've seen a few documentaries recently about celibacy and stuff, where parents/schools are so against sex before marriage that its just deemed as bad, and there are no explanations about it whatsoever. Which results in some kids not actually knowing what they are doing, have no concept of contraception (try saying that really fast, over and over again!) and end up pregnant...and then disowned by their families.

yes...some parents are rather ridiculous with theier refusal to talk to their children about it and forced celibacy (by fear or religion ) is almost GUARANTEED to backfire.

I can't make my mind up about all the 'when should start sex education' and stuff, but I do think it needs to be more open and there should be more about 'sexual health' as opposed to just teaching about puberty and the act of sex itself, because I think this leads to children/teenagers not actually knowing their own bodies or what's normal/abnormal.

alot of doctors are now saying you should start as early as 8 of course that doesnt mean you sit down and get all GRAPHIC about it, but boys and girls start developing at different ages. there's a thoughtful, responsible way to talk to children at that age about their bodies and the understanding of body parts etc and as they get older, the way that information is relayed changes accordingly so when they are in highschool with their peers, they arent being led around by the nose on the words of someone who is "fast" LOL I went to
elementary school with a girl who was already in a BRA by 3rd grade (age 9) ! (and no im not exaggerating) so you KNOW where all the boys were during recess! LOL

and yes, i would agree with you on "sexual health" or "body knowledge" as some call it. an educated person is going to make a better choice for him/herself than the one who is forced to abstain out of fear, repression or religion.

I once said to my friend that I didn't see why sex was considered such an embarrassing thing because of how natural it is, and she said "Um, you put bits of yourself INSIDE OF ONE ANOTHER." I had no comeback.

tell her that someone had to do THAT in order for HER to be here. seriously, it seems like people either forget that or maybe they DO think a stork brought them down from some magical nursery in the sky.

I'm also really put off by people who think everyone else cares about their sex life and wants to hear really graphic stories. It seems that most people only talk about sex so they can mention how much they're having. Newsflash, no one cares about your sex life except you.

yeah usually those people arent really getting any like that. at least thats what ive always seen. however, in a post "sex & the city" world [what a ground breaking show that was]
i dont think its unreasonable or wrong for a person to be able to talk about their sex life with their friends IF thats something they all are comfortable discussing among one another. different things work in different dynamics. 🙂

I guess a lot of people see it as a private and intimate thing that's not to be shared with just anyone, but then that need for privacy gets misconstrued as avoiding the subject because it's dirty.

i think that is so for more than a few people. but i think it goes beyond that for many more. "the sexual revolution" is more than just a kitschy phrase...its something that actually happened in america and had it not...we might not even be having this conversation right now.

 

[Spiral]

I'm a seventeen year old boy who attends an American public school. Sex is everywhere. Not necessarily for me, what with the recently gay thing and the conservativeness of my Arizona town. Kids are having sex left and right like it's nothing.

im curious, what do you mean "what with the recently gay thing..."

 

[faeriegrrl27]

I have no issue with discussion of sex. I think it's a healthy thing for people to talk about. I live in Arkansas, so a lot of people are pretty heavily religious and, not that that automatically leads to a no-way-no-how attitude towards sex, many of those "a lot" are intolerant of the subject of sex. I can understand people being morally opposed to *having* sex, but I think it's stupid when people won't even discuss it, like many here. People are having sex and that's undeniable. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away nor does it make the sometimes bad consequences go away. A study has been made with the results being that sex education and the distribution of condoms in high schools, while decreasing the pregnancy rate, has no effect on the number of "young hooligans" getting it on. Given that, I cannot see a downside to sex education.
One thing that does bother me about the people who are comfortable talking about sex is that it seems like such people are divided into two groups: those who joke about sex and those who have serious conversations about it. There's very little middle ground. I don't think the meaning of "mature" is to not find sex amusing. There are soooo many word plays and innuendoes that can be made and come on! Sometimes, I find the whole idea of sex itself amusing. But I also think that it's an important thing to talk about normally. Why can't it be funny sometimes and serious at others?

Speaking of funny, I have an amusing anecdote that I think demonstrates wonderfully both the attitudes of people around here and that of my family.
My sister learned to pleasure herself at quite a young age and she and her friend would get together at daycare, drag their mats next to each other at nap time, and masturbate. This went on for a bit until the aids noticed what they were doing. They called in my mother and the other girl's, yet all but refused to even discuss what the "problem" was. This other mother is a midwife and she and my mom share much the same attitude in this area. They tried to discuss it like normal people and the aids were just baffled, asking stuff like "Well, this behavior is just... wrong and... you're going to discourage it, right?" Both moms had talks with their daughters telling them that while it was a perfectly fine thing to do, should be done in private. To this day, I think those aids still think they got a big lecture on the evil of self-pleasure. 🙂

 

[Fredsicle]

im curious, what do you mean "what with the recently gay thing..."

Well, I'm recently gay, and my town is pretty anti-gay

 

[Grey Ghost]

I've never really benn embarressed about the discussion of sex, it's the one thing that all animals have in common, and it is definitely the one thing that keeps the world going. I used to joke with my mother and ask her about the 'birds and bees stuff', she never did tell me I think it had something to do with her generation. I learnt all it (the biology and mechanics) when I was 11 in biology lessons at school and this probably helped. We are also quite open and talk about sex which you think is really normal for a married couple to do, but we friends who not even discuss it with each other let alone anyone else. At times I think that we are still in the dark ages, depending who talk to depends on the reaction, to some religious extremists it is sinful, to older generations it was even considered 'dirty' and you should not discuss, I often wonder how the hell the world managed to get population of over six billion with their arcahic attitudes!

 

[Flannen]

do you think its a good idea for schools to include sex education (or as more doctors are coming to refer to it as: "body knowledge" ) in school?

Definitely. I can remember only being shown like cartoon images of genitalia and breasts at school, and the only thing that was ever mentioned about 'difference' was about how breasts can different sizes and shapes to each other etc. However, there was no mention of difference between other parts of your body, if you see what I mean. You saw one 'perfect' drawing of a vagina/penis with no one explaining to you what to look out for abnormality wise such as things that you might need to go to checked out. This, I think can have two consequences. Someone could notice something that is absolutely normal, but because its not like the 'drawing' they could totally freak out and think they have something wrong with them, or they could not notice when they do might have something wrong and don't go and get it checked out, either at all, or soon enough for it to start causing problems.

There was a week long series of documentaries aired over in the UK recently and they were encouraging the UK to be more open to sex. I only caught one of them and it was the one on penises, and I swear, it taught me so much that I didn't know all from a biological/health perspective. It was really interesting and I wish I'd seen more. However, it was aired pretty late, around 11pm-midnight, so it's likely not to have reached out to the ones who needed to see it. I did find this really strange as a lot of the footage was from schools and interviews with teenagers so it didn't make sense not to show it to them when it hit the TV. I must admit I was horribly shocked with some of the statistics about how many young people learn about sex from pornography!

i think alot of parents (especially the older baby boomers ) think that "sex ed" is some how a way for schools to encourage children to have sex. really its not. but every youngster is different and for those who are bound and determined to have sex at an early age...shouldnt they be INFORMED about their bodies, what kinds of STDs they could contract if they have UNprotected sex and WHY contraception is important for women and men? no teenager should be clueless about their body or sex. thats a disaster waiting to happen.

Totally agree.

usually the people who run their mouths about it are the ones who are getting the LEAST of it LOL!

LOL, totally.

alot of doctors are now saying you should start as early as 8 of course that doesnt mean you sit down and get all GRAPHIC about it, but boys and girls start developing at different ages.

I think that's quite reasonable. I think I might have been that age, or slightly older when I first received sex ed. Like you say, it doesn't need to be graphic or anything, but I think it would be a positive thing to help kids understand that sex is not a bad thing and its not something they shouldn't know about, but they should hear about it in the right way.

 

[Willow-Tree]

We had an assembley (Although it was gender-specific. One day a man came in to talk about sex from the male viewpoint, and the other was a woman discussing it from a female viewpoint for the girls.)

Anyway, that was in sixth grade (So I was like 11).

He showed us actual pictures, not cartoons or drawings. I think it focused too much on the "gross" or "bad" side of sex, though, and he rarely even mentioned using condoms.

Anyway, I think this age is a reasonable time in a person's life to learn about sex, in detail. It's around the same time people start becoming really sexually attracted to others around them, and can describe the advantages and disadvantages of engaging in sexual acts.

I get really annoyed when too-conservative parents and teachers ward people away from having sex until like 40, and it's mainly because they have had bad sexual experiences, or deem it too "sinful."

 

[Silum]

I am quite embarrassed to talk about sex. I dont really know why though. I think it probably is a result of parents and how much intimacy they show. My parents really don't show very much, or at least didn't when I was growing up. I know they are close by how they act now and how they act in secrecy but I guess my own influences have stemmed from that.

I find sex easy to talk about online, as its all mascaraed behind an essentially anonymous identity, and I find it easy to talk about it with a partner once we're at that place, but just in general I am definately a bit conserved on this issue.

I always view myself as quite old fashioned really, and so I do view sex in young kids as a major cause of problems, I view teen pregnancy as sort of a gauge for our society. Young kids (below 16, 15 certainly) shouldn't be having sex, I just don't think they are ready for it. I think it is a big step and that its this giant emotional leap to take to being physical with someone, and it leads to all sorts of pitfalls and commitments that have millions of intricate consequences. At the same time, I do think that sex isn't a big deal, it is just sex, a natural thing for us all, and to tie ourselves down to rules just doesn't really make sense. I think ideally though that sex is limited entirely to the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with, if only life were so simple. 😉

 

[charmingslayer]

Me and my friends have no problem talking about sex it's not like it's a bad thing it's like what Athena said if sex doesn't happen we're screwed.

 

[Silum]

Me and my friends have no problem talking about sex it's not like it's a bad thing it's like what Athena said if sex doesn't happen we're screwed.

yea but sex doesn't need to be talked about in order to happen.

In fact, I don't know of a single time one preceded the other in my own life. 😛

 

[Spiral]

talking about sex is healthy. you have to be educated about your body and sex in order to make the best choice for yourself and a big part of education, understanding is TALKING about it. there's a difference between mature discussion and even a fun banter (as faeriegrrl keenly pointed out) and "dirty talk" which can be quite fun behind closed doors.

not talking about it, doesnt stop it from happening or change the need for communication and education about it. 🙂

and since it was mentioned....I just wanted to ask: waiting to have sex until marraige is a largely RELIGIOUS code of conduct (or however you want to call it) is it not? i ask this because i myself am NOT a christian, and i'm not religious. so I fail to see how religion can ever foster a healthy outlook or productive discussion on sex.

i know many people personally whose lives were "ruined" when they had 'Pre marital" sex after years of being reared under religious, oppressive views on sex and once it happened...it was usually due to that repression giving way to impulsive behavior. (the whole wanting what you're told you cant/shouldnt have response) their outlook on sex was driven by unhealthy shame and secretive behavior..and often risky practices.

the irony that ive seen myself among those i know from different walks is that alot of staunchly religious folk have turned out to be the most "Freaky" behind closed doors. we've seen this time and again (especially in america) with republican senators who say one thing and do quite the opposite, religious leaders too.

 

[Frketson]

I think its a personal thing and i guess im old fashioned but its just not something you really talk about.

 

[Silum]

and since it was mentioned....I just wanted to ask: waiting to have sex until marraige is a largely RELIGIOUS code of conduct (or however you want to call it) is it not? i ask this because i myself am NOT a christian, and i'm not religious. so I fail to see how religion can ever foster a healthy outlook or productive discussion on sex.

You're right, it is entirely religious. Routed in moral guidances that I believe we all have. The negative effects of sex at a young age, or sex outside of wedlock and the single parent statistics they yield; I believe speak for themselves on this issue. As far as single parents being the issue, again, I rest assured that there is plenty of evidence on this issue for me not to make my own. If you want to argue that single parents rear better children statistically than 2 parents, I'll disagree, even with high rates of divorce, multiple parents make for better children and younger pregnacies result in massive single mothers...fact.

i know many people personally whose lives were "ruined" when they had 'Pre marital" sex after years of being reared under religious, oppressive views on sex

As usual on these topics, I see this as a perfect example of religion getting in the way of faith. Anyone who professes themselves as Christian should at least read the book in which their faith lies, in which case they would see EXACTLY how explicitly and beautifully sex is described in the bible. There are entire books of the bible devoted to love making and how it is one of the most beautiful things God ever gave us. That it is viewed so negatively (by Christians) is precisely why your average Christian is a moron who cannot articulate his views because he lacks a decent understanding of what he represents. It is precisely why Christianity is so misunderstood, of which I have made far too many posts to go into again.

 

[Spiral]

You're right, it is entirely religious. Routed in moral guidances that I believe we all have. The negative effects of sex at a young age, or sex outside of wedlock and the single parent statistics they yield; I believe speak for themselves on this issue. As far as single parents being the issue, again, I rest assured that there is plenty of evidence on this issue for me not to make my own. If you want to argue that single parents rear better children statistically than 2 parents, I'll disagree, even with high rates of divorce, multiple parents make for better children and younger pregnacies result in massive single mothers...fact.

morals? since when are religion and morals exclusive? a person can be decent without being religious. there are plenty of moral agnostic people (for example), there are plenty of people who are ATHEIST that have morals. and lets be real...morality doesnt superceed natural instinct (the need and WANT to have SEX) and the need to be educated in order to make informed descisions.

morals dont guarantee a perfect life for everyone....and everyone will undoubtedly have a different moral compass.

the implications behind your statements are MORE than a little inflamatory and did you consider the single parents that may be on THIS board when you wrote this?

As usual on these topics, I see this as a perfect example of religion getting in the way of faith. Anyone who professes themselves as Christian should at least read the book in which their faith lies, in which case they would see EXACTLY how explicitly and beautifully sex is described in the bible. There are entire books of the bible devoted to love making and it is one of the most beautiful things God ever gave us. That it is viewed so negatively (by Christians) is precisely why your average Christian is a moron who cannot articulate his views because he lacks a decent understanding of what he represents. It is precisely why Christianity is so misunderstood, of which I have made far too many posts to go into again.

again, the bible is a book...and its not a book that governs EVERYONE for everyone is NOT a christian. does that make them "less moral"? and does that change the fact that everyone INCLUDING christians has sex?

this isnt a thread about religion or christianity...its a thread about sex.

 

[Silum]

morals? since when are religion and morals exclusive? a person can be decent without being religious. there are plenty of moral agnostic people (for example), there are plenty of people who are ATHEIST that have morals.

Lol, where did i say that morals are exclusive to christians or religion, hell, I even said they were in all of us!

the implications behind your statements are MORE than a little inflamatory and did you consider the single parents that may be on THIS board when you wrote this?

I certainly did. Any comments I make against single mothers are entirely about the wealth of evidence. I'm sorry if thats a sore subject, I happen to think that single mothers are incredibly brave and are facing an uphill battle where they are trying to raise they children as best they can...and its hard! They are half of a 2 man team designed to raise kids!

again, the bible is a book...and its not a book that governs EVERYONE for everyone is NOT a christian. does that make them "less moral"? and does that change the fact that everyone INCLUDING christians has sex?

See above. It doesn't govern EVERYONE...it governs Christians. 😛

Just so I'm clear... thats ^^ my point in all this.

this isnt a thread about religion or christianity...its a thread about sex.

Lol, my entire response was to I just wanted to ask: waiting to have sex until marraige is a largely RELIGIOUS code of conduct. I thought elaborating on the religious side was a good thing.... sigh.

---------- Post added at 02:16 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:14 AM ----------

Buffy Summers... I see you deleted your last post. But I DO agree, it is entirely about the PUBLIC opinion of Christianity. Thats all I hope to dissuade, so when I say Christianity is misunderstood, its entirely due to those people. The average Christian is of course NOT a moron, in fact they try to represent their faith as Jesus tried to... I just see oozes of misunderstanding whenever people view Christianity, so undoubtedly this minority share is getting through

 

[Spiral]

Lol, where did i say that morals are exclusive to christians or religion, hell, I even said they were in all of us!

you said it was religious and rooted "entirely" in the morals we all have. so how could you not expect me to assume from that statement that you were suggesting religious behavior/morals were exclusive?

I just wanted to point out they arent. there are (for example) athiests who are moral, some who are probably MORE "moral" than the so called christians who beat their bibles against their chest the loudest.

See above. It doesn't govern EVERYONE...it governs Christians. 😛

Just so I'm clear... thats ^^ my point in all this.

but thats NOT what you said in your opening statement...you said "US ALL"...

Lol, my entire response was to I just wanted to ask: waiting to have sex until marraige is a largely RELIGIOUS code of conduct. I thought elaborating on the religious side was a good thing.... sigh.

i asked that because i wanted to be SURE thats what you were hinting to before i commented any further on your particular response.

as youve no doubt seen, t hrough this thread we've had a variety of responses. some are comfortable with sex and talking about it. some think it should be kept private, but you, more so than anyone else seemed to be resting on the religious platform when it came to the outlook on sex.